For the Love of Daddy

My dad Logan, his girlfriend of ten years, her three kids and my half-brother, who was almost two, lived in a small town in the South. Even though he said that he had feelings for Rebecca and supported her and her kids, he never would commit to marriage because he said his heart always belonged to my mother and me.

My mother passed away when I was twelve. It was very hard on my dad and myself, but I was strong and helped hold him together, growing very close to him. A bond that would never be broken and grow deeper as I grew up. Rebecca and I never saw eye to eye, mainly because of the love daddy held for me. He was always inclined to tell me so every time he saw me.

I was 24 now, and had lived away from home since I was 18. It broke daddy's heart when I left, but I always apologized for leaving him. Still, he knew it was because of Rebecca that I had moved away. I returned home now and again, making sure he was ok. I just didn't trust her, or maybe I was just jealous of her because she had daddy.

I always had a place to stay when I returned, he made sure of that. Daddy had kept my room the same since I had moved out. He said it was always mine, that would never change and it gave us a place to sit up late into the night to talk about life and how things were when I visited. Of course this pissed Rebecca off because she wanted to use it for something else, but he would never let her.

I decide that I would do something special for his 45 birthday. However, what happened the night of his birthday was way beyond what I had planned, but it sealed our love and bond with each other, and changed everything forever.

I had been back a few days and things were as stressful in the house as always, and Rebecca was on her same old bitch-fest. Her kids were all teenagers now, with the exception of my little brother, who was toddling around.

He took up with me instantly and I didn't mind a bit. Anthony looked like my dad and even called me momma a few times. I could see the astonished look on Rebecca's face when he did, and it pleased me even more.

Even though the days went by quickly, the tension of the house grew with my presence. It seemed that I was attending to Anthony more and more each day, which, I really didn't mind because it kept me busy when there wasn't anything else for me to do while daddy was at work. After all, I had come to spend time with him.

Of course, Rebecca did nothing but complain about her life, her job, how she hated living there, and wanted to move away. The only thing holding her there was the baby.

I scoffed, telling her that she could pack up and go anytime she liked and just leave Anthony behind. Daddy took care of me after my mom had passed, he was more than capable of taking care of Anthony by himself, and I might even move back home where I could help.

This sent her over the edge and we fought about everything that had been building between us since she first came into my life. When all was said and done, I still held Anthony in my arms and she stomped away like a spoiled child. I just smiled.

I took daddy to dinner on the night of his birthday, and we took Tony along with us, just because I thought it would be good for the three of us to spend time together.

Rebecca was angry because they were not invited and I told her directly that this was a family thing, and I never considered her my family, and sure didn't think of her as my mother!

Daddy never said a word, just packed Tony's diaper bag and carried him to my car. I smiled, thinking about the bond daddy and I had, and the one I was creating with my little brother.

It was better than it ever could be, but my intentions were deeper, and I knew that in my heart, I would have the man all to myself soon, even if it was against all the laws of nature and court.

Dinner was quiet. Tony was good, he didn't make a mess or scream and yell like some of the other children in the restaurant. Daddy was pleased with his actions and I smiled because it felt good to be with the both of them.

I wanted something more, but knew that it was wrong of me to think that way. Yet, there was something there between us that I had not felt before, and a growing twinge creeping in my body for my father.

Daddy also seemed to be different in his actions and emotional state towards me. I blushed thinking about the possibilities. He had always been there for me, yet the love and the passion I held for him was so much more at that moment that what a daughter should feel for her father. It was scary. I knew I had always felt that way about him, still, I never admitted it openly.

After dinner we gathered up Tony, carried him to the car, and put him in his car seat, then daddy helped me into the car and went to the driver's side, letting himself in. He took my hand, thanked me for dinner, and said it was such a pleasure to be in my company. I smiled and blushed at his words. He kissed my hand and started the car, heading back to his house.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"I'm taking a new job in Colorado."

He looked overwhelmed, "No, Bella, you can't. I mean..."

