Gigi and Frenchie

Of course once he HAD seduced me and two weeks of daily fucking his batteries were drained and he needed a new challenge.

Meanwhile I had developed quite a crush on him. And I didn't think of Benji once, much less call him every day. I didn't call Benji or anyone else in my old life. This new one was just too exciting and busy. And I was "in love." Ha.

Because when I wasn't fucking I was busy doing other stuff. Lot's of photo shoots. Lot's of in front of the camera "testing". Some diction coaching and beginning acting lessons. Mostly the coaching director wanted me just staying as natural as possible. Of course, great acting really IS just "staying normal" before the camera. And launching my singing career was happening as well.

The latest script with all my parts included was received. I had a pretty significant presence. Two long love/sex scenes where I was completely nude in both. One complete song scene in a zydeco bar/restaurant and one "dramatic" confrontation between my character and the female ADA co-lead character.

I was going to be paid $100,000 for my role and also get "Introducing Gigi Landry" credits. I decided to go with my maiden name as my acting name.

I was out in public with Ryan quite a bit. Enough to get noticed by the paparazzi and photographed and then mentioned in some of the tabloids as "Ryan's New Heartthrob". I think Ryan's agent (who was also mine) made sure it all got noticed on purpose. It's all constant PR in Hollywood. And it's never too early to start a "buzz" about an upcoming major movie.

The movie was pretty much a disaster. Production finally started a month late. Rachel McAdams pulled out and the replacement lead actress was an "almost A-lister" now past her prime. She was 35 years old but I swear she looked 60 out of makeup. It took hours of makeup work before she could barely look under 40 onscreen. Ryan looked like a teenager next to her in every shot.

They seemed to lack a certain chemistry. By this time I was actually starting to show a little when nude - and the director noticed. Ryan was given the job of telling me.

He did it so sweetly and gently one day before shooting started. "Lose the baby or you're off the movie."

Yep. Short and sweet. So I got the abortion. Didn't really think about it, at the time. "The Movie" was the key to my new life and my future happiness. By now I realized that Ryan was NOT that and never could be. He was a great fuck - for a while - but the concept of actual "love" or even "bonding" was not in his mental lexicon. He couldn't even cuddle. It was like he couldn't stand touching another human being UNLESS it was fucking or sucking. It just wasn't him and probably never would be. I had to admit he could sure fake it and ACT kind of normal - as part of his seduction technique. He might have been a psychopathic personality type. More Mother Nature tricksterism.

I had wanted more experience and "to grow" and I sure was accomplishing all that.

The abortion wasn't physically all that bad. Some female acquaintances in L.A. (I had NO actual friends in California) had told me it would just be like a "real bad period" for a day. And physically that was about right.

But it threw me into a bit of depression that slowly just got worse and worse. I couldn't act at all any more. Even those "hot nude sex scenes" did anything BUT sizzle on the screen. And I couldn't sing anymore either. My "angelic voice" was just gone and I couldn't get it back - nor did I much feel like singing anyway. My whole role in the movie was drastically reduced and I lost those important "Introducing" credits. My salary was cut in half - per all the fine print contract terms.

Basically my 15 minutes was up after only 6 months in Hollywood. I was politely invited to "move out" by Ryan. And he helped me by having his staff pack all my stuff (minus some of the most expensive designer original gowns and even lingerie Ryan had bought me) and then changing all the locks once I was out of the house. All this while Ryan was out somewhere scouting his NEXT movie.

"The Big Easy" remake never did get a general release - just straight to PPV and DVD. It was a candidate for a "Golden Raspberry" award in every single category and everyone associated with it wanted it all behind them and forgotten just as soon as fuckin' possible.

Well I had finally grown all the fucking way up. I went from about 12 (as my real emotional age) to about 45 in just 6 months. Big fucking deal. For sure. I was now very much older and wiser and boy was I satisfied! Of course, I was no longer the least bit happy.

It was time to go home. Home. What a joke. I meant it was time to leave California.

I called Francie and talked to her for only the third time in 6 months. She didn't sound all that interested, much less enthused. What had happened to me??? I couldn't even blame it on drugs. I never did get into that whole scene - I was just "high on life." Sure I was.

"How's Benji? Does he ever mention me?" I asked. Couldn't help it. I was thinking about Benji more and more, now. Really ever since the abortion.

