Eleanor Rigby: The Aftermath

It was a Wednesday evening in late May and Father McKenzie was sitting across from me in the kitchen. The girls were doing their homework and Ted was finishing the room in the basement. It had turned out really nice and the girls couldn't wait to invite friends over to use it. Ted was touching up a few places with paint.

"Father, I have a new problem, or at least the old one has come back to haunt me," I revealed. "The man that I, that I, made the 'mistake' with has called me a couple times. He insists I take up with him again. If I don't, he said he would be sure the girls hear about our affair."

"Have you told Ted?" asked the priest.

"I can't tell him! It will bring back memories and discussions of all my horrible behavior and he will just divorce me, for sure," I sobbed. "I told the jerk he could go to Hell. I never want to see him again and certainly not under the threat of blackmail. He is such a miserable shit, pardon my French, Father. If I were a man, I would kick his ass across town!"

"Perhaps he will be gentleman enough to keep this thing to himself, Eleanor," suggested Father McKenzie. "He might be testing you, to see if you want to resume your liaison."

"I wish I could believe that. He told me to be at The Rusty Nail for lunch on Friday, or he was going to send a few letters to my relatives. He said that if Ted weren't a wimp, and if we were going to stay married, he would have looked Dan up by now. He said Ted was either afraid of him, or Ted got off thinking about me with other men!" I recounted.

"I have no option. He can take his letters and burn in Hell! I will never again so much as be in the same room as him!" I promised. "He can eat shit, and die!"

"Under the circumstances, I can forgive your expression of strong dislike for the man," chuckled the old priest. "You have made the right decision and I think it will work out okay. Have faith Eleanor, that your love and devotion are going to be rewarded. God works in strange ways."

Not long after Father McKenzie left, Ted came up and got our ice cream out. He seemed preoccupied, so I didn't press him for conversation. How would he take it when that prick, Wilkens, sent those letters to members of the family? I knew the answer and it wasn't reassuring.

It was Saturday afternoon when Helen Drake dropped in. I had already checked the mail and there were no unusual letters for the girls.

"How is Ted feeling?" asked Helen.

"He seems to be fine, Helen," I forced a smile as I answered. "Why would you ask?"

"Well, I thought he might be feeling a little sore after yesterday. Does he have a shiner or anything?" countered Helen.

"What are you talking about? I am not in the mood for games, Helen!"

"I guess Ted didn't tell you he was at The Rusty Nail yesterday at noon?" grinned Helen.

I felt a knot form in my stomach. Dan wanted me to show up at lunchtime! Did Ted run into Dan? I was afraid to even ask. Of course, I didn't have to ask. Helen could barely contain herself.

"Stan's younger brother, Steve tends bar there. He goes to night school, so he tends bar to help with the bills. He told Stan and me that he recognized Ted when he walked in. They had met a few times at some of our parties, remember?" asked Helen.

I could only nod. My throat was suddenly as dry as cotton.

"Steve said that Ted sat down next some guy in a three piece suit and started chatting him up after Steve brought Ted a beer. Steve was serving another customer when the well-dressed guy cursed and hit Ted in the face! He knocked Ted off the stool and Ted was just barely able to get his feet under himself to keep from falling to the floor. Steve said he tried to get around the bar to help Ted. Everyone there could see Ted had one arm in a sling and felt the other guy was just trying to bully an injured man," chuckled Helen.

How the Goddamn Hell could Helen be laughing? It was probably that miserable fuck, Dan, beating up on Ted!

"This is where it really gets good, Ellie. Ted started toward the guy and the guy kept punching at Ted's face. Ted slapped the guy across the head once. SLAPPED, not punched. Steve said it sounded like a firecracker, only louder. The guy staggered a little and then Ted just bitch-slapped the shit out of the guy, with one hand!"

The guy's face was bloody and he was on his knees, crying like a baby," laughed Helen. "He actually begged Ted to stop. Steve said Ted pulled the guy to his feet and said something in the guy's ear, real low so no one else would hear. Then he shoved the guy toward the door. The man fell, jumped back up, and literally ran out the door. Steve said he would not have believed it if he hadn't seen it himself. Ted just paid his tab and left. He never said a word to anyone else."

