Hitting the Bottom Ch. 06

"Hmm. And what did you do when it happened?"

It's strange, how well I remember that long-ago incident. "I stopped the scene, untied her, got her to calm down, and we talked about it. Figured what it was that caused it and made sure never to repeat it again."

Dr. Pappas nods. "Right. Good. Now, you said it happened once. Let me ask you this: How come, do you think, it never happened since? Not once, not with any other sub?"

I consider his question. "Well, I - I guess I got better at watching out for early signs of panic. I did stop some scenes over the years when I felt my sub was close to it." Reflecting on those situations I add - "and it turned out I was right to do so every time that I did, by the way."

"Well, there's your answer then, I think." He says mildly.

"Where? I'm not sure I follow."

His mouth twists in amusement. "Think again."

I do, and then venture an answer: "You mean I should watch out for my own early panic signs."

"Exactly." His sounds very pleased, but then sobers again as he continues.

"I understand you're used to being solely focused on your sub in session - her reactions, her body language, her emotional and physical well-being - which is obviously top priority. All I'm saying is you should practice keeping an eye on yourself, too. Be extra-conscious of your own early signs of panic. If you feel uneasy in your gut, your palms get sweaty, or you feel a bit of nausea - stop and check in with yourself, same as you would with your submissive. And if need be, adjust the session or even stop it altogether. No harm done."

I grimace. "Argh. You've got to admit it would be a mood killer if I stopped the session because I thought I was going to panic. Not very sexy."

Dr. Pappas holds my eyes in a level look. "It's leaps and bounds better than finding yourself curled in a fetal position, hyperventilating on the floor." He bluntly throws my own words back at me.

Reluctantly I shrug and nod. "Yeah. It is."

The shrink smiles, a surprising glint in his eyes. "Besides, I bet you more often than not, you wouldn't really have to stop the session altogether. Just figure out the root cause of your unease and take it out of the equation. Adjust as you go along. Do it right and your sub won't even notice it; she'd probably assume you had a 'dramatic pause' planned right from the start."

I feel an answering grin stretch on my face, feeling unfamiliar but welcome. "Yeah. I might actually be able to pull that off."

"Good! So, any other concerns, or may I wish you good luck for tonight?"

I chuckle. "Only about a million but I think we covered the major stuff. Thank you doc, I appreciate it. Really."

He stands up and so do I and we shake hands before he claps my back reassuringly while walking me over to the door.

"You'll be fine, Dan. That's my professional opinion. You'll be just fine. Enjoy yourself tonight, alright?"

I nod and swallow down the sudden lump in my throat. "Thanks Doc. I really hope so."

He chuckles. "I know so, Dan. I know so. Now go!"

*

*

*

After an early light dinner at her favorite near-campus cafe we walk back to Sandra's place, consciously keeping our conversation light and neutral until her door closes behind us.

The atmosphere changes abruptly once inside; the air between us thickening within a single heartbeat. Sandra pauses and turns to look at me, her face a lovely mix of apprehension and eagerness. Seeing her standing there, so naturally waiting for me to take the lead, makes every dominant instinct in me kick into high gear. I feel my muscles twitch with the urge to pounce.

Instead, I smile.

"Ready to talk limits, baby?"

Her breath seemed to catch before coming out in a little giggle. "Yes! Gosh yes. Please."

My smile widened at her enthusiasm. "Good. Go and make us that special iced lemonade of yours and bring it to the living room. I'll wait for you there."

With a quick nod she turns to the kitchen and my eyes follow her tempting backside until it disappears behind the doorway. It's the first time I've given her an instruction like that, and her easy, willing obedience goes straight to my dick.

God she's perfect. I better not fuck this up.

Shaking that thought from my head I walk over to the still-dark living room. Instead of switching on the main lights I opt for the small table lamp in the corner. It casts a soft, muted glow through a milky glass shade, enough for us to see each other's faces while keeping the atmosphere cozy and intimate. Good.

Two magazines lie haphazardly on the coffee table; I pick them up and stack them neatly on the side table next to the lamp, wanting the space around us to be free of visual distractions. Looking about the room I verify there's nothing else that would divert our attention, and satisfied with the setting I sit down at the far end of the sofa so that I can see Sandra as soon as she comes out of the kitchen.

