For Want of a Child

"Harry, is something wrong? You're staring at me. Oh, darn it, I'm sorry. This is what I put on at night, and I didn't think. Wait a minute while I go change."

"Angela, it's all right. I've just never seen you in, uh, causal clothes before. You look very nice. That's why I was staring."

"OK, but if I'm bothering you, I can change." She snickered and popped her hand over her mouth. "Maybe I should rephrase that. If these clothes make you uncomfortable, I'll go put on something a little less provocative, like jeans and a sweater."

"No, Angela, you're fine, really. We're both adults here, and I'm not going to start acting like some stupid teenage boy who's just seen his aunt in her underwear." They both laughed.

The coffee was good, and the conversation was better. The more they talked, the more he realized they had much in common. She didn't speak of her daughter again, although he saw her glance lovingly at a picture now and then. They rambled from one subject to another, from his early jobs to her high school prom dress, and somehow ended up talking about the ridiculous love scenes in some movies.

"I don't understand why movies always show a couple staring at each other for what seems like hours before they kiss. I never waited long to kiss a guy if I really wanted to. Staring at his face doesn't do much for me." She chuckled. "In high school, the guys all had pimply faces, and I couldn't stare long without screaming at them to try washing more often. It was much better to just close my eyes and smooch away. I even enjoyed it with a couple of them. How 'bout you." Her voice became deep and throaty. "Do you stare longingly into a girl's eyes before you kiss her deeply, like in the movies, or... do you just yank her up and plant one on her?'

"Well it's hard to say. I haven't kissed all that many women. I suppose it would depend on the circumstances."

Angela lifted her legs to the couch, turned on her bottom, and draped herself over his chest. She stared into his eyes and smiled.

"And if these were the circumstances?"

Harry was acutely aware of several things at that moment. He was both amazed and excited by her action, and the excitement was being urged on by the soft press of her breasts into his chest. His pants were becoming uncomfortable as they tried to contain his manhood, and he was fighting an inner struggle between his position as her supervisor and her position across his chest. He was about to say they shouldn't be doing this when Angela exhaled slowly, and the coffee scent of her breath tingled against his cheek.

"I suppose I would kiss the woman, if I liked her."

"And do you like me?"

"Yes, I do."

Angela pulled herself to meet his lips, and Harry felt the urgency of her passion in the wet movement of her mouth against his, and in the searching of her small tongue. He kissed back in kind, and felt her shiver in his arms. She pulled herself tight against his chest and seemed to be trying to climb up his body. Her breasts molded themselves to his chest, and then rubbed across. Hard nipples raked over his shirt buttons. She gently released him, and opened her eyes. Her voice was soft, sultry, and full of desire.

"And what would you do now?"

"If the situation were different-"

"Ahh, but the situation is different. We're not at work. We're just two people alone in my apartment. I know what I'd like you to do."

He felt stupid even saying it, because he knew the answer, and was more than a little apprehensive. "What?"

"I'd like you to take me upstairs to bed."

"Angela, I can't. I'm not...prepared."

She kissed him again. "Don't worry about that. I take birth control pills to regulate my cycle, so I'm safe. Please make love to me."

Before he could say no, she kissed him again, and his will vanished into her lips. They walked upstairs into the darkened bedroom. The blankets were pulled down; he supposed she did this every night because it fitted her nature of making everything right. She kissed him again, as if in reassurance of her willingness, and then unbuttoned his shirt and slipped it from his shoulders. He slipped the tie on the sash of her jacket and she shrugged her shoulders. The filmy garment fell noiselessly to the carpet. Angela fumbled with his buckle until he unfastened it and stepped out of his slacks. She rolled the silk pajama pants over her hips and they too fell to the floor. While he removed his shoes and shorts, Angela lay back on the bed. He didn't see her place the pillow under her hips.

Harry knelt over Angela and ran his hands down her sides. Her slender body had little padding over the ribs, and she squirmed at the sensation.

"Sorry, I'm a little ticklish."

