Hell's Kitchen

"Noah! What in the world are you doing? You nearly gave me a heart attack!" she said when she realized who it was.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. You um...you left your cell phone on the table," he said as he held it out to her.

"Oh, my goodness. Be still my beating heart!" she said, her free hand over it before reaching out to take the phone.

"I must be more tired than I thought," she said as she took it. "Thank you. Very much."

"You're welcome," he said.

There was an awkward moment of silence before Felicia said, "Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight. And thank you for listening, Felicia. That was very kind of you," he said quietly.

"Well, I'm glad you trusted me enough to share something so personal," she replied sincerely.

That was followed by another awkward moment after which Felicia said, "What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I...I can't help it. You really are beautiful," he told her in that 'aw-shucks' way of his.

Felicia was very tired and yet her body responded to whatever signal her brain sent it. She hoped it wasn't evident to Noah as the feeling surged and spread forcing her to break eye contact.

"I...I really need to go," she said as she fumbled for her keys.

"Oh, right," Noah said as he backed up a step. "I'll um...I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Right. See you tomorrow," she said back after finding her keys and hitting the 'unlock' button.

Noah stood there and watched her drive away and found himself experiencing this overwhelming feeling of wanting to be with this beautiful, older woman more than he'd ever wanted anything before in his life. But not just physically. There was something about her that was almost beckoning to him. It was like the lure of a siren's call he couldn't and didn't want to ignore. He wasn't quite sure how to explain it, but he was very sure he was experiencing it.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" he asked his mother two days later before leaving to pick Felicia up at her place. She'd initially told Noah she thought it would be best to meet him someplace, but he'd poured on the charm and after two additional tries she gave in and relented, telling him where she lived.

"Yes," his mother said but only the 'yeh' sound was really audible. In just those few days her voice had degraded unbelievably fast. Her 'esses' and 'ings' at the end of words were missing and others were becoming harder to understand.

"I won't be that long. I promise," he told her.

She managed to shake her head then said, "Go. Have...fun. Live...life."

He kissed her cheek then stood up. She tried to grab his hand but couldn't.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Soon," she said, only it came out more like 'oon'.

He squeezed her hand but didn't speak.

"Noah?" she asked weakly.

"Yes?"

"Is she pretty?"

"My date?"

"Uh-huh."

"She's beautiful, Mom. She's gorgeous, in fact."

"Take...a...picture, okay?" she said even more weakly. "Then show me."

"I will. I promise," he assured her.

"Go," she said before closing her eyes.

As badly as Noah wanted to spend time with Felicia, he couldn't shake the feeling that accompanied that one word—soon. He knew what she meant, and the thought of it tore him up inside even as a part of him couldn't wait to see this woman he found himself unable to stop thinking about.

He did his best to put his 'game face' on when he walked up to the door, but Felicia could tell something was wrong as soon as she saw him.

"Do you maybe want to come in and talk instead?" she asked after they said hello.

"Would you mind?" he asked.

"No. Not at all. Come on in."

He saw a pretty, young girl peeking around the corner and smiled at her before she darted off.

"Charity?" her mom called.

"She's in here, honey," another female voice called.

"Mom? Can you send her out please?" Felicia called back. "My daughter is dying to meet you, but I told her it was just a friend from work and we were just having coffee."

The girl came back into view and Noah smiled again then waved. She raised her hand slightly but didn't speak.

"Charity? This is my friend from work. His name is Noah. Noah, this is my daughter, Charity."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Charity," he said with a smile.

"And you say..." her mom prompted.

"Hello. I'm pleased to meet you, too," she said very quietly.

"I've never seen her so shy before. You okay, honey?" her mom asked.

She was staring at Noah as she said, "Yes."

Felicia bent down and said, "He is kind of handsome, huh?"

"Mom!" Charity said, the apples of her cheeks flushing a bright red.

"Well, he is," her mother told her.

"If that was a compliment, I'll take it," Noah said.

He looked at Charity then said, "Just between you and me, I can tell you got your mom's beautiful looks."

The little girl's cheeks turned a darker shade of red as her mom said, "And now you say..."

"Thank you," Charity said feeling all kinds of things that were new to her.

"You're welcome," Noah told her sincerely.