"Benji's doing just fine, now. And no, he's never once mentioned your name. At least in my presence. And I might as well tell you. I was sleeping with him for a while there. Just a friends with benefits kind of thing. And after that - well, I just cannot believe you were EVER that big an idiot to throw that all away. I'd marry him in a heartbeat if he ever asked me and I'd never let him out of my sight."

"Really? Seems I remember you helping me BE that big an idiot back then. Guess we both learned a little something. You going to meet me at the airport or not, Sis?"

"Yeah, sure. What time? Where you staying at?"

"Well, with you just a bit, maybe? Please?"

"My little crappy apartment? You sure? I thought you were rich now and would start out with a suite at the Marriott..."

"I'm not destitute but I'm not rich either. I'll be looking for work, now. But I'd love to just spend some time with my big Sis...please?"

"OK sure - I'll see you at the airport. I'll meet you outside baggage claim 30 minutes after your scheduled arrival time. Bye."

Apparently I'd burned a lot of bridges looking for "satisfaction."

In the car on the way to Francie's place I started trying to rebuild some.

"So, Benji's really OK? He didn't miss me at all, even at first? Is that why he never called me and he never even maybe thought about coming after me and getting me?"

"You do recall Benji was shot and in a hospital bed when you dumped him?"

I was hurt.

"I never dumped him and I told him that day I wanted him to come to California with me. But he was shot and so we would be temporarily separated. Well, temporary is over and now I'm back."

Francie looked over at me with a shocked expression.

"Oh my God! You're thinking Benji is going to take you back! Oh, hon - he ain't ever touching you again. That's a fact. You'll be lucky if he even talks to you just casually politely."

My heart froze a bit. I'd thought I was already feeling as low as I could get - but that floor dropped right out from under me and I was looking at a free fall now. And yet I couldn't really believe it. It was the same as if my Daddy just suddenly and totally stopped loving me. He would never, he just couldn't, ever do that!

"But...but, he LOVES me. I know he does. It might take a while but I know he will forgive me eventually and hold me again."

"Oh, baby - he does love you and he forgave you a long time ago, but you just still don' hardly know nothing about men...well, good men like Daddy was and Frenchie is. He never told you 'bout Miriam, did he?"

"Miriam? Who was Miriam - one of his former fucks who was like the best ever? Well, after what I've learned the last 6 months I'm just as good, I'll bet!"

And I said this proudly without even blushing. Francie looked a little shocked but just sadder, mostly.

"Miriam was the only other girl he ever loved - and ever asked to marry him. You matched Miriam a year ago - and threw it all away like it was nothing."

I started squirming in my seat and almost hyperventilating. Why didn't I know any of this, before?

"When Benji - Frenchie to me - had our little two week fling, we spent a lot of time just talking. I told him a lot about your past evidently you hadn't told him. And he told me some things he hadn't told you, either. They were in the past and were, and are, still very painful memories for him. He lost Miriam, too. Like he lost you. But she didn't just walk out on him.

"It was way back when he was in Iraq. They fell in love, but they were both attacked when they were together in bed for the very first time. She was tortured, raped, and murdered in front of his eyes while he was all tied up. They were probably going to kill him and he was actually looking forward to dying - his only regret not killing all them personally while dying - but John, John Thornton, and his other teammates found him and saved him. The man most responsible was indeed killed soon after. But the pain and the pain of John's feelings of guilt for what had happened to Miriam never ever left him.

"John told me he never really expected to feel any real joy in living again, after Miriam. And he didn't until you came along. And you gave him a whole year of that joy and he'll never regret that and always remember it fondly. But that's all over with now. At least you left voluntarily and weren't forcefully taken away by someone else and he only felt a little guilty about it - since he was shot and pretty helpless and couldn't really do anything AGAIN - as a woman he truly loved left his life."

I was crying.

"But I didn't leave his life! I'm alive and I'm back and I never stopped loving him and we can just be happy and joyful together again! And I'll explain I really was forcefully taken away by that snake Ryan. He just charmed me and bent my will and sneakily did it! Benji 'll unnerstan'..." as I sniffled.

"If you had only come back, or even called him, that first month. If you had come home in only 2 months, you might have had a chance. But after 6 months of no contact from you? No word you had even called me or someone else and ASKED about him? It's just dead now, hon. And it ain't revivin'. I'm really sorry, sis - but it is what it is, now."