"Dad, it's not like I thought about this lightly. I wanted to tell you in person." My voice was low; I was almost ashamed to tell him I was leaving.

I could see the tears in his eyes, "Bella, it's bad enough that you live as far away as you do now, but..." He pulled the car to a halt in a small parking lot next to the park we always played in when I was younger, "I need you close to me. I mean, how do you expect me to deal with you being so far away?"

"Come on dad, you have Becca and the other kids. Besides, I'll come home a few times a year instead of every month." That was something I shouldn't have said.

"No, Anabella, you can't leave me again."

"Daddy, you never call me Anabella." that was my mothers name for me, one he only called me that when he was beyond serious. I looked at him, his heart was breaking, "Dad, I'm just moving away, not like I'm leaving forever."

He turned off the car and got out, walking to the front and propping against the hood. I rolled down the window so I could hear Tony if he woke and got out myself, walking to face dad. He stood with his arms crossed, looking out into the distance at nothing in particular.

I reached for his hands and he withdrew even more from me, so I propped myself against the car, pushing up against his side.

"Come on dad, I'm just going to..."

"Don't, please, don't say anything else." he put his arm around me and I snuggled into him, just like I had when I was younger. He cleared his throat and squeezed me tighter to him.

"Look, you do what you need to do. I just, I love you and I want what's best for you, but, I don't want to loose you. I've already lost you once and..."

"You've never lost me. I just couldn't love you the way I do and compete with her for your affections. That was why I left, Daddy." I looked at him, hoping he would find the real truth behind my words. I knew exactly what I wanted to tell him, and what I wanted from him.

"Bella, I love you. I don't want to let you go any further than I have to."

"I'm right here daddy, nothing will ever change that." I put my hand to his chest and over his heart, he clasped his over mine and swung over in front of me.

"Yes, you are, and you always have been." his voice was soft and full of love. He brushed my hair from my face and looked deeply at me, "Anabella, I love you."

My heart jumped, skipping uncountable beats. I saw his emotions and the truth of his words. He no longer just loved me as his daughter, but as a woman.

I had loved him for years as the man he was, ever since I could remember. I couldn't live in the house any longer and see her take his love from me. It was bad enough that I had to deal with it since I was fourteen, see her take the place over when it had been just the two of us, and then deal with being a teenager all in the same stride.

Falling in love with my own father happened so long ago, but the bond that was there between us, had brought me strength and the ability to hide my feelings away for so long.

"Daddy, I love you too." I looked away, feeling ashamed at my words.

"Anabella, I know you do. I know you have a long time."

"Daddy, it's wrong of me to love you this way. But ever since I was younger, there's never been another man in my life. And I could never love another man the way I love you. It always felt like I was lying to you."

"Anabella, I have to tell you something, the truth about me and your mom."

"

You don't have to tell me. I know how much you loved her and what you promised her."

"Anabella," he stroked my face and pulled me closer to him, "Honestly, there's something you should know."

I couldn't have expected what I heard from him, his words that came next were shocking to me, and truly unbelievable.

"Your mom and me, she was my love, and she still is. You are the most beautiful image of her that anyone could behold. But the truth is, I married her after you were born."

I looked at him a little confused, "So, where's the problem with that?"

"There wasn't a problem, but I made her a promise when we married that I was going to always take care of you."

"And you have." I told him.

He was standing before me, very anxious. "God, I don't know how to say all of this with out sounding stupid or wrong." he rubbed his head, and shuffled about a bit.

"Just say it, what ever it is, I'll understand." I reached for his hand, bringing him towards me. He smiled.

"Look, Bella," he took a deep breath, "I told your mom I would take care of you, and if anything happened to her, I would always take care of you and love you. I just didn't know I was going to fall in love with you."

He whispered softly, "I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love with you. I promised myself that I wouldn't be anything more than your dad, but I couldn't keep that promise."

"Well, I'm not exactly helping things there now am I? I know it's a bit odd, me being your daughter and all, but..." he put his fingers to my lips and cut me off.