"Oh, sorry," Felicia said. "Let's sit down in the kitchen and I'll make some plain old store-bought coffee if that's okay."

"It sounds perfect," Noah told her.

Charity was still staring and when her mother noticed she said, "Doesn't Nana need you in the family room?"

"I guess," the girl said as she realized she wasn't invited to join them.

"You look like you could use something a little stronger than coffee," Felicia said once her daughter left.

Noah looked at her and said, "I'm getting my butt kicked at the restaurant, but my big hope was to make some kind of positive impression on you, and here I am doing just the opposite."

"Or perhaps by displaying the kind of concern and compassion you're showing for you mother, you may just be making some headway," Felicia said with a slight smile.

She turned around and opened the refrigerator then told Noah, "Hmmm. This looks bad."

She held up a bottle of white wine that was nearly empty. She sniffed and recoiled.

"Whew! Smells like vinegar."

Felicia poured the rest in the sink then said, "Come on. We're going out. But not for coffee. And don't worry. We won't be late."

"Wait. You're driving?" Noah said when they got outside and Felicia produced her keys.

"Is that a problem?"

"Not normally, but I do need to get home as soon as possible."

He hesitated then said, "This probably isn't going to work. Well, not tonight anyway. I'm really sorry, Felicia."

"Don't be," she told him in a kind voice. "I understand. Completely."

"Oh. Before I forget. I kind of promised my mom I'd show her your picture. Do you mind?"

"No. Not at all," she said knowing that under any other circumstance it would have creeped her out.

She smiled the best smile she could as Noah clicked off a couple of quick snaps.

"Felicia?" he said after taking them.

"Are they bad?" she asked assuming that was his concern.

"No. They're great. How could they not be?" he told her.

"Then...what's going on?" she asked.

"Would you possibly be willing to come with me?"

"To...meet your mother?" she asked not sure she understood.

"You have no idea what it would mean to have someone other than me just to be around her. I mean, my Uncle Daryl stops by a couple times a week, but..."

"I'd love to," she told him, having heard enough to know how important this was. "But I want to follow you, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. That's fine. And thank you," he told her unable not to smile.

As they drove along Felicia wondered if Charity or anyone else would care about her this much. She hoped so, but the fear of not knowing was unsettling. She knew we all have to face death, and that many times there could be a lot of pain and suffering beforehand. Facing it alone or with only strangers around her seemed unbearable.

For now she found herself hoping to be of some small comfort to this woman she'd never even met; a woman whose life was nearing its end. A life she planned to take—soon—a word that came to her without Noah's having specifically mentioned it.

Noah pulled in first then helped Felicia with her door before showing her inside then asked her to wait so he could tell his mom they had company.

"Is it her?" she asked with great difficulty.

"Yes. I took some pictures, but I thought you might like to meet her. Is that okay?"

"Yes," she tried to say. Noah saw a twinkle in her eye and told her he'd be right back.

"Come on in," he said to Felicia.

As she walked into the woman's bedroom, Felicia saw a frail woman not that many years older than her. She fought off tears and her own deep-seated fears and smiled the best smile she could muster up.

"Hi, Mrs. Phillips," she said as the woman tried to reach for her hand.

"Heh...oh," she said trying to pronounce the word 'hello' to greet her.

"I'm so glad to meet you," Felicia told her as she took her tiny hand in both of hers.

Noah's mom glanced at her son then said, "You were right. She's a very beautiful girl."

It was barely understandable, but Felicia got it and thanked her.

"Come closer," she told her son.

He stood next to Felicia and bent down to listen.

"Tomorrow," she said.

"What? You mean...tomorrow...for..."

His mother managed a slight nod.

"I'm...going...fast...now," she tried to say.

He looked at Felicia and said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you to come here."

"No. Noah. It's okay. I'm glad I came."

She looked at his mom and said, "You're very brave. I...I don't know if..."

"It...okay," Grace told her. "I'm...not...brave. I just can't...live...like this."

Felicia gently squeezed her limp hand and fought back tears again.

"I understand," she said.

"Drink," Grace said.

"Are you thirsty, Mom?" Noah asked.

"No. You two. Have...one drink...with me."

"Mom, you can't drink alcohol. You can't swallow it. You know that."

