First Time Jilling in Public

(This person described in this story is 18)

One Halloween, I dressed up like Merida from Disney's Brave. I wore a hand-me-down, hand-sewn, ill-fitting cosplay outfit. It was tight and baggy in all the wrong places. The cape was too big and too thick. I myself was in a very awkward, un-princess-like phase of adolescence.

After school, some friends and I had to kill time before a Halloween party later that night, so we walked to the movie theater. It was eighty degrees out, and I was unbearably hot in my costume, especially in the cape. I wasn't wearing anything at underneath the dress, and the cheap polyester fabric was itchy and rough on my bare, sweaty skin. I felt disgusting.

To make it worse, when we got to the theater I realized that my credit card had fallen out of a hole in the costume's badly sewn pockets. Luckily, I knew someone at the theater and she snuck me in, but I was mortified.

Of the movies playing the multiplex, I wanted to see Blue Is the Warmest Color, but all my friends wanted to see Thor: The Dark World. I was in such a bad mood, I snuck in to see the French movie by myself, even though I had no idea what the movie was about, other than it was in French and didn't have superheroes (Marvel's not my bag.)

There were only two other people in the theater, a middle-aged couple. I sat far away from them, sulking in the second row. I took off the absurd cape and piled it on the armrests. I slouched in my chair with my popcorn.

The first part of the movie bored me to tears. The acting was good, but it seemed slow and pretentious. The central romantic relationship between two young girls took such a long time to develop, I didn't realize that was what the movie was about. Impatient, I thought about leaving and sneaking into Thor to join my friends.

But then...

There came a scene in which the main character masturbates while fantasizing about the other girl. I had never been to an NC-17 movie before and the scene was SO explicit, I was embarrassed to be in a public place watching it. Out of nowhere, I suddenly felt very aroused by and attracted to the character played by Adèle Exarchopoulos, and that freaked me out.

Before this time, I had had two very minor, same-sex experiences, just kissing and fooling around, but I had never been aroused by a female character in a real movie before. In some ways the scene seemed more like porn to me, and watching porn was something I only did VERY privately and secretly, so seeing something that graphic in public made me very uncomfortable. The older couple must have felt the same way, because when I looked back, I saw that all the other seats were empty.

When I looked back up at screen I saw an extreme close up of Adèle Exarchopoulos's lips. I took a deep breath, and I decided to stay. As the film went on, there was an incredibly intense and romantic scene with the two characters in a public park. When they kissed, my skin tingled. I was both embarrassed by what I was watching on screen yet I couldn't look away. I was enraptured. The images were both achingly sweet and shockingly intense. No porn had ever been that emotionally raw.

Almost unconsciously my hand slipped into my costume, and through the hole in my pocket onto the bare skin of my belly, creeping lower. My legs were spread wide, but even if someone had been sitting next to me, the cape and the baggy dress would have hidden what I was doing.

What I was doing was fingering my clit as I watched.

But after that particular sequence in the park scene ended I became self-conscious and stopped. I told myself to show some self-control. I ate handfuls of popcorn and tried to affect a viewing attitude that was cool, detached, sophisticated, and European. For about an hour, it worked.

But then it happened...

...The notorious sex scene.

Described by one critic as "the most explosively graphic lesbian sex scenes in recent memory," it seemed as raunchy as video on pornhub, except that it was projected on a screen forty feet wide and I was looking up at it from the second row. And the unlike in porn, I felt a deep empathy and care for the two people fucking. It was a completely new experience.

So, I couldn't help myself. I looked around at the empty seats, slipped my hand back through the hole in one pocket, and then tore a new hole in the other pocket so that I could use both hands under my dress. The scene was so arousing and over-the-top, and it went on so ridiculously long (seven minutes) that I climaxed twice before it was over.

And later in the movie, I jilled again, even though I was certain that the theater manager was going to charge down the aisle at any moment to apprehend the teenage girl performing acts of public indecency.

I could just imagine calling my father, "Yeah, hi Dad. Sorry. I left my phone in my backpack, and.... yeah, so, I'm at the police station. I was arrested for abusing myself... in a public theater... while watching French lesbians fuck like bonobos. Anyway. Could you come pick me up? Oh... and bale me out?"

Even more intense than the orgasms was the tragic end of the movie, in which the lover's break up; it reduced me in fits of sobbing. Then when I went out into the lobby, I discovered that my friends were long gone. Thor had ended a full hour earlier, and they had forgotten me. I walked home, stripped off my stupid costume, climbed into bed naked, and slept for ten hours straight. My soul was exhausted.

In the morning, I went online (secretly) and pre-ordered *Blue is The Warmest Color *on blue ray. I've now seen it a dozen times, although the lovemaking scenes seem a little fake to me now... a bit too much of a straight, middle-aged man's fantasy of the sexual habits of teenaged girls. But never the less...

Years later, I went to see *Call Me By Your Name*. In a nearly sold-out theater, I sat in the second row, my sweater draped across the armrests, popcorn in my lap. I was wearing a light cotton, summer dress, green like Merida's, only with a pattern of white daisies...

...and holes in the pockets.