Happy Halloweiner: A Twinning Story

Well, boys and ghouls, it's that time of year again. Old Unky Cam Fister is here to haunt your dreams with tales of scary child abuse and spooky towelies. The ghosts and goblins have come out to play and there is a biting chill in the air. A little nip. Rar. Now, each and every Halloween, I like to sit the neighborhood kids down and tell them ghost stories. I know, I know... it's a bygone tradition. But my stories are something special. My stories are a special kind of terrifying, because my stories...are all true.

I know what you're thinking! It's difficult to believe, but believe it my little witches and warlocks, believe it. Each year, I hear dozens of haunting tales from friends and acquaintances in my travels. I know a boy who was forced to nurse a classmate back to health from a terrible contagious disease in a hotel room. I have another who was, through forces out of his power, locked in his bedroom for 24-hours with no means of escape. This, however, is a tale of two other friends of mine... two brothers... who over the course of one dark night, discover not only what happens when you take dark roads you were never meant to travel down, but each others bodies as well. Out of respect for the dead, I'll be telling it from a first-person perspective. It reads better that way. This is, "Happy Halloweiner: A Twinning Story".

Hey. It's Goo here. I'm not dead. Anywho, it's Halloween! The night of my super cute tradition I have with my friends. Halloween Hecticicity, it's called. We're going on five years of this shit, but the basic gist is this: We all get together, talk about cute guys we like, and dress up for the costume party. Basically, we all pool money together and make this cardboard catwalk. We strut up and down, modeling our costumes. Whoever gets the most meows of approval wins the pot. Super fun.

The highlight of the night however, is the slasher movie fantasy game. Each year, one of us picks a slasher movie and the rest of us, based on a list of characters, have to choose who dies and how. It gets very competitive. My brother just got a 3D printer, and printed the coolest trophy you've ever seen. This year, that baby is mine. It's shiny, it's got a unique head on it, and smells more than a little of my brother's permeating musk. It gets my boy-snatch wet just looking at it.

How I longed to win it and rub it in their faces! My movie that evening was called 13 Going on 30. It spoke to me because while the prospect of a thirteen year old girl, just blossoming into womanhood, becoming 30 overnight sounded like a lovely concept, things grow to be rather nightmarish pretty quick! I knew my friends would appreciate the change of pace as well.

I slid the DVD in between my muscular cheeks and slipped my khakis on. This year I was going as 'Cock From State Farm', which was, to say, Jake From State Farm with his dick out. Matt argued it didn't make any sense, but I just fucked him quiet. I knew it was clever. And red--Bordering on purple.

I buttoned up my shirt, and knocked on Matt's door to see if he was toned, tan, fit and ready.

"You comin' scamp?" I said.

No reply.

"Honey?"

All I heard was grunting and squishing.

I opened the door and the smell was so thick it was like inhaling mashed potatoes. There was my stinky twin. Shit fell out of his ass as he vigorously impaled it with a sloppily 3D-printed dildo. His voice cracked as he moaned, his stinky toes curling. His nipples stuck out three inches, and his cock was shining black like obsidian.

You have to know that at this point, I was just beating my stuff to a pulp. My penis was long as it was bent--and it was alarmingly bent. I groaned, punching myself in the speedbag each time I brought my fist back to the base.

Matt was panting like a dog, and when he came it was like God himself was nutting. Matt arched his back as the dilder dropped from his ass. Matt shit a footlong worm, howling so loudly I thought that it was his orgasm. But it wasn't over yet. Matt sprinted over, dick wagging like a broken fencepost, and brought my head down to the ½" diameter hole in his cock. Matt's doughy grey children hit me in the face like wet buckshot. I licked my nieces and nephews off, swallowed, and felt my orgasm coming. It tasted like roadkill smelled, and I could no longer hold it back.

"Oh fuck fuck fuck..." I yelled, buckling to my knees. Matt grinned. And I don't know what it was... but that carpet... as it grazed my nuts... gave me the most powerful orgasm one could ever hope to experience. I was shaking like a jackhammer as I hurtled through space in hyperdrive. It felt like years that I was twitching in my blood and cum on that floor. In reality, it was forty-five minutes, but we were late for the party anyway.

"You coming?" Matt said.

"Not anymore..." I managed to gasp, my face resting in the puddle.

"That's weak," Matt murmured. I noticed he was in a trenchcoat, hat, and glasses.

"Who are you supposed to be?"

"The Blacklist."

"That's not the name of the character, is it?"

"Yes, Goo. He's the main character in The Blacklist."

"Well," I said. "It's super cute."

I stood up, and brushed myself off like a dignified man. I scolded Matt for making me so late, and we made our way out to the car.

"Well, where is it?" I asked. Matt told me it was at a hotel a few towns over that the guys had rented. I felt terrible that our blooming sexuality was making us so late to Hecticicity but they couldn't expect me not to fuck bro bro. We drove into the night.

I nuzzled my face into his stinky jacket.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"I work in the morning. I don't want to be there past eleven."

