Forever Your Girl

As I listened to an oldies station while driving down the road, it suddenly dawned on me how nothing had really changed. Paula Abdul's song "Forever your girl" came on and I cringed. I hated that fucking song with a passion. After being away from Detroit for 10 years, it was like I'd never been left.

Of course the song hit me in more ways than one. I didn't know it at the time but the song said far more about my life than even I knew. I'd once loved that song "Forever your girl" because it made me think about the series of cars I drove. They were always a black "Mustang GT" with all of the "mods" I can throw at them; and they were my girls.

My relationships with my cars over the years had always been far more satisfying than my relationships with women. Women came and went but Mustangs were forever.

As a matter of fact it had been one of those situations that had caused me to leave home 10 years ago.

I remember it as if it were yesterday. My name is Brian Richards. It was the Woodward Dream cruise; an annual cruise through the heart of the city that draws in car lovers from all over the world. I was sitting in a lawn chair behind my first ever Mustang, with Lisa Barber. I was so in love with that woman that I couldn't see straight. We'd only known each other for 3 days, but I was sure after only 72 hours that she was the only woman in the world for me. Last night after leaving a picnic we'd gone to, we went back to her place and she literally screwed my brains out. It was a magical night of purely animal passion that eventually ended up with us making love very slowly and tenderly. Almost as if the first round of just bodies slapping together, was only the prelude to a serious body to body communication session. When we awoke still wrapped together, all sticky and sweaty, she smiled at me and just kissed me. That damned song was playing on the radio and she looked me in the eye and told me she was "Forever my girl" I swore to myself then that there would never be anyone else for me. And unfortunately for me I don't lie.

Lisa was 24 then just like me. She was kind of petite with long legs and smallish breasts. She had shoulder length curly dark blond hair, and green eyes that you could just dive into. She had one of those impish smiles that just make you believe that everything would be alright no matter what; and just a smattering of freckles around an upturned nose. Her greatest attribute though, was her ass. It was incredible; not a huge round ghetto booty by far, but a perfectly shaped heart shaped work of art. I still remember staring at it that morning as she finally slipped some clothes on after we got out of the shower together that morning. "If you like my ass that much, you'll love it even more after I give it to you tonight" she whispered into my ear.

"But don't tell your mom" she laughed. Lisa had met my mom the previous day at the picnic and my mom was smitten with her too.

I thought about all of that as we sat holding hands behind my car, at the Dream cruise.

One of the events they have each year at the Dream Cruise is a thing called Mustang alley. From Woodward Avenue, almost a half a mile east on both sides of the road, all you can see is Mustangs lined up side by side. Some years there are 7 or 8 hundred Mustangs. All years and models are usually represented. This is almost like heaven for me. Being there with my car on display and Lisa beside me took the almost out of my previous statement.

As human beings I guess we are just not allowed to be perfectly happy for very long before something just has to fuck it up; so as I sat there wrapped in ecstasy, Fate whipped out it's dick and pissed all over my happiness.

Lisa got up to get us something to drink and as she walked away, I watched that perfect ass. Those two hips moving both up and down, and side to side as she moved toward the drink stand. Suddenly I noticed a hand reaching for that perfect ass and I was pissed. A big creepy biker guy, you know what he looked like; the dirty ass bandana and about a hundred fucking tattoos. He had the creepy mustache and leather vest; the whole outfit. I was incensed.

Before he made contact I jumped up and charged, but I was too late. His hand smacked Lisa's ass sharply. It was still quivering when I grabbed his arm, and swung as hard as I could and caught him square on the jaw knocking him to the ground. He was way bigger then me but I was so pissed I couldn't think about that. Lisa turned around and grabbed me as I stood over him.

"Brian wait" she said "You don't understand"

Before I could do anything else to the asshole, 3 more bikers showed up glaring at me. Lisa jumped between me and them and said, "hold it guys, this ends now."

"Before it get's out of hand"

Another petite blond woman, a few years older than Lisa, and her direct opposite in appearance looked down at the fallen biker who was just getting his senses back.

She looked at me standing over him glaring, with hell in my eyes, and just smiled.

