Falling

I leaned back against the counter, heart thumping hard in my chest.

She grabbed the knife and went back to work. Occasionally she'd sniff, and wipe her nose or eyes with her wrist.

"You're very... quiet," she murmured, not daring to look at me.

"Still... processing the bit about being labelled fucking hot."

"Sorry. Big, stupid mouth. But you are."

She slashed a pepper in two and began hacking furiously at it.

"Bella, be careful. You'll cut yourself..."

She stopped, sighed and put the knife aside again. "And that would be a perfect end to the bloody amazing day, wouldn't it. Blood everywhere, stitches and all the associated drama that comes with it."

"And I can't drive, so it would be a long and pretty rubbish bus trip to the nearest Outpatients too."

I eased slowly into the narrow gap beside her and put my arm around her. "Here. Let me do the work; you tell me what you need. I'll be your slave tonight."

"Unlikely," she whispered, sadly.

.:.

We'd eaten in awkward, self-conscious semi-silence; and I'd then migrated to the floor in front of the couch. She'd loitered in the kitchen for a bit, pretending to clean, before she'd given in to the inevitable and shyly joined me.

Diplomatic negotiations had ensued. She'd resisted at first, but in the end she'd capitulated unconditionally to my dual-pronged attack of common sense and soft, soothing noises. And now she lay with her head pillowed on my lap, staring at the wall, legs covered with the pilfered duvet and my right hand clutched in her left.

I amused myself by knotting and twirling my free fingers in and out of her hair and stroking the line of her skull just behind her ear in the slow, quasi-hypnotic motions that my mum had always used on me when I'd been overtired or overwrought.

Bar one low, soft sigh she'd made not a sound.

"So are you going to talk to me?" I said, when I'd exhausted my remaining patience.

She shifted. "I guess. I've got lots to talk about. Lots of... stuff... to unpack."

"You know I'm here for you no matter how long it takes."

She rolled over slightly so that she could stare up at me. "You mean it, don't you? You actually mean that when you say it."

"... yes?" I answered her, puzzled. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I've been in four long-term relationships and countless short ones. And you're the only person that I've ever believed when she said that."

"I like to think I'm honest," I said softly. "Even when it hurts. Even when it's hard. Even if it means... losing someone."

"How many have you... lost?"

"Two," I said, after a short silence. I sighed. "Only two. The first... the first was I think the worst of them for me."

"The first is always hard."

"Yes."

I wondered if I was brave enough.

I stared down at her; at this strange, wonderful, complex woman who I'd become so fond of.

And suddenly, just like that, I was done with being careful, or wise, and I needed her to know who I was.

I took a deep breath.

"Yes. She was a really close friend before... that."

Her eyes flicked open in surprise. I felt rather than heard the little gasp that escaped her.

"Wait... what? Izzy... are you saying what I think you're saying?"

I glanced down at her again, meeting her wild-eyed stare with an almost detached serenity as I, finally, opened my heart to her.

"Bella. I... I have this stupid thing that happens to me. My thing is... is that I fall for who a person is. If they're kind and decent and attractive and gentle and even remotely flirty... well... that's generally it for me. It's never really mattered much to me what they have... downstairs. It's who they are that's... that's always been what mattered to me. That's what I... fall for."

"Oh..." she breathed in a small, almost panicky voice.

I was the first to look away, and I swallowed hard, hunting for my train of thought at the base of the cliff that her expression had just pushed it over.

"So... my first. Lilly," I added softly. "Oh, God, she was lovely. She had my heart - all of it. Utterly. She was gentle and so... good... to me. But... she went overseas for University, and met someone else who was... better for her. We chat, sometimes. I... I still dream about her. Emma's the only person who knows the truth about her. She was the only one I could trust when my heart was broken and I felt like I was dying of grief. Emma's the only one I ever told about that part of me. Up until now. Now that I've told... you."

She clutched my hand to her.

I stared out through the windows into the gathering dusk. I was surprised how, even after all these years, memories of Lilly would still bring a lump to my throat.

"What happened then?" Annabelle probed, voice strangely shaky.

"So," I continued, huskily. "So... after some truly awful false starts that I'm not going to do more than allude to, I managed to find and somehow stay with a really sweet guy for nearly two years. But he wanted to settle down and put down roots and... have a child... and I wasn't even remotely ready or capable. But I really liked him. He was easy to be with. He made me laugh a lot. But... I just wasn't right for him."

