Finding You Bk. 01: When Souls Collide

"Sure can. I only just got home myself. Where are you?"

"The McDonalds on Dervill and 5th street. Can you come?" Tabby could feel her strength waning and didn't know how much longer she was going to be able to keep her shit together. The massive dump of adrenaline in her system was dissipating leaving her shaky and exhausted and it was getting hard for her to concentrate through the throbbing ache in her head.

"On my way," Petra replied, voice tight with worry. "You don't sound right, Tabby. You're scaring me. You okay?"

Tabby didn't even have the energy to lie. "No. No I'm really not. Please come get me, Petra. I just want to go home." Tabby didn't wait for Petra to answer, she disconnected the call and squeezed her eyes tightly closed, half-hoping that when she opened them again, she'd be safe in her old bed and that this night had just been a nightmare.

No such luck. She opened her eyes and the memory of what Jerry had done to her came rushing back like a tidal wave, swamping her in a sea of humiliation, pain and fear. It took her several minutes to get her racing heartbeat and frantic breathing to settle enough to function and had to choke back the screams that kept trying to claw their way up her throat.

It wouldn't do to fall apart now, she scolded herself. Petra was on her way. She'd be home soon enough and could fall apart in the privacy of her own apartment. The last thing she needed was to cause a scene and get hauled off to the psyche ward!

She tucked the phone into her pocket, picked up her purse off the bench and sprinted across the street to wait for Petra in the safety of the lights from the restaurant. There were several hard plastic picnic tables bolted to the patio outside the front of the building and Tabby dropped onto one of the round stools, folded her arms onto the table, and laid her head down.

God she was tired.

Aches in her arms and back were just starting to make themselves known and coupled with bass drum pounding inside her skull; Tabby would have killed for an Advil.

She closed her eyes, unable to stand the bright light flooding the area from the restaurant any longer. Each blink brought stabbing ice picks of light driving into her brain and shutting out the source of that pain seemed like a great idea to Tabby. The minute her eyelids closed, she felt immediate relief but it was short lived.

Like a movie projector suddenly blazing to life, Jerry's bloated, leering face appeared before her, beady eyes fixed on hers and his fat tongue flicking out like a lizard's. Her eyelids shot open and she almost cried out in terror, her heart turning itself into a battering ram beating against her ribs and her pulse roaring like a thunderstorm in her ears. She sat up so quickly that she had to grab for the table's edge to keep from toppling backwards off her stool. Her eyes blinked rapidly, her vision shifting in and out of focus as her brain tried to orient itself, trapped between reality and the vivid flashback.

Slowly, Tabby's senses sorted themselves out and told her that she had imagined Jerry. He wasn't there. He had only been in her head. She searched every shadow, took in the empty parking lot, the deserted street, the empty chip bag pushed along the sidewalk by the breeze.

Nothing.

With the exception of the employees inside the fast food restaurant, she was completely alone.

She wept silently, relief mixed with despair, forming a flood of emotion that she couldn't contain. The shaking started the second her muscles began to relax from their fight or flight stance. Shivers caused by the cold sweat that rapidly cooled her skin, layered with the tremors of dissipating adrenaline, until she felt like a puppet whose controller was having a seizure. The harder she tried to hold still, the more violently her body shook.

The shaking eventually tapered off and Tabby slumped against the table, utterly exhausted. The greasy, sweet smell coming out of the restaurant seemed to surround her in a cloying blanket that she couldn't breathe through. The overpowering aroma filled her nostrils like an oil slick, making her queasy stomach roll and gurgle alarmingly. She needed to get away from the restaurant so she forced her tired legs to move, got up and walked to the edge of the sidewalk. Away from the building, the breeze was stronger, bringing fresh air to dilute the food odors coming from the restaurant.

Nervous energy compelled her to keep moving, even if it was only to pace back and forth. Her head twitched with anxious, birdlike quirks, constantly scanning the area around her; fully expecting to see Jerry coming after her at any minute. The longer she waited the more paranoid she got until she was jumping with each small sound, whether it was a dog barking or a siren in the distance.

A gust of frigid wind caught the open parts of her shirt, lifting the thin cotton remnants and robbing her of precious body heat. She shivered and clutched at the torn material, trying to keep the two halves closed to cut out some of the chilly wind and to preserve her modesty as best as she could.

