Don't Bother Me

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Men are from Mars. Are women from Venice?
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Sue had dinner cooking when I came in the front door. It smelled like chicken, I decided as I went upstairs to change my clothes. Dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, I went down to the kitchen.

Sue was sitting at the table and tears were streaming down her cheeks. Being a rather astute observer of human nature, it occurred to me that something was bothering her. I grabbed a beer and sat down across from Sue, knowing that she would soon tell me what her problem was. If she didn't want me to know, she would have never allowed me to see her cry.

"Bill, I've done a horrible thing. I don't even know how to tell you, so I'm just going to tell you everything. This is very difficult for me, so please don't interrupt me with questions, okay, Sweetheart?" she insisted more than requested.

I popped the can open and nodded to her. Hell, I've never been the one to have trouble keeping my mouth shut. Again, I kept my mouth shut rather than point that fact out to Sue.

"I have been unfaithful, Bill. I never meant to hurt you and I don't even know how or why it started," she sobbed. "I've been with another man several times in the past few weeks. The first time was after our company party at Jack's house last month. You didn't want to go and I had too much to drink. I was pissed at you for not going with me and all those things added up to a huge mistake on my part."

I took a pull on my beer and checked my watch. I had agreed to meet a friend at the driving range after dinner and I worried that this confession was going to be very time consuming. I nodded my understanding, hoping that Sue would get to her point.


"I know how shocked you must be and how upset you will be with me," continued Sue. "I just want you to know it meant nothing to me, Bill! I love you and the kids and I regret this terrible lapse in my marital vows." I had been told to not interrupt so I sat and waited. How would I know if, and when, she was done talking, if I couldn't ask? Of course, I wondered that to myself. How long was I required to remain silent?

"Aren't you going to say something, Bill?" demanded Sue. "I just gave you some terrible information and you don't say a word! No wonder we have problems!"

Not surprisingly, this was going to be my fault, I realized. I'm such a miserable schmuck I could drive Mother Theresa to sin. What options did she have but to seek solace in another man's arms? I tried to frame a response that would demonstrate the proper amount of concern and hurt without being too accusatory.

"Why...."

"I knew you'd ask that, Bill!" groaned Sue. "Don't you think I've asked myself that same question a thousand times? Sure, the sex was hot and the orgasms were incredible, but why would I risk everything for a really, big, hard cock? That's the question, isn't it?"

"I never..," was all I managed before Sue took off again.

"I know you've been faithful, Bill. You aren't the type to go out and get laid. You like to write software for computers and play a little golf. Your sex drive is really low and you're content to just have me around to hold and love," blubbered Sue.
This was interesting. I hadn't realized the contempt in which she held me. But then, she did know me pretty well. I tried to think of something that would change the subject, but I realized that would be unlikely. Once Sue started on something, she couldn't be swayed until she had talked it to death. Then I noticed a hole in the wall over the counter. I wondered about that.

"Sue, who....," was all I could ask about the hole before she cut me off again.

"Does it really matter, Bill? He's too big for you to beat up, so forget that!" Sue warned. "His arms are almost twice as big as yours and he doesn't have a beer belly to get in the way. He'd kick your ass, Bill, so don't even think about going there!" The hole looked like it could have been caused by a thrown object, or possibly the handle of some utensil. Luckily, it was in the drywall, above the ceramic tile that had taken me so long to put down. I had some spare pieces of drywall someplace. The question was where?

"Where...," I began.

"In his car, in the park, once in the little league field after a game!" wailed Sue. "Why the hell does it matter where we did it? Are you afraid that he fucked the hell out of me in our marital bed? Is that what's bothering your male ego? As if it matters where he fucked me with that incredible cock! Okay, we did it once or twice in our bed, goddamn your perverted sense of pride!"

Now that was interesting. It looked like a small piece of ceramic or something was wedged into the wall just below the hole. I began to suspect that someone had thrown a mug or coffee cup at the wall.

"Has anyone been here today?" I asked.

"That is so like you, Bill," snarled Sue. "I mess up once and you think I'm fucking every man in the town. Why is it that the wife is always considered a slut if she finds a man that understands her needs and desires? A man would screw snake if he could get his head under the rock, but if a wife has one lover, she's a whore and a worthless slut!"