Well, we'd see about that. Maybe Francie thought she still had a chance at him herself. Most of what she said sure had that ring of truth, but maybe she had misread Benji's feelings about me just a little bit. I wasn't giving up...

Chapter 5 -

Home is where they have to let you in when you show up. Or maybe not.

Frenchie:

It was almost 7 months since Gigi left that I heard a rumor. Gigi was back in town. Maybe she was just visiting her sister. I hadn't seen or talked to Francie since basically the last time I fucked her and she wanted to have "the talk" about a deeper relationship between us and I shut her down. Just wasn't interested. Not going to happen.

As far as I knew I was, surprisingly, still married to Gigi. Almost daily I had expected to be served divorce papers and that never happened. I guess I was Catholic enough to just not go there myself. I mean I wasn't real religious but I was pretty much going to Mass at least once a week now, and sometimes twice, and I tried to do a "Reconciliation" (confession) at least once a month. I had committed some mortal sins and sure hoped for ultimate Mercy. I'd pass on God's Judgment in the end for Jesus' Mercy every damn time.

I had forgiven Gigi a long time ago. I had never even gotten to the "hate" stage - and after I got to know Francie so much better - intimately - she gave me all the sad basics on Gigi's life before me during some pillow talks. I didn't know any of that. I was real stupid and just assumed too much.

Mrs. Thornton, John's wife Susan, helped me out here a whole bunch. Because of her own psychological problems and the trials she put John through, then her own conversion to Catholicism and interest in theology and Apologetics, plus her continued reading on psychiatric issues and even close friendship with her Dr. Rachel - she knew a whole bunch of stuff that seemed to apply to me and Gigi - and both our individual and shared demons.

My talks with her really helped, really settled me down. And I trusted her and never ever got the slightest indication from John that Susan told him anything at all detailed about what we discussed. It was like she had absorbed that "private and privileged" ethos of professional counselors - be they medical or religious ones. She wasn't degreed or certified by any "authority". What she was, was a smart woman who read and thought a lot and just a real good woman with some hard gained personal experiential wisdom.

I was envious of John in so many ways. What a 180 from just basically one year ago - when John envied me and my very happy marriage to Gigi and I felt so sorry for what Susan put him through. Don't bet on the future. Never. Only fools would. Especially fools who bet the future based on the past. Just live it one day at a time.

Sigh. I could get through most days now without even thinking of Gigi - but now this rumor, even if totally false would change that, I knew. Oh well. I also knew the drill. Work hard first, then some even harder exercise, and finally maybe ONE extra beer tonight, if sleep didn't come quick enough. But just one.

And tomorrow was a Friday and I'd have a few drinks with my friends and maybe even get lucky. And in just 8 more days another big family monthly party - this time AT John and Susan's, our very own favorite honorary Cajuns. Susan was much admired by just about everyone after her and John's escape from O'Donnell's clutches.

Neither John or Susan ever said anything much about that ordeal, but Andy judiciously mentioned to just a few how asswipe John O'Donnell had looked after Susan had gotten through with him. (Andy didn't think Lt. John bit off JFO's dick or scratched his balls and almost tore them off. "Looked like a hard woman's work to me," he opined with a serious look. And that's about the only thing he ever said and only to me and maybe just to Billy and Jake. After all, they were technically all implicated in JFO's own kidnapping and murder "by swamp".) But that was just too good a story to at least not become a kind of general myth in the Cajun community. Sweet little Susan. She got her share of funny looks by some of the younger folks now.

And nobody ever went out of their way to test her temper, either!

Well, Gigi showed up at that monthly party with Francie. I didn't hardly recognize her and probably wouldn't have if she wasn't hanging with Francie. Her hair had been lightened and maybe permed or something. Just fixed differently. She looked older. Not like a kid any more. She was only 22 and I was now 35 and MOST 22 year olds still looked like teen girls to me now.

But Gigi looked like a woman. And she seemed to be back to her real quiet self. She just looked a tad nervous and like she didn't really belong here.

Susan walked up to her and hugged her with a big smile. Susan got a little smile back in return and even I relaxed a little. Gigi wasn't mine anymore to worry about. The mere fact that stranger was still my wife just really seemed almost ridiculous. I didn't know her, but then I really never knew Gigi anyway. I was more right than I even knew when I told John that morning she left me, "She wasn't real to me. She was always just a dream." That was just the fact of it. The stone cold truth.