I hear her move about preparing the iced drink and in another moment she appears in the doorframe, carrying a full glass pitcher in one hand and two tall glasses in the other. She pauses and smiles tentatively at me, and it takes me a second to catch up... but then I do, and the realization makes my dick twitch again. I nod my head once, and watch her release the breath she's been holding and start moving again towards me.

So perfect.

"Thank you baby. Come sit next to me." I say when she sets the pitcher and glasses on the table. While she settles on the sofa, tucking her now-bare feet under herself, I lean forward and pour us each a full glass and hand her one, raising mine at the same time.

"To us." I toast simply and she smiles and clinks her glass with mine.

"To us. Yamas!"

I grin back at her as we each take a long draw from the cold, tangy mix.

"You're right. Everything is better with ouzo."

She wiggles her eyebrows over glinting eyes. "You see? I told you so!."

Chuckling I bow my head. "Yes. Yes you did." Taking another small sip I put my glass down on the coffee table and turn to face Sandra full on, noticing with satisfaction her mimicking my movements.

It's time.

I reach out, resting my palm face up on the sofa between us in invitation, and she accepts it with gratitude, placing her fingers on mine. Her hand, slightly damp and twitching with nervous excitement, looks dainty in my larger, steadier palm. Not that I'm immune to the expectant tension between us - far from it - but I embrace the adrenaline surge, riding the wave as surely as I ever had.

I love this rush.

"All right babygirl, let's talk limits then. I trust you did your research?"

"I - I did, yes." She stammers a bit. "I even wrote it all down so that I don't forget anything. Here, sec."

She lets go of my fingers to fumble in her denim skirt back pocket before producing a neatly-folded sheet of paper, unfolding and smoothing it over her thighs before clutching it too tightly with both hands in her lap.

From my vantage point I can see the pink-and-purple lines, broken into well-defined sections with titles and bullet points under them, all written in Sandra's clean, clear script. I swallow my chuckle, though I can still feel it curling the very edges of my lips.

"Good girl. I'm already so pleased with you. No matter what you have written in there it's clear you've given this a lot of thought. Thank you for that, baby."

Her cheeks color with a surprisingly shy smile. "Thanks. I really did - give it a lot of thought, that is I figured being a newbie wasn't an excuse for being ill-prepared seeing the amount of information available online."

I nod in reassurance. "True. And for the record - I don't do excuses. So that was definitely the right choice." I capture her gaze with a level look, and enjoy the slight widening of her eyes in response.

"Th-thanks. I'll keep that in mind." I can see her pulse flutter at the base of her neck, beautifully framed by the modest V of her simple tank top, which molds lovingly to her curves. I tear my eyes from the slight hint of nipples pushing against the soft fabric to look back up into hers.

"Good. Now, shall we begin?" At her quick nod I continue. "All right, let's start with your hard limits then. What would you absolutely not want me to do, not even to try once?"

Sandra clears her throat and takes a quick look at her notes before meeting my eyes squarely.

"Well, first of all - no humiliation or degradation. I want to be treated with respect at all times, in and out of session."

"Okay. Want to give me some examples of what you would find degrading? Name calling, being made to crawl, sit at my feet, stuff like that?" I keep my voice calm and neutral, careful not to show any censure. While I don't have any special kink for degrading my partner, some of these things I may indeed find pleasurable - but I wouldn't want to do anything that's a turn-off for her.

"Well name-calling is absolutely off-limits. I'm not a slut, whore, bitch, cunt, skank... you get the idea. And I'm not a dog and don't want to be treated like one - be made to fetch or be lead by a leash would feel demeaning to me."

I grin. "Okay. No puppy play and no degrading name calling, then. How about other names? What if I called you a minx, or a vixen?"

Her lips soften. "Well, I hadn't thought of those... I kinda like these names actually. I could certainly live with them. Though the truth is I really love it when you call me babygirl..."

"Ah, yes, you do like that, don't you, babygirl?" I smile widely at her enthusiastic nod. "I also remember back at the hospital you told me you were partial to being called a 'little girl', and also quite liked 'young lady', especially in the context of considering your behavior, no?"

Sandra nods again, her cheeks turning a pretty shade of crimson. "Yeah, all of those are good."

