Gifted

"None answered." Jaz said and ran off.

I sat in confusion wondering why exactly Jaz wouldn't want me to go to my own bedroom. My first thought was that she'd done something like tossing it after she got angry at me, and wanted a chance to clean it up.

That didn't really fit. She might be embarrassed over that, but not completely speechless.

"Here."

I took the proffered laptop, and noticed that Jaz had pulled on the pair of tracksuit pants I had got out for earlier. "Oh. You wearing that?"

She clenched her fists and let out an irritated sound, "No. I, just... Got cold. Shut up. I'm going to go look at stuff. Don't come in without knocking."

As she ran off again, I realised it.

She hadn't been wearing pants when she opened the front door earlier, because I had interrupted her session. She had found her pants at the same time as the laptop, because they were in the same place.

Any doubt that my sister had been masturbating whilst thinking about me was now gone. She'd been lying on my bed when she'd done it.

Trying to push that picture out of my head, and an absolutely failing, I pulled up the movie site to book us some tickets. The movie selection was pretty boring and awful, but the other options were interesting.

The first class experience came with a booked out room, drinks, and food. Amazingly comfortable seats with warmers and all of that, as well. They even let you pre-order the first round of drinks.

With my car out of commission we were going to use a taxi anyway, so I felt comfortable enough adding a drink for myself. Thinking about Jaz, I didn't know what she liked, but I did want to surprise her. So... Appletini it was.

"Romcom or superhero flick?" I called out.

A slightly muffle voice came back, "Eh... I guess... Romcom? Anybody hot in it?"

I scanned the actor listing and laughed nervously. If that was my sister's interest, she wasn't going to have a problem. Seemed like one of those movies where they hired a long list of big names to make up for a paper-thin script. "Probably."

The door creaked and I heard Jaz walking over more quietly than before, "Sweet. When do we leave?"

"Taxi is on the way." I shrugged, "Just sending the tickets to... Oh, shit. My phone is flat. How's yours?"

"Been on the charger most of the day." Jaz replied, leaning onto the back of the couch, "Ooh. He was kinda hot in the last thing I saw."

"Phone." I held out my hand.

Nothing happened.

I looked up at Jaz, and saw her still wearing the hoodie, "Is the phone a problem? I just need the phone number. What did you do to it?"

"I just sort of... Personalised it." She said hesitantly, "I didn't think you'd mind."

"Don't." I shook my head, "You lost everything, Jaz. You need a phone. So... Can I have it or the number, now?"

"Number." Jaz said firmly, making me wonder what kind of personalisation she'd made. She opened it up, and I directed her where to find the number to read to me.

Sent the tickets through, and then stood up with a stretch. The ride shouldn't be that far off.

Jaz had decided on a pair of my jeans, and scuffed sneakers. Not exactly the most adventurous outfit, but I didn't exactly own anything that made a girl look more than cute in the next-door sort of way.

A horn honked, and the two of us headed out.

---------------

The waiter was dressed in classic black and white, and greeted the pair of us like we were the kind of people more comfortable in a suit and dress.

It had Jaz giggling every time she got called mademoiselle, and she was clearly loving the extra attention. When the waiter bowed as he presented the Appletini, I had to stop myself from teasing her.

The lights dulled, and I sipped at my beer, "So... Now we know what your number is, you plan on giving it to him?"

"Oh, shut up." Jaz pouted, "He's cute. Okay. Cute and nice, but that's sort of the job. Don't you like it when girls flirt with you?"

"When do you imagine that happens?" I rolled my eyes, "Between the screaming to fix their shit, or after they ask me if I play with foam swords?"

Jaz turned over on her reclining chair, "Seriously, Caleb?"

"What? It isn't that weird. I don't go to places where you can pick up girls." I shrugged, looking over at her, "I don't have much of a life these days, Jaz. Mostly just work, and that means everyone sees me as a nerd first."

She put her hands up beside her head, looking utterly adorable as she did, "I wouldn't."

I didn't really get her meaning. She wouldn't see me as a nerd? Not sure what the implication was supposed to be. "What about you? I expected a boyfriend, but I guess you're single?"

Jaz ducked her head and pulled the head over her head, "No boyfriend."

"Seriously, Jaz? Is that because you can't choose between the hoards willing to lie down at your feet?"