At least the street was deserted, even the restaurant's drive-through was quiet at this time of night; there wasn't a soul around to witness her shameful appearance and ask questions she didn't want to have to answer.

Thank god for small mercies.

Petra must have floored the accelerator all the way there because fifteen minutes later, her black Prius squealed around the corner and pulled up in front of Tabby.

"Somebody need a ride?" Petra called out cheerily from the open window.

Tabby had never felt such an immense sense of relief than she did the second she climbed into the comforting safety of Petra's car and she drove them away. They sat in strained silence for a few minutes, neither looking directly at each other. Petra seemed content to give Tabby some space but when it appeared that Tabby wasn't going to be volunteering any information, worry finally got the best of her.

"What happened to you, Tabs? You look awful and what the fuck happened to your face? Did someone hit you?" Petra demanded, sneaking sidelong glances at her passenger. She took in Tabby's bruised face, torn, blood-splattered clothes and vacant expression and her imagination went ballistic with the heinous possibilities of what could have happened to her friend.

Tabby dimly heard Petra freaking out and knew that she was going to have to give her an explanation. Knowing didn't make it any easier though and an immense sense of fatigue pressed down on her as she struggled to order her thoughts enough to begin. She rested her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes, gathering up her courage to begin her tale, even though she could barely wrap her own head around it herself.

"Where should I start?" Tabby spoke softly, her voice hoarse from crying and screaming. Her breathing hitched and she was unable to stop fresh tears from leaking from beneath her eyelids.

"The beginning would be a good place," Petra offered with a kind smile of encouragement. "Please, Tabs, I'm going out of my head with worry for you."

Tabby took a deep, shaky breath and nodded, raising her hand. "Let's see...my car practically exploded, my boss tried to rape me and I lost my job. I think I won the trifecta of shitty days." She counted off each traumatic event on her fingers, stared at the two uncounted fingers and couldn't help thinking, "That's three, there's still two more shitty things to come."

"Holy shit, Tabby!" Petra was stunned, doing a double take at her friend in disbelief. "What did he do? Are you okay? I need to get you to the hospital...shit, we need to call the cops and report this!" Questions and exclamations poured out of Petra as she processed the bomb her friend had just dropped on her.

"No!" Tabby shouted, sitting upright in her seat, wide eyed with panic. "No cops. No hospital. Please Petra, I can't deal with them too on top of everything else."

"You have to report that pig! You can't let him get away with assaulting you," she said, her eyes wide with incredulity.

"He didn't actually get to...I mean I kicked him and got away before he, he...well, you know." Tabby sighed and turned away, feeling humiliated and ashamed. "There was nobody there Petra, it would be his word against mine and you know he'd get away with it in the end. They never believe the woman and he'll lie and probably accuse me of assaulting him. I can't go through that only to give him the satisfaction of hurting and humiliating me all over again in court."

"Let me at least call Diego. He knows a couple of guys at the club who are with the police. They'll know what to do."

"Please don't. I just want to go home, shower and sleep for a week." Tabby swiped at the tears that wouldn't stop flowing, wincing when she accidentally bumped her sore cheek. "Rent's due next week and I'm sure that bastard isn't going to pay me now for the hours I worked. I'm not going to make the rent, Petra. I need to focus on finding work tomorrow or I'm going to be homeless."

Petra put her hand on Tabby's arm and rubbed her lightly. "Hush, sweetie. Do you think that I'd let you get kicked out onto the street. Believe it or not, I was actually planning to suggest that you give up your apartment and move in with me. I was just waiting for the right time. I've got the spare room and spend most of my time at Diego's anyway."

The apartment building where they both lived came into sight and Petra pulled in and pressed the remote to raise the gate into the underground parking. A short elevator ride up to the fourth floor and Tabby stopped at her door.

Petra put her hand on Tabby's hand that was holding out her key. "Grab some stuff and come sleep at mine. You are not staying by yourself and you are definitely not staying in here alone, considering that bastard knows where you live."

A fresh wave of despair rocked Tabby and she almost stumbled with the weight of that realization. Jerry had all her pertinent details on her employee file. He could find her any time he wanted!