A thought occurs to me and after a brief internal debate I decide to voice it now rather than wait. Again I try my best to keep my tone from revealing my own preferences, wanting to get her true feelings on the subject.

"So, does that mean you're into baby-girl/dom-daddy type role play?"

She seems surprised by my question and then her brow furrows as she considers it. "I - I'm not sure about that. I mean it doesn't turn me off or anything - I wouldn't say it's a hard or even a soft limit for me - but it isn't something I'd ever fantasized about, either. I'm willing to try if you'd like me to?"

I sigh my relief. "No, no, that's quite all right. Truth is I asked because that might have been a problem for me - while I love calling you 'babygirl' I would not want you to call me 'Daddy'. In fact, that name would probably need to be on my hard limits list."

"Okay. I promise not to call you Daddy then." She mumbles softly, seemingly unsure if that's the right response. I nod, accepting her words. I don't want to go into the reasons for that specific title being a sore spot for me, as long as she remembers not to use it.

"Okay so we agreed on 'no puppy play', but how do you feel about slave positions, being made to kneel at my feet and crawl on all fours?"

"Well... any one of those things could be real hot, as long as I still feel appreciated." She says sounding a bit apprehensive, and I reach towards her again, caressing her cheek with my fingertips to reassure her as I consider her words.

"Hmm. I see. So, how would you have me make sure you feel appreciated?"

She shrugs a bit helplessly. "I dunno - the look in your eyes, the tone of your voice..."

I feel frustration flare in my gut and swallow it down; instead I glide my fingers under her chin to lift her head and face me squarely. "Try harder baby. This is important; 'I dunno' isn't going to cut it. I need you to tell me what you need so that I can give it to you, all right?"

Sandra's head snaps back at my chiding, and then she takes a deep breath and straightens in resolve even as her cheeks heat. "You're right. I'm sorry. I would love to pose and kneel and crawl for you as long as you tell me to do it because you enjoy the view, or because it demonstrates my willing submission; not because you're trying to humiliate me."

I cup her cheek more fully in my palm and lean over to kiss her lips briefly. "I do value your submission for the incredible gift that it is, baby. I appreciate you even considering submitting to me." Another kiss, longer this time, deeper, and when I finally speak again my voice comes out thick and aroused. "And I am very, very sure I would enjoy looking at you in any one of these positions."

Sandra breathes deep. "Thank you." I take one more taste from her lips and pull back before I get too distracted to finish our talk.

"So, babygirl - what other hard limits do you have on your list?"

She leans back a bit, takes a moment to clear her head before answering. "Er, well, no faeces or urine, no sex with animals, nothing that would get me arrested."

I chuckle. "Check, check and check. What else?"

She answers without hesitance this time. "No electricity or knife play. Those scare the shit out of me. And no blood or needles, either."

"All right." I say that easily but I guess she could see my reaction before I could completely school my features.

"Does-does that surprise you? Are any of these things stuff that you'd like to do with me?" Her unease is palpable even as she tries to be brave about it. I reach back to take her hand in mine, rubbing my thumb lightly across her knuckles.

"Well, first, it doesn't matter if these were the top items on my wish list, baby. You just said these are hard limits for you, so we won't be doing any of them, period. Unless at some point you tell me you've changed your mind and want to try them."

"I - okay..." She still seems unsure and I sigh and decide to explain my reaction so that she doesn't get the wrong impression.

"Sandra, baby, I was surprised you said no blood or needles simply because you're a nurse. I don't have any particular affinity to them, mind you. Just found it a bit peculiar given your chosen career."

I say it lightly, though she can hear the question in my tone and chooses to answer even though I hadn't quite asked.

"Yes, well, as a nurse I know how badly even a slight skin infection can deteriorate. I'd just prefer avoiding that risk." She shudders, clearly picturing the unpleasant possibilities in her mind.

"Ah. Gotcha." I am quick to agree. "Okay - so no electricity, knives, needles, blood or broken skin. What else?"

"Well..." Sandra hesitates for a second before continuing. "I don't mind marks being left on my skin, but I don't want anything permanent, and nothing that would be visible in my daily clothes."

I nod easily. "That's fair. Care to give me more specifics? Nothing on your face and neck, nothing on your hands and arms, nothing from the knees down... Anywhere else?"