She laughed, "Oh, there's plenty of guys interested in that, sure. But... I want someone that... Cares about me. Someone I feel comfortable and safe with. Trust is more important, and that... That is in short supply. Apparently I... I think I've drunk too much if I'm going to tell you that."

I winced, concerned, "Hey. I'm think I've proved that I'm there for you when you need me to be. What are the jerks saying about my sister? And can I have a list of names?"

"I don't need you to defend my honour." Jaz said with feigned annoyance, and then giggled, "You are there. Came when I called. Um... Apparently guys think I'm too hard to get. If you follow."

I shook my head, "Screw 'em. If a guy is just interested in sex, he does not deserve someone like you."

"You really think so?" She asked timidly.

I nodded, "Absolutely. I mean, you're just my sister, and look around. This is the kind of treatment I think you deserve when sex isn't on the table."

I regretted the way I phrased that, but I did always end up tongue-tied around her in some way or the other. Awkward.

She seemed like a princess right out of a fairy tale, whereas I was a disrespected nerdy drone. I was pretty much a peasant. Her being interested in anything I had to say always felt like something was off.

Our conversation was stopped by the beginning of the movie, and the arrival of our dinner.

We did talk now and then after that, but it was mostly to poke fun at the truly terrible jokes in the film. Once the romcom built up, we stopped.

Jaz was fidgeted, getting worse as the tension built between the main characters. She was clearly enjoying the romance, and from the way he saw her cheeks beginning to flush, found it at least a little distracting.

Seeing her like that, after taking her out like this, and just learning she might be slightly attracted to me, I had all sorts of crazy ideas running through my head.

I was a coward, and that was about the only thing holding me back at this point. Probably from making a mistake.

"Gotta go pee." Jaz said suddenly and stood up, heading out and leaving me alone watching a movie I had exactly no interest in whatsoever.

I wasn't exactly drunk, from the couple of drinks I'd had. More sort of tipsy. Just enough to lower my barriers, start cutting out my inhibitions.

Still sober to know that just because Jaz might have fantasied about me would not make it okay to try and turn fantasy into reality.

That I even wanted to, would probably freak her the hell out.

And considering how lucky I had been so far today, there was no way that it would go well. Crap excuse, I know. But I'd take any excuse to stop myself from admitting I wanted this to be a date.

"Hey."

I glanced over at the doorway and saw Jaz motioning to me. "What's up?"

"I'm getting kinda tired. Do you mind if we just... Go?"

I got out of the seat, and shrugged, "'Course not. This is your present."

"That's why I feel guilty."

I don't know why, but I reached up and brushed a strand of hair back behind her ear, "Nothing to feel guilty about. Wanna wait downstairs whilst I pay? Then we can grab a taxi."

Jaz's eyes, just for a moment, seemed to widen in surprise. Then she was back to avoiding looking at me.

She still wasn't able to meet my gaze by the time we got home, and the two of us went to our separate bedrooms.

Her door clicked closed, and that was the last I heard from her that night.

I had royally screwed up something, but oblivious to what.

My own bedroom looked like a bomb had gone off in it. Jaz had clearly gone through every single item of clothing I had owned, including my underwear drawer for reasons beyond my comprehension.

Too tired, I collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep.

---------------

"Morning." I said tiredly, dragging my ass into the kitchen and joining Jaz at the table for breakfast. "You're up early."

"You slept in." She said, accusingly.

I shrugged, "I worked extra yesterday, and I don't normally work weekends. If you were hoping to invite anyone over, let me know so I can find somewhere else to be."

"I spent the last few hours on the phone to my insurance." Jaz didn't take the bait, "Looks like they'll cover me, so I can start looking for my own place. Stop annoying you."

I heard a tinge of pain instead of teasing in the last sentence, and looked at her with concern. "There's no need to rush. Really. Having you around isn't an issue."

"Seriously? You take me out to dinner and all I care about is going to sleep."

I must have been completely out of things. Finding an excuse for blurting out things that should never even be said aloud is hard. Some things just shouldn't be. "I think all you cared about was that you didn't have anyone to make out with."

"Caleb! Enough." Jaz snapped angrily, bursting like a firecracker and slamming a hand down onto the table, "What the hell is with you, recently? Anybody would think you're a horny teenager!"

I swallowed nervously.

She continued to glare, expecting an answer for my inappropriate behaviour.

I winced, "Shit. I'm sorry. Really. I... I heard. Yesterday."

"What?" The colour drained from Jaz's face.

