Gains and Losses

I raced to my phone and called her. Straight to voicemail.

I threw on my shoes and bolted out the door. She lived in a small apartment right outside of campus that was about 1.5 miles away. I ran the entire way, calling her phone repeatedly on the way.

Stupid! God, you're so stupid! The one good thing in your life and you weren't there for her when she needed you the most. My mind was my worst enemy and my emotions overwhelmed me as I drew closer and closer to her apartment.

I entered the building I knew so well and raced up the stairs to the second floor. Room 204. I began pounding on the door, desperate to know if she was ok.

I heard a sound from inside the apartment move towards the door.

"Go away Seth," I heard Denna say from behind the door.

"Denna, please let me in. Please. I'm so, so sorry," I responded.

"I don't want to see you right now," I heard her say through choked down tears.

"Denna, please. If our friendship means anything to you still, please let me in," I begged.

There was a moment of silence before I heard the clack of the deadbolt pop back into the door. The door creaked open slightly. I slowly pushed it open in time to see Denna retreating to her couch.

I walked close, but not too close. It was clear she was a wreck. She was still crying as she pulled her knees into her chest and covered up with a blanket. She looked so broken and I wanted nothing more than to help her in that moment.

"Denna, I'm so sorry for how I reacted earlier. The last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you. I can't believe I reacted that way. I felt so confused and angry. I wasn't in control of my own thoughts. It wasn't fair to you and I'm so sorry," I started.

"You're a jerk," she responded softly, easing up ever so slightly.

"Truth is, I haven't been completely honest with you either. I've been ok with being your friend, but I've always wanted more," I began telling her.

Her eyes locked into mine now, as I continued, "I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Then I started spending time with you and I realized you were even more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. Seeing you with Eric was killing me, but you seemed happy and I wanted that for you more than anything."

Her eyes began to well up again as her tense posture loosened up considerably.

"What you told me has thrown me for a loop, but it hasn't changed the most important thing," I said, pausing for a moment.

"What's that?" Denna asked.

"I'm still madly in love with you," I said, "and I don't care if you're transsexual or not. I can't imagine my life without you." Tears were flowing from my eyes now as well.

Denna stood up from the couch and walked over to me. She wrapped both her hands around my neck and pulled me in close for a soft, warm hug. I felt her tears on my shoulders as her body shook slightly in my arms.

"I love you, Seth," Denna said through her tears. My heart melted at the words.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was so afraid of losing you," she continued.

"I'm not going anywhere," I responded softly into her ear, with her head still resting against my chest.

After a moment, we walked over to the couch and sat down together. She held me close, wrapping her right hand tightly around my left. She began opening up.

"I always knew I was a girl growing up. I was always different from the other kids. I didn't want to be, but I didn't know how to be anything other than myself. My dad hated it, but my mom supported me completely. They divorced when I was 10, mainly because of the fights over me," Denna said, through a soft and somber tone.

"My mom allowed me to start transitioning at age 14. I changed schools and went exclusively as a girl, which was the first time I felt comfortable in my own skin," Denna continued, "and I've been living as a girl ever since."

"So, have you had ... uh, the surgery?" I asked her in the most awkward way possible.

She looked at me and laughed (and snorted) at how awkward it was.

"No. I'm not sure I'm going to either. I don't think it's necessary for me to be completely a girl. I know that sounds weird, but I need you to understand. If that's going to be a problem, I need to know now. I've gotten too invested in guys only to have my heart broken. I don't know where we're headed, but I know where I want us to be and," Deanna said, before I cut her off.

"We'll figure it out, Denna. I told you I love you and I meant it. You having a penis is definitely different, but I think I'm going to be ok. And for what it's worth, you are completely a girl to me. A nerdy one, but definitely still all girl," I said confidently.

She punched me in the arm playfully, which hurt a surprising amount due to my injuries. When she realized what she had done, her eyes opened wide and she panicked.

"Oh god Seth, I'm sorry. I completely forgot," Denna said.

"It's ok, Denna. I can understand how you'd forget that I was nearly killed saving your life," I responded jokingly.

She gave me a wry smile, but the expression on her face changed quickly. Her eyes locked onto mine intently as she said, "You really did. I've never known anymore more brave. Would you do it again knowing what you know now?"