Ted in a bar fight? With his broken arm? My head reeled as I considered Helen's story. It could be no coincidence. Ted had to have gone there looking for Dan. Father McKenzie must have told him about Dan's promise to tell the girls and that he thought Ted was a wimp! I thought priests had oaths of silence, or some such horseshit! Thank God Ted wasn't badly hurt!

"Ted came in a little late and went right to bed, Helen. I never actually saw him. He said he had a headache and would be okay in the morning. I had no idea he had been in a fight!" I concluded.

"According to Steve, it couldn't be considered a fight," grinned Helen. "It was an old-fashioned ass kicking!"

Suddenly Helen's demeanor changed and she took my hands in hers as we sat at the table.

"Ellie, I know you are having a bad time of it and I wish I could help, but I know I would be butting in," she admitted. "Stay strong and have faith in Ted. I have never known a man to love a woman the way he loves you. He'll come around."

I could no longer hold back my tears and Helen came around and held me for a long time as I cried like I had promised myself I never would. I couldn't stop thinking of all the pain I had created for Ted. I broke his heart, and his trust in me, then his arm, and now his face took punishment from a miserable shit not worthy to carry his shoes. Was I deluding myself into thinking I was, or could again be, good for Ted? Would he be better off without me? Better off with someone else? Was I just being selfish trying to keep the best man ever seen in my part of the world? Even if he could forgive me, did I deserve his forgiveness and love? My heart ached and my tears flowed.

Ted walked in on us as Helen held me. I saw his left eye was darkened somewhat, but nothing like I had feared. I tried to quickly gather my emotions and stop the flow of tears. Before I was composed, Ted turned and left the kitchen.

"He doesn't talk much these days, does he?" smiled Helen. "He didn't look too bad, though. I guess old Dan doesn't pack much of a wallop, does he? It makes me wonder what that asshole looks like today?"

Things settled into status quo after that. I never heard from Dan again and the girls never received any letters from him. Father McKenzie steadfastly refused to admit he told Ted about Dan wanting me to meet him at the bar. Ted was polite to me, but was still aloof. Sex was not even a consideration. He would have to touch me first, and Ted gave no indication he even wanted to go that far.

My brave words were increasingly difficult to back. The girls sensed something was wrong, but didn't know what it was. I had stopped losing weight, mostly because of all the ice cream Ted and I consumed every night. It crossed my mind that he was trying to fatten me up, but I dismissed that notion as ridiculous.

"Father, I don't know if I can keep this up," I confessed to the ancient priest one evening during his weekly visit. "Ted is civil to me, but nothing more. He doesn't hold me, or even touch me. I am afraid I have lost him."

"Eleanor, I warned you it would be difficult, but you have done better than I thought you would. I can't tell you if you are close to winning Ted back, or even if you ever will. I can tell you that you are doing all you can, and that is admirable. I can see you have grown in character and purpose. Even if all else goes awry, you are an improved person."

"Thanks, I guess, Father. I'm not sure if that should make me feel better, or not," I responded. "Being a better person doesn't really mean very much if Ted doesn't learn to love me again."

The old cleric just nodded.

"I have refused to accept another term as president of the hospital auxiliary. I am supposed to introduce my successor Friday night at the Chamber of Commerce's annual 'Recognition Night'. That is when they laud all the good work done by all the civic-minded organizations in the area. It is my duty as outgoing president to present Helen as the next president."

"You have served long enough, Eleanor. That shouldn't bother you, unless you want to keep the position," stated Father McKenzie. "Is that the problem?"

"No, I really don't care about that position at this point in my life. The problem is that if Ted doesn't go with me, it will be obvious that we are having serious problems. I have been able to make excuses about why I was alone at some functions, with his bad arm and workload, but not this time, Father," I explained. "I am afraid it will become public knowledge Friday night."

"Ted has refused to go with you, Eleanor?" asked the concerned priest.

