Having a Reason to Live

Disclaimer: This story contains violence and drug use with minimum sex that isn't even really described very well. I debated even posting this story as it might completely destroy any credibility I have as an author. However, I was persuaded that some people were eager to read a new thing from me, even if it wasn't that good or didn't make any logical sense at all so here you go. If you like it, I'm happy. If not, well I tried. I did enjoy writing it.

*****

It was funny but I didn't exactly feel worried when the doctors told me that I was going to die. My main feeling at the time was that all of the things I'd have to do to be a responsible adult were now going to pass me by. I was terminal and I likely wouldn't make it to high school graduation. Of course me being fine and accepting my fate did not mean others would allow me to give up so easily. The doctors explained to my parents that there was no hope but my mom insisted on signing me up for treatments and experiments and she told me to fight, fight, fight. Right, just how I want to spend my last few months on Earth, fighting.

My dad was a bit more practical and he eased up on a lot of things. If I wanted to stay out late he didn't mind. If I wanted to drink one of his beers, my dad shrugged his shoulders, showed me how to open it the right way and then got one for himself. That kind of treatment from my dad drove my sisters up the wall. More than once I would hear my father reprimand Lisa and Sally about the fact that they all had to be nice to me since I would be gone any day.

My father kept a brave face on and tried to get everyone to do the same but my mom was not going to just let me die. She agonized over it. She'd sometimes spend the whole day in her bedroom weeping over my impending demise.

Yep, I was going to die before I was even old enough to take a girl out on a date or legally buy porn. That knowledge had become part of my identity. I was signed up for that wish granting thing but they didn't really offer the one big wish I had, which was to have sex at least once before I passed. Instead, I had to be satisfied going on a date with the hollywood actress I thought looked the hottest. The foundation said they'd get in touch with her and see what she said since she wasn't signed up with them already.

Well, I didn't get my date with the actress and I didn't get to have sex with anyone but I did end up getting something that I didn't even know that I wanted but turned out to be the best thing of all. Well, not at first but eventually.

I had been getting worse and worse so I wasn't even going to school when my junior year started. I had trouble even just getting out of bed so I couldn't exactly put my foot down with my mom to stop all treatments but I had stopped cooperating. I really didn't see the point in dragging it out. I was going to die so death could just come take me already. I was tired of being a burden to my family. I was tired of making my mom cry everyday. I was just too damn tired of living. Hurry it the hell up or I'll do it myself, assuming I could lift my arm.

I couldn't be brought to the hospital so my mom brought her phone to show me the doctor's face on video chat. He was saying there was a cure. You'll forgive me if I wasn't excited. I thought I was dreaming or hallucinating. Yeah, you can take that word and just throw it away cause it didn't have any meaning for me. In my mind, I was already dead so why couldn't everyone just leave me in peace.

I don't remember signing the consent for any of this. I just remember going back to sleep at home in my room and waking up in the hospital. The doctors had figured out how to trick my own immune system to attack the cancer. I wasn't completely out of the woods but the initial tests were very encouraging. From my point of view, all I knew was my vision was getting better. I was eating more. I was thinking more. I was talking more. My arms started to feel like they actually had something to them. My legs were getting stronger day by day. My lungs were no longer shallow and I could take a deep breath.

The damage the cancer had done to me wasn't all fixed in a day. I spent a long time in physical rehabilitation and healing up. It was already past when I should have finished my senior year and graduated before I was well enough to go home and not carry a tank of oxygen around with me.

So everything was great from then on you might think. Wrong. Big wrong. It was like my life was flipped on it's head. When I used to sort of not get along with my mom, now she was just so happy to have me alive I could do no wrong in her eyes. My dad used to be the one person in my family who I thought understood me and now we couldn't be farther apart. What was I going to do with my life, he'd ask me. I didn't know. I hadn't planned on living. Leave me alone. "Why don't you try to get a GED, go to college, get a job, do anything other than just stay in your room." Why was he pushing me so much? I didn't feel like getting a GED. I didn't feel like going to college. I didn't feel like doing any of that crap.