Sandra worries her lower lip between her teeth before answering hesitantly: "Well, truth is I'd really like to still be able to wear my favorite swimsuit, but it is a bikini set. Not an ultra-skimpy one, but it's still a bikini...?"

Her hesitant answer-turned-request makes me smile wide. "You'll need to model that bikini for me soon!"

Sandra returns my smile tentatively but still looks troubled. The truth is I have no intention of leaving any marks on her skin, nothing more than a bright pink color that would fade soon after a session ends, maybe the occasional love bite... Nothing close to the welts and bruises my attack left on Naomi. I stop the thought short and push it resolutely to the back of my mind before I get sucked into it.

"Baby, I wouldn't dream of stopping you from rocking your favorite bikini, so for the duration of the swimming season I'd make sure any marks, if at all, would be limited to your lovely behind and to your breasts, all right?"

Her smile is relieved. "Yes. Thank you." Then she seems to mull it over in her head again before adding - "and while we're on the subject I just thought of something else. Same as I don't want people seeing marks on my skin I also don't want them seeing me - well, exposed. Like, seeing my naked privates. Or wearing extremely revealing or trashy clothes. That would amount to humiliation for me... I hadn't thought of it before but I'd like to add that to my hard limits."

I nod. "Sure, baby. You got it."

Sandra breathes another sigh but then seems to jump up - "well, actually -" and stops abruptly.

"Yes...?"

She swallows hard before finishing her thought. "Well, I was just thinking - I don't think I'd mind being exposed in... in 'designated areas', like in a special club or a nudist beach. That could be exciting... just not anywhere that isn't... well, lifestyle-friendly, I guess."

I find myself holding back another delighted chuckle at the possibilities her words give rise to.

"Okay baby. Thank you for clarifying. So - no public exposure unless in front of 100% guaranteed friendly audience, people who wouldn't think any less of you for exhibiting yourself in front of them. Anything else on your hard limits list?"

Sandra double checks and looks back to me with a smile. "Nope. I think we covered it all."

I lean towards her and place a congratulatory kiss on her lips.

"You're doing great, baby. I am very pleased with you, and I promise I will respect these limits at all times."

"Thanks" she breathes, her eyes drooping to focus on my mouth, but I lean back and nudge her chin upwards so that she meets my eyes again.

"Okay then. Let's move on to your soft limits. Any areas you're willing to explore but need me to tread carefully as we do so? Things you may be a bit nervous about or aren't sure you're going to like, but are willing to try at least once?"

Sandra leans back and takes a deep, fortifying breath before consulting the pink-and-purple scribbles in her hand and then turning back to me.

"Well, breath-play kinda scares me but also seems super-hot, so I'd like to try at some point... also playing in public but without exposure and being careful not to get caught could be fun."

My eyes drop to her throat as she speaks, and I gulp hard. I'd never tried breath play before. I can imagine the rush I would get from controlling the very air Sandra could draw into her lungs, but at the same time it is downright scary. So much could go wrong. Horribly wrong.

The vague unease in my gut intensifies until it cannot be ignored. Fuck. Panic alert. Back up Dan. It's certainly not something to jump right into with a newbie, anyways. Besides, you'd need to do a ton of research first, so it would be a while until it's even a valid option. Take it easy, man.

"Okay" I answer vaguely, and nod for her to continue. It seems she hadn't noticed my momentary pause. Phew.

"Um, I'm also willing to try anal although in the few times I'd tried it wasn't very pleasurable... It wasn't horrible either, so if that's something you'd really like to do I'd be willing to do it for you."

I can't keep from touching her now. My hand seems to be drawn of its own accord to her soft, warm neck.

"Thank you for that, babygirl. I'm sure fucking your absolutely phenomenal ass is something I'd want to do at some point. I would however strive to make it fun for you, too. All right?"

She smiles. "All right." and then her face grows worried again as she adds - "also, and somewhat related, I'm not sure how much pain I can take, really. I mean, the idea of erotic pain absolutely excites me and I'd enjoyed the few times I got a proper spanking, but I have no idea how that compares to 'real' punishment, so..."

Her voice trails off and now it's my turn to swallow my nerves as I reply.

"Well, baby, I'd love to tell you I'd help you explore your pain limits, but the truth is that's one of those areas in which my own hard limits may be stricter than yours."