Her hips were full and soft, and the path down the outside of her thighs was silky smooth. His hands retraced their journey, and at the end, slipped over her chest to brush her breasts. They were not as small as her work clothing and the pajamas made them look, but she was still not large. The twin mounds were firm but not hard, and when he palmed her nipples, the taut, wrinkled little nubs pushed back at his hands. Angela gasped, and pulled his hands tight. Harry bent to kiss her, and she responded with open lips grasping for his own. As she tried to touch every part of his mouth with her searching tongue, she gently pushed his right hand down over her belly to the soft curls that lay between her thighs. The soft legs opened at the touch of fingertips brushing the puffy outer lips, and when a fingertip slipped between them, Angela softly moaned.

Harry was entranced by her response, and her kisses and small sounds of passion were exciting him to an intense level. When he felt her slender fingers close gently around his manhood, he shuddered. The fingertips delicately brushed the underside and sent a wave of sensation through his body before closing again and starting a slow, rhythmic stroking. His fingers found the rippled inner lips that guarded her passage, and gently fondled. She was wet with passion, and his fingertip easily slipped up to find the growing little nub at the top of her sex. He gently circled it with his index finger and felt the gentle pulsation of her hips as she rocked against his caress.

Harry curled his middle finger into her passage and softly rubbed the firm upper surface. His thumb replaced his finger on the little button and Angela arched off the bed. She threw her arms around him and pulled him between her thighs.

"God Harry, I need you."

The passage was a snug fit, but Harry took his time and let her accept him. When he slid inside to his full length, she hugged him tight and buried her face in his shoulder. As he began slowly stroking in and out, she softly kissed his neck and shoulders, and her nails gently raked his back. It seemed as if little time had passed before Angela began gasping at each thrust, and soon she was pushing back at him and driving him deeper and deeper. She began to cry out, and so hard were her the thrusts of her hips that Harry felt her cervix press against the head of his shaft with each stroke. Angela moved her hands to cup his hips and pulled him into her each time she arched to meet him, and the sensation of her nails digging into his butt drove him over the edge. He spurted his seed to splash against the opening to her womb, and felt the contraction of Angela's passage as she neared her own peak. The ripple began somewhere in her thighs, flowed in a wave through her hips, and finally caused her soft belly to quake beneath him. She gasped, then cried out and pulled him tight as her body rocked quickly over his length. He splashed her inner belly twice more with his semen before they both slowly relaxed. She held him to her until he slipped from her body, kissed him deeply, and then gently rolled him to her side. Harry tried to keep stroking her body and kissing her, but he soon fell asleep.

He woke to his strange surroundings and took a moment to remember. He opened his eyes to daylight streaming through the window and to Angela looking at him. She was lying with her hips on a pillow and her feet were drawn to her hips and held her knees in an upright position. She smiled and stroked his cheek stubble with her soft hand. Harry caressed the underside of her breast.

"Is that the way you always sleep?"

"Only when I've been with a wonderful lover like I was last night."

He rolled to his side to face her and she moved her head to meet his kiss. Her hand began brushing his chest.

"I love the feeling of the hair on your chest. It makes the best feeling against my nipples."

Harry chuckled. "I didn't think you noticed, last night. You were pretty busy making me crazy."

"Mmmm, I noticed more than you think. I think you liked it when I did this."

Her hand moved to cup his hip and pull him toward her.

"And I think you liked this too."

She gently pulled on his shaft, and he stifled a groan. Angela kissed him again, and pulled him on top of her.

"Harry, I've been awake thinking of last night for an hour, and I need you again. Make love to me again, now."

Foreplay seemed not to be on her agenda, and as soon as his shaft touched the soft, curl covered lips, she arched to drive him deep into her belly. After a few minutes, he realized she was making love to him and not the reverse. He just relaxed and kept pace with her and soon she was moaning for release once again. Harry felt her finger slip between them and begin rubbing the firm little mound of flesh that caressed the top of his shaft, and when she cried out and lifted them both from the bed, he simply let go. He felt the seed rush from his manhood to fill her already wet passage, and when she lifted them again, he felt the end of her passage press firmly against him. Her peak was not so long as last night, but seemed more intense, and the shudders that ran through her body spurred his body to explode in spurting sperm twice more. He lay cradled between her thighs and panted until he got back his breath. Angela hugged him tight, and he felt wetness on his shoulder. He gently pushed away from her and saw the tears in her eyes.

"Angela, what's the matter? You're crying."

"It's nothing", she sobbed. "I'm just very happy, happier than I've been in a long time."