"You're 19 years old. You better start feeling like it." he berated me.

"Why do I have to do that right now?"

"You're an adult. You're not sick anymore. Stop living your life like you are. Wake up. That's reality knocking on your door. Ok. Everyone in this family made sacrifices for you."

"I never asked for ..."

"QUIET! Sit your little ass down. You think I work three jobs, put the house up for a mortgage I can never pay back, sink this family into a mountain of debt so that you can sit in your room and play video games? Huh?"

"You want me to answer or be quiet?"

"Oh! You want to be a smart mouth."

"John, stop." my mother would cut in. "Stop it. He's still healing."

"Yeah, I get that, from 'I'm too fucking lazy to do a damn thing' - itis."

Look, I tried to do like my dad liked but I was not going to pass that test. I missed all of high school. And who was going to hire me to do anything? But I did try. I started to go to a study center to prepare for the GED. I was in class with a bunch of degenerates so you can imagine the pace of learning was rather slow. But even with that and me doing some volunteer work just so I could say I was doing something, things were getting worse. My dad was pushing and pushing all the time. I felt like I was in the military or something. I mean, I get it. He was trying to make up time and be a dad and raise his son the proper way instead of being the dad who let me drink underage. I could also see the stress of his money problems on his face. I often thought about the fact that it might have been better if I had just died.

I tried to focus on doing what I was supposed to do but something I had never really had to deal with before was starting to occupy all of my thoughts. Sex. Sex. Sex. I wanted sex. I needed sex. I couldn't concentrate on school because all I could think about was fucking the teacher, or my class mate, or the skeleton in biology class. If I rode the bus home I found myself checking out every woman on the thing, even the older ones. This sucked. It was like I was walking around with a hard on all the time. My mind was always thinking about sex and it pushed everything else out. The more I thought about sex the more I wanted it. The more I wanted it, the more it pissed me off that I wasn't getting it. The more I was pissed off all the time the more my relationship with my dad would turn into just us shouting at each other.

...

Day 0

That snowball continued for a while and my dad put up with me as crazy as I was in those days. But then the snowball got too big and my dad laid down the law. He was going to kick me out. No lie. He was at the end of his rope with me and even if I was his son and even if I was a cancer survivor, he was going to throw me out unless I shaped up. He was not going to tolerate any more of my laziness, any more of me talking back, any more of me not starting my real adult life.

And guess what, I was so pissed off and hard up that I actually started packing my bags as if I had anywhere to go. I actually yelled at my dad as he drove away to go work the midnight shift at his fourth job that I'd be gone by the time he got back.

Yank. My mother ripped the suitcase out of my hand and slapped me across the face. My sisters were spying from around the corner of the hall but my mother scowled at them and they scurried off. Me, I didn't care. I turned my back to her as she started tearfully trying to get me to see reason. She was saying something but I wasn't listening.

"You're going to have to get over your demons cause I really think he's serious."

"Go away."

"No. You're not going anywhere. We did not ..."

"I never asked you to do anything. I never asked you to cure me. I never asked to live. I never asked you to mortgage the house. I never asked for any of it. I was ready to die. You should have just let me die."

"Don't talk like that. Of course we wouldn't let you die."

"Then get off my back about it."

"No one is on your back. No ..."

"Bullshit, mom. Do this. Do that. Help with this. Go get a license. Go get a car. Go get a job so dad can take all my money."

"That is not fair and you know it."

"I don't care. Getting cancer wasn't fucking fair. Missing high school wasn't fucking fair either."

"Nobody blames you for those things. We're all trying to help you."

"I don't need your help. You all want me to go be an adult, fine, I'm leaving to go be an adult. Satisfied?"

"No. You're not ready."

"I'm never going to be ready, mom. Never."

"You will. ok. You will. Can you turn around and talk to me. With your back to me this ... this isn't working. Can you please look at me."

"No. Just go away."

"Jason, please. This is what we fought for. We fought for you to live. To have a life."

"I don't want this life."

"Then what do you want? What's wrong? You're always angry and no one knows why."

"You know why."