She was pretty, but not in any conventional sense of the word. She had a leathery quality to her skin, and enormous boobs. She also had a bunch of tattoos, which I hate on a woman. Pretty women don't need a bunch of color or writing on them to attract a man, and tattoos won't help an ugly woman so I just never saw the point.

"This little fucker just knocked the shit out of Dawg" said one of the bikers.

"Hey Lisa" he said next.

"Hey Dookie" said Lisa.

"Brian, Honey, you kind of over-reacted" she said to me softly. "You should

Apologize to him"

"How?" I snapped, incredulously.

"How did I over-react?"

"John, Dawg to his friends, probably just fell into an old habit, and reacted instinctively when he saw me"

"And I just reacted the same when I saw some greasy biker trying to grab my girlfriend's ass" I said smugly.

"She looked me in the eye and snapped "well I'm a big girl, I can fight my own battles, what I expect you to do is to be there when I need you, but respect me enough to let me make the call"

By this time all kinds of things were running through my head. She wanted this grease ball to grab her ass? I was wrong? OK fuck this shit, I needed to get some where that I could think.

So attempting to keep my dignity in tact, I reached my hand out to the biker on the ground. He accepted my hand and allowed me to help pull him up.

"John, I began, obviously I've made some kind mistake and you and Lisa have some kind of history."

He had kind of a smirk on his face and was probably getting ready to lay into me.

"Since you two know each other well, could you see that she gets home" I said; then I turned and went to my car leaving them all standing there.

I took the display number off my Mustang and just got into it and drove off, leaving them standing with their mouths open.

An hour or so after I got home my cell phone and the house phone started to ring so I just turned off the cell and took the house phone off the hook. I went outside and parked my "Stang" in the garage where it couldn't be seen from the street; I turned off all of the lights in the house, so it would seem as if I weren't home, and went to sleep.

Some time later Lisa came over, she was alone and she knocked on the door and then sat on the porch for awhile when I didn't answer. Luckily I hadn't given her a key yet.

Even though I had only known her for 3 fucking days it felt like someone had just ripped my heart out of my chest. It was just too perfect I thought. It would never have lasted.

The next morning I went to work like every other Monday. Rebecca our receptionist took one look at me as I walked in and said 2 things to me. "You have 12 messages from that Lisa girl that had you walking on air Friday, she really needs you to call her" was the first thing she said. The second was "you look like shit, what's wrong?"

"If she calls back tell her I'm taking a couple of days off", I said.

"I'm taking a company car and calling on some of our customers for a sales review" I told a shocked Rebecca. I'd been working for this company since I left high school and had reached a level where I hadn't had to do field work in years. Even if I did go into the field I always drove my Stang, so Rebecca was non-plussed.

I figured if I ran into Lisa while I was out she wouldn't be able to spot me as easily without my car. My solution to the situation between us was too just concentrate on work until I got her out of my system. It couldn't take that long, because we'd only been together for 3 days before we broke up.

Checking my cell phone I had 35 messages and 14 e-mails all from Lisa. I deleted them all without listening to any of them. I kept going over the incident again and again in my mind and I couldn't think of a single thing I'd done wrong.

I stayed out in the field all day; I didn't even go back to the office at lunchtime.

When I left my last customer's office, I called Rebecca, to let her know I was done for the day.

"That Lisa girl, really must love you Brian" said Rebecca.

"Thanks Becky, just delete all of the messages, I said"

"That still won't get you out of this, why can't you just talk to her" said Becky.

"There's nothing to talk about I said"

"How are you going to get home without talking to her" asked Becky.

"What are you talking about Becky?"

"She doesn't know where I am?"

"Nope, but she knows where you will be since she's been sitting next to your Mustang for the past 6 hours" said Becky.

Though It killed me I drove the company car home and hid it in my garage as I had my Stang the previous night. I called Becky and told her that if she passed by Lisa on her way out, to let it slip that I was staying with friends for a few nights. At least that way she wouldn't bother me at home.

Eventually she'd have to go back to her own job and life and things would quiet down. It took me 3 days to get my car back; it was hell on me being without it.

