Hamstrung Mom

"Oh yes, give it to me. Give me everything you've got, everything."

And soon he'd come inside me, fill me with his seed, our essences would mix together in my most sacred place, the place my son-lover had been conceived, grown, been born. And that place would belong to him as much as it belonged to me. It was the place where he became my child, it would be the place where he'd become my man.

"Give me your cum, spill it inside me, fill me up. Give it to me!"

He fucked me with his beautiful cock and his big heavy balls; his fat cock-head hitting my g-spot every time he thrust into me and each time he pulled out. He was deep inside, in places no one had been before and my body, consumed by lust, operated on primitive instinct. The tiny muscles lining my pussy's floor contracted and pulsed, the nerves of my pussy walls throbbed. I felt animal pleasure and I felt fulfillment and gratitude and lust and joy.

"Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me with your big cock. Fuck me and come inside me. Fill me up and keep fucking me and keep filling me up and keep fucking me. Oooohhh god. OOOOhhhhhhh, fuck me."

Somehow fate or the universe or evolution or karma, all wiser than I, had allowed me to give birth to the man for whom I was made, for whom my heart and soul and sex and breasts and body were made. I would satisfy his deepest, most powerful desires, fulfil his every fantasy, as he would mine.

I bucked my pelvis, clawed Ryan's ass, told him to come, told him I wanted it, needed it. Lifting himself on his arms he looked at me and intoxicated by the sight of his mother writhing on his big dick he howled and he bayed and he pumped thick white seed into me, coating my sex and filling my womb. I clawed his back and I came and I kept clawing and I kept coming and I screamed his name and my joy and he kept coming and then neither of us were making any sound at all, we were just two sweat-soaked entwined bodies sucking in air.

* * * * *

Despite the perfection of that first time, and the many times since, I can't say I never questioned my decision. It was not that Ryan gave me reason to doubt, he was supportive and caring and decent and funny and engaging and my best friend and the best lover any woman ever had. He never said an unkind word, never did a mean or nasty thing, never stopped telling me I was wonderful and beautiful and that he loved me.

He once said, "Mom, we don't always agree, but I've never heard you say anything that didn't merit respect," and, unlike every other man I'd ever known, he lived those words.

We disagreed, but rarely fought. Instead we'd talk and listen and always remembered our relationship was more important than what we were discussing and sometimes we did it my way and sometimes his and sometimes neither and sometimes a bit of both.

No, it didn't bother me that my son was my lover, everyday was an affirmation of our love. However, I did sometimes wonder whether I'd deprived him of what the world would call a normal relationship, saddling him with a lover he could not publicly acknowledge and who was eighteen years his senior

But those weren't the big question, the big question was children. He loved children, always had, took joy in their presence as they did with him. I knew he'd accept that we couldn't have any, but could we?

I did my research. The chance of an abnormal birth of the child of a mother and son was minute, my not-to-far-off fortieth birthday posed a far greater risk than would carrying his child in my womb. Would people notice a son who lived with his mother and helped her raise the children of another man, or men, and even allowed those children to call him Dad? A few maybe, but most wouldn't and even fewer would care, and those people probably already wondered about the strikingly intimate relationship of a 38 year old woman and her 20 year old son.

And so, two years after our affair began, the night, for the third straight year, I'd been named champion, after celebrating with the posse, after returning to the house, after making love, my body cuddled to his, I said, "Ryan, I'd like to start a family."

With barely controlled excitement he said, "Really, I've been thinking about it too. It's just that, well, you've been so focused on winning the competitions, I didn't want you to feel like you had to choose. I didn't want to pressure you."

"You haven't, but when I see you with children, how much you enjoy them and they you, I can tell. I've always wanted more children but never found the right guy. We'll need to do some testing, but the fear of birth defects is overblown and more and more single women are having children, creating families on their own terms. To them you'll be what you've always been, a devoted son helping his mother.

"And, after all, I've won three years in a row, maybe I should give someone else a chance.

"There is one, or I guess three things, I do worry about."

"What's that Mom?"

"The posse. They know I'm not seeing anyone. If I show up pregnant they're going to insist on knowing the truth and even if I lie, they'll see through me."

Smiling, my son said, "Mom, you don't think they already know? Those are your best friends."

* * * * *

It was Margarita Thursday. After we ordered a second round and I said, "Do you guys know anyone I can set Ryan up with? He needs to start dating more."

Sandra, the sweetest, laughed. She hadn't taken me seriously.

Jo Anne, always practical said, "What's going on, why do you need a beard all of a sudden?"

Cheryl, out there as usual, said, "Honey, if you're loaning him out, send him my way. I can always use a good roll in the hay and as happy as you've been these last few years, it's clear your boy delivers."

Sandra said, "Is there trouble in paradise baby? I hope not, you two are so happy, it makes a girl believe in true love."

Jo Anne said, "I think Cheryl has a point, we should get dibbs."

Cheryl said, "I called him first."

I said, "You guys knew?"

Cheryl said, "Of course we knew, but now that you're finally owning up to it, we have this bet to settle. The first time you two did it, and I mean did it, no metaphors, when he stuck his thing in you, was it before, the night of, or after your first championship?"

I said, "About a week later."

Sandra pumped her fist and said, "Yes," while Cheryl and JoAnne handed her five dollar bills. Then Jo Anne said, "So why are you finally telling us?"

"Were talking about having children. I told him I was concerned you guys would figure it out, he said you already knew, I had my doubts so I decided to test it."

The rest of the evening was occupied by a vigorous debate over who would be god-mother.

* * * * *

I got home buzzed and horny, my son asleep.

I dropped my clothes on the floor, crawled onto the bed, pulled down his shorts, took him in my mouth, heard a happy murmur, felt a hand on the side of my head, and Ryan, in a slightly amused tone, said, "You guys must have had fun tonight."

I said, "You were right, they know, they've always known, and I'm feeling fertile. We need to start making babies. It appears we'll need three."

* * * * *

I was at the front desk, talking to the attendant, when I saw Ryan and placed my hand, palm open, on my stomach. The baby growing inside me, excited by the approach of her father, had kicked.

Then I noted the two women several steps behind him. They'd been in earlier that week. New in town, they were visiting various gyms, trying to decide which they wanted to join.

My son held the door open and headed for the back while I said to my visitors, "It's good to see you again."

"You'll be seeing a lot more of us. We've toured the other clubs in town, decided to sign up here."

While my face was calm, my brain did a somersault and the baby kicked again; we'd doubled membership since Ryan and I, along with several others, including the posse and Dr. Brown, had bought the club and I'd taken over its management.

I said, "That's wonderful, welcome to the family," as my daughter, hearing her siblings squeal in delight when their father entered the child care center, kicked again.