It could have been one of the kids, but they don't use mugs or cups. They aren't allowed to drink coffee. Then I wondered if I checked the garbage, would I find the broken remains of whatever made the hole? It had to be something pretty heavy. Where were the kids?

"The kids?"

"You're going to hold the children over my head? You can't wait to tell them that their mother is a cock loving tramp, can you?" Sue demanded. "You think you can get them away from me? This state always allows the mother custody, if that's what's going through your vindictive pea-brain! I sent them to mother's to spend the night. I knew you'd be unreasonable and go into a jealous rage."

That was when someone knocked on the kitchen door. I looked up and saw our next-door neighbor, June. She was a sweet looking blonde, about five years younger than Sue and more than a few pounds lighter. Even so, her tits were a bit bigger than Sue's and Sue often complained about that fact. She frequently made the observation that they had been purchased someplace.

I stood up and opened the door for June. She was always a pleasure to see and today was no exception. She wore a tank top and a pair of cut-off shorts. Her blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail and it made her look like she was a teen.

"Bill, did this whore wife of yours tell you that I caught her with Ben today?" she demanded. "I came home early and heard some funny noises coming from my bedroom. I crept up the stairs and caught your loving slut sucking Ben's cock. Then she had him lie down and she impaled her sloppy pussy on my husband's damn needle-dick." June often carried a mug of coffee with her when she came across the back yard to visit in our kitchen! I felt that I was getting closer to determining what made that damn hole.

"Ben needs understanding, not some miserable bitch that complains all the time," responded Sue. "He said you're a lousy lay and you give lousy head."

I had moved in close to study the shape of the hole and to see if I could determine from what direction the missile was hurled. That was when June caught my attention.

"Bullshit! Bill, I think Sue is just jealous. Take a look at these tits and tell me if they aren't bigger and better than Sue's." challenged June as she pulled her tank top over her head.

I grabbed June and pulled her to me as I dropped my face to her magnificent tits. I nibbled, sucked, chewed, and licked one nipple and then the other. My hands were squeezing and pulling on her globes like it was therapy ordered by the doctor.

"I guess that's a good answer," laughed June. "Look at how Bill worships my tits, Sue. He's like a starving babe at his mother's breast."

"He's a man and you just offered him your tits," Sue pointed out. "That doesn't prove anything. I would have been surprised if he didn't attack you. Shit, he'd be all over your grandmother if she offered him a tit to suck."

"Well, you might be right about that. Ben always goes crazy when I let him near them, too. Ouch, Bill's getting carried away with my girls, I'll be lucky if he doesn't suck them right off me," worried June.

"He does love tits, June. I told you that," Sue reminded our guest. "Don't think yours are so special."

"Bill, if you let go of my tits, I'll show you wife how good I suck cock. She thinks she's hot shit. I know that Ben lied to her just to get into her pants. He always said I'm the best," declared June.

I cursed my zipper for working so slowly as I pulled my cock out and offered it to June. She fell to her knees in front of me.

"Now that's what I call a real cock, Bill!" cooed June. "It's way bigger than Mister Weenie that I'm supposed to work with at home."

I had enough talk from the gabby bitch. I pushed my cock down her throat before she could babble any more. I grabbed her hair and began working her back and forth on my monster. I wanted to help her demonstrate her knob polishing abilities, so I went in to the hilt and held it there for a few seconds. When June's hue changed, I'd back off and allow her some oxygen.

"Bill, how can you let that whore touch your cock?" asked Sue. "This is placing a real strain on our marriage. I think she's choking!"

I had gotten a little carried away because I was getting close. I was holding my cock buried in June's sweet, warm throat. I let her back off and then I fired a warning shot across her cheek. Then I stuffed it back in her mouth and held her head still. Gradually, my cock softened and I pulled it from her mouth and allowed her to get to her feet.

I tucked my fallen soldier back in my pants, took a deep breath, and then went back to inspecting the damaged wall. I pulled the shard of ceramic from the drywall and turned it over. It was bigger than I had realized. Like an iceberg, most of it had been under the surface. I noticed some color on the back side.

"Wow! I guess I showed you who can please a man!" coughed June as she worked to control her breathing. "Did you see how happy I made him, Sue? Maybe you'll stay away from Ben, now, you slut."

