Gabriella Ch. 08

"And you think that's what I want now!" Incredulity dripped from her voice. "To go home and pretend that I'm okay with being your easy little—"

"Don't you fucking say it!" he ground out, his nostrils flared. "I've never thought of you that way and you know it." His eyes softened. "I just thought that maybe you had wanted—I don't know."

She had wanted it. She would have been okay with any arrangement, not caring what that made her to him. What it looked like to the rest of the world or even her mom, just as long as she could be with him. Belong to him. Nothing else mattered.

But that was when she still thought there was a chance. Before she became the unwelcome third wheel. She had fought for him and lost; her broken heart and wounded ego carried the battle scars, while her mom sat pristine and oblivious on a fifty foot high pedestal.

Maybe not completely oblivious. Her mother's face the night she sat on the steps outside of their house after kicking Simon out still plagued her. The distant sadness brought back images from her childhood. Her mother could sit for hours at the kitchen table without moving as she stared off into space. Back then, Ella had wondered if her mother was sad because of her, but now, there was no wondering. She was the cause of her problems, even if her mom didn't know it. She was the other woman that had brought the strain on their marriage, the one relationship her mother had been happy about. Genuinely happy.

She felt dizzy. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think.

"Come back with me," he whispered as he wrapped his finger through the belt loop on her shorts. "I'm not saying things will be perfect. That we won't stumble a hundred times and a hundred times more before we get on track. But I do know that I'm done fighting this thing between you and me. It hurts more than it helps."

She closed her eyes, hating her body for responding to his closeness. Hating her heart for responding to his words.

"And I don't know where that leaves us, but I won't push you away again. I promise."

Her mind and heart fought desperately in a tug-o-war over his words. One pulled her far away with the promise of a new happiness, while the other clung to old hope that things could be different this time...better. One was a path she had already been down. Beautiful rose bushes with sharp thorns lined that narrow passage in her mind and tore at her, until there was almost nothing left. Just a sad pathetic girl looking back at her in the mirror at McDonald's. That was who she had to blame for her life so far, who she had become by following that path. It was the route she had always chosen, leaping without thinking, eyes closed.

She slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"So how would we do this? With her out of work, I guess that just leaves your office for whenever we want to screw. Just bend me over the desk for a few minutes, then we can go home and eat dinner together as a happy family. You holding her hand above the table and mine below. Put her to bed and then later, sneak into my room and put me to bed. Is that how you see it?"

Simon dropped his hand from her shorts, his eyes holding a hint of irritation. "No. And I said it wouldn't be perfect."

"Simon, you would hate yourself, because you'd be hurting her and me. I know you're trying so hard to work out in your head how all three of us can be happy together, but it's not going to work. You made your choice." Dryness stung her throat as her voice cracked. "And although it kills me, I have to get over it. I will get over it. But I can't do that until you leave me alone."

He shook his head in frustration. "I tried that. I tried so hard..."

They both had, but never at the same time. And that was the missing piece.

"A month ago, I would have gladly accepted your offer without another thought. But I can't anymore, Simon. I can't accept being second when I know what first feels like." She hoped her expression was void of emotion. "Nolan taught me that."

A fierce, possessive gleam passed through his eyes before they dimmed.

"And even though our relationship was short, he made me feel special. Not like an embarrassing secret or afterthought. Not like how I felt this past year. Maybe someday we can do a double date with my new boyfriend and I'll be fine. But until then, I can't be in that house with you and her and pretend that everything is okay, that I'm okay, when we both know I'm not."

His eyes searched hers back and forth as if her words held some sort of meaning other than the obvious. "So where..." He cleared his throat. "So where does that leave us?"

The room began to feel small again as she felt herself suffocating. She felt her legs give, so she quickly side-stepped him and sat on the bed. When she no longer felt the imaginary chokehold on her throat, she spoke hoarsely. "It leaves us at 'goodbye'."