"No. I'll watch. I want to see my son happy one more time, okay?"

Felicia's eyes filled with tears causing Noah to again think this was a terrible mistake.

She shook her head then followed him to the kitchen where she quietly said, "I'm not upset that you asked me to come. It's...just so hard to take from the standpoint of knowing how much you love her and that you're powerless to do anything."

Noah hadn't cried since he was a small boy, but the feeling of helplessness overwhelmed him. His eyes also filled with tears, and Felicia was so moved and hurt so badly for him that she reached over and put her hand on his.

Noah stood there with his head down doing his best to compose himself as Felicia moved closer and let go of his hand and put it on his back. She ran it up and down hoping to be of some comfort as he swallowed hard and took several long, deep breaths.

"Whew. This is...this is just so hard," he told her.

"I know," she said quietly. "Is there anything I can do?"

Noah shook his head then stood up straight and took another deep breath.

"Just being here is more than enough," he told her.

He turned to face her, and when he did, Felicia thought she might start crying.

Noah forced a smile then said, "What would you like to drink?"

There was some Scotch left in a bottle that had been there forever, and Noah poured some over ice for Felicia then did the same for himself.

"You okay?" she asked before they headed back in to see Grace.

"No, but I really am glad you came, Felicia. Thank you."

On the verge of crying again, she set her glass down then put her arms around Noah and hugged him. He did the same then hugged her back.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Without letting go she said very quietly, "I love my mom so much. You're here dealing with this, and I'm feeling sorry for myself just thinking about my mom going through this years from now when it's yours who's dealing with it..."

Noah pulled back then put his hands on her shoulders.

"That's not going to happen. With your mom," he assured her as he looked right into her eyes.

"No. Not...ALS. That's very unlikely. But...but just...anything, you know?" she said as she looked up into his.

For the briefest of moments, there was no age difference between them. Work and all of its problems didn't exist, either. It was just two people—two human beings—sharing one of the deepest connections two people could share.

Felicia had no intention of saying the words that came out of her mouth, but she was unable to stop herself from saying them as she continued looking into his eyes.

"I was telling the truth when I told Charity you were very handsome."

Noah smiled for the first time in a while then touched her cheek as he said, "And I meant it when I told you you're very beautiful."

"Which time?" she teased playfully.

"Each," he said very quietly.

Inexplicably, Felicia found herself wanting Noah to kiss her as badly as he wanted to do that, but neither of them was aware of the other's feelings, so he gently ran his thumb along the apple of her cheek, smiled, then said, "Shall we?"

Grace followed their movement as they came back into view before sitting down across from where she was laying down.

Felicia smiled and Grace said the best she could, "Noah thinks you're beautiful. I agree."

Understanding her was difficult, but Felicia got it and thanked her again.

"I want my son to be happy," Grace managed to say one word at a time.

Felicia didn't respond.

"Do you have children?" Grace asked.

"Yes. A daughter who's ten. Charity."

"Pretty name," Grace said.

"My mom is watching her," Felicia explained.

"Oh, okay. That's very nice," Grace replied before saying, "Drink up."

"Oh, right."

Felicia turned to Noah expecting him to possibly offer a toast.

He had no idea what to say at first then said, "To my mom. To the woman I love more than anyone on earth."

Felicia went to clink her glass with Noah's when Grace spoke.

"No. To finding the woman you'll love more than me," she said with great effort as she looked right at Felicia.

Deeply touched, Felicia said very sweetly, "I'll drink to that."

She and Noah touched glasses then took a sip.

"That's actually very good," Felicia said.

"Glenlivet 15," Grace said.

Had Felicia not seen the bottle, she'd have had no idea what was said.

"It's very smooth," Grace added.

Felicia set her glass down then said, "I should really go. You two probably need to talk and I..."

"No. Stay," Grace said barely above a whisper.

"Sit with me?" Grace asked to clarify what she meant.

"Of course," she said as she moved closer to the large couch she was laying on then sat on the edge.

"You, too," she said to Noah who sat right next to Felicia.

They both strained to listen as Grace said, "I won't be here to see my son get married so I want to imagine that. Is that okay?"

Felicia fought off tears as hard as she could and said with the best smile she could muster up, "Yes."

