Grab Life by the Balls

"I'm NOT a threat to my husband! I wanna see him NOW!"

"Mercedes, you and your accomplices just tried to initiate a surgery to castrate your husband against his will. I call that a huge threat to his health and safety."

"You don't know anything, Sheriff! You don't know anything about Dean and me! You think this was all a set up! You think this was some big crime, but it wasn't! You don't understand that this is what Dean wanted! He wanted to do something to make me happy! He was doing this for us! And besides, I don't want to go to jail! I can't go to jail!"

"Well, if it makes you feel better, Mercedes, you probably won't go to jail as long as the others. Women, on average tend to get more leniency in sentencing than men do. It's kind of a trade-off for getting screwed on that whole equal-work-for-equal-pay thing."

"Sheriff, I demand to see my husband now! He'll explain everything!"

"Mercedes, shut the hell up!" Doctor Mullin barked. "All of you! Keep your damned mouths shut! My lawyer will handle everything when he gets here! Just shut up for now!"

"Doctor Mullin is right," Brad added. "Just remember what we talked about before, okay?"

"But I wanna see my husband! I demand to see my husband!"

"Mercedes, shut the fuck up!"

"You shut up, Mister Poopy Pants! Sheriff, I want to see my husband now!"

"I already told you that's not going to happen right now."

"And I already told all of you to shut your damned mouths! My lawyer will handle this for ALL of us! Now just shut the hell up!" the doctor interjected.

I looked over at the nurse anesthetist, Florence Jackson. "Miss Jackson, you look like you want to say something." She looked at me with a pained expression on her face and ever so slightly shook her head.

"Shut up Florence," Mullin warned. "Like I said, I've got this handled. My lawyer will be representing all of us. Nothing that is said in Quinn's presence can be used against us. Now will all of you just shut your damned mouths? Please!"

I got up and sat down next to Florence. "Miss Jackson, if you have something to say, I highly suggest you say it. Otherwise, you're going to get lumped in with everyone else and that will mean conspiracy charges added to the rest of the laundry list of charges you will all be facing." Florence burst into tears.

"Listen to me, Florence," Mullin warned. "I already told you I've got this handled. Just keep your damned...mouth...shut!"

"Miss Jackson?" I said, as soothing as I could. "You are free to talk to me if you want to. The sooner you talk to me the better. It is always going to be better for you to cooperate with me than work against me, okay?"

"I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, I SWEAR!" Florence burst into frantic tears. "Doctor Mullin forced me to, Sheriff! I botched a surgery eighteen months ago! I used an expired bottle of Propofol by accident! It was ineffective and my patient had an adverse reaction to it and went into cardiac arrest! She died on the operating table!"

"You stupid bitch!! I told you to keep your fucking mouth shut!!"

"It's okay, Florence," I encouraged. "How did he cover for you?"

"I don't know, I don't know! He has something on one of the pathologists and got him to officially list the cause of death as a heart attack that occurred during surgery! Doctor Mullin has been holding it over my head ever since! He forced me to help him today or he said he would expose me and get my licensed revoked! I've got a son and daughter in high school and I'm raising my own grandchild, too! I can't go to jail! Sheriff, please!"

"It's okay, it's okay. Come on, let's get out of here," I said, helping Florence to her feet and helping her hobble out of the waiting room.

"I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THIS, YOU STUPID BITCH," Doctor Mullin screamed. "IF IT IS THE LAST THING I EVER DO! IF I GO DOWN, I'M TAKING YOU WITH ME YOU STUPID, WORTHLESS, FUCKING CUNT!!"

"SHERIFF, I WANNA SEE MY HUSBAND!!"

I let the door close behind Florence and I as I uncuffed her and handed her off to Ben Villanueva to have a sworn statement taken. All hell broke loose in the waiting room as Doctor Mullin, Mercedes, Brad, Todd and Kyle all began yelling and accusing one another. Yep. It was the very definition of the criminal domino effect in action. In an odd sort of way, it was music to my ears!

**********

EPILOGUE

I felt bad for Dean Strobe. As was expected, word got out of the entire situation and it became newspaper, television and tabloid fodder all over the country. It even made its way into some of the jokes for the late night shows, also. You can probably imagine some of the headlines.