Every nerve ending on her body seemed deadened. There was no feeling. But she thanked God for those small miracles, because when her body began to function again...when the nerves could feel...she would fall apart...piece by piece, a despondent jigsaw puzzle on the dirty carpet of her Gaslight Motel room. But hopefully not until after he left.

"I think you should go," she said quietly, as if the lower it came out, the more it would lessen the blow to both of them.

He gave a subtle nod but didn't move. His eyes had grown dark, no longer holding their vibrant blue-gray hue.

For several minutes they both stayed in place. She sat staring at her feet and digging her nails into her palms, while he remained a statue against the dresser.

She closed her eyes when his shoes moved from her vision. She heard the rustling of his jacket and knew soon that his keys would jingle, the door would open and close and his bike would rev up as he peeled out of the parking lot...and her life. Just a few more seconds and she could breakdown.

She kept her head down when the door opened, sending a gush of chilly air into the room, prickling her skin once more. A few moments passed before the door gently closed, taking with him every bit of poise she had left.

On cue tears sprang to her eyes, seeking release as they spilled over the brim. No matter how much it pained her, she wasn't going to break their truce. And for the first time since the affair had begun, she believed he wouldn't either. He had walked away from her before. They'd screamed and swore each other off only to reconnect time and time again. But never once had it felt like this, the threat of pure and true finality lingering in the air.

She held her hand over her mouth to subdue any blubbering hiccups that she couldn't control when a knock sounded at the door.

"G-go away!" she managed to yell out between gasps.

"Gabriella, open the door."

"Shit." She tried to quickly brush away the tears, but they smeared and dried to her face. She walked slowly to the door, giving her erratic breaths a chance to calm. After three deep solid gulps of air, she opened the door.

"I still don't want you staying—" He stared down at her, his eyes worried as they roamed over her face.

She kept her head high as she swiped away new tears and sniffed repeatedly for fear of her nose running. No sense in hiding the obvious. She was crying and it was over him. Over what she'd lost. "Now d-do you get why you have to leave? That this is what happens whenever I'm near you."

He was still looking at her with a concerned expression. A fresh barrage of tears threatened to surface, so she turned her face away before they could embarrass her even more. She only made it one shaky step backwards before he pulled her back and wrapped his strong arms around her. The thought that this could be the last time he touched her unleashed more tears and sniffles, as she buried her head deeply into his sturdy chest. She didn't want to let go and he didn't move to leave. They stood in the open doorway, freezing night air against his back and burning heat against hers, swirling a mix of past and present that made her lightheaded.

Several minutes passed before she finally pulled her face from his chest and looked up at him, no longer caring if her makeup was smeared and her eyes were puffy. He watched her face, his gaze lowering to her mouth. She drew her bottom lip in and his eyes narrowed in reaction, before they rose and stared intently into hers. His irises no longer dark but intense, like the warning of a storm cloud. She knew this storm was coming, but she didn't stop it. She couldn't stop it, even if she wanted to.

He leaned down and kissed her, gently at first as his lips barely grazed hers. But after the first taste, his arms tightened around her, almost painfully, crushing her to his body as his kisses became hungry and more aggressive. His tongue plied her lips open and sought hers out while her neck ached as he forced it back to accept more of him.

Despite the pain, she moaned into his mouth, teeth scraping against one another as his tongue massaged hers. Her head was spinning as one hand gripped her ass and the other groped the rounded flesh of her breasts, teasing her taut nipples through the flimsy tank top.

"Simon," she breathed into his lips right before he ripped his away. She shivered from his departure, the wind caressing her arms and legs.

"Fuck!" He placed his hands atop his head and took a step back. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Behind them, the parking lot was animated with the echoes of car horns, shouting and loud music, but even that couldn't take her attention from the swelling between her legs, the tightness of her nipples that were begging for his touch. Maybe if she gave in, she could move on. One last time and she could be free. Just one last time...before she finally said goodbye.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her, tasting his lips again.

He shut the door and broke their kiss. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he leaned his forehead against hers. "Are you sure?" His voice was thick with desire.