"Oh shit!" Tabby began hyperventilating, anxiety digging its pointy thorns into her chest like barbed wire. "I didn't even think about that. What am I going to do?"

Petra worked Tabby's keychain from her clenched hand and unlocked the door. "First, you're going to grab a change of clothes and your toothbrush," she said, guiding Tabby gently into her apartment. "Then you are coming to stay with me." She led Tabby, shuffling behind her like a sleepwalker, into her bedroom and helped her gather her things. "Tomorrow, you can hand in your notice and move in with me."

When Tabby made to protest, Petra held up her hand, cutting off her refusal. "Diego covers most of the rent and he won't mind me having a roommate. It would actually make him happy to know that I'm not alone when I'm here. I can keep us fed until you find work, Tabs. It's not a problem, sweetie."

Tabby dropped heavily onto her ancient mattress, hearing through the roaring static buzzing in her head, her best friend stepping in and saving her skin. She heard the words but couldn't compute the implications; it was all so overwhelming that it sent Tabby into a free-fall of sorts. What Petra was offering was amazing.

Too good to be true...the ominous voice of Tabby's subconscious piped up.

Petra, who had always been a kind, giving person in the past, had just handed her a golden ticket but Tabby felt like it was made of molten gold, ready to burn her the moment she reached for it.

Like Jerry.

He had offered her a solution to her troubles and look how that turned out. The price had almost cost her life.

What would Petra want in return for her generosity? The instant that insidious thought trod through her mind, leaving dirty footprints on her soul, she felt something wither and die inside her. The undeserved suspicion felt like a betrayal of her wonderful friend, even if it was only in her private thoughts. She knew in her heart that Petra was a good person, but Tabby couldn't help feeling like she would be stepping into another minefield if she accepted her offer at face value.

Tabby had learned a painful lesson tonight that nothing came without a price.

Petra sensed her reluctance and sighed, sitting herself down beside Tabby and pulling her, unresisting, into a hug. The fact that Tabby didn't shy away from her, despite all that had happened, showed how traumatized she really was. She needed the connection of another human being and leaned into the comfort of Petra's embrace, beginning to sob.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry that this horrible thing has happened to you. You poor thing! You must be so overwhelmed and here I am pushing even more stress onto your shoulders." She brushed down Tabby's hair, cooing and murmuring sentiments that Tabby couldn't understand, but her soft voice eventually helped soothe the sorrow that had gripped her and she slowly got herself back under control.

"Feel better?" Petra asked, passing her a box of tissues.

Tabby nodded, sat up and blew her nose in a most undignified manner. Petra chuckled and picked up her hand, giving it a little squeeze. "We've been friends for over five years, Tabs. I know that you don't trust easily and don't accept help. You need me, baby. I promise that there are no strings attached to my offer, no hidden agendas. Diego is a good man. Hell, he's better than anything I deserve. He really won't mind and I want you here as well. I get lonely all by myself and it would be nice having company." She looked at Tabby, nothing but raw honesty shining in her honey-coloured eyes and Tabby felt some of her wariness loosen. Petra was throwing her a lifeline and she'd be a fool to refuse it and drown while help was available.

"Okay," Tabby whispered. "I believe you, Pet." She gave her a wan smile, "Let's be roomies."

Petra bounced to her feet clapping her hands in joy. "Come on then," she gushed excitedly, "Let's get you home...to your new one, that is!"

Petra's suite was on the tenth floor of the building, among the purchased condominium units as opposed to the cheap, social housing rental suites on the lower levels. It was better appointed and much more spacious than the cramped one bedroom apartment that Tabby had been renting. Not to mention that the view was spectacular, overlooking a park, as opposed to the stellar view of the parking lot and trash bins that Tabby enjoyed from her balcony. She adored Petra's place and secretly hated returning to her claustrophobic, shoebox sized one after spending time in her larger suite. Tabby's had a shabby, institutional appearance that made her feel low class and embarrassed, even though Petra had never said or done anything to make her feel diminished when she came down to hang out.