I stared at the ground, unable to look her in the eye. "I know it was just fantasy or whatever, but... I didn't expect it. It isn't fair. I've come close to maybe doing the same thing over you, but I just... Caught me offguard. Made me notice that you're an actual girl."

"What the fuck are you talking about, Caleb?" She said quickly, stumbling over the words and utterly terrified.

I cringed, "I heard my name."

"Oh god."

I looked up slowly, seeing her terrified face, "It's just a fantasy. We all have them. I shouldn't be letting this rattle me. I'm sorry."

"Oh god." Jaz repeated, apparently incapable of coherent thought.

Without any hints to what she was thinking, and the utter awkwardness of silence, I found myself floundering. "And yesterday morning when I had to take off early, right before work called, I thought I heard you crying and was about to knock when..."

"Oh god."

I winced and shrugged, "Sorry. And with that... I think I'll go before I embarrass myself more."

"W-wait." Jaz fumbled, staring at me with fright, "You're not... The one who is upset? You're apologising to me?"

"What you do with your fingers is your business?" I mumbled, saying way too much.

Her cheek twitched a little and she took a deep breath, "Maybe. But... You were right. That... I was thinking about you. Isn't that a violation of trust? Or at least some sick... You're my brother."

"It's just a fantasy." I shrugged, "I... I'm not handling it great. Obviously. But I'm not upset with you or anything. More that I never thought that I was... Well... Attractive. To a girl like you. I'm trying to put it out of my head."

Jaz looked me up and down pointedly.

"What exactly are you looking at?"

She blinked a couple times, "Oh my god. Oh my god. Caleb. Glossing over that truly insane admission... You're really not angry at me?"

Somehow the way she said it made some part of my brain begin to tick over and reconsider what she'd been saying to me. Jaz seemed way more concerned that I'd be grossed out, than the fact I had actually caught her masturbating.

"No." I said, and decided to see if putting my foot in my mouth was going to be a big deal. "If anything, it's a bit... Hot? Sorry. Should not have said that."

She bit her lip, and then laughed nervously, "Well. Whilst we're being candid, I didn't go pee at the movies last night."

"Huh. Sorry to say, I might have guess that one, too." I said sheepishly, "The movie was clearly getting to you."

"Not the movie."

I cocked my head, "Oh. So what did happen, then?"

"I..." Jaz hesitated, "I wished it was a date. You were giving me so much fantasy material... So I, uh... Went to take care of myself. But I couldn't. I felt guilty and so I just wanted to go home and crash. And I still feel guilty about it."

"Don't." I tried to smile at her, despite my heartrate going crazy. "Look, if this is going to really tie you up in knots... What if I just give you permission?"

"Permission."

I shrugged, "Fantasy, guilt free? Terrible idea?"

Jaz looked conflicted, "This is... Not a conversation I ever expected to have with anyone. Let alone you. This feels weird."

"Yeah."

She crossed her arms, "You're the one making it weird."

"Me?" I exclaimed, "I'm just trying to make it not weird. People jerk off over that one cute cashier who treated them kind. And so many celebrities. Fantasy is fantasy, it doesn't mean anything."

Jaz shook her head, "You're wrong. I don't think it works that way. Not when you know the person, like say, they're standing in front of you. It... It... It... Means you like them."

My stomach dropped.

She looked at me expectantly. And then her eyes began to well up as I continued to fail to say anything.

Jaz's bottom lip quivered, "You... You're standing in front of me."

Breathing seemed to suddenly be the hardest skill in the universe, taking my full concentration. The room felt like it couldn't quite decide which way was directly upwards, swaying on a point.

I had no idea how I was supposed to answer.

What was the answer?

I couldn't even tell her that I was fine with her fantasies, and not misreading this admission was not something I was capable of. Anything at all that I said was going to hurt her.

Faced with no correct response, I made the worst. "Oh."

I have never, before or since, seen anyone run that quickly. The spirit of an Olympian possessed Jaz and she vanished into the bedroom before I could even call out her name.

Not that I knew what to say.

"Fuck."

---------------

I was attracted to Jaz.

That was an absolute fact. Depending what she was doing, or how she was dressed, she was beautiful, cute, or sexy. There was nothing she could do to not be one of those.

She, apparently, was attracted to me.

This was news. I hadn't noticed it growing up. She never made excuses to touch me. No hugging awkwardly or holding hands, or any of that. In fact, I would have said she avoided me.

