Harvest of Expectations Ch. 09

"Mind if we're a little late?" he asked her.

Hildy shrugged.

"We'll take a detour around the engineering quad. It's where I spent the past five years."

He stayed straight on the street they were on, instead of bearing to the left as he would have done if he was going straight to the fraternity house. In a few minutes they were parked in a lot looking over a quadrangle of buildings.

"Let's get out and walk around," he said.

Hildy got out of the car and waited for Jim to join her. She held out her hand and he took it as they started walking. The weather was quite pleasant, with just a slight breeze, so they were comfortable in shirtsleeves.

They started their walk at the corner of the quadrangle that was closest to the street. On most of the campus the quads were large, grassy fields dotted by statues of ancient professors, striped by cris-crossing cement walks, and lined by old ivy-covered limestone buildings.

The Engineering School was unlike the rest. There was more cement than grass and the brick buildings gave it an industrial look. The students were somewhat apart, too. Differentials and Organic Chemistry didn't leave very much room for debates about Nixon and whether Gandhi's model of non-violence would work in Western Society.

"This is the Engineering Chem Lab," he told her. "I sure spent more than my share of time in there."

He walked up and tested the doors hoping that he could show Hildy around inside, but the doors were locked.

"Not much going on at this hour on a Saturday afternoon," he said, which he hoped would suffice as an apology as he started to realize that the tour was going to be a bust.

"There are a few people around," Hildy said.

"They're just passing through," Jim said. "For example, see that guy over there with the dark hair and beard? I know him; he goes to the Agriculture School that's in the quad just beyond. He's just taking a shortcut back to his dorm."

"I see," Hildy said and clasped his hand just a bit tighter.

"I never wanted to be a person who's just passing through," Jim went on. "I never wanted to be a short-cut kind of guy—though I'll admit to a few that I'm sorry for now. I wanted to dig in and be right in the middle of everything; to get my hands buried in it."

"Did you?" she asked.

"I don't know," he answered. "I tried.—I guess I did."

They walked some more, about half-way around the quad. He had her stop in front of one of the larger buildings that was opposite the Chemistry Lab Building.

"This is the Engineering School Library. I probably know every nook and cranny of it. When I roomed at the frat lodge this was the only place where I could study. The librarian said she was going to start charging me rent."

The last remark made Hildy laugh.

"Did she make you pay her?" she asked.

"I couldn't afford it. I put the Rustmobile up as collateral, and then she told me to forget it."

"Now I know you're joking,' Hildy said.

"True," Jim admitted. "I didn't own the Rustmobile back then. I only had a car when Rich and I moved out to the apartment."

He pointed to another brick fortress across the way.

"My advisor's office is the building over there. It's the main building of the Engineering School."

He began to realize that Hildy had been very polite and nodded each time he pointed out a certain building and its function.

"I guess they're just a bunch of brick buildings," he admitted.

"Maybe to some, but they mean a lot to you," she said.

"Sure, but next week are finals and then it's all over."

He felt her stroke his hand. Somehow, it was a comfort. He wondered how another person's hand passing over one's own could do such a thing. As confusing as it was, he could not deny the effect. Of course, to be soothed by the stroke of a hand was somewhat effeminate and not something that he ever thought he might seek or want. At the same time, he didn't pull his had away and he hoped that by not doing so Hildy would understand how he felt.

"You're sad, aren't you? You're going to miss it."

"You see, I have to admit that I don't think I just passed through. There were many things that I did that turned out pretty well. But, after finals and graduation, who knows what's next? Maybe things won't go as well out there and I'll wish I was back here—but I won't be able to get back. I might be passing through somewhere else. I can't allow that to happen, but I might not be able to prevent it"

Hildy drew a breath and leaned close to him.

"You won't have to worry about that, Jim. People like you always worry about things like that and never have to. I know you well enough. You would never let yourself be one of those 'passing through' kind of people. You wouldn't let yourself. And if you ever do, I'll be there reminding you."

"Do you mean that, Hildy? You know, people like me aren't always fun to have around."

"Don't worry about me," she said. "I'll provide the fun. You see, I'm a 'passing through' kind of person. I know that. It's who I am and I accept it. If I'm part of you, I won't have to explain it to myself anymore."

"And, if I'm part of you?" he asked.

"You won't have to worry about having fun," she said and gave him a playful elbow in the ribs.

They hadn't realized that they had completed the circuit and returned to the car. He opened the passenger door for her and she got in.

"Have you heard from Douglas Chemicals about your job yet?" she asked when he'd settled into the driver's seat.

"No, nothing; if I ever do you'll be the first to know."

"Why don't you call them?" Hildy asked.

"Professor Stark says to 'hang in there'; it will work out. I want to believe him. He's never steered me wrong yet. Just the same, I applied for the Master's program as a fallback. I'm pretty sure I'll be accepted."

"More school?" Hildy asked. "How long would that take?"

"Another year. But I don't think I could swing it financially. The Engineering School is willing to give me some help, but I'd still have to come up with a lot. CG&E won't even give me my summer job back after I've graduated."

Hildy turned in her seat facing Jim. Her eyes were bright all of a sudden.

"I could move down here! I could find a receptionist job. We could make it. We could move in together."

Jim hadn't been ready for Hildy's offer. He thought it was a big step to 'make tonight the night'. This was going a lot farther than that.

"Hildy, I thought it was the man who's supposed to propose."

Hildy's eyes were still bright. She was leaning forward so that a fresh dose of her cologne floated into Jim's nostrils..

"We wouldn't have to be married—just move in together. A lot of couples are doing it now."

It was true. 'Cohabitation' was the latest thing, especially among the college set. He couldn't help but do some mental math, but he wouldn't allow himself to finish the equation.

"Maybe some people, but not us," he said. "I couldn't ask you to do that. You'd have to give up your job and move down here where you don't know anyone. I'm sure your family would disown you. And, what if it didn't work out? You'd be alone with a mark on you. It's a tempting idea, Hildy, but it's not for us."

"I don't care about any of that," she pleaded. "I just care about you—and us. I always assumed that was going to be my choice—or to end up with some apprentice my father set up for me."

"Someday we'll do it all with no regrets," Jim said. "It's just that we can't do it right away. I couldn't propose to you now. I couldn't even afford a ring. For that matter, I couldn't even afford a diamond chip that they might overlook when they're sweeping up in the diamond ring factory."

Hildy's bright eyes had dimmed. She sat back and looked away.

"We could make it work," she said, but the conviction in her voice was gone.

"We will make it work, Hildy, and it won't be that long. I promise. And I swear—every time I think about these things I'm also thinking about you."

Hildy looked up at him. Her eyes were glistening.

"Do you promise?" she asked.

"Yes, Hildy, I do."

"We're going to be late," she said. "We better get going."

It reminded Jim of one of his favorite songs by one of his favorite bands, the Chicago Transit Authority:

Does anybody really know what time it is?

Does anybody really care?

If so I can't imagine why.

We've all got time enough to cry

Jim took a look at Hildy and laughed.

"I suggest you look in the mirror. Your makeup is running down your face."

She took a look and let out a small shriek. She reached into her handbag and began her repair work.

In a few minutes they were on their way to the party.

TO BE CONTINUED