Without hesitation I said, "Without a doubt."

Denna's eyes continued to stare into mine. My heart started pounding in my chest as time slowed to a crawl. Her face drew closer to mine and our lips gently pressed together for our very first kiss. I could have stayed there forever, in that single moment. It was everything I had ever dreamed about and more.

Denna crawled onto my lap and our kiss grew in intensity. I was in some pain from the injuries, but it was easily overshadowed by the enthralling sensation of kissing this beautiful creature. Our kiss grew more and more passionate, our lips making room for our tongues to meet and thrash about. She tasted like honey and sweet candy and I couldn't get enough.

Denna pulled back to ask me, "Can you do this? I don't want to hurt you."

Instead of speaking, I pulled her back in to kiss even more.

Her body began to writhe slowly on top of mine as her intent became more clear. My hand began to drift up, finding itself under her shirt and working with her bra. In between our kisses she moaned into my mouth, "Oh god yes."

I reached behind her back and unclasped her bra, setting her two mounds free. I moved my hands back around front, and nestled her flesh into my hands. Her breasts were soft - and apparently very real - and were not large, but were perfect on her slim body. She quickly grew frustrated with the loose bra and shirt, and quickly tossed them off, exposing her bare chest to me.

Her breasts were perfect. They were probably a B-cup, with perky pink nipples and small oval shaped areolas of the same hue. The flesh moved fluidly when I touched them but were tear-drop shaped when she was still.

"Do you like them?" she asked me, a slight sound of nervousness in her voice.

"My god, they're perfect," I said, before thrusting my lips onto her right nipple.

"Oh Seth. Mmmmmmmm," she moaned.

I could tell her nipples were sensitive. Each lash of my tongue made her body grind against mine, which only amplified our sexual drives. I massaged her breasts with my hands as I alternated my mouth between both of them. I could hear her breathing get heavier as she got more and more worked up.

"How far do you want to go, Seth? Are you sure you're ready for this? For me?" Denna asked.

"I want all of you Denna. I want you badly. Right now," I replied.

Denna stood up, breaking away from me temporarily. She backed up a couple of steps in a sultry manner, shaking her breasts seductively while doing so.

"Are you sure you want to do this Seth?" she asked, with her fingers playing with the zipper on her jeans.

I shook my head in affirmation.

Denna began unzipping her jeans and popped the lone button free. She was wearing pink panties which came into clear view as the jeans dropped to the ground. She stepped out of the jeans and turned her back to me. She bent over, pulling her panties to the ground and revealing a tight, perfect ass. She kept her legs pressed together and as she turned around, she was using her hand to cover herself.

She walked toward me and slowly removed her hand, revealing her hairless, dark pink cock. She was completely clean shaven, and it was the first time I had seen a cock other than my own. My eyes were locked on it, and I could hear the nervousness in her voice as she said, "Are you ok?"

I don't know how, but Denna's cock looked feminine to me. I had no reservations when I said, "It's beautiful, like the rest of you."

"Really? Do you really mean that?" she said.

"Yes. Can I ... can I touch it?" I responded.

Instead of speaking, she moved closer to me, basically standing over where I sat on the couch. I placed my hand on her soft cock and heard her moan "Mmmmmm" as I did. The skin was soft and smooth and it was admittedly a little odd to be touching a cock other than my own, but seeing her react was a huge turn-on.

I began doing the only thing I could think of, and began slowly stroking her shaft. She definitely seemed to like that, as her hips seemed to sway in unison with the movement of my hand. Her once soft cock began to stiffen and grow quickly in my hand. Before long, my hand was stroking a rock hard cock that was probably average in size and comparable to my own.

I continued to stroke her, looking up to see her eyes closed as she bit down on the corner of her lip. She moaned softly with each stroke.

"Mmmmmmmm, Seth. That feels sooooo good."

After a brief moment, Denna pulled away.

"You're going to make me explode. Oh wow. That was so good, but I have something else in mind for us," Denna said, her erect cock pointing up in approval.

"It's your turn to get naked, Seth," she demanded of me.