I was fine, in theory, with both of these facts. Physical attraction isn't really something that you choose. It was outside of your control.

I was even okay, in theory, with Jaz saying she had feelings that were more than just physical. It was fine so long as it remained a fantasy.

I was not okay with knowing.

She had taken a step that must have required an incredible amount of bravery, and told me that she had feelings. It was a step too far. I resented her for telling me.

For unilaterally deciding that we could never have a normal relationship.

It didn't take me long to work this out. To go from sitting in the kitchen, dumbfounded, to pissed off.

I didn't exactly storm into the spare bedroom, but it wasn't calmly, either.

A ball beneath a blanket visibly flinched and tightened further. If she hadn't seemed as vulnerable in that moment, things might have taken a very different turn.

Instead of yelling, as planned, my mind went fishing and blurted out a random question. "Why were you annoyed I slept in?"

"Go away."

I sighed heavily, "Can't we just... Talk? Like normal people. Brother and sister."

"I... Need to do stuff." Jaz said hesitantly. "But I don't want to do anything with you."

I was exasperated, "Am I really a jerk for not being in love with my sister? I get to be the jerk, here? I guess I always am. It must be my fault."

"No." Jaz curled in even tighter and started sniffling, "I'm just gross and stupid."

I leaned on the doorway, resisting the urge to hit my head against it. "I'm not disgusted by you! I don't understand it, but that doesn't mean I hate you. I was close to jacking off over you right after I brought you here. Doesn't that make me the gross one?"

Jaz poked her head out of the blanket a little, glaring. "I don't believe you."

"That I'm not disgusted? Wouldn't I just ask you to find somewhere else to stay? I'm not."

She eased onto the edge of the bed, almost like a cat about to pounce on some prey. "No. I don't believe you were about to... Over me. You're just trying to make me feel better. I hate it when you lie to me."

"I... I'm not lying."

"Prove it." Jaz snapped.

I stared, "Uh... What?"

"I..." She took a deep breath, "I'll forgive you. We can even pretend this isn't happening. If you prove that I'm one of your fantasies."

I'd already fucked up. This conversation seemed like a trap, no right decision that could be made. "Uh... Um... How?"

"Show me." Her voice wasn't timid, wasn't negotiating.

"What?"

Jaz glared, "Just once, and we can forget about it. I promise. I just... Need to know."

On a scale of serious academia to fucked up, this was pushing a serious LSD trip.

"You want me... To masturbate... In front of you, about you." I spelled out what I was hearing, expecting to have entirely misread the situation.

"Yes."

"Holy shit." I took a deep breath, and saw how close to tears that she was, beneath the anger. She was convinced I hated her. "Uh... I guess... If that's what it takes to put this behind us."

Jaz gestured, "Well?"

"Now?"

"Get it over and done with." Jaz snapped.

I awkwardly fumbled with my belt, shyly sliding my jeans down to the floor. I was terrified, self-conscious, and hoping to wake up from some kind of nightmare.

She lay back on the bed slowly, her eyes wide with surprise, and... Something I didn't recognise.

I pulled down my underwear to reveal my very flaccid cock. Jaz's face instantly changed, and a pillow hit me in the head, "Liar!"

"Hey!" I yelled back at her, "It isn't like I've performed for anyone before! Guys don't just walk around with a rod all the time! Give me a minute. I need to get my head in the right space for this."

Jaz's face softened, and her cheeks took on a little redness. "Oh. I've just sort of been stressing you out, haven't I?"

"Little bit." My resentment came through.

She made a wicked sort of face, "I didn't have any panties on yesterday. Didn't bring any."

"I noticed." I laughed, "Princess carry? I didn't want you flashing."

"Idiot." Jaz rolled her eyes. "I didn't when we went to the movies. I could have stolen a pair of boxers or something. I didn't. I wore nothing, because I didn't want to. Because it felt naughty, wearing no underwear and going on a date with my brother. Imagining you pulling down my jeans, nothing between you and my wet pussy."

I jerked to life at her dirty talk. Partly because picturing it was sexy as hell. Partly because I knew it had actually happened. No wonder she had needed to relieve herself.

My hand found the head of my cock, rubbing it gently, "Can... Can you keep going?"

"I didn't want you getting your laptop, because I had only paused the video I was playing." Jaz said, clearly enjoying herself, "A brother lying down his sister. She was wearing nothing but stockings. Taking her virginity. Imagining myself in her position."