For the Love of Money

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Caveat Emptor.
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For The Love of Money

Caveat Emptor

Forward

Here is a short one--no sex, BTB, or RAAC.

You have heard of Glaucoma. Well, I have been diagnosed with Typo-Glaucoma. It's defined as the ability to have the mind replace letters and words that are not there when you read or write them. So this is my excuse for lousy Grammar.

I want to thank Saddletramp for some badly needed suggestions to improve my story.

I have read stories lately about how money destroyed a beautiful relationship between a loving couple. Well, not the money itself, but the pursuit of money. Money is not good or evil. It's just money.

Lately, I have come across many stories where a rich asshole offers a married couple a million dollars for a weekend with the wife. But, of course, it never turns out good for the couple.

....

The waiter had just taken the young couple's order for their Saturday night dinner together. They order the same thing every week at the posh restaurant.

A tall, distinguished gentleman walked up as the waiter who returned to his workstation to enter the couple's order.

"Raul, did they order the same thing again?"

Yes, Mr. Farnsworth, they did. Two hors d'oeuvres and water. Not very much. But they do tip me 25%.

Farnsworth chuckled, "Big spenders, huh. How much is their bill?"

"Now, Mr. Farnsworth. I can't divulge that infor..... He saw a $50 bill pop up in his face. Snapping it out of the gentleman's hand and stuffing it in his pocket, he replied, "$26.30, sir."

Do they pay with a Black or a Platinum card?"

"No, sir, cash. Last week I got 50 cents in pennies as part of the tip."

Do they talk? Does she talk? What's her voice sound like? She is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I have to have her, just once. She must have a beautiful voice."

"What does she sounds like, sir? I don't know; she never talks. She only smiles. And I might say, sir, it is the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. He does all the ordering."

"I have to have her. I just have to. Do they come in every week?" The gentlemen spoke with lust in his voice.

"Yes, sir. for the last eight weeks. Same time 6 p.m. sharp. They're too embarrassed and want to be out of here before the crowd shows up.

"Thanks for the information, Raul; I'll have my attorney with me next week."

....

Sure enough, Farnsworth walked in to see the same couple sitting at the same booth. Eating the same thing as they did the week before. He saw the focus of his desires. He wanted her, and he would pay to have her. He put his game face on and strolled over to the couple sipping their soups.

"Hello, my name is Baxter Farnsworth III." The couple looked up from their soup to see the handsome man towering over them. "May I sit down?" asked Farnsworth. The young man nodded yes.

Farnsworth sized up the young man. He appeared to be around 6-3 to 6-5 and weighed about 235 pounds. He seemed to be in shape for his weight. His suit appeared to bulge in his sleeves. It looked like it fit tight around his big shoulders.

Farnsworth knew he had better tread carefully just by looking at the scars on the man's face. From his appearance alone, he looked like a man that could handle himself. "May I ask your name?" asked Farnsworth.

The young man placed his spoon down and reached over and shook the man's hand. "My name is Adam White, and this is my wife, May. He starred at Farnsworth. What can I do for you?"

"Mr. White, I am a man that doesn't beat around the bush. I see what I want, and I go after it. I see the most beautiful woman I've ever seen sitting across the table for me. Your Wife."

"Mr. Farnsworth, I have to agree with you, sir. My wife is the most beautiful woman I've seen. So what is the point of this conversation?" questioned Mr. White."

"I like that in a man," replied Farnsworth. "A man that gets to the point. I have a proposition for you and your lovely bride."

Narrowing his eyes to little BB's. "What kind of deal?" asked White.

Farnsworth smiled; he knew he had him. "This is strictly business, Mr. White, nothing personal. If you don't know who I am. I am on the Forbes list of one of the richest men in the world. I have more money than God. I am worth 50 billion dollars. So I see no reason. To dicker over pocket change." White was clenching his fist.

What I am offering you and Mrs. White is 1 million dollars tax-free for this weekend of sex with your wife. It is 6:30 now. If you two approve, it can be transferred to your bank account at exactly 7:30 tonight, and that is when it will start. I will bring her home at 7:30 Monday Morning."

"Excuse me, How do you know we have a home. Asked White."

"Adam, I hope you don't mind me calling you Adam. I knew who you were before I asked your name. I've had you two investigated. I like to know who I'm in business with. You served in the Marines. You served in Iraq and Afghanistan. Two tours of duty One tour at each location. You have PTSD, and you're having trouble holding down a job.

Your cars are ten years old and five years respectively. Adam, you're charged to the max on your credit cards. This will be your chance to start over.

After I am through with her, I will return her only slightly used and never see her again. If I do have to contact her again, there will be a 50 million dollar penalty I'll have to pay.

I brought an attorney. He can print out the contract, and we can sign, and you can leave. I will give you the money in advance if she backs out. You give the money back, or I'll bankrupt you in court. I will transfer the funds after you two sign."

I expect all three holes for this type of money. So May is my whore for the weekend, and I will return her at 7:30 Monday morning. This way, she can do the walk of shame in front of your house, so all your neighbors will know I cuckolded you.