BATTLE FOR THE FAMILY JEWELS IN RED RIVER FALLS

WOMAN GOES "NUTS" FOR HER HUSBAND'S

ONE MAN'S JUNK WAS ANOTHER WOMAN'S TREASURE

And the list goes on and on, one bad joke after another.

If Mercedes Strobe had her way, she would have fought it all the way to trial. Doctor Mullin's own attorney had one interview with Mercedes and promptly pronounced her as "nuttier than a fucking squirrel turd". His exact words. He even wrote it down so people wouldn't forget. Fortunately for her, Mercedes ended up with a halfway decent public defender who eventually convinced her to plead out.

Mercedes pled guilty to one count of aggravated assault with intent to commit serious bodily harm. She also pled guilty to conspiracy to commit aggravated assault with intent. Her charges of kidnapping were downgraded to unlawful restraint, which was as big of a gift to a defendant as I had ever seen Marion Lawson give anyone. At the end of it all, Mercedes was sentenced to 15 to 20 years in prison, which meant that she would be spending a bare minimum of seven years behind bars.

At Dean's request, Mercedes' parental rights were terminated.

Brad Weston went to bat and went down swinging. He was convicted of kidnapping, unlawful restraint (for securing Dean to the operating table against his will), aggravated assault with intent to commit serious bodily harm and conspiracy to commit aggravated assault. Brad Weston was sentenced to 25 years in prison. With his good looks, there was no doubt in my mind that he would become prison's perennial homecoming queen.

Todd Andrews and Kyle Webber both rolled over on Brad and Mercedes in a heartbeat. They were initially facing the same charges as Brad and Mercedes but had them downgraded in exchange for a plea bargain. They both pled guilty to unlawful restraint and conspiracy to commit aggravated assault with intent. Both men were sentenced to 7 to 10 years in prison. As an added incentive, the judge allowed them to be sent to the same prison and even arranged for them to share a cell. Cute, huh?

Florence Jackson gave sworn testimony on behalf of the prosecution. Her involvement launched a massive investigation that resulted in some very unflattering press for Holy Family Medical Center and led to the resignation and loss of medical license for the chief of pathology, Doctor Seth Dickinson. It was a wonder that he didn't face any criminal charges. Marion Lawson can take the blame for that. He failed to properly acquire the necessary medical records that would have surely led to a conviction for Dr. Dickinson and the records were inadmissible. Usually I'm the only one who can piss off Marion like that but it was his own fault.

Florence Jackson's license as a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist was placed on probation for two years, during which time she would have to undergo a considerable number of hours of refresher training to ensure that such a mistake didn't happen again. Many of her colleagues were outraged that she was even able to keep her license. She quietly resigned from Holy Family Medical Center and took a position as a roving anesthetist serving numerous community hospitals in rural Northern Minnesota near the Iron Range.

Doctor Chesterton "Chet" Mullin climbed to the top of the mast and rode the ship all the way to the bottom of the ocean. He had no intentions of making a plea deal despite his lawyer all but begging him to. Mullin was found guilty on all counts of aggravated assault with intent to commit serious bodily harm, conspiracy to commit aggravated assault and unlawful restraint.

As an added bonus, since the illegal operation on Dean Strobe involved his genitalia, Mullin was also charged with and found guilty of felony sexual battery and indecent assault, which ensured that he would spend the rest of his life on the sex offender registry list. It was just a little salt to throw in the wound. Needless to say, Doctor Mullin would never be allowed to practice medicine again.

Dean Strobe stayed on in his position for about another three months, just long enough for Mercedes to get sentenced. I knew in my heart that Dean wouldn't stay in the area. How could he? It was wrong, but he would always carry the stigma of what his wife tried to do to him. People and places, the names and the faces - they would always remind him of the life he used to know and trigger him daily.

And so Dean made the tough decision to pack up his kids and head west for new opportunities. As a condition of Mercedes' plea deal, Dean had been granted an uncontested divorce. He sold or gave away nearly all of his worldly possessions, keeping only the pictures and mementos that were special to the kids. He wanted nothing to remind him of his life with Mercedes. Or Brad, for that matter.

I went and saw Dean the day they were getting ready to leave. Dean had his Subaru Outback all packed and ready to go, needing only a small towable U-Haul trailer to take his household goods with him.

