February Sucks

The front door opened, and they entered in a rush. My daughter. My son. My wife. My family.

As Linda looked at me, suddenly tentative, I had a new thought. Was I going to let His Mighty Asshole-ish-ness steal my family, just because he thought he could? Hell no. The guy in the trapeze song didn't get a choice; I did. I made the choice that was best for me, and best for the children I'd sworn I would protect.

I sidestepped my children and took Linda in my arms, holding her, accepting her, with her faults and her past and her new resolve and everything that made her, her. I held her as I'd held her on our wedding day, urgently and possessively, and she clung to me the same way.

We were at a Labor Day cookout hosted by my extended family. It hadn't been an easy summer for us, but we were determined. I think we learned more about ourselves and each other in those six months than in all the previous years of our marriage. We now knew that love takes work, and character, and all those other things that aren't much fun. We also knew it was worth it.

L.W. was holding court under one of the big trees in the back yard, as he always did. Mid-afternoon, when the younger kids were down for their naps, one of his emissaries summoned Linda and me before the throne. (All right, it looked like a comfy multiple-beverage-holdered Adirondack chair. Everyone in our family knew it was a throne.) He told us how glad he was that we were together, and what great kids he thought Emma and Tommy were. Then he paused and cleared his throat.

"I have a confession to make." He paused and gave us a look that said he knew he should feel guilty, but was actually quite proud of himself. "Do you remember Ellen?"

I cast a worried look toward Linda. She really had been deeply hurt that night. "She's sort of hard to forget, isn't she, Jim?" She asked with a teasing smile.

"Um..."

"Yes, I think we both remember her," Linda said to L.W., still smiling, as she gently patted my arm. She was handling this better than I expected, but I was nervous, wondering what the old curmudgeon had up his sleeve this time. There was always something.

"I think it's time for you to know that I, ah, arranged that."

"What?" we asked together.

"I contracted with Ellen to do exactly what she did that night. I told her the whole story, and she agreed to do what I requested. 'Different, but fun,' was the way she put it. You see, Ellen is a very high-end escort."

"What? How do you even know people like that?" My Uncle was really rather strait-laced, for all his knowledge of the world.

"Why, are you looking to hire someone?" Linda was laughing at me as she said it, and she laughed harder as I stuttered and stumbled while turning several shades of red. Then she turned toward L.W. with a thoughtful expression.

"You know, I'm not completely surprised," she said. "There were a couple of things that didn't quite add up. Usually, a woman that beautiful has years of experience fending off unwanted advances. She shouldn't have needed Jim's help, so she must have had some other reason for approaching us. But then why would she send him back to me, when she could easily have kept him all night?"

I hung my head and started to apologize, again. My morals and character hadn't been strong enough to be the husband I wanted and needed to be, and that knowledge was still galling to me.

"It's okay, Jim." She stroked my arm like she does when I need to calm down. "I'm just putting puzzle pieces together." She turned back to L.W., who was smiling at her as if she were a bright pupil who was about to give the correct answer. "Now it all adds up. You had to do something to get us off dead center, and help each of us understand the others' feelings. That, or you wanted to claim the credit for us staying together. Which is it?"

The congratulations-bright-pupil expression was still on L.W.'s face. "Who says it's not both?"

I have to admit I was a little peeved at the way I'd been played, but Linda was all smiles. Besides, I had to admit that it had worked. She got up and kissed the old man on each of his cheeks. Now he was the one turning red. "That's for taking care of family," she said softly. "And tell Ellen thank you for us, will you?"

Linda and I returned to the party, arms around each other's waists like high school "steadies" in the hallway. I knew L.W. was watching happily. "Where do you suppose old L.W. managed to scare up somebody like Ellen?" I asked.

Linda chuckled. "I don't know, but after this, I won't put anything past him, the old dear."

"You don't seem too upset about how he played us."

"I'm not. I'm glad he did it."

Linda glanced at my face, then led me to a little bench under a shade tree where we could be alone.

"What is it, Jim? What's bothering you?"

"That night showed me I wasn't the husband I want to be. The husband I need to be if we're going to make this work."

Linda smiled at me. "I know what you mean. Believe me, I've had those conversations with myself, over and over since that night. Neither of us has a perfect record anymore. But we both got a hard lesson in what we have to do so we don't fail each other again. We're both doing it.

"I know now that you aren't as perfect as I once thought you were. But you're still my hero. I'll still bet my life and the lives of my children on your love and your strength, and it will be the safest bet I'll ever make in my life." She paused for a moment.

"He did it for us, Jim, to get us to really be together again. And you have to admit, it worked."

Linda was smiling, but I would never forget how she had looked, sitting at that table in her beautiful red dress, sobbing her heart out.

"I don't know, Linda. That little stunt put you through a lot of pain. I'm not sure I forgive him for that."

"You should. He figured out the one thing that would make me fully realize what I put you through. He made me see what you were going through, and what you have to get past for us to stay together. He gambled that seeing that would make me sorry for what I did, not just sorry you were hurting. He was right. It hurt like hell, and the regrets it gave me were even worse, but I got my Jim back. I'll take that trade any day. I'll be grateful to L.W. for the rest of my life. Besides, it's fun to kiss his cheek and watch him blush."

I took my Linda in my arms and kissed her and watched her blush. It wasn't on the cheek. The kiss, that is.

We don't see much any more of the friends we used to go out with. Linda stayed in touch with Dee for a while, until Dee bid on Asshole at one of those charity auction things and they spent a weekend in a swanky downtown hotel screwing each other silly. Dave has filed for divorce. Good thing they didn't have any children.

The truth of the matter is, if it hadn't been for Emma and Tommy, Linda and I would have already been divorced. My determination to do right by them forced me to have mercy on Linda, even when the pain was so bad I could barely stand to look at her. Am I better off for it? I'll never know. Life doesn't give you do-overs to see if the other choice would have worked better. I will say that the new marriage Linda and I have built is the envy of our friends, and we have worked hard enough for it that we're not going to let anyone or anything threaten it. We're grateful for today, and don't take tomorrow for granted. I think we're going to make it, and that makes me happy.