"Do you still see him?"

"No. It's better that way," I said, softly.

I could feel each and every breath she took.

"Then... then there was a period of getting whatever I could, whenever I could, and not looking after myself... to the point that I eventually couldn't get anything at all. I put on weight, got depressed, and spent a couple of years bitter and alone until I got my shit together and got help and started looking after myself again. And then... and then... you came into my life... and... well... here we are."

She took a long, slow breath.

"And here I've been, flirting like a madwoman and not realising the strife I was causing you," she whispered. "I thought I'd get a rise, or a blush, and be able to make do with that. I didn't mean to make this awkward. I didn't mean to stress or worry you at all, or make you have to tell me all of this like this, with no time to plan or prepare or filter... I'm really sorry, Izzy. Fuck, I'm such an idiot..."

"Were you... really... flirting with me?"

She rolled over onto her back again and stared up at me.

"Of course I was. All the time. You're lovely. You're stunning and beautiful and sweet and gentle - everything a girl could want. Everything I could want. And your hugs. Oh my, those take my breath away. And... and I'm actually ashamed of myself, because I have to confess that I was cheating on... on Freya... in thought and word... if not in deed. With... well, with you," she finished with a shaky little laugh.

"Your relationship was over, Bella. For months, by the sound of it. One of you just had to actually own that and make the call, for both of your sakes. Both of you were going through hell, and from what I saw and heard there was no salvaging it. Better to be sad but free to move on if... if you wanted to..."

"Oh my God, this is so fucked up now..."

"Is it really?" I asked, watching her.

"I wanted you from almost the first time I saw you. But you were unobtainable and thus... safe to be around. Safe to tease. An idle and innocent dalliance to distract me from my own trauma. I thought you were straight. Every thing you did telegraphed that with spades. But even so something about you just completely fucked with me in ways I've never experienced before. And now that I know all this I'm... I'm... I'm absolutely terrified by that."

I stroked my fingers down along the line of her jaw, and she let out a little shivery whimper from somewhere deep inside herself.

"Why? Why terrified?"

"Because...because... I've fallen so hard for you. I... I need you, Isla. I... crave you."

"Well... ditto, you know..." I whispered, and I felt her hand spasm hard on mine.

We stared at one another for a moment, then she blinked and looked away.

"So... what do we do now?"

"To be honest... I... hadn't really thought this far ahead. I'm... I'm ad libbing like crazy right now..."

"Do you... really... like me like that?" she asked, soft and horribly unsure of herself. "Really?"

"Yes. Oh God, yes. So much. You... God, Annabelle... I don't even have the words for how being around you makes me feel..."

"Ok," she whispered.

"Ok? Is that all you're going to say?" I said, fighting the mad urge to giggle.

She smiled shyly.

"Yes. Um. Well. Normally I'd... I'd crawl onto your lap right about now and start to kiss you silly. But with this knee... and that jaw... I guess that probably wouldn't go very well. So as much as I'd want to... Ok is going to have to do for now. God. You perplex me, woman. I feel like a clueless eighteen year old around you."

"How about you just come sit next to me and we... and we find out what works for... for us."

"I'd... like that..."

She shifted off me, and I lifted myself up onto the couch. She lowered herself down next to me and twisted to face me.

I took a shaky breath.

"Heart's going mental," she quavered.

"Mine too. God, you make me lightheaded when you're this close. I can't concentrate on anything else but your eyes..."

"We're such spazzes," she softly laughed.

Then she took a breath and looked directly at me. "Isla?"

"Uh huh," I breathed, captivated by her.

"Come here?" she begged me.

So I did.

.:.

She began exquisitely. She leaned in gently against me, and I let out a shivery moan as she trailed her lips along the uninjured side of my jaw and then down to my shoulder. I shuddered hard as she nipped and nibbled at my skin.

I held her gently to me, marvelling at the way her shoulder muscles shifted under my hands as she eased herself in closer.

"You smell amazing," I whimpered.

"Your shampoo and body wash," she whispered into my ear. "I like them. I think I'll adopt them as my own. There's lots about you I plan to adopt as my own..."

"Please... do. They... oh... suit you so well..."

I could feel the soft swell of her small breasts against me; her nipples jutted against me as she shifted. I glanced down, letting out a hissing moan as I caught a brief glimpse of her down the front of her vest.