"Oh, I'll stay away from him, June. The question really is; will he stay away from me?" goaded Sue. "Once a man has piece of this ass, he won't want a skinny little piece like you. He'll be coming around first chance he gets!" "You're so full of shit!" snapped June. "This is prime, grade-A pussy, and not some sloppy, skanky cunt. Men will walk over yours to get to mine!"

"That sure wasn't the impression Ben gave me when he was pounding my little kitty this afternoon. He told me it was the sweetest, tightest place he's been in since he nailed your ass in high school," Sue shot back.

"Like Hell!" erupted June. "Bill, do you think you can get that love muscle up for a shot at this?" asked June as she dropped her shorts and panties all in one motion.

I was hard by the time I had my jeans off. I bent June over the kitchen table and entered her before she could rethink her offer. I went to the hilt the first time, and every time after that.

"Bill!" Sue bitched. "You can't be enjoying that little whore? It's a mercy fuck, isn't it?

June was making strange sounds every time I hit bottom. Her ass was jiggling like a mold of jello. Her tits were sliding back and forth over the silverware Sue had used to set the table.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo!" exclaimed Sue as she noticed the small marking on June's left ass cheek. "It's a butterfly! Every time Bill slams into you, your ass wiggles so much it looks like it's flying!"

"R...really?" managed June. "B...Ben never told me that! Does it look s...silly? Should I get it removed?"

"Absolutely not!" Sue responded sincerely. "That is so cool! Where did you get it, June?"

I was reaching my zenith again and I began to pound June like a jackhammer. She attempted to answer Sue a couple times, but soon gave up. I slammed into her one last time and held still as I released my minions. June quivered and shook as I finished my masterpiece. Then my little man flopped out.

"Shit! Bill can fuck!" June allowed as she slowly turned around to face Sue and me. "Why you waste your time with Ben is beyond me. If you go near him again, I'll be back to sample more of this big cock of Bill's. So you like my tattoo? I had it done last year at "Screwed, Lewd, and Tattooed" down at the mall."

"Okay, it's a deal," conceded Sue. "I'll leave Ben alone. Would you go with me to get a tattoo like yours, June? I want Bill to make my butterfly take flight."

"Sure, let's do it Saturday," agreed June as she dressed. "Your ass is big enough for a hummingbird, or maybe even an eagle. I bet that would look great!"

The two women walked outside as they chatted. The oven timer sounded for our dinner and I turned the oven off. Then I went to the cupboard and looked for my favorite mug. It was gone. Then it came to me.

When I came home from bowling the previous night, I decided to make a cup of coffee. I had drunk a few more beers than I needed, so I wanted to sober up a little before going to bed. While I was waiting for the coffee to percolate, I saw the biggest damn fly on the wall. For some reason, I tried to swat it with my mug and hit the wall. I never did see if I got the fly. I had picked up the pieces and tossed them in the trash. Now I had to fix the wall.

Sue came back into the kitchen, alone. She checked the dinner and then turned to me.

"How could you do that to me, Bill? You helped that bitch prove every point she made with that damn cock of yours," she pouted. "I never realized how good you are with that, especially on the kitchen table. Why haven't you ever shown me that technique?"

I spun Sue around and flipped her dress over her ass and pulled her panties down. I had her stretched across the table and coming in a flash. Watching me with June had apparently made her quite randy. I spanked her ass a few times to touch her off again and then I managed one more curtain call for the troupe.

After I had Little Bill tucked away, I went to the garage looking for the drywall.

"Dinner is almost ready, Bill," called Sue as I reached the back of the garage.

She always waited until I was as far away as possible to speak to me! Then she'd tell me I was going deaf. I always heard what she said if it was important. Suddenly, I realized I'd be late for my appointment with my buddy at the driving range.

I tried to recall why Sue had been so upset when I got home. Women always make big deals out of everything. I carried the piece of drywall back into the house with me, and ate my dinner.

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RedRachaelRedRachaelabout 1 month ago

This had me giggling through the whole read. Thank you for this one!!!

A_BierceA_Bierceabout 2 months ago

Top-notch humor by a master of the genre.

AnonymousAnonymous3 months ago

hot as hell FICTION,but ......

AnonymousAnonymous4 months ago

You must be running out of ideas for good stories.

AnonymousAnonymous6 months ago

Always wondered what happened to Chance from the movie 'Being There' after his presidential run.

Didn't know his first name was Bill though.

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