I didn't say hello. Later that night, about 10PM, she approached me finally. I didn't even know she was still there. I'd just been drinking and dancing and was in my good times groove.

"Hey, Gramps - think you could keep up with me on the dance floor?" she tentatively smiled.

"No, Ms. Landry, I don't think I could anymore. That's a fact." I was distantly polite.

She froze for a second.

"Ms. Landry? Are we divorced?" she almost whispered.

"Aren't you the actress Gigi Landry?"

"No. I'm Gigi Francois. Mrs. Francois. That's all. At least for now unless...until my husband divorces me..." she said wistfully.

"Did you see the movie?" she asked guardedly.

"No. I heard about it. I won't watch it. I kind of saw the original better, as far as the naked lady part is concerned, and in person. Not interested in watching her draped on another man, ya' know? Probably ya' don' know, anymore... Anyway, I think most of the younger guys here have seen it. I imagine you'll be asked out a lot if you stick aroun' here much. Ya' goin' back soon? Hollywood?"

"No. I'm never going back to Hollywood or California, period. I'm just to live here now and I don't date anyone. I'm a married woman." She tried to look strong here but she really looked like she was about to cry.

"No one aroun' here could ever match that handsome Mr. Rickard for you, I'm sure. I understand. But still...Don't look so sad Missus - it's a good times party night. BTW, I'm a married man and I date a LOT of women all the time. My own marriage contract was broken, rendered null if not void, by the other party so it's only a marriage in name, now. Same as yours. So, you can just enjoy...eh?"

Gigi turned real red.

"Ah, let me go dance with someone my own age and you really should too. Really."

And I walked away and grabbed Susan for a dance.

Susan "got it" if anyone else here could, that's for sure. She had me relaxed again soon. At first I was so tense I couldn't even get on the beat - which in zydeco is the "up" not the "down" for dancing. But Susan didn't fight me or try to lead. She just smiled at me gently and warmly and I straightened myself out pretty soon.

I didn't see Gigi dancing at all or really any more that night. Guess her and Francie left.

The next 6 months passed pretty easily. I did see Gigi occasionally, almost always with Francie and at a Mass. Because of my job scheduling which often included a weekend shift, there wasn't ever a "normal" Mass that I mostly attended. Sometimes it was Saturday vigil, sometimes Sunday noon or Sunday 5pm "teen" Mass. I saw Gigi enough that I sometimes wondered if she was going to EVERY Mass all weekend just to maybe catch a glimpse of me.

I didn't know where she lived or what she was doing - work or relaxation wise. I didn't see her at any more of the monthly parties and I didn't ever run into her out at our favorite Cajun bars/music venues when our little "group" went out, Jenny and Carla and Susan and John. Andy and Karen Rigby often joined us now, as well. I think they had a little thing going a lot more serious than what Karen and I did once. And Jenny' fiance - Freddy Shaugnessy. He wasn't Cajun, but of Irish ancestry. He was a widowhood Veterinarian with an absolutely precious 6 year old daughter who adored Jenny and vice versa. That sealed the deal for Jenny. Oh, he was a real nice guy as well and could even dance cajun pretty good - for an Irishman. But we all loved little Maria, on sight.

I sometimes thought of the little ones of my own I had once dreamed about...

Then that whole Cruise Ship terrorist thing blew up right here in Mobile Bay.

Things had been real quiet for us SWAT-ters since the Butler robbery. Almost boring and some of the younger team members were almost complaining. Not John, or me, or Andy, or Karen. Boring was fine and dandy for us vets. John got pretty devious and almost nasty in some of his "unplanned" drills and exercises to keep everyone on their toes.

We all thought that was going on when the "all hands on deck" call went out one Saturday afternoon. Most thought, "Fuck - another weekend ruined by our asshole 'Dear Supreme Leader,'" I can quite imagine. But it wasn't a drill.

An unknown number of perps had hi-jacked and successfully taken control of at least Engineering and Bridge portions of the one Carnival Cruise Lines ship now home ported in Mobile. John called our USN contacts while waiting for the rest of our team to assemble and we were lucky enough they could promise an effective SEAL Team on-site in under 3 hours. We just didn't know if we had that much time.