"Looks like you're all packed and ready to go," I said as I walked up to the front yard.

"Pat! My gosh! What a surprise!" Dean and I shook firmly. It was amazing to see the change in his demeanor and personality. He was definitely more outgoing, personable and confident, although the emotional scars were there if you looked deep enough.

"I just wanted to come out personally and say goodbye and to thank you for all your hard work for us, Dean."

"Psssh. I'm the one who should be thanking you, Pat. I wouldn't be doing this right now if it wasn't for you. And I mean that in a good way."

"I know you do, Dean. I'm just glad that everything turned out for the best."

"Me too, me too."

"How are the kids doing, Dean?"

"They're doing as well as they can be, Pat. I mean, I can only imagine how they're feeling. They're adjusting day by day. Their mother traumatized them, too. I think they feel more anger towards her and not just missing having her around. Even when she was here she was so focused on Brad and what he wanted than she was on the kids or me."

"I understand. Have you thought about getting them any counseling?"

"Oh, absolutely. That was priority number one. We've already had a chance to meet her and she seems awesome. Both Brandon and Brynne really took to her from the get go. I see good things happening there and look forward to them getting back to some semblance of their old selves."

"That sounds great. Gosh, I don't even know where you guys are moving to."

"We're moving to Boulder, Colorado."

"Wow! I bet the scenery is amazing."

"It is, Pat. We're going to start off renting a three bedroom condo. Our front deck faces the west and we have an absolutely AMAZING view of the Rockies."

"I'm jealous already! What are you going to be doing out there?"

Dean chuckled. "Well, Pat you wouldn't believe me."

"Try me," I dared.

"I'm going to be doing IT for a company called Rocky Mountain Herbaceuticals."

"What exactly do they do?"

"They grow and own a recreational marijuana dispensary."

"You gotta be shitting me! Oh, my God! That's awesome!"

"They've had 400% growth since they started and they're looking to expand. If you're interested, they're looking for a chief of security, Pat. I could put in a good word for you!"

"I'm pretty comfortable where I'm at, Dean," I chuckled. "But in all seriousness, I truly hope this new start works out well for you and your family. You all deserve it in the best way possible."

"Thanks, Pat. That means a lot. I'll never forget what you did for me."

"I just did my job, Dean."

"You and I know it was much more than that. Take care, Pat. Come see us out there some time when we get settled in a permanent place."

"I'll do that, Dean." We shook hands, held it, and then brought it in for a fond embrace. Dean was more than just a co-worker. He was a friend. And I was going to miss my friend.

*****

My relationship with Clarissa, which seemed to have been thawing and working its way towards something resembling a friendship, definitely entered a new ice age again after I found about her and Brad Weston. I did my very best not to bring it up and start an all-out war again but I didn't exactly hide the fact that my platonic feelings towards her had cooled mightily.

It all came to a head one afternoon that summer when I picked up Nick and Jake from Clarissa's place after the boys had spent a week with Clarissa, Caroline and Martin at their lake house near Osakis, Minnesota. My interactions with her had become increasingly short and curt. I said nothing offensive but was not overtly friendly, either.

"Boys, can you do me a favor and wait in your Dad's truck while he and I talk for a few moments?" Nick and Jake exchanged a 'here-we-go-again' look and did as they were asked. "Patrick, is there something bothering you? You seem awfully short and curt with me the last few weeks. I thought we were heading in a more positive direction but I can't help but feel like things are taking a step back lately."

"Things are fine. I'm fine. The boys are fine. We're all fine. Everybody's fine."

"Patrick, what's gotten into you? Why are you so short and snippy with me?"

"What makes you think I'm short and snippy?"

"Well, for starters, how about the fact that you answer my questions with a snarky question?"

I said nothing in return.

"Come on, Patrick. We have to co-parent our kids, okay? It is important for them that you and I make an attempt to get along. I'm making the attempt. Why can't you?"

I looked away, shaking my head. "I really don't think you want to get into this, Clarissa. I think it's important that we just let things be as they are. Let's face it, this is the dynamic we have. Nothing is going to change that."

"Patrick, for God's sake! The last few months have been great! We've been talking and communicating more than we did in the last months of our marriage. I thought we were becoming friends again."