"That's just it, you're not my daughter."

Whoa! Did he just tell me I wasn't his daughter? It was a sudden shock to hear that. Something that I wasn't expecting.

I thought maybe that he was going to tell me that we couldn't be together because it was wrong, anything like that, but not that I wasn't his daughter. I must have looked dumbfounded because when he put his hands on my arms, he shook me to get my attention.

"Bella, why do you think I keep your room at the house? It's not just so you have some where to come back to when you visit. I sleep there when you're gone just to be near you.

Fuck, I always go in there and sleep, because I can't stand being without you in my life anymore. Fuck Bella, you can't move away, you can't go, I need you. I've always needed you!"

I looked at him, still in shock, "Why didn't you tell me this? Why didn't you tell me this years ago? I have loved you forever, and now, God!"

I could feel all the emotions well in my body and start to overwhelm me. There was hate and anger, love and desire, want and lust, among so many more.

"I didn't think you would accept me as a lover. I've always been your dad." he threw his hands in the air and then put them back around me, "Honestly, I only thought you loved me because I was the only steady man in your life since you were a child. I never realized how you really felt about me until tonight."

"Good God Logan! I have loved you since I was a teenager, and those years were hell on me you brought Rebecca into our life, especially after it just being the two of us, falling in love with you at such a tender age, I died inside!"

"God Bella, I never realized how much it affected you having her around."

"Yeah, well," I struggled for my words, "when she got pregnant with Anthony, my heart was so ripped from my body that I...I almost didn't come home anymore! I loved you and couldn't stay away!" I began to cry, my heart wrenching from my chest, my sobs deep and hard.

"Oh, Anabella, I'm so sorry. It was a fluke. She and I... we... fuck, it just happened. We hadn't slept together in years when that night happened. She..."

I put my hands up, not wanting to know any more. I looked into the car to see the baby sleeping, knowing all too well that could have been our son sitting there.

"Bella, the reason I never married her was because I loved you. When you were sixteen, it took everything I had to not crawl up in the bed with you. I have lusted after you since you became a woman in my eyes. I would have had married you in a heartbeat if I would have known how you felt, if I would have had the courage to tell you."

He smiled a silly smile, as if to reassure me of his words, "Up until this moment, I didn't think that you loved me this way. I always thought it was just a love for daddy thing. You don't know how hard it's been on me to play this game." He caressed my tears away from my cheek and kissed me lightly, his tone so soft, "I love you."

He continued, looking for the right words, "I watched you blossom into a teenager, and a woman. It took everything I had to control myself when you reached eighteen, and hold myself back all of these years.

I know it's so wrong of me to feel like this about you because I raised you as my own. But there's just something special about you that I have always loved and it's not just because you look like your mother."

I looked in his eyes, and suddenly felt there was no reason for me to call him daddy any more. I whispered, "Logan, I love you." That was all it took, his name attached to those words coming from my lips.

The truth of the moment was open and there was no turning back. I was no longer his daughter, but a woman in his arms he was in love with.

His lips crashed into mine and he tightened his arms around my body.

I too embraced him fully and hard, grasping every thing from that instant between us. I felt as if I was in a dream.

He kissed me gently, yet, it was heated and passionate. I kissed him back with everything I could give him. His hands caressed me and held me tightly to him. I felt his back muscles tense under my touch and it suddenly dawned on me that his hardness was caressing my belly. I gasped a little and he withdrew from me.

"Bella, did I hurt you?"

"No, I just... I had to catch my breath."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." he looked away from me.

"No, never be sorry. I have wanted to kiss you so long. I have wanted so much more." I whispered to him, caressing his face, feeling his body relax underneath my touch.

"I love you Logan." I took a deep breath and sighed. "All those night, all those long lonely nights I slept in that room, wanting to be next to you.

All the nights I spent snuggled in my bed at my apartment, longing for you, and now I find out that I could have had that if I had just told you? Or you had told me?" I stared into the night, confused, "Maybe I shouldn't have ever said anything to you."