Lips puffy and bruised, she nodded before kissing him again. She could feel his firm flesh rubbing against her stomach through his jeans.

"Just one last time," she whispered against his lips.

He squeezed his eyes shut and nodded as his fingers rested on the button of her shorts.

She reached down to help him, but his fingers wouldn't loosen to give her access. His eyes remained closed as his body became stiff.

She cupped his head and lightly kissed him. "I want this, Simon. I need this and so do you."

He opened his eyes and for a brief second she thought he might leave. But his fingers unbuttoned the clasp and slid her shorts and lavender panties down in one swoop. He lifted her shirt over her head and locked his lips back to hers.

The sensation of him being fully clothed and her completely naked when he lifted her up made her insides melt, moisture already dripping from her hot center. He deposited her on the dresser and quickly shed his jacket and shirts. Her eyes traveled down his tanned defined chest to his hard stomach as she unzipped his pants and pushed them down his thighs. His heavy erection sprang free as he pulled her to the edge of the dresser, stormy eyes shifting from her face to the object of his desires as he knelt down.

She whimpered and arched her back when his warm tongue parted her labia. She tried to grasp at something to balance herself as her body lost control, but there was nothing but the wall behind her. He teased and nipped her clit, before latching his mouth onto the swollen area.

"Oh God," she whimpered.

His warm tongue dove inside her, swirling and fucking her soaking pussy until her thighs clamped against his ears and everything erupted.

Her legs were still trembling when he stood up between them and rested the thick tip of his cock at the opening of her wet slit. Her focus was hazy when his teeth pulled at her bottom lip. She hissed when he bit down, but the pain was forgotten the moment he thrust inside her, filling her to the hilt.

She gasped and let out a sharp wail as his movements became more aggressive. His hips pummeled into hers at a quick, fevered pace. The constant rattle of the dresser bucking against the wall and the slapping sounds of their connected bodies echoed throughout the room and, no doubt, into the next.

The mix of pleasure and pain her body felt under his brutal possession sent her reeling. Her mind shut down and focused only on the euphoric sensation occurring within her hot core as he plunged deeper and deeper. Her fingers latched onto the edge of the dresser and she held her legs wide, opening herself up for his complete control.

Spots formed beneath her lids and her toes curled as another orgasm ripped through her body. She involuntarily rocked her hips over him as she rode out the wave of her climax, when she felt the dresser leave from under her. In an instant she was staring at the ceiling as he lowered her to the bed. His body immediately covered hers, thrusting inside her aching pussy again. His hands kneaded her breasts, his calloused palms gently rubbing over the sensitive buds capping them, until his mouth took their place. He sucked and bit the distended flesh and they throbbed between his lips in response.

"Simon," Ella rasped out, dragging her fingers through his soft brown hair. He captured her lips again, swallowing any sounds she had, as if he wanted to possess everything she had to offer, right down to the sound of her voice.

The cheap mattress created a volley between their hips as she sprang back to him the harder he pounded her. The thin wooden headboard bumped mercilessly against the wall mimicking the same quick rhythm of their reunion, the sound unmistakable to any passersby.

He inhabited her insides, fucking her with abandon as his strokes became faster, harder...deeper. She dug her nails into his shoulder blades as she called out his name again and again until her eyes fluttered and she choked on her words. Her stomach tightened; her body writhed beneath him in quick spasms, each more intense than the last, until an electrical current short circuited her brain and her body went limp.

A ferocious growl erupted from him as he pinned her to the bed, pushing deep within her. His sweat dripped onto her and mingled with her own as the veins in his neck bulged and his expression became pained. His body went rigid above her before his hips jerked.

"Oh shit!" he cried out through clenched teeth as she felt his release fill her.

She held him tight until the last tremor rolled through his body. He breathed heavily as he lay on top of her, and after a few moments, she couldn't tell if it was her body vibrating or his...his heartbeat, or her own.

"Oh fuck." His voice was muffled as his face lay pressed against her hair like a pillow.