"You're not angry about going to school. You're not angry about helping out around the house. You're already angry when you wake up in the morning. You think I don't notice? Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't."

"Yes you can. Just say the words."

"No, it's ... you wouldn't understand."

"Baby, please." she said as she came near me and tried to hug me from behind. I pushed her off of me as hard as I could.

"Don't touch me."

"I am not going to just let you get kicked out of this house. Ok. If you go, I'm going with you."

"Just let me go. You'll be better off."

"John can take care of the girls and I'll take care of you."

"That's not fair to Sally and Lisa."

"I don't care. Either you stay or you're taking me with you. Now turn around and look at me and tell me what is wrong with you." She grabbed my arm and forced me around so I could face her.

"Stop." I said as I turned my head to look away.

"Why are you so angry? What's going on? I deserve to know."

I slowly returned my gaze to her direction and then I locked eyes with her. "I want to fuck you."

The look on her face just as I said that was ... well not something I'll ever forget, nor will I forget the slap that happened right afterwards. She backed away from me, as startled herself by how hard she'd struck me. We were in a bit of a standoff with both of us just looking at each other for a bit. Then I rolled my eyes at her and moved to pick up the dropped suitcase. She was quick to throw herself onto me and hug me and not let me break loose of her.

"You're not going."

"I have to."

"No you don't. Now please just tell me what's really going on."

"I told you." I said but she was shaking her head to let me know she did not accept that. "You don't understand. There's like something wrong with me. The medicine maybe did something to me."

"What did it do to you?"

"I can't ..." I had to think of the word, "function. I can't live. I can't do anything. All I can think about all day, everyday is having sex. I want to have sex. I want sex and I'm getting sick and tired of not being able to have sex. I want to rape every woman at my school and I would not feel bad about it. I want to go next door right now and spread Mrs. Black's legs wide open and drill right into her. When you pick me up in the car, what I really want to do is bend you over the trunk and fuck you until you scream. When one of my sisters is in the shower it takes every ounce of willpower I have not to go in there and force her to let me have my way with her. Do you understand? Do you get it? I'm ready to go walk into the country side, find a farm and fuck the brains out of the first sheep I see."

"So ..." she swallowed and tried not to freak out as she let me get up. "You're just horny. All young men get like this at some stage. It'll pass. And in the meantime, you can, I can't believe I'm going to say this, but you can just ... masturbate."

"No. I can't masturbate."

"What? Jason you masturbate all the time. I catch you almost everyday."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do. I just don't say anything but ..."

"You catch me trying to masturbate but not being able to ... get to the end."

"You're saying you can't have an orgasm."

"No. At least, not that way."

Well, that shut her up. She went wide eyed for a moment but then she shut her eye lids shut tight for a few moments and it looked like she was thinking really hard. "Ok." She finally said. "I understand."

"Then you know why I have to leave."

"No. You are not leaving."

"Did you not hear me?"

"I heard you but let me tell you something." she huffed. "You're not leaving. Now take off your pants."

"Are you out of your mind?"

She let me loose and then went to my door, closed it and locked it. I was getting back to my feet and I saw her turn back to me. "Take off your pants." she repeated and then started to unzip her dress.

"What are you doing?"

"You say you want to fuck mommy. Put your penis where your mouth is."

"Uh ... but ..."

"Take off your pants NOW!"

Was I hallucinating again? Was this really happening? What to do? Was I really going to fuck my mom? Was she really going to let me? I looked at her semi naked form being slowly revealed to me. Yes, yes I was. If she was game then I was going to fuck her as much as I could. If I had been capable of it, I would have cum right then just looking at her body. My mom was still hot.

My pants were gone and for good measure my shirt and underwear as well. I dick was rock solid as it pointed directly at her. My now fully nude mother approached me and pointed to my bed. Oh, shit, was this going to happen? I couldn't think of anything else. I rushed, almost tripped, and hopped onto my bed. She made me lay on my back and then she got on top of me.

But then she was driving me nuts by not letting me put it in! AAHH! She hovered her pussy, her wet, hairy pussy over my erect cock and only let the tip lightly graze her pussy lips.