My cute brother brought up a good point. I had to work on the boat tomorrow. I'd just bought one this year, and now it was my biggest priority. I bit my lip sensually. Sure, I liked my friends alright, but given the choice, anyone would be lying if they said they wouldn't pick the boat.

"We can just tell them," I said. "They're good guys. They'll understand if we have to cut it short after thirty minutes."

"I suppose," said Matt.

We drove in silence. I touched his down-there, but he told me he was still tender. That was fine, because my hearty red parsnip ground into my khakis, which in turn pressed 13 Going on 30 right into my freshly plucked balloon knot. Ay chihuahua.

Then Matt made the turn. He turned right into a deep, dark wood.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Linux Maps is telling me this is a shortcut," he replied. We drove deeper. And deeper. And schleeper. Then our engine died.

"I thought you fixed the engine the other day!" Matt yelled angrily.

"I started to!" I cried. "You know I can physically only commit to things til halfway through! You know that!"

Matt barked at me like a dog for two minutes as I cowered. His breath smelled like a dog's too. Only far worse. And nothing like that. It smelled like he drank piss and snacked on deer shit. The only human with shit that smelled like that was our dad. Curious.

"Well, looks like we're walking," said Matt.

"Alright, but can you carry me?" I cooed like a cute baby.

"Fine."

We began our trek. I snoozed on Matt's back with my long, thin peep hard as a rock, resting firmly pressed into my upper abdomen. It was Matt's scream that awoke me. I fell from his back, and looked around feverishly.

"What is it?"

"I thought I heard something. It was probably Ra. He has it out for me, you know."

I laughed. Ra was our educated friend. He once called Matt out for not having been to college, and to spite him Matt began taking classes unlike his strong-willed brother. Me. Ever since then, Matt had detested Ra, insisting he always was looking to get a rise out of him.

Matt's paranoia went deep, too. Once in awhile, I'd catch him in his room, masturbating and edging to Ra's Facebook, being careful not to cum, as he did with all the rest of our friends. That's how I knew his hate was deep.

We sat still, listening to the wind. For thirty seconds, all we could hear was dead-quiet--before 5 Seconds of Summer started playing. We jumped out of our skin.

"SHE SAID TO ME: FORGET WHAT YOU THOUGHT, CAUSE GOOD GIRLS ARE BAD--"

Fut. It was my phone.

"Hello," I said. "Goob Seifman. Zaddy in the streets, snarling leopard in the sheets."

It was Evan. He panted and hacked violently. On the phone he sounded like the kid in the wheelchair from Malcolm in the Middle. "Where *wheeze* are *wheeze* you two? It's ten *wheeze* thirty!"

"Zorry," I said.

"Zorry *haaaack* isn't gonna *wheeze* cut it! You two had better *wheeeeeze* get over here."

"Our car broke down," I told him. "We're walking."

He hung up. I brushed myself off. It was then Matt brought it to my attention that we only had half an hour before we needed to be in bed. So we started running. Our peeps flopped like pendulums in our pants. I couldn't wait to take Zeke out for air, and subsequently drown him in Matthew's pussy. His rusty butt-pussy, that is. I named my cock Zeke. It was cute. He looked like an animal penis--course that's neither here nor there.

A minute later, my phone rang again. I picked it up, and I was pissed.

"Look, Evan!" I yelled. "Every time you call this number, I can't use my mouth to kiss my brother's forty-grit belly. We'll be there! Alright?!"

There was only heavy breathing on the other end.

"Who is this? Is this the killer?" I yelled.

"Hey! Peanut!" Matt yelled. "Put the phone down, and let's get to the party! My the Blacklist costume is going to get so many meows! Maybe even some panties will get slung at me."

"It's just guys, Matt."

"I certainly hope so!" he said.

"That's kind of gay," I replied. He grabbed my penis in retaliation and took me in his mouth. I deserved it and I can admit that. Talking all that shit.

That's when the man on the phone spoke. Right as I was blowing my clear, runny load--my double D breasts quivering.

"I'm the killer," he told me.

I slurped the nut back up like a spaghetti noodle.

"Perdoname?"

"You heard me."

I was terrified, but I tested him. Stalled him.

"If you're really the killer, then when is my birthday?"

"December 22nd, 1997."

My blood ran cold. My memory had just been sold.

"What did he say?" said Matt, with a mouthful of whizz. I'd just emptied my pee-nuts out of terror, you understand.

"What's my address?" I said, assuming it was a total shot in the dark.

"Somewhere... on I Drive..."

At this point, I was so scared my dick straight up turned into a pussy.

"Ask me something only you could know," he snarled.

Deep down I knew that he knew what I was going to ask...

"How does my brother call me for dinner?"

At first there was nothing. Matt looked up at me, cheeks full of pee. Then the recording began. I heard our own private tapes of Matt doing his adorable, slightly racist Goo call from our lovers' getaway to Grand Rapids, Michigan. He even played the twenty-one minute fuck session where Matt boned me in the front-hole, in the middle of the day, right on the second floor landing of the hotel. My robe was open... exposing everything. My breasts. My vagina. My penis. Of course, that's neither here nor there.