The weight of him felt perfect. The way he filled her insides felt perfect. Everything always felt perfect. Everything but the mental countdown for when it would all be over. It was always there, just around the corner, waiting on the other side of their mind-blowing release. The slight pang of hurt when he'd pull out, wipe himself clean and walk back to class. Or leave her bedroom, or drive them back from Lake Torrance. But there had always been the anticipation of the next time. She'd give her best seductive gaze while he tried to concentrate on his bike or the brush of her rear against his groin as she squeezed passed him, the tension constantly building between them, until neither could take it anymore. Then she'd be his again.

After tonight, there would be no more looks. No more touches. She tried to ignore the ache in her chest knowing she would no longer be his, that the hope of another moment like this had been replaced with reality. This truly was the last time, for both of them.

A low groan rumbled in his throat as he rose to his elbows.

"Please don't leave yet," she said grasping for him, desperation dripping from her lips and shame burning her face.

His eyes studied her face. They took in every contour, every imperfection as if needing to remember for fear of forgetting one day. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered.

But you will...

She felt the sting behind her eyes as he pulled her up and onto his lap, his cock already hard and still nestled deeply inside her. He pushed the jeans that had been wrapped around his knees off as a renewed sexual charge mixed with anxiety gripped her. She attacked his mouth, nipping and biting his lips, wanting more of him. He winced but it didn't stop her. She vigorously rocked her hips over his, wanting him deeper, until she couldn't bear it. Until her insides were raw and the physical pain matched the emotional pain consuming her.

Her face became damp again, no longer with sweat, but with tears...tears that dripped onto her breasts and his chest as they mashed together. She bounced harder and the wet sounds of their sex connecting fed her arousal.

He tried to slow her down as his hands steadied on her hips, but she ground down on his cock even harder, eliciting another wince from him. He opened his mouth to object, but she slipped her tongue inside as her muscles clenched his shaft with each forceful lunge of her hips, until an ache rode through her body and she hesitated for a moment.

He balled a fist into her hair and pulled her mouth from his. "Gabriella—"

But she found whatever part of his face she could taste...his chin, jaw, neck and any other patch of skin she hadn't doused with her kisses.

"—slow down, baby. I don't want to hurt you."

But she wanted him, she wanted this. She needed the physical to overpower all else. When they parted, she wanted every muscle on her body to ache. She wanted to completely wear herself out so her mind could shut down. So she would want nothing else from this night except an ice pack, two Advil, and a long, dreamless sleep.

He kissed and licked at her tears before he fell back against the bed. His eyes shut as he gritted his teeth. She bucked up and down on his cock, riding him harder and faster until her head lolled back and her body exploded, shuddering violently as she came. Her vision was blurry and her eyes burned from tears and sweat. Her pussy throbbed as his strong hands continued to maneuver her over his cock like a sheath. She opened her mouth to tell him to stop, the pain was too much, when he pulled her tightly against him and cursed under his breath. She felt the warm flood of his essence spilling inside her. Soothing her.

Their breaths mellowed in unison while they stared at each other. His sapphire eyes were half hooded with satisfaction as he ran his fingertips over the tops of her thighs. Slowly coming down from the euphoric high, she felt him softening and soon she would be empty. Alone.

For a moment she thought of taking the red ribbon prize he'd offered her, and being grateful for it. Maybe second place wasn't so bad if it meant being able to keep the thing you cared about most. But that was the thing about trading hope for the truth; she knew the glory would be short-lived, that she would want and need more than second place. The same cycle that she had lived in for over a year would begin again, entangling her further into a place where she no longer belonged. It was rare in life that she was put in a position to sacrifice anything. Before Simon, nothing much had been expected of her. But now she had a choice. She could give two people happiness or keep all three in misery.

She closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest. Tears formed as her throat dried out. One rolled across the bridge of her nose, suspended for a few seconds before dropping onto his chest. Then another...and another.

"I'm so sorry I made you feel like you weren't good enough," he said, his fingers mindlessly circling the small cluster of black stars on her lower back. "Truth is you deserve better than me. And so does Patricia."