In an instant, I threw off my t-shirt and pulled my jeans off. Denna stopped me there, dropping to her knees in front of me. She reached through the legs of my boxers to play with my cock, which was already stiff. The sensation was intense, as she fondled my balls lightly in her fingers and gently stroked my shaft.

She quickly moved on to pulling them off of me and immediately began stroking my cock. Denna repositioned herself and began licking and sucking on my cock in a way that drove me nearly insane. Her mouth moved up and down my shaft attentively, kissing and sucking on the head periodically. Within mere moments, she had me worked up to a near explosion, before she knowingly stopped cold turkey.

"I want you to fuck me, Seth. Are you up for that?" she asked seductively, as if I would ever say no.

"Hell yes," I responded.

She jumped up and ran to her purse, pulling out a bottle and squirting some liquid in her hand. She rushed back over to me, her breasts and cock bouncing seductively with each step. She took her hands to my cock, rubbing the fluid all over my shaft.

She proceed to straddle me, and began to lower herself on top of me. She reached down to grab my cock and began to guide it inside of her. I felt the tip of my cock begin to press against her flesh. Slowly and methodically, she pressed down onto me, moaning sexually through clenched lips the entire time.

I watched as her body drew closer and closer to mine, my cock driving deeper and deeper into her. The light glean of sweat on her breasts made her sparkle in the light, and her cock was rigid from sexual anticipation. In one final push, she had completely enveloped me. My manhood was fully inside her in a moment built out of sheer perfection.

I drew our faces together for a passionate kiss that was equal parts erotic and comforting. My hands drew up and down her back, warming her flesh beneath it. They worked their way to her ample breasts, massaging them and gently playing with her aroused nipples. I could feel her cock move against my abdomen, a reminder that this girl was entirely different, yet incredibly beautiful and complete.

I felt the cool rush of air as she lifted off of me, making me long to be thrust deeply back into her. As she pushed back down, I felt my cock respond with a twitch, which must have deeply aroused her.

"Ohhhh shit, that's so good. Mmmmmmm," she moaned with each thrust of my cock deep into her body.

My kisses traveled off her lips to her nipples, thrashing my tongue back and forth over the sensitive flesh in an effort to devour her whole. My hand reached down and wrapped around her stiff shaft and began to stroke it as she continued her up and down movement on my cock.

I felt her hands wrap behind my head as I ravaged at her perfect breasts. She was reaching some sort of sexual nirvana as I worked over her nipples and cock as my own cock was thrusting in and out of her. The sound of our flesh splashing together was a reminder of the intimacy we were now sharing, one my heart longed for desperately for months.

Our sexual writhing continued for minutes, as both of our bodies united in movement and stimulation. Each thrust inside of her felt like perfection as our bodies became one. As with many things, perfection was not meant to last.

We both began feeling the build-up of sexual release, with Denna being the first to arrive. I took my hand off her cock as she thrust up and down a few last times.

"Cumming, oh godddddddd," she moaned.

Before me, her cock began twitching as it shot out gobs of her sticky, white cum between our sweat-glistened bodies. I watched as her entire body clenched up in a long, profound orgasm in which she moaned delightfully the entire time. Her eyes were clenched closed and her shoulders pushed back, thrusting her perfect breasts outward towards me.

The sight of her sexual fulfillment, along with her tightening body around my cock also brought me to an explosion. My cock erupted inside of her, unloading my cum deep inside her body. It was a simultaneously painful and fulfilling orgasm, one in which my own vision went blurry temporarily.

Our bodies united in an electric orgasm that seemed to last hours, the perfect culmination of everything we had been through together. As Denna's body loosened up, she opened her eyes and looked into mine with a look of immense satisfaction. She leaned in and placed a long, passionate kiss on my lips.

"I've never cum that hard before, that was so amazing," she said as our lips parted.

"You are a goddess. My goddess," I replied.

"I love you Seth. I can't imagine being with anyone other than you," Denna said.

"I love you, Denna. I can't wait to see what else you have in store for me," I said, knowing our future together promised to be exciting.

And it was. Our future together took off from that point. No more longing and no more secrets. Denna was always the girl for me, regardless of the few things that made her different. She had always had my heart and that mattered far more than anything else ever could. She continues to rock my world daily, and if you were to ask me again today, I'd still tell you that nearly being beat to death was completely worth it.