If Tabby was being completely honest with herself, now that she'd accepted Petra's generous offer, she was actually relieved. Petra's place was a home - warm, lived in and full of character and colour. Tabby's was a place to sleep, but she never considered it to be home - it was just a place to be when she wasn't somewhere else. She hated the pressboard cupboards, paper-thin doors and stark, white washed walls. Being rid of the place was like a weight being lifted of her back that she hadn't even realised that she had been carrying.

Petra, bless her sweet, loving heart, had just bought Tabby some much needed breathing room to get her life in order and Tabby was determined to make the most of the gift her friend had so generously offered her. Petra's pure joy at her acceptance made Tabby feel petty and ridiculous for having doubted her friend's altruistic intentions.

They left Tabby's suite and took the elevator up to Petra's floor. Once in the apartment, Tabby dropped her purse on the side table by the door and stood numbly in the foyer. She didn't quite know what to do. She felt numb, yet filled with pressure that had nowhere to go - an explosion looking for an outlet. She felt like a bottle of soda that had been shaken way too much - calm on the outside but fizzing with kinetic energy on the inside.

Petra took her by the hand and led her, unresisting, down the hall. She pushed open a door and tugged Tabby inside the room. She flipped the lights on and Tabby's eyes went wide in wonder. What had been an empty spare room was now decorated with cozy, chunky looking furniture. A lush, queen sized bed was surrounded by two overstuffed chairs, making a nice reading area off to one side, and a gorgeous, heavy oak dresser. A large walk-in closet and private bathroom occupied the other side of the room. Everything in the room was new and inviting, as if Petra had been anticipating her acceptance of her offer.

Tabby stared at her friend questioningly. Petra gave her an embarrassed smile and blushed. "I told you that I was planning to ask you to move in." She waved her hand, taking in the whole room. "I thought that this would help convince you to accept."

Tabby felt tears of happiness sting her eyes. "You didn't need to buy all this Petra. I would've moved in without the new furniture." She paused and glanced around the room. "It must have cost you a ton. I can't...I can't repay you for this, Pet."

Petra hugged her again. "Oh baby, there's nothing to repay. I wanted you to have something nice, you know. And forget the cost, it's a gift." She gave Tabby a minute to process and knew her words had sunk in when she felt Tabby nod weakly against her shoulder. "So you'll stay? Please say you will Tabs."

"Yes." she sighed. "I don't deserve you Petra. I really don't."

"Yes you do. You are my bestest BFF...we deserve each other, girlfriend!"

Tabby eyed the bed longingly, wanting nothing more than to crawl under the hand-made quilt and go to sleep. The top mattress alone was twice as thick as the thrift store reject that Tabby had slept on for the last four years. She didn't even have a frame for hers and Petra's looked so high off the ground that Tabby wasn't sure that her short legs where going to be able to hoist her onto the bed! She wondered briefly if Petra would laugh at her when she asked her for a step stool.

"This is your room from now on. If there's anything you want to change, just tell me and we'll get it done." She glanced at Tabby, worried at the blank, shell-shocked expression on her friend's face. She needed to get her into the shower so that she could make some much need phone calls. Petra was not going to let this assault go unreported, no matter what Tabby had wanted.

"Might as well stow your stuff in the dresser, it's empty but for a few extra blankets. I'll help you transfer the rest of your things tomorrow and get you a set of keys, okay?"

"Um...sure...Okay." Tabby yawned distractedly, feeling an exhaustion that permeated her bones right down to the marrow. "Is it okay if I go and shower?"

Petra waved her hands, pointing her in the direction of the bathroom. "Of course, sweetie. You get in and I'll go grab you some clean towels."

Tabby wondered if she even had the energy to get undressed. In the rush to escape, she hadn't given the state of her clothing much thought beyond trying to cover herself enough to get home without being arrested for public indecency. Now, in the clean, quiet room, she began to take notice of things she'd overlooked.

Her gaze travelled down her arms and she stared at her sleeves, the white fabric was torn and dirty. Memories of Jerry's hands pawing and groping at her played before her eyes like a child's flip book. To her horror, her clothes seemed to become animated, clinging to her as if they had become a constrictive second skin that slithered against her wherever the material touched her body. Her skin crawled and twitched beneath the fabric as if to slough off the reptilian feel of his rough hands. She pulled at the material, trying to alleviate the disturbing feel but her hands had become clumsy in her panicked state and she couldn't get the shirt off of her.