Mr. White would make a great poker player. But unfortunately, he didn't have a tale that would indicate he would take the money or take out a knife and cut Farnsworth's heart out.

"Mr. Farnsworth, let's speak to my wife for a second. Please. He leaned over and whispered into his wife's ear, and then she whispered into his. This went back and forth for a minute. Finally, the woman nodded yes, and Adam turned to face Farnsworth.

Adam informed Farnsworth of their decision. "We agree with caveats."

May started to talk. "Shut up!" snapped Adam. "This is man's talk. Sit there and eat your soup and be quiet." She nodded her head in compliance.

Farnsworth smiled at this development. And replied, "What kind of caveats?"

First, no alcohol. May is allergic to it, and it can kill her. You're going to fuck her anyway, so getting her drunk is a waste of time."

Farnsworth smiled and eagerly replied, "No problem."

"Don't butt in again," Adam snarled. I want to make sure you understand how serious I am about my terms. If you fail on any of these, and she gets hurt. And God helps you if you did something that causes her to die. I will hunt you down and make sure I cut your dick off 1 inch at a time.

All your money won't be able to buy you enough protection. So now shut up and let me finish.

Second no drugs. She is on anti-depressants, and it could really screw May up more

Third. You are to drive May yourself. No one else. That makes you solely responsible. You will move her straight to your place for the entire weekend. No going out." Farnsworth nodded yes.

"Next, it is her body. She can say no at any time. If she does, you must stop immediately. And your money will be returned to you. No whips, chains, or marks will be left on her body."

No other people will be involved. No threesomes. No video's or pictures.

You cannot, and I repeat, cannot return her before 7:30 Monday. Not at 7:29:and 59 seconds. As a matter-of-fact, you can keep her as long as you want." Adam noticed the surprised look on Farnsworth's face.

"Finally, you must furnish her dinner tonight before you leave, pay for mine, and tip the waiter.

If any of those terms are violated, you will pay me the additional sum of 100 million dollars. That means any of them. So if you show up Monday one second early into my driveway, you forfeit 100 million dollars. Do you understand?

"Sure, Adam," Farnsworth hurriedly replied. "I agree to all of your terms. My attorneys will have it filled out ad ready for you two to sign. Give me your account number, and I'll transfer the 1 million tax-free.

The lawyer hurriedly made the changes to the contract and printed it for everyone to sign. Farnsworth transferred the money. Adam moved it to his offshore account.

"Adam, I'm in such a good mood," smiled Farnsworth, "let me buy you dinner."

"No way, Jose' I'm out of here, GOODLUCK!" Farnworth's eyes showed his shock at Adam's quick exit.

Adam stood up and headed to the door when he heard the noise come from the booth. It sent chills down my spine. First, it was the snorting from May's laughter, Then the donkey neighing that followed. Finally, he reached for doors when he heard her whiney sinus voice fine-tuned by her years of living in the Bronx.

....

Thirty minutes later, Adam walked into his home to the sound of nothing. No talking, no tv, and best all, no wife. Adam settled down with his best friend Jack and his close cousin coke for a lovely quiet evening.

His phone buzzed. He saw a number he didn't recognize. Adam hesitantly answered, "Hello."

"Adam," Farnsworth here, "You set me up, you bastard. I want my money back."

"I'm confused, Mr. Farnsworth. Is she refusing to have sex with you?"

"No, she's not," an exasperated Farnsworth replied. "But she won't stop talking even while I'm kissing her. When we dance, she talks. She won't shut up. She talks 90 miles a minute, and I don't think she even breaths.

And that damn Jewish princess Bronx accent. I can't stand it, and she's driving me nuts. The deal's off.

Adam seethed, speaking into the phone, "No deal or a 100 million. I want you to listen to this, Mr. Farnsworth." After that, the phone went dead quiet.

Did you hear that, Mr. Farnsworth?

"No, I didn't hear anything," Farnsworth replied

"That right, Mr. Farnsworth, Nothing. Silence. I haven't had any in five years. It is 8:30 on the nose. That means you have 35 hours or 2100 minutes, or 126,000 seconds left with her.

Oh! I forgot to tell you May is allergic to latex, so condoms. She's fertile right now. We were planning on starting a family. I don't care if it is mine or not. We just want kids. So fill her up.

If you get her pregnant, I thought I'd sign the birth certificate and take care of the child for you. But I do expect child support. The going rate for child support is 20% of annual income. Maybe I'll get lucky, and you'll have a triplet. They do run in her family. Can you imagine how much you'll pay me over the next 18 years?

Another thing. If you do anal, you better use plastic. May's bowels will release, and her shit will explode all over the place. I've had to replace many beds and the bedroom carpet and the sofa. So be careful. You can't get the smell out.

I will also expect you to attend every other family function with her mother and two other sisters. Oh, did I tell you triplets run in the family? She will need your help getting over the fact that she can't get a word in edge-wise with her mother and siblings. She is the quiet one.

Farnsworth, if you get her pregnant, it will be a lifesaver. Tik Tok, you now have 35hrs or 2091 minutes or 125,460 seconds left before she can come home. Goodbye, Mr. Farnsworth. Good luck.