"I thought so too, Clarissa. And then, every once in a while, some new tidbit of information about you rears its ugly head and I end up going back to that place where I was the clueless, cuckolded husband who was too much of an idiot to realize that his loving wife was cheating on him with multiple men!"

"Oh, my God, Patrick! What the hell is bringing this all on? I've already apologized to you for Bud and Marion! Why can't you work past that?"

"I have. I worked past Bud Roberts and Marion Lawson. What I haven't worked past yet is Brad-fucking-Weston!"

Clarissa gasped and tears of shame immediately started streaking down her face. "Oh, Patrick! What did you hear?"

"I heard that you were not only cheating on me with Bud Roberts and Marion Lawson, but that you were cheating on Bud Roberts with Brad Weston. Does that sound about right?"

"Who did you hear that from, Patrick?"

"What does it matter now? It's just one more piece in the puzzle. I just wonder how many more 'revelations' are going to come my way. How many more men did you fuck while we were married that I don't know about? How many more assholes out there are laughing at me behind my back?"

Clarissa was sobbing now. "Please, Patrick. Let me explain. I beg you."

"What is there to explain? That there is a very real possibility that I could be hit every once in a while with news that there is yet another guy out there that my wife fucked while we were married? Huh? How the hell do you think that makes me feel? How do you think that would make our kids feel if they had to hear about it?"

"Oh, God, Patrick! I am so sorry!"

"Well, I'm sorry, too, Clarissa. But sorry just doesn't fucking cut it anymore. My God! It is amazing that I can stare at your face and have absolutely no recollection of you being the same woman I married all those years ago."

"Patrick, I am so sorry. Please let me try and explain," she begged, sobbing.

I got right up in her face. "You want to explain? Go ahead! Explain! What? What's your excuse? What possible good reason is there for cheating on the father of your children?"

Clarissa said nothing, just sobbed. "Nothing? You got nothing to say? Yeah, that's what I figured." I turned and headed back towards my truck and the boys.

"I resented you!" I stopped and turned around. "I resented you, Patrick!"

I walked back towards her. "Resented me? For what?"

"For being you, Patrick," she sobbed. "I resented you for being you. We lived in a small starter home in Red River Falls when you were on the police department. I had to prod you into moving to the country but you couldn't unless you got hired by the sheriff's department. You weren't really going for it. You were comfortable on the police department and could have been happy there and in that little house forever.

"I wanted so much for us, Patrick. But I never felt like you wanted it as much as I did. That's how I got involved with Bud so you could finally get on the sheriff's department and we could move to our acreage. And then I just got enamored with Bud Roberts and how much drive and ambition he had and wished that I could see that in you, too. I just always wished that you could be more than you were, Patrick."

"Why wasn't I good enough for you the way I was?"

"I don't know. Because you just weren't, Patrick. Bud introduced me to Marion and other important people around the community. I knew you were never going to actively pursue being anything more than just a patrol deputy. You were happy just doing your job and that was it. I just wanted you to be so much more, Patrick. I felt important when I was with Bud Roberts and even Marion. I felt like I had power, drive and ambition because they liked me."

"Then what the hell was Brad Weston?"

"Brad Weston was just sex. I knew I could get any man I wanted and a lot of the women at the gym had been with Brad and talked about how good he was and how big his dick was and other stupid stuff that bitchy women talk about. I went after Brad just because I could. It was for sport.

"Bud Roberts was the real man in my life at that time. And it was because of what I told you before. He was a 'somebody'. You were still a 'nobody', Patrick."

My heart was breaking. I stood there for a moment before answering. "All I ever wanted for us, Clarissa, was for me to be a good husband and good father - two things I never had in my life. My own father was so obsessed with running his law firm that he never had time for me, my sister or my Mom. He was barely there for her when she was dying of cancer. All I ever wanted, Clarissa, was the family I never had growing up."

"I'm sorry, Patrick. I couldn't help the way I feel. I just feel like you could have been so much more. Your father is an incredibly successfully attorney. Your sister's husband is a successful attorney. You could have been anything you wanted, Patrick. You settled for being just a cop and I started to hate you for that!"

I stood there for a few moments, just absorbing her words. Clarissa had stopped crying and actually seemed to have gained some resolve and confidence. Suddenly, she returned to being the Clarissa I knew at the end of our marriage again.