Helping Friends

Standard Disclaimers: First and foremost, there is no sex in this story. Sex in talked about, but only implied. While names have been changed, the facts of this tale are true. This is a true account of what was done for long time friends of ours.

Cast of characters: Jay and Deb. Me and my wife of over 51 years.

Barry and Candace (Candy), friends of ours for well over 55 years.

Marc and Sharon, the bitch; Barry and Candy's oldest son and daughter-in-law.

Alex, the Dipshit. Sharon's lover, and home wrecker.

I've known Barry since Junior high school, and Deb and Candy were sorority sisters in the late 60's.

One day early last fall, the four of us were having dinner, together. As Barry and I were talking sports, Candy and Deb were talking, quietly, in the kitchen.

They were talking quietly, but I could hear Candy sniffling. Barry quietly told me their oldest son, Marc was involved in a very nasty divorce. We all were now sitting in their living room, when Candy told us Sharon, not their favorite of their three daughters-in-law, was having an affair with the neighbor across the street.

Dipshit's wife had already filed for their divorce, and Sharon wanted to take Marc to the cleaners.

She wanted the house, and primary custody of their two children. She was already planning on having dipshit move into their house.

Deb, the retired social worker, was doing our talking, while my police background mind was already hard at work.

Even though their son lived across the state in Spokane, I did know some valuable people.

We were told that Dipshit was a hotshot flooring salesman, and Sharon was a marketing person for the travel and tourism bureau of Spokane County.

Let's fast forward to last week.

We were having dinner, again, with our friends, when Candy tells us Marc is coming out way better than when we talked, back in September.

"Can I ask both of you, did either of you had a hand in improving his situation?" Candy asked.

With me playing the silent type, Deb asked what she meant.

"Let's just say the nasty divorce Sharon was planning has turned the tables on both her and the asshole across the street."

Barry looked at me and asked me to tell them both what happened.

"Let's see, where should I start," I said.

After hearing how upsetting the pending divorce was, I decided to see if I could tilt the tables to their son's advantage.

The first things I did was to make some calls to several friends in the Spokane area. This included an up and coming lawyer, who had a crafty private investigator on his payroll.

I took a few days and took the five hour drive in The Inland Empire, as Spokane is known.

As it turned out, my stay lasted four days. I knew I'd be back in about four weeks to continue my plan.

I started by having this lawyer and his PI get in touch with Marc to get him on board, and to make sure he didn't give an inch to The Bitch.

I was busy planning the next phase of my plan. This is where I utilized my friendship with several key players.

I also had the lawyer advise both Marc and me about all the relevant laws of asset splitting.

The idea of Marc not getting a nickel of the house, they had shared for over five years just didn't set well with me.

Around Thanksgiving, I started my 'Let's fuck with dipshit and the bitch' phase.

A good friend of mine is a developer, who is always looking for properties to purchase.

He and I went to the largest wholesale flooring company, and talked with the manager about a 130 unit apartment he was looking to purchase.

"If I purchase this apartment, I want to put new flooring in every unit."

I could see the dollar signs in the manager's eyes, as he was already writing the contract, in his mind.

Just as the three of us were looking at different carpets, who should walk by, but Alex, the dipshit.

After a few more minutes, the manager had the dipshit join us. He talked with us about the different fabrics, his demeanor just rubbed me the wrong way.

As he was ending his pitch, his manager rejoined us and asked what we thought.

"Well, let me tell you my thoughts," my friend said. "First off, my company is built on honesty, and I've been told that your salesman is in the process of wrecking two marriages, because he seems to be thinking with his genitals, am I right Alex?"

You could have heard a pin drop, and the manager was turning about three shades of red, knowing his million dollar contract was about to walk out the front door.

As we left, we could hear the two of them start yelling at each other. Only time will tell how successful we were.

Leaving my friend to go on his way, I moved into my second phase.

I took the rest of the day off, to visit downtown Spokane, as we hadn't been there in quite a number of years. I also phoned my next destination, to make an appointment for the following morning.

Getting to the County tourism building, I was met by two nice people, who asked what it was I was looking for.

"I'm looking for a nice hotel space for a convention, with up to one hundred and fifty people, who are all retired King County Sheriff deputies, and auxiliary people."

The two people answered several more questions, and told me of a choice of downtown hotels that would more than fill the bill.

While they were telling me of several new attractions in the downtown area, I noticed the name tag on the lady doing the talking. It said Sandra Hollingsworth.

I thought to myself, this bitch has already changed her name before any divorce proceedings had taken place.