I clicked off the phone and looked down. Matt swallowed my peepee.

"Wrong number?" he asked.

"Matt," I said. "As much as the Eagle Scout in me wants to take on this killer, we need to....RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

So we did. We ran until the woods ended, now wheezing at the side of the road. With time running out, we realized that we needed to hitchhike. Matt stuck out his thumb, but the cars just zipped by.

"This is why you shouldn't hitchhike at night!" Matt shouted. "They can't see shit."

I chuckled. They could see, alright. Just wasn't shit worth seeing. I pulled out my meat. I'd been saving it for a special occasion--the obligatory graphic description. Here it is. That special occasion. Zeke was long. He was hard. He was dark grey in some spots, and had red internal bleeding in others. He was bent at a 110 degree angle at the tip, which continued halfway down the nine-inch length. My dickhole looked more like an anus than anything. Down to the hemorrhoids. Finally, he protruded from a thick, matted mass of bleached yellow hair that looked and smelled like it belonged to roadkill.

Zeke was my pride and joy. You had better believe that when Zeke starts to squeakin', brakes started screechin'.

We hopped in that first car immediately.

"Where you lovely ladies headed?" said the driver in the dark.

"The Hampton Inn," said Matt. "It was real good of you to stop, my nigga."

The driver chuckled. "How about that? That's where I'm headed, myself."

"Great!" I said.

"But girls," he chuckled. "Using racial slurs is a mighty quick way to offend me."

We sat in the quiet as I shot Matt one of those dirty looks as if to say, 'I can't believe you continue to use that kind of talk around strangers! I am going to give you the most non-consensual brother-fuck later!'

"Mind if I pet her?" he inquired after a few minutes.

"Of course not," I confirmed. Truth be told I was just happy to have him back in our good graces.

He ran his hand over Zeke, nestled in my lap. He pinched the tip and I let out a cute little yelp of surprise. Zeke purred.

"What's her name?"

"Actually, it's a 'he'."

"What's his name?"

"Zeke."

"Well hey, there Zeke," he smiled.

Zeke squirted all over the drivers hand. He pulled back in alarm. I raked my nails into the seat, my balls bouncing like a yo-yo.

I tried to catch my breath as Matt glared at me, embarrassed.

"I'm... so sorry..." I panted. "He isn't normally like that with strangers."

The driver just laughed. "Mine gets like that too," he assured me.

The Hampton Inn loomed in the horizon. "There it is," said The Blacklist--I mean Matt. Geez, he even fooled me!

Right before the inn, however, the driver took a sharp right. We were parked in a gas station right across from the hotel. Matt screamed. The driver's face came into view. It was Ra.

"Happy Halloween," he laughed, before pulling a confetti cannon from behind the seat. We shrieked. Ra was going to murder us! Me, presumably for fucking his mortal enemy.

Ra shot the confetti cannon at Matt. He crumpled over in the backseat.

"No!" I yelled. I was pregnant with his child--I don't know if I mentioned that.

Ra pulled out the second cannon, laughing. "I expected more from such a hot dad," Ra said. "It's a shame the carpool lane will be a little emptier tomorrow."

That's when I remembered: 13 Going on 30 was wedged in my ass!

"Ra," I whined. "Would you care if I fingered my ass? One last time?"

"Knock yourself out," he told me, slipping the cannon away for a few minutes.

The thing about Ra is, he was sharp. I knew that if I didn't put on a hell of show, and bring myself to orgasm in front of him, he'd never buy it. So, that's just what I did. I moaned guilelessly as I pumped my stinky winkers in and out of my noisy dumper. Ra was none the wiser. Right as the first dribble came bubbling up, I grabbed it. Caked in asshair and shit, I sliced it right through Ra's throat.

He grabbed it, gagging, as blood pulsed out. He opened the door, and stumbled about in the parking lot before toppling over and dying. I smiled. It was over. I looked at my smart-watch. Shit! It was 10:52!

I hiked up to the Hampton Inn, room 237. I knocked on the door. Hank answered.

"You would not believe the night I had!" I told him.

"You fucked your brother?"

"Well, that's the gist, but some other really crazy stuff happened!"

"Matt sucked your dick and then you got scared and then your dick turned into a pussy?"

"How did you know that?!"

"Ra was pranking you guys. Didn't you know? For Halloween Hecticicity. Where is he?"

My heart and dick dropped. Matt walked in next to me.

"Cock from State Farm! Nice!" said Evan from his motor scooter in the back.

"Don't you guys have to leave in four minutes?" Hank chimed in. "We'd better get Ra in here so we can watch the movie! It's at least three! Minutes, that is!"

I didn't say a word and neither did Matt. We just murdered Hank and Evan to keep the secret alive. Then we made love in the queen sized bed. I told him the baby was his and he kissed me tenderly. My twin brother and I enjoyed each others bodies a lot that Autumn.

Til next time, boys and ghouls, keep your friends close, but not sex close. You never know whose twin brother is going to get jealous...