The presentation of the package went as Harry had predicted, and Orbitron was going to make a ton of cash on the deal. He and Angela did celebrate, as he had promised, and they ended up spending the night at her apartment again. They made love slowly and passionately, and Harry began to realize Angela meant more to him than any woman he had ever known. It bothered him a little that she again cried afterwards, but she assured him it was because she was happy.

It was a blow that nearly knocked him to the floor when she handed him the resignation letter. The words were the standard for a graceful bow-out of a professional from her position, but he barely read them. Only two months had passed since their work had landed the contract in Duluth, and he didn't understand. Angela said something about her mother being ill, and that she had to take care of her, but his mind was numbed at the prospect of losing her. She wanted the resignation to be immediate, but when she kissed him good-bye, he didn't want to let her go. She finally pushed herself away and walked out the door. Harry went home early and stared at the walls of his apartment until he fell asleep on the couch.

The next week, he was promoted to Senior Engineering Supervisor, given a raise plus a bonus for the Duluth job, and he moved into a larger office. It took months for him to return to a semblance of his former self. His work didn't suffer, because in his work, he could forget about Angela for a time. Being at home was excruciating. It was difficult to sleep, and he began having a couple of beers just before bed. They seemed to help, but the next morning, the empty feeling would come back. He started working later and later to avoid sitting alone at home. After six months, he could smile again, and after a year, almost no one noticed any difference.

He missed her laugh, he missed her smile, and he missed the way she always knew what he needed. Jenny was a good assistant, but the bond was just not there. He was having lunch with Kevin and happened to mention the difference between Jenny and Angela.

"Hey, you just reminded me of something I heard from Rita. Remember Rita, on Five?"

"Yes, get on with it."

"Well, she talked to Angela's cousin last week, and you'll never guess what the cousin said."

"I'm waiting."

The words sliced through him like a razor.

"Angela has a baby daughter."

"So she left here to get married. The thing with her mother was all a sham."

"Nope, the cousin says she's still single. The baby was born three months ago. Rita saw the pictures and says the little tike's really cute. Angela named her Harriet. The cousin says Angela's happier than she's seen her in years."

"Did this cousin say where Angela is living now?"

"Why, yes. She never moved. Why?"

"Oh...maybe I'll send the baby something. Angela was the best assistant I ever had, so I at least owe her a baby gift, don't you think?"

Harry was shaking as he made the drive across the city to her apartment. Why? The word was in every thought that flashed across his mind. If the baby was his, why would she leave. It had seemed like they had a special relationship. Why had she not said anything? Why didn't he tell her how he felt when she wanted to leave? Why hadn't he tried to stop her instead of standing there like a blithering idiot as she walked out the door?

It took a few minutes for him to gather enough courage to take the sidewalk to the door. He rang the bell, and when no one answered in a few seconds, he turned to walk away. He started to take the first step when he heard her voice.

"Harry?"

She was a little more filled out than before. Her hips seemed wider, and her breasts were definitely larger, but the smile on her face when he turned was the same. She ran to him and hugged him tight. He could only stand with his arms at his sides.

"Angela, why?"

"I can't explain out here. Come inside, please?"

They walked into the living room and she put a finger to her lips.

"Shhhh. I just put her down for her nap."

He thought he saw Angela's eyes and nose on little Harriet's face, but her chin and mouth looked a lot like the baby pictures his mother had carried for all these years. She stirred and rubbed a tiny fist in her eye, her mouth opened as if to cry, and then she relaxed again. It was strange for Harry to meet his daughter this way. Even though he had never seen her, he felt a funny tugging in his chest.

"You're smiling, Harry. I think you like her."

Angela led the way to the kitchen, and offered him a chair. She sat opposite of him, and took his hand between hers.

"You can't imagine how many times I've rehearsed this, but now that you're here, I've forgotten it all. I'm sorry, Harry. I should have told you, I know, but I was afraid."

"Afraid of me? Why?"

"Ever since Becky died, I've had this emptiness inside. The doctor's couldn't fix it, and it nearly drove me mad. I spent six months in a hospital trying to forget before I realized I never would. I came home and put up all the pictures of Becky that I had, and tried to start over. You probably heard about my second husband, but you don't know why it was such a horrible experience. I decided that the empty feeling would never go away unless there was someone to replace it...another baby. When I found out he couldn't give me that, I almost went back to where I started, but Becky stopped me. I don't know how to explain it, but she let me know she was happy and that I should keep going. That's when I started looking for a job, and that's how I met you."