When she asked if I had any more questions, I just sort of sat back, took a few deep breaths, and responded.

"I'd like to know, Mrs. R (her married name) if you intend on screwing my organization like you're doing to Mr. R. Also, if you think my Policemen would deal with a lying, cheating piece of shit, like you, you've got another thing coming. We're going to either Yakima, or across the border to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho."

I thought she was going to throw something at me, as I got up to leave.

Both of them asked me to reconsider, and I told them I'd think about it, right after pigs fly.

Back home, I talked it over with my wife what had transpired, and made her promise not to discuss this with Candy, until we learned if it would have any affect on the outcome of the divorce.

The first business day of the new year, I was back in Spokane, sitting in the back of the courtroom, entering just before the proceedings started. Neither Marc nor Sandra saw me.

PRELIMINARY HEARING:

Judge: Have you both discussed any of tbe possible settlements in your initial filings.

Marc's lawyer: It's come to our attention that both Mrs. R and Alex S are unemployed, making it a necessity to sell the existing house, and divide the profits, according to state law.

Objection!

Denied, sit down.

Judge: Mrs R, how long have you been out of work?

Sandra: Just about three weeks.

Judge: Are you looking for work?

Sandra: Yes, every day.

Marc's lawyer: Your honor, we would like a list of companies she has applied to.

Objection!

Overruled.

Judge: Mrs. R, I'll give you 48 hours to submit a list of companies you've applied to, and Mr. R, its none of this court's business if this other man is working, or not.

Marc's lawyer: We just made that fact known to let the other party know my client is not paying house payments for two out of work people.

Judge: After I see Mrs. S's job search, I'll make a ruling on the disposition of their house. Just so both parties are aware, I'm leaning for the sale and splitting of the profits.

Court adjourned.

I got out of there in time to see The Bitch on her phone to dipshit, yelling about what took place.

If things went our way, both of them would be homeless. At least The Bitch would have some money, and possessions, whereas the dipshit would be near penniless.

Just as I was leaving the courthouse, who should be in the parking lot, screaming at each other? You guessed it, The Bitch and dipshit.

They both noticed me, and started heading my way. I opened the back of my car, unlocked my portable gun safe, making sure they both saw what was inside, and turned to them, asking if they had a problem with me

As I finished glaring at them, while adjusting the holster onto my belt, they both stopped, and started to say something.

"Did Marc or his parents send you?"

"Nope, none of them know I'm here, why do you ask?"

"Are you the cause of both of us losing our jobs?"

"No, you fucking idiots, you both are responsible for losing your jobs. Just look in the mirror, and you'll see two pathetic losers."

Just then Marc was leaving the courthouse and the two lovebirds started walking towards him. I started moving parallel to them, keeping in-between them. The Bitch started yelling that she was going to get the house, come Hell or high water, when Marc turned and calmly said, "you heard the judge, show your job search, day after tomorrow, or the house goes up for sale. Where do you intend to keep our kids, with no house? And where is your fuck buddy going to live? With you?

They all looked at me, and without saying another word, Marc got in his car, and the others just looked as defeated as they were.

With that, I got in my car, and headed back to Redmond, and to tell Deb what transpired. I did chuckle a bit, knowing my 9mm pistol wasn't even loaded.

" As the late Paul Harvey used to say, Now you know the rest of the story."

Did my meddling cost both Sandra, the Bitch and Alex, the dipshit their jobs? Who knows? What I do know is, that in business, when a company loses a very lucrative contract due to a specific employee, that employee just might be on shaky ground. I'm also thinking that a business that provides tourism dollars to the county loses out on a convention that would bring in over one hundred tourists, all willing to spend money, because of the questionable morals of their marketing lady, things might change.

One thing to take into consideration. The state of Washington has two very different components. Western Washington is as liberal ad any area in the country, whereas Eastern Washington is the exact opposite. What the four of us long time friends took away from this, was two people wrecking two marriages, that cause their employers money and prestige, just might be responsible for their own plight.

Did this interference help? A bit. The divorce is still very bitter, as divorces almost always are. Did The Bitch and dipshit deserve what they got? Most definitely. Did I take joy in what I did? You bet your sweet ass I did.

As I write this, Marc and Sandra are still hammering out all the details of their split, but the house was sold, and the the profits split. Deb and I haven't heard if the dipshit is still in the picture, or not, and couldn't care less. Our friend's son is in better shape than his soon to be ex-wife wanted, and that's what helps us sleep soundly, every night.