Lisa wasn't my first romance to go bad, and I assumed she wouldn't be my last.

Usually, I just poured my concentration into my car, for a few days until the pain faded, and I tried again. This was my pattern, and It usually worked. Even with women that I'd dated for months or in one case a year. Why it wasn't working this time I didn't understand. Lisa still called me and e-mailed me every day. The numbers of e-mails were down to 1 or 2 a day, but the size of the files had gotten bigger. I t was as if she was having whole conversations with me, without me. Don't get me wrong, this was not a one sided thing, I was not myself either. I spent almost every night, curled up in my bed trying my hardest to get over her. I still saw her every time I closed my eyes.

If there are any women reading this, you all know how guys are, I didn't even change the sheets on my bed for a week because I wanted to hold onto her smell, for as long as I could. There were 2 final straws that broke the camel's back. The first was when I took my car out for a drive, just to drive around and try to find some peace. I noticed that about 4 Bikers started following me, demanding that I pull over. I drove like a maniac to get away from them, only to find them waiting for me at work the next day. I pulled out as soon as I saw them, hearing "Brian, I want to talk about Lisa".

"The 2nd and final straw came, when my mom called me. We were always close, so I thought she'd make me feel better. When she started in with "Brian, Lisa wants to talk to you so I'm having you both over for dinner", I lost it. My own mother was part of this shit.

The next morning I went into my boss's office and asked for a transfer out of the state. I also asked him to keep it quiet, and give no one the details of where I went. 2 weeks of e-mails, and phone calls, and bikers chasing me had finally driven me from my home. I regretted leaving, but strangely, I regretted that things hadn't worked out with Lisa the most.

I'm not one of those sensitive guys who talk about their feelings, and drink lattes, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I had cried a lot of tears over her. I didn't find out until later that my supposed friend Rebecca was in on it too, telling Lisa and giving her constant updates on how miserable I was without her.

I moved out of town the very next day and haven't seen Lisa since that night at the cruise. I was never strong enough to throw away the few pictures I had of her, or erase the memory card they were stored on. I even copied them into other formats as technology changed but I only allowed myself to look at them on certain days of the year.

It took over a year, until I was strong enough to even date again, and the first few women were compared to her and found wanting. After that I just gave up looking for something real and just settled for someone to have fun with.

Lisa for the past 10 years has never been very far from my thoughts no matter what I do. I've tried counseling, prayer, meditation, and even alcohol, all have failed.

I got drunk a few years ago and totaled my Mustang. I was in a coma for a few days. I woke up with my mom in the room, and I swear I could smell Lisa's perfume.

I was still angry at my mom, but she promised not to talk about anything but me getting better, s o I didn't raise a fuss. My mom didn't know it but I'd had a dream before I woke that Lisa and I were together again, and she'd been in bed with me. It was so real that I cried. My mom asked me why I was crying, and I lied. I told her it was the pain, but I don't think she believed me. Another time I caught a weird virus and my mom came to take care of me. That one was really bad because it ended up with me sending my mom home. I caught a viral infection while traveling, it caused a high fever and hallucinating. My mom again came to take care of me, and again I had the damned Lisa dream. She was smiling at me as I lay there in my bed, telling me that she loved me and I should call her when I got better. After the fever broke, I swear I could smell her in my own fucking house and for days after it. My mom said "You should Call L...." Before she finished the name, I'd stopped her and told her that if she mentioned Lisa in my presence, I loved her but she'd have to go.

It didn't end well. My mom said, "Lisa"; then she said it again louder, "LISA"

"Lisa loves you" she said.

"Mom, I've moved on, and I'm sure she has too"

"Didn't you tell me she was going out with some guy a couple of years ago"

"It's been 6 fucking years mom"

"We only dated for 3 days"

"Then why do you still have her picture on your desk, and in your wallet?"

That was the last conversation I had with my mother for a long time.

Like I said it's been 10 years since I stepped foot in my home town and now I'm back to take over this branch of the business. My old boss retired 2 years ago and this division has been losing money ever since. I return as I left, driving a black Mustang GT.