"I don't even dare ask him!" I moaned. "How can I ask him to not let me look foolish and embarrassed after what I did to him? Why would he even care how much it hurts me to go out in public without him?"

The old priest sat and seemed lost in thought for a few minutes. Then he looked at me and smiled.

"Eleanor, this is part of your test, I think. Do not fail it. It is time to tell Ted how you feel and what you want for him, and your family. Just be candid and see what he says," Father McKenzie concluded.

After Father McKenzie left and Ted came into the kitchen for our ice cream, I broached the subject.

"Ted, I have to go to the Chamber of Commerce meeting on Friday, to present Helen as the next president of the hospital auxiliary. You are out of your cast now and doing very well. I would greatly appreciate it if you would come with me," I began.

I had made mental notes of all the reasons I could give to convince Ted he should go with me. I was prepared for any argument he could produce.

"Okay, Ellie," answered Ted. "What time will we have to leave? Let's take the girls, too."

I almost fell over! Ted not only agreed to go, he wanted to take the girls, too. We would appear as one big, happy family! I couldn't help myself and before I knew it I had my arms around Ted and gave him a kiss on the lips. I felt his hands on my hips, but he neither encouraged nor discouraged me. I slowly pulled away and ran to the bedroom. Ted's lack of response had hurt more than I ever thought it could. I pretended to be asleep when he came to bed.

Friday night, we sat at the table and listened to several speakers as I waited my turn at the podium. I was impressed with the number of people at the event. I had not attended one of these meetings in several years and didn't remember ever seeing so many in attendance. Then my ears suddenly started to burn!

I heard my name mentioned by the speaker. He was supposed to be introducing the 'Volunteer of the Year'! He was telling the crowd what a wonderful job I had done with the auxiliary and how I was a great mother and a wonderful wife! He embellished everything I had ever done and it became very embarrassing. I knew the truth, and he was so far from it! Finally, he finished his rant and asked me to go up and receive my award and "say a few words".

I was numb as I approached the dais. People were calling my name and applauding loudly. I was handed some glass object and directed toward the microphone. I began to crumble inside. It was so wrong! The crowd should be stoning me, not cheering me.

For whatever reason, I suddenly decided to confess my sins. I think it may have been the stress, along with the knowledge that I was so very far from being a good wife and mother. I spoke into the microphone.

"I...I do not deserve this award," I faltered. "I am not what you think I am."

The crowd had gotten very quiet and strained to hear my words. I felt weak and could barely speak, but I continued.

"This award.. it's for good deeds, but I'm not good. I should have drowned, but Ted,...he wouldn't let me."

I realize now I was not making a lot of sense then, but at the time it all just wanted to come out. I saw Ted stand up and I stopped talking. He strode up to the podium. I remember admiring how good he looked in his tuxedo, yet fearing what he would say or do. My legs were trembling and I was getting dizzy as Ted came up to me, right in front of a room full of people. He placed his hands on my shoulders and held me at arms' length as he spoke quietly.

"Ellie, you do deserve the award. You are a wonderful wife and I really do love you. I was stubborn and stupid."

Then he opened his arms to me and I don't remember if I fell, or jumped into them! I buried my face in his chest and clung with all my strength. I remember the crowd cheering and applauding. I felt Ted walk to the microphone with me attached to him like a burr.

"My wife thanks you for this honor. No one deserves it more! However, she will be doing all her volunteering for me for a while. We are going on a two-week vacation with the kids," Ted told the crowd. "Then we will be concentrating on our business and family for a few years."

Then Ted scooped me up with his right arm and carried me back to our table as I clung to his neck. Everyone was laughing and cheering as he made the long walk back. I kept my promise to myself and refused to let him out of my arms. I remember the girls laughing, and then my parents were at our side, trying to talk to me. Ted's parents were there, making a fuss over us, too. Apparently everyone knew I was going to get the award, except me.

When I wouldn't let go of Ted so he could drive us home, my father drove us while my mother followed in their car. The girls discussed my strange behavior as we rode home.

"Do you think Mom is okay?" wondered Audrey. "Will she ever let Dad go?"

"I don't think she ever will, come Hell or high water!" laughed Jen.