"But why were you afraid of me? I'd never hurt you."

"At first, the job kept me from thinking about Becky, and later, I started thinking about you. I even read your personnel folder that time I substituted for Bess. Orbitron thinks a lot of you, and you will go far. I knew we could never be together, because you're so much smarter than I am, and I'm not really the type of woman a man in your position picks for a wife. I decided that since I couldn't have you, maybe you could give me a baby. On that first night, I knew my time was right, and I did everything I could to get pregnant. I even stayed up all night on that pillow with my knees up so everything would stay inside me. The next morning, I was waiting for you to wake up, and this warm feeling just rushed over me. I knew then that I was pregnant. It felt so wonderful that I got all worked up, and had to feel you inside me again. The doctors say you can't tell when it happens, but I just know I did. I waited until the test kit said I was, and then resigned before I started to show. It sounds really selfish, now, and I suppose it was, but I'm not ashamed. It was wrong not to tell you, but Harriet is making the feeling go away. Now, the only emptiness is the loss of what we had, but since I knew it would never work, I resigned myself to living with it. It is hard sometimes, because when she nurses, the feelings in my tummy remind me of that night."

"I had hoped you would never find out. I didn't want you to do something because you thought you had to. You have a long way to go in your career, and I'd only get in the way of that. Sooner or later, you would resent your plain old average wife, and I'd lose you anyway. Now that you know about Harriet, I want you to know that you don't owe me anything, and I don't want anything from you except maybe for you to try to understand."

"And you figured this all out for yourself?"

Angela nodded, and Harry had to laugh.

"You know what? I believe you are crazy. You've spent all your time thinking up how you'd be bad for me. But then, I suppose I didn't give you any reason to think I felt anything for you, so it's my own damn fault. Angela, I've been through Hell and back over the last year. I'm a little slow sometimes, and it wasn't until after you left that I realized how much you meant to me. I've been working eighteen hours a day just so I didn't have to go home and stare at the walls. My life is shit, I can't do anything except work, and I drink at least two beers every night just so I can fall asleep. And now, you expect me to just take your apology and forget about everything. Well Honey, it doesn't work that way. I don't care why you did this. All I know is that if I can't have you back, I'll probably end up in that same hospital talking to the same doctors, and believe me, they aren't going to help me either. I don't have any pictures of you for my walls, so what am I supposed to do? Now please, will you get that plain old wife thing out of your head and listen to what I have to say?"

Angela nodded, and he saw the tears in her eyes.

"I've been a complete idiot by believing that story about your mother, and then never trying to find you. I guess I thought if you liked me, you'd come back. Since you never did, I didn't want to try to start something that was never there. When Kevin told me about the baby, I had to see you. Angela, I can't promise that I'll ever be better than I am, but I can promise that you'll always be the only woman in the world for me. I don't know where you got the idea that men pick their wives for their looks, but they don't. If you don't believe that, you should see Kevin's wife. And you aren't plain and average; you just made yourself believe that. I realized, after you left, that nobody could ever replace you in my life. I want to make sure that never happens again. And, don't you think Harriet needs a father?"

They moved into his apartment until they could find a house. Harriet was walking before either of them was ready, and set about clearing tables and shelves at every opportunity. She's inherited her mother's efficiency, as Harry says, and never wastes any time before getting into trouble. She's a good little girl, really, and they both love her to death. Angela is pregnant again, and is bursting with pride at the prospect of a new baby. They don't know it yet, but this one is going to be a boy, and he'll look a lot like Harry. Harry is content with Angela and Harriet, but I know he really wants a son, so I helped things along just a little, just like I helped Angela get started again, and just like I helped her find Harry. Their son is going to be an engineer, someday, just like his dad, but I think he's going to be a little better with women. After all, if all men were as slow as Harry, there would never be any babies born. Sometimes, I'm a little sad that I can't be with them, because I think I would have enjoyed having a sister and a brother, but my time there is done. I'll just stay here and watch over them. After all, what else are baby angels for?