Some things never change. As I drive down Woodward Avenue, listening to Paula warbling about being "Forever my girl" I can't help but think about the one I wanted to be my girl forever. She's probably fat and married with a bunch of kids I thought. It made me sad because if not for some drunken asshole biker those could have been my kids.

I pulled into a station to get gas and true to my luck, the pump's credit card reader didn't work. The faded blond behind the counter looked at my card then back at me, quizzingly. "You're from California?" she asked.

"Lately" I replied.

"Didn't you used to live here" she asked.

Obviously this bitch was nuts, but I played along.

"Yup, that was 10 years ago but I'm back now for work"

"Do you..."she started.

"I just need gas" I said cutting off the conversation as politely as I could.

As I left the station she made a phone call. She was still excitedly yapping as I drove away.

About an hour later, I pulled into my mom's driveway and was overcome with emotions and memories all competing for what little brain-space I had. I went into the house through the open front door and yelled, "Mom I'm home."

"I thought I'd come and see you before I checked into a hotel"

Home didn't look very much different. There were a few new pieces of furniture, and a different TV, but other than that nothing. I did notice a picture or 2 of Lisa but I wasn't about to let that spoil my homecoming, so I just bit my lip and kept going.

"Why don't you go out on the deck, until I come down" yelled my mom.

"Good Idea" I yelled back. I crossed through the kitchen and grabbed a soda from the fridge. I didn't drink alcohol, even beer anymore after totaling that other Mustang.

What was taking her so long to come down and welcome her only child home, I was puzzled.

When I finally stepped out onto the deck, I knew my own mom had betrayed me.

There was Lisa, sitting there on my mom's deck swing. It was a love seat, just big enough for 2 people to sit in together and she wasn't alone. There was some old geezer with his arm wrapped around her. When you looked at them it was obvious that they were very familiar with each other. I was too shocked to say anything. First I noticed that she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. My heart leaped into my throat when she looked at me, and stood up. As the geezer struggled to stand, he smiled and I recognized him. It was that fucking biker Dawg, who'd come between us in the first place. I balled up my fists ready to deck him again; and then decided it wasn't worth it. Obviously my mom was on their side, so I'd just leave. I put down my soda and turned for the door.

"Brian, where the hell are you going?" asked Lisa.

"Out of here", I sneered.

"Do you hate me so much that after 10 years you still can't stand to even talk to me?"

"I turned back to her" and unable to staunch the flow of tears said" Lisa I've never hated you for even one second"

"For the past 10 years, I've only thought about you one time, too bad the thought was 10 years long"

"Every night for 10 years, I dream about you"

"When I got into a car crash and almost died, you were there with me in my coma"

"When I hallucinate, you're there"

"When I'm happy with something, I wonder how you'd see it, or what you'd think"

"I probably love you more now than I did during those 3 God damned days that we were together"

"So while I'm really glad that you've found someone to make you happy"

"Don't expect me to want to sit around with you and your man, rehashing old days and what might've been"

"Next if you're still waiting for me to apologize to this dick, for grabbing your ass, It's not gonna happen, because I was right and I'd do it again in a heartbeat"

"I loved you and was just trying to protect you"

"Then you sat there and told me I was wrong, as if this guy had the right to do whatever he wanted to you"

"Sorry Lis, but I loved you way too much to ever share you with anyone except for maybe, just maybe our kids if we ever had any"

Lisa didn't say a word she just started crying and came towards me. I backed away.

The biker started laughing his ass off, and fell back into the love seat. I saw red, Lisa noticed and got between us, as if she could protect him from me.

"You're alright kid" he laughed.

"Stubborn as a jackass"

"Stupid as hell" but alright.

"Lisa, you'd better tell this idiot before you lose him again"

"Tell me what?" I asked.

"Brian" she said softly, I appreciated you trying to protect me that day 10 years ago"

"But you, just like I said, over reacted"

"I didn't get upset at Dawg trying to grab my ass because I was used to him doing it"

"I don't need to hear this" I said, angrily.

"Yes you do" said my mother suddenly from behind me.

"Brian I love you, you're my son but you're a moron"