February Sucks - Aftermath

"Do you remember when I was trying to justify what I had done that I told Jim that it was like I had an opportunity to test drive a Maserati, and one drive for the thrill didn't change how I felt about him? Well, what I didn't know at the time was that it was like I BOUGHT the damned Maserati. You think it's a good deal at the time, and then you find out that everything about it costs WAY more than you expected. After a while, whatever enjoyment you got out of it at the beginning is WAY overshadowed by how much you hate it now, but it's chained around your neck, and you can't get rid of it. That's how I feel about Marc now."

"There are some times," Linda lamented, "that I don't know if staying with Jim was the right thing to do, or if it was just another act of selfishness on my part."

"It wasn't like Jim didn't have a choice in you staying together," Dee said, trying to reassure her friend. "If Jim is still with you, it is because he wants to be."

"Thank you," Linda replied, squeezing her former friend's hand.

Dee said, "I've missed you over the years. We used to be so close, and it really sounds like you could use a friend. Could we stay in touch?"

"I'm afraid we can't," Linda replied. "I'm afraid that you being back in my life would just open old wounds, and I don't want to mess up the balance Jim and I have right now. It will be hard just to tell him that I ran into you."

"Do you have to? If it will hurt him, why tell him?" asked Dee.

"It's about trust. Talking to you, I'm going to get home later than I planned. I'll have to tell Jim why, just to answer the question that he would never ask me."

"I guess I understand," Dee replied sadly. "I do miss you, and I'm sorry for my part in what happened that night. I got caught up in the romance and didn't think about how it would hurt Jim, and you."

"I think getting caught up in the romance cost me my marriage to Dave, and probably the other two, too," Dee said as she thought about her inability to be faithful to any of her husbands.

"But, if you need someone that knows what happened that night to talk to, I'm always there. My Facebook page is open, and you can always send me a friend request."

Linda said, "Thank you, but I have to go. Jim expected me home a while ago."

The two women rose, and Dee gave Linda a tentative hug before Linda decidedly turned her back and strode away across the park. Dee was sad that she could probably never be Linda's friend again, but she swore to be there if Linda ever needed help. She also knew that this town didn't hold any happiness for her anymore, so there would be no thoughts of moving back.

As Dee lost sight of Linda turning the corner around the coffee shop, a tear rolled down her face.

++++++++++

"Jim, honey. I'm home!" Linda called as she entered the house.

Jim was sitting in the living room with the lights down and the TV on. He wasn't really watching the documentary on wolverines that was on.

"You're a little late. Everything OK?" he asked.

"Yeah, I ran into someone at the coffee shop." Linda hesitated a beat before continuing, knowing the effect it would have. "Dee was in town." She could see her husband wince and his lips get tight. Still the same involuntary response.

"She was here on vacation, and she saw me drinking coffee and reading my book. She came over to me and wanted to talk. We went out to the park and sat in the sun."

"What did you talk about?"

"I told her all about the kids and how you were doing. Then I had to explain to her why we couldn't be friends anymore. That took a while."

"OK," Jim said as he picked up his tumbler of bourbon and walked to Linda. "How are you doing?" he asked.

Linda nodded to indicate she was fine. He kissed her on the forehead, but then, as he continued down the hall, she heard the distinctive click of the door to his den being closed.

Linda went into the kitchen and started making supper. She hoped Jim would come out to eat, but even if he did, he wouldn't have the same appetite. The pot roast she had planned on making went back into the refrigerator. A salad with leftover chicken would be enough.

She hoped it wouldn't be too hard for Jim to get over this. Linda hoped she wouldn't have to sleep alone tonight -- It reminded her of what her life could have been like if Jim hadn't forgiven her. Tomorrow they had another visit to a college that Michael was considering, and they were planning to go as a family.

Seeing Dee was a reminder of the day she was most ashamed of in her life. Even after all these years, the pain popped up at unexpected times. Linda was truly sorry for what she had done, but she also realized it had caused pain that she couldn't take back. All she could do is love Jim, love her children, and now love her grandchildren and continue to try to be the person she thought she was before that awful Leap Day.