......

Adams's phone buzzed 20 minutes later.

Adam: What do you want now. I am not taking her back. Wait--are you crying? Bulls don't cry. There's no crying by the bull in cuckolding.

Farnworth: "Please, you have to help me. I can't stand it."

Adam: "Where are you? You sound like you.... You're in the bathroom?"

Farnsworth: Yes, I am. She followed me in here, and she won't shut up. She talks a million miles per hour. I have to hold the stall door shut to keep her out. Please, please show me mercy."

Adam: "Farnsworth, you told me you were a man of your word. I was expecting a nice long weekend of nothing. Plus, I had dreams of you impregnating her. I am very disappointed in you."

Farnsworth: "You don't understand."

Adam: "Oh, Mr. Farnsworth, but do understand. You're trying to break a contract. We had a deal. You fuck my wife, and I get peace and quiet for the entire weekend and a million tax-free."

Farnsworth: "I can't come up with 100 million dollars. I'll have to liquidate some of my companies. People would be laid off. They would be wiped out." Grunting trying to keep May out. "Think of the children."

Adam: I Don't know; Mr. Farnsworth, give me a day to think about it.

Farnsworth: A day------ I tell you what I'll do. I'll give you another 4 million tax-free. That's 5 million dollars tax-free. Just imagine what you could do with that money if I can bring her home now. Please, I beg you."

Adam could hear his wife taking in the background trying to break into this stall and Farnsworth trying to hold the door shut.

Adam:" That's a deal. Send the contract and transfer the money. It should take you about 30 minutes to get here".

Farnsworth: "Thank you, thank you," sniffled the grateful man. "We'll be there in fifteen."

.....

Sure enough, fifteen minutes later, a Lamborghini whipped into the driveway. Adam was waiting for them on the front porch.

Farnsworth hopped outran around the car to let May out. She was talking a mile a minute. He hurried and escorted her to the porch where Adam stood.

Farnworth turned to walk away. Adam yelled, "Where are you going? Aren't you going to kiss her good night?"

Farnsworth stopped and responded, "No, I'm out of here. Farnsworth hesitated and turned to face Adam. How in the hell do you live with that excessive non-stop yakking? And not to mention that laugh."

Adam smiled and put his hand up to the side of his head. He placed his tongue in the roof of his mouth and made a clicking sound as he rotated his hand, indicating he was turning off a switch. " I just turned off my ocular implant. He smiled and shut the door behind him.

....

Adam turned around to feel his wife's lips smash against his. She pulled away and asked," Did you miss me?"

Grabbing her ass, he pulled her tight against his hardening erection. "MMMM, yes."

May giggled, "That was a record for less than two hours. I think throwing my sisters and you telling him to get me pregnant sealed the deal. The last guy got me into his condo before he broke. That's 25 million now in total. Why didn't you hold out for more?"

Adam ran his hand to her crotch and smiled. I was horny and wanted to get you home. And don't forget you did go off the pill, and you are fertile right now.

May purred as she ran her hand up and down his 9 inches. Then, she giggles, "One day, I might go through with it."

Adam, "He looked deep into her eyes. You know both your sister would be glad to take your place. They've seen me in a swimsuit."

May replied, "It better stay in that suit too. Let's go make a baby."

As May headed toward the bedroom, Adam yelled, "Your agent called. Barry has a gig for you. He needs you to cut down a legaleeze from 60 seconds to 10 seconds for a radio commercial. Also, he has an auction he wants you to do.

And he told me about the yodeling contest next week. The one that you have won for the last three years. They want you back as a guest of honor. They don't want you to compete. They want to give others a chance."

May was taking her clothes off as she headed toward the bedroom. She yelled back, "Don't forget to transfer Raul that 100 thousand."

"I already did it," replied Adam.

Adam locked up for the evening and turned off the lights. He walked in to see his wife spread eagle on the bed. She smiled. "I know you didn't get much for dinner tonight. Would you like a snack at the Y tonight?"

Adam hurried undressed and moved toward her. After 15 minutes of indulging in his wife's pie. He moved up to mount her.

May was panting, "Honey, I forgot to tell you we've invited to mom's tomorrow night, and my sisters will be there."

Adam cringed. He thought to himself. Maybe he could renegotiate with Farnsworth.

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AmbivalenceAmbivalenceabout 2 months ago

No way a man worth 50 billion can't come up with 100 million in cash.

That's like someone with 400K in assets and equity saying they can't come up with $800.

Should definitely of stuck it to him or at least had an amended contract requiring the payment of the $100 million in a reason time period.

But still funny as hell...

joesijoesi4 months ago

That was cruel to the bull, he will never be the same, and I‘m sure he suffers from PTSD now!

AnonymousAnonymous7 months ago

Hilarious farce. Lol

James G 5James G 58 months ago

That's hilarious, like a cross between the badger game con and "The Ransom of Red Chief." Well done!

AnonymousAnonymous9 months ago
Lol

Outstanding, I loved it

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