"Voyeur," she whispered.

"Uh huh. Guilty as... uhn... charged..."

"I'll take it off and then you can have a proper look. But I want to see yours too. God knows I've waited long enough. Didn't even sneak a look in the showers, no matter how tempted I was..."

I put her hand to the zip of my fleece top. "Stop taunting me and undo me," I begged her. "That's your job tonight. I want you to undo me..."

"Kinky thing, aren't you... but ok. I accept..."

She slowly eased the zip down, and let out a deep throaty moan as she folded the two sides back and bared me to her. "I've wanted to see those for months," she breathed. "Oh, my God, it was so worth the wait. Your breasts are perfect, Izzy. Perfect. Uhn. Hang on. Let me just..."

And she shimmied quickly out of her own vest and threw it aside.

"Bella," I whimpered, as she trailed her fingertips up from my hips. I shuddered as she explored my ribs and the undersides of my breasts with her fingertips.

"Uh huh..."

"That's... thats so nice. I love being touched. Like that. By you."

"Just wait till I get my... hands on the rest of you."

"Kiss me," I begged her. "But gently. Gently. But kiss..."

She reached up and pulled me down to her; her kiss was slow, tender and delicious. I moaned, then whimpered as pain pulsed in my jaw; I eased off, took a breath, then came back for more, trying to ignore the discomfort as something unnecessary, as something distracting but not really real, something unimportant when compared to her.

I hesitantly reached up to find and stroke her small, beautiful breasts; she shuddered and wriggled in closer to me. "Don't stop," she breathed. "Don't stop touching me. Don't you dare stop, ever. I crave your hands on me. I've wanted to touch you, to feel you touching me for so long now. I'm starved of attention and I will quite literally explode if I don't get it from you right this instant. Izzy, I'm not joking..."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and hung backwards off me. "Play with me. You can play with any bit of me you want to," she begged. "Just make me feel wanted. Just..."

"I want to kiss your breasts," I groaned. "I want to kiss you... but this fucking jaw..."

"I'll wait. I'll wait for that. Use your fingers. Touch me, touch my body, Izzy. Touch my... mm... oh, just like that sweetie, just like that, oh God... I love having my nipples... uh... yes, pinch them gently. Not too hard... just..."

And then she just went quiet, staring up at me, shimmying her hips in small, slow circles as I teased her, as I toyed with her. She took a shuddering breath, then a second as I trailed my fingers down along her sculpted abs and around to the small of her back.

"My God, your body is to die for," I whispered to her.

"Years of frustration, self-abuse and hard work. I'm glad...you approve of the results," she gasped. "Izzy. You're burning me up here. I want to be on you, for fuck's sake. Not restricted like we are here. And fuck this stupid knee of mine!" she shouted out in frustration.

I laughed softly, and she glared up at me. Then, aware of how silly she sounded, she grinned.

"Bed?" I suggested.

"Bed," she agreed. She struggled to her feet and pulled me to mine. I grabbed the duvet and she tugged me along by my hand as she made for my bedroom. She spun me around her and pushed me down onto the bed, then lowered herself gingerly down next to me, groaning as she straightened her knee.

"I hear endorphins are good for pain relief," I teased her.

"Best you get to work on that then," she retorted with a grin. She lay back onto the bed and stretched her arms up over her head. "Play with me," she whispered. She grinned at me and slowly started to undulate her body, playing at the role of seductress. "I want to be your plaything tonight. I want you to explore every bit of me. Get to know me. Intimately," she added in a low, sultry alto.

I stared down at her for a heartbeat.

Then she cried out as I put my hand directly to her crotch and pressed up against her mons and lips. She arched up as I wormed my hand deeper between her thighs, and spread her legs slightly for me. I could feel the damp heat of her through her leggings, could feel the slight indentation of the line of her sex, and I moved closer to her so that I could lie down next to her, my body pressed hard against hers.

"Can I..." I begged her.

"Yes," she groaned, cutting me off. She reached down and pulled her waistband down and away from her, granting me permission and access. I eased my hand down to her, through the soft downy covering on her mons to her soaked and sticky lips. She made a soft, desperate noise and clutched at me as I slowly spread her with my fingers.

She was absolutely ready for me; I could feel the heat of her inner lips and slit, and she groaned as I teased my finger around her and back up to the small hood of her clitoris.