"Please." I begged.

"You are going to apologize to your father. Say yes."

I agreed. Now let me fuck you!

"You are going to apologize to your sisters."

"Ok. Ok." My hips were involuntarily thrusting up into the air but she kept her pussy just out of my reach.

"You are going to improve your grades and pass your test."

"Anything. Just please. Mom, please. You can't tease me like this."

She started to lower herself onto me and I was getting ready for it. My eyes were like saucers with anticipation. But then she stopped and I was going to go nuts.

"And you are going to be obedient and listen and not give us attitude anymore. You hear me. If we say go look for a job then you go look for a job. If we say help your sister clean the house then you do it. If we say anything, you are going to be a good son and listen. Got that?"

"Yes. Yes." She'd broken me.

"Do like we ask and you can have mommy. Ok. When you feel like you feel now, you don't have to worry. You can have mommy until you get a girlfriend."

I wasn't able to speak at this point. I was too busy just clawing at her to get her to lower that sweet sweet cunt down onto my dick.

"Promise me!" she said.

"I PROMISE." I yelled at her.

Then it happened. She did it. She actually did it and I was released from my prison. Almost instantly I felt fluid from every extremity of my body force its way through my various tissues and gather in my balls so that it could all be firehosed out through my dick. And then I think I lost consciousness for a second. My entire body tingled and was a bit numb when my vision faded back in from gray. I took a deep breath and looked up. My mother was looking down at me with great concern on her face.

"Are you ok? Did I hurt you?"

I smiled at her. I could feel that I was still inside of her. She was so wet. "Yeah. I'm good."

"Ok. Ok then." She bit her lip. "You sure filled mommy with a lot of cum, young man. Was that enough or do you need more?"

More? She's offering more? Well sign me up for that, I thought. However, my body seemed to have other concerns as my conscious brain started to shut down and it was like I was sleeping but still able to sense what was going on around me.

"Jason, remember your promise. Be good and I'll let you have some more later." she whispered to me as she got off of me. She finished getting dressed and then came over to me and kissed my forehead. "Now be good from now on. No more talking about leaving. No more yelling. Get some sleep and in the morning you can talk to your father. And obviously, don't tell anyone we did this. They ... like you said, they wouldn't understand."

She left and I was naked on my bed with a hard on that was still ready for more sex. I had just fucked my mother and I did not feel bad about it. Not one bit. Sex is sex and sex feels good and I wanted more.

...

Day 1

The next morning, I'm not exactly sure how to explain it but it was like a cloud had lifted from my brain. My mind was clear. My family had sacrificed a lot for me. My sisters weren't able to go to college because of me. My parents didn't have a retirement fund anymore because of me. And no, they weren't trying to make me a good little earner to take care of them. They did all that because they loved me and they were pushing me to have a life because they loved me. I couldn't see it before but that morning it all hit me. I entered a very pensive mood.

I had that talk with my dad. I really felt like a piece of shit as I told him how sorry I was. He quickly accepted my apology but I actually sort of wished he would have been harder on me. The worse he did to me was tell me I wasn't exactly out of the woods yet and I needed to keep on my best behavior for a while before he'd fully trust me again. That was it. I had fucked his wife. I had caused my mom to cheat on my dad and now I was concealing that fact from him and he just let me off with what was basically a warning plus probation.

When I went to school I found that the obfuscated text in the book was actually pretty straight forward and simple. Why couldn't I understand it before? I recalled how I had treated a lot of the people there and it sort of figured that I wasn't well liked so I understood why no one was helping me.

It was so weird to know what my problem was but then I also knew how I hadn't been going after women. I hadn't been trying to get a date and I hadn't been overtly sexual with anyone, not even that Latina girl who was always blatantly flirting with me. I had thought such evil things about her in my head and she was probably just a normal girl who might actually like me. She was petite and very pretty and she had the most gorgeous eyes. And best of all, the way she smiled at me when she saw me let me know that she might actually really like me deep down. Why had I been such a jerk to her? I was an idiot.