Noah put his arm around Felicia and moved his face to where he was almost cheek to cheek with her as they looked at his mother.

"So beautiful," she said to Felicia before saying to her son, "So handsome."

Because her mind was fully intact, Grace was well aware of how uncomfortable this woman she barely knew might feel, and after just a few seconds said, "Thank you."

There was so much more she wanted to say but knew that wasn't possible. She also knew there was very little chance this woman who was obviously older than her son would ever be his wife, but Grace was well aware this would be the last woman she would ever see her amazing son with, and she was grateful Felicia had given her this precious memory.

The truth was Felicia didn't feel uncomfortable at all. Her heart was breaking and yet some part of her was thankful that Grace had asked her to do it. And when Noah went to take his arm away she said, "Not yet, okay?"

She reached up and took his hand and held it as the three of them sat there together in what seemed like the most natural and normal thing in the world.

Felicia saw Grace tear up, and that made her do the same. She reached out with both arms and held the frail woman in front of her as both of them cried. Noah fought off tears of his own as he sat there trying to understand what all of this meant.

Barely able to talk, Felicia whispered, "I love you, Grace."

Noah heard his mom whisper back, "I love you, too, Felicia."

It had been many years since Felicia had been to church, but something she'd once heard came back to her. She knew she couldn't recall it completely, but the words 'greater love hath no man' kept swirling around in her mind as she realized love was the only gift she had to offer this woman she'd only just met who'd chosen to end her life the very next day.

Felicia dried her eyes then reached for a tissue from the box next to Grace then dabbed hers, too.

Felicia sat there and held Grace's hand for another minute before saying, "I...I really do need to go."

"Yes. Go ahead," Grace told her.

"Thank you for letting me spend some time with you," Felicia said as she fought off another round of tears.

"No. Thank you for coming," Grace said.

Maybe it was wishful thinking, but Felicia couldn't help but believe Grace's eyes were twinkling. True or not it was comforting to believe they were, and if she'd done anything—anything at all—to be of any help, then it was worth every second she'd spent there.

"Good night, Grace," Felicia said as she and Noah stood up.

"Goodbye, Felicia," she said, slurring her name so badly it was unrecognizable.

Felicia understood why Grace said 'goodbye' rather than 'goodnight'.

Swallowing hard, she said, "Goodbye, Grace."

She let go of her hand and smiled at her as she turned to leave.

"Come on. I'll walk you out," Noah told her.

On the front porch, Noah said, "Thank you for coming. That meant a lot to my mom."

He paused then said, "And to me, too."

"I still don't know how old you are, but I do know you're incredibly brave and strong," she told him. "I don't think I could be that strong."

Noah smiled then said, "I...I won't be coming in tomorrow for obvious reasons. I'll give my uncle a call and let him know that tomorrow's the day."

Unable to avoid crying again, Felicia's tears fell, and she put her arms around Noah again and just held him as she cried.

As he held her back, he marveled at how the human mind worked. Just several feet away, his mother was laying inside knowing she had less than 24 hours to live. And yet here he was holding this incredibly beautiful woman in his arms and wishing he could make love to her. He knew he should feel guilty for having those kinds of thoughts when his mother was so ill, but he also knew that his life would go on, and that one day he would meet the woman his mother had just imagined him with.

And that's when he thought that it was at least possible he'd already met her.

Felicia slowly pulled away and did her best to smile.

Noah smiled back, and she said, "Not so beautiful right now, huh?" referring to her mascara-stained face.

He gently put a hand on her cheek then told her, "You're even more beautiful to me now."

She wanted to move away but couldn't. She didn't want to let him kiss her when he slowly began leaning closer to do so, and yet her lips parted to meet his when he did. The kiss wasn't long or deep, but it was still...amazing.

When their lips slowly parted, Felicia couldn't look back up at him.

"Goodnight, Noah," she said quietly.

"Goodnight, Felicia. And thank you again."

She lay in bed that night unable to sleep as she recalled the events of the evening over and over. What made sleep impossible was knowing that Grace was going to die in a matter of hours, and that nothing on earth could stop it. She recalled the kiss several times, too, but chalked it up to emotions-gone-wild and having nothing to do with physical attraction.