"Isla," she whimpered.

"Uh huh."

"I've wanted this for... so long..."

"I'm so happy to be wanted again," I gasped. "And I'm especially thankful that it's by you."

I nuzzled gently into her neck and teased my middle finger slowly into her; she arched back with a long, throaty groan as I gently began to tease my fingertip over her clit. She writhed against me, letting out little breathy noises as she started to trail her fingernails over her breasts. Then I gasped as she forced an arm under me and pulled me tight against her; her hand cupping and squeezing my shoulder blade. She turned her head and found a nipple with her mouth, and my toes curled as I felt her deft, moist tongue on my skin.

I tried to focus on her, on the liquid warmth that now sheathed her lips and clit and my questing fingers; the scent that I could now nearly taste as it rose up off her body.

I found the base of her clitoris and slowly, playfully started to glide my fingertip around it.

I loved the way she responded to me. I loved the way she smelled, the way she filled the room with light.

I loved her muscles, the way her body tensed and relaxed everywhere in time to my slow, insistent exploration of her sex...

She was everything I wanted. Everything I could ever have wanted.

I wanted to please her. I ached to please her.

She released me; gasped a quick, desperate breath. Her right leg began to quiver.

"Izzy," she whimpered. "Izzy, that's so good. You're so good at this. Oh, God, you're so good at this..."

"Got good motivation to be good at it," I groaned. "Got you to make feel good from it..."

"Izzy..."

"Yes..."

"Izzy..." she whimpered again.

I could feel her entrance starting to tense and release under my finger.

"You... close?" I moaned.

"So... close. Hair trigger. You're so... good... oh my God..."

"I want you to come for me. I want to make you come for me."

"You're so... amazing... on me..."

"Come for me. Come for me..."

"Gonna... uh... huh... now... now... oh... oh..."

She cried out, legs clamping hard onto my hand, and she clutched at my back and curled hard against me. She began to shake with fast, violent contractions, face buried against my breasts, fingers digging deep into my back as her brutal orgasm rocked her.

And then she wouldn't let go. She put her other arm around me and clung to me, panting, clutching herself hard against me as her thighs clamped and released in a slowly decreasing frequency on my warm hand as her body slowly relaxed against me.

She took a slow, deep breath. Then, still shaking, she reached up to me and pulled my head down to hers.

Her kiss was soft as a butterfly on my lips, but my heart felt like it wanted to burst out of my chest nonetheless.

And as I lowered myself down into her warm, sweaty embrace, I couldn't quite wipe my incredulous, somewhat self-satisfied smile away.

.:.

"Oh my God. Can you stop looking so smug for just one second?"

"No," I said. I grinned.

She stretched, groaning. "I suppose I'll have to allow it. My God, Isla, that... that was something special."

"Not bad for my first time, huh?"

"Babe, if that's what I'm in for from you, I'll die in a state of bliss. I'm going to need you to do that again in a bit. For verification purposes. Once I've stopped seeing stars, that is. Oh fuck me, that was something else."

I flushed, pleased as punch that my efforts had been appreciated. "Next time I'll use my tongue," I whispered into her ear, and she gave an involuntary full-body shudder.

"Tease," she groaned. "You'll break me."

"I look forward to testing that theory."

I rolled over onto my back and stared at my ceiling, listening to her as her breathing slowed.

I ached, but I was not desperate, not yet, and it was nice to simply lie beside her, basking in the knowledge that I'd pleased her.

"So tell me what you like," she whispered.

I smiled. "Oh. I have a list. How long do you have?"

"Sixty, maybe seventy years," she said. I could hear the grin.

"Well. I love being filled. And tongued..."

"Mm. Never would have guessed..."

"And you kind of also already discovered that I love your mouth on my nipples..."

"Heh. Yeah. I noticed."

I stretched my arms up behind me. "Honestly, Bella... the odds are good that you could do anything to me. Anything at all. And I'd love it."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Oh I don't know... I mean. I can feel I'm soaking wet, but... well, if you're not in the mood to explore me... well..."

"You are such a fucking tease."

I laughed softly. "You're going to have to learn to put up with that bit of me."

She rolled over, propped herself up on an arm, and stared down at me.

I swallowed hard at the intensity of her gaze.

"You're a treasure, do you know that?" she breathed.