"No baby, no. I should have told you a long time ago. I should have confessed. I should have been the one to tell you the truth when you were eighteen. I shouldn't have waited."

I looked at him, my tears fading, "It was because of Rebecca that you didn't tell me, wasn't it?"

"No. I was the one who wouldn't let myself go to you and tell you. Baby, it was hard for me to come to grasps falling in love with you because you have always been my daughter.

But the woman that came to stand before me so many years ago, stole my heart, collected my soul, and kept me going. I tried to be close to you the best way I knew how. I regret that I haven't told you sooner."

He leaned into kiss me again and the baby cried. I smiled, he shook his head and brushed my lips. "I guess we better be getting back." he said, shrugging his shoulders.

I slipped from his arms and back to the car. Tony stirred and I patted him, putting his pacifier back in his mouth. He snuggled down against the blanket and was back to sleep in no time. Logan came up behind me and put his arms around my waist.

"You certainly have a way with him."

"You would think he was mine." I smiled.

"He should have been baby." His words were soft and deep as he whispered them to me. I was a little shocked to hear something like that so soon, but my heart swooned to his admittance.

"So, now what?" I asked him, swallowing hard thinking of all the things that could go wrong, and all the things that felt so right.

"I'm leaving Rebecca, tonight. She has known it was coming for some time. Yes, I only let her stay because of him, so I can keep him close to me and protected. But we haven't been together since the night he was conceived, in fact, I stayed in your room until you came back. I'll get custody of Anthony, sell the house, and..."

He must have seen the look on my face. It was all so much so fast. His tone softened, "Bella? Would you be willing to help me care for him?"

I smiled, knowing all too well that I would take him as my own, and raise him because he was Logan's. I shook my head yes, and a look of relief over took him. I thought I heard him sigh.

I changed the subject, not knowing what else to say or do. I didn't know what to do about the job and there's so much to think about all of the sudden. "We need to be getting him back home. It's getting awfully late for us to have him out. He doesn't need to catch a cold."

Logan smiled, knowing I was right, and nodded in agreement. He put his arms around me and kissed me lightly, holding me close.

I wrapped around him, taking in his scent and felt his heart beat hard against my chest. He helped me into the car and hurried to the other side, getting in. As he cranked the car, he looked at me and took my hand, kissing it lightly.

"I love you Anabella."

"I love you too Logan."

We drove back to the house and when we arrived, it was dark, the front door was open and so was the garage. Rebecca's car was gone, and there was an odd feeling about the situation.

Logan pulled into the driveway and put the car in park. He looked over at me, worry written on his face.

"Bella, you stay here in the car with Anthony, I'll go see what's going on." He picked up his cell phone and called someone, bent over the console to kiss me and got out. Then he walked to his truck parked inside the garage and retrieved a handgun from its confines.

I hadn't seen him this cautious in a very long time. He was a former military man who had seen time in Iraq during Desert Storm when I was younger. I remembered him coming home from his tour of duty and the long nights of chaos that ensued.

Memories of other years danced in my head, memories of when it was just the two of us. I remembered seeing him dealing with my mom's death, and it bringing back the trauma he had faced while overseas.

I felt the tears well in my eyes for him, and the love swell more in my heart for his commitment he had continued to maintain for me over the years, and now for Tony.

He quietly made his way into the house, and was gone for what seemed a very long time. It unnerved me a bit, but when he emerged, relief hit me.

The Sherriff was sitting in the drive behind the car. Logan came from the house and over to the car to check on us.

"You alright baby?"

"Yeah, I'm, we're fine." I smiled, a weight lifting from my emotions. He patted the car door and walked away to where his friend stood waiting on him. They discussed something and he led the Sherriff back to where I sat in the car, opening the door and helping me out.

"Bella, you remember Jim?"

"Um, yes, I think I do. But it's been awhile." I smiled.

"Sure have grown up girl." He tipped his hat. I blushed.

"Yes, she sure has." Logan added as he took my hand. I was shaking and he noticed, "Baby you ok?"