Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 109

Somebody on top of the house screamed. Eulalie checked the cameras and saw that Cecilia had reached through the roof to grab someone by the ankles. She was dragging the man toward the edge of the roof, causing his teammates to chase after in an attempt to save him.

Gunfire ricocheted along the outside of the house, but the bullets wouldn't penetrate to those inside. Someone hit the front door with phosphorous rounds, but the flames soon petered out and the scorch marks faded away. The home's magical defenses easily held up to the abuse, but it was still unnerving to watch.

Three figures stepped free of the command center and fired on Cerberus with large, modified squirt guns. The water burst into white fire on contact with the hellhound, causing them to retreat. The attackers continued firing at the hellhound as more people stormed out of the tent and set up another sigil around them.

"Looks like things are about to heat..." Eulalie trailed off as the SoS signaled for an immediate withdrawal. Order and SoS personnel alike fled back toward the command center in full retreat. There was silence over the comms, eventually followed by a single voice.

"NOOOOOOOO!"

"What the hell happened?" Eulalie looked at all the monitors again. "Did they just...give up?"

"I doubt it," said Yuki. Out in the backyard, two mercenaries stumbled free of the iron gate and ran for it. The kitsune came out later and threw on the padlock. "Do you see anything?"

"I don't." Eulalie chewed at her fingernails and pondered. Something was going on, but what? "This was too easy."

"Isn't this what we wanted?" asked Reggie. "They've run away already."

"Yes, but..." Eulalie studied the monitors again, replaying some of the footage. What had just happened? Had the Director called them off? Or was it something else? She didn't know why, but she had a really bad feeling that they all had just been played.

"Up, up, up!" Kisa sprinted up the stairs ahead of Beth, leaving behind a blood trail from a cut on her paw. The cat girl had received it from a piece of broken glass, but the wound didn't seem to be slowing her down at all.

Beth, on the other hand, was already winded. The adrenaline rush of escaping from her room and climbing down the balcony had worn off. The sudden drop in her blood sugar had taken the wind out of her sails.

"Are you...sure we...going..." Beth couldn't even finish her sentence.

"Yes!" Kisa paused by one of the doors and cocked her head. "This way," she declared, pulling open the door. A mage stood on the other side, his hand outstretched as if to grab the handle.

"Wha--" was all he managed as Kisa smashed the top of her head into his face. He cried out in pain and dropped his wand on the floor. The cat girl picked it up and shoved him down.

"C'mon," she said, then tossed the wand to Beth. "Use that if you need to."

Beth caught the wand and studied it. "I have...no...fuck it." She pointed the wand at the injured man and channeled her magic through the device, hoping for the best. A pulse of blue light sent him sliding across the floor like a hockey puck. "Good...enough."

"We're getting closer. He's this way!" Kisa froze in place, then crouched next to a trash can just as a merman turned the corner in the hallway.

"Hey!" The merman charged at Beth, but tripped over Kisa's outstretched foot. Beth blasted him with the wand, too, causing him to crumple into a ball. Kisa kicked him in the ass, making him flinch and scoot aside so that Beth didn't have to step over him.

"I don't think they were expecting this much resistance." Kisa led Beth down the hall to an exterior stairwell that looked over the property. Beth let out a sigh of relief when the catgirl went down instead of up. If she could just catch her breath, she would be fine.

They descended two flights of stairs, but Kisa hissed and slid to a stop on the landing. She turned tail and ran back in Beth's direction as a blast of magic barely missed her. The landing filled with Order personnel, their faces tense as Beth waved her wand and sent a blast of magic in their direction. An opposing mage deflected it, but Beth had already turned around to follow after the catgirl.

"Halt!"

A bolt of ice caught Kisa in the back and she slipped before tumbling onto the floor. Beth slowed to a stop and held her hands up, the wand loosely dangling between her fingers.

"Turn around, slowly!"

She turned to face them. There were six of them, three Order teams. One of the mages had stepped back from the group and was speaking into her walkie-talkie.

"We've got the lawyer and the intern over in 4D, but...I don't think that's the intern." The woman narrowed her eyes at Kisa. "Copy."

"4D?" The man on the other end of the line made a sound. "Shit, he's almost on top of you! Copy!"

"Who?" The mage suddenly looked concerned.

"Mike Radley. You should have a visual to the south about...now."

The men and women of the Order spun on a dime just as Mike stepped around the corner, holding an umbrella over his shoulder. He gave the group a large grin, then held out his hand.

"Looks like it might rain," he said, then snapped his fingers. The Order tensed up, but nothing happened. Mike frowned and looked down the hallway he had just come from. "I said, it looks like it might--"

A trio of colorful lights shot around the corner along the ceiling. Cerulea, Olivia, and Daisy ripped the heads off of the sprinkler system, spraying the hallway with water.

Mike twirled his umbrella and jumped into the air, kicking his loafers together. There was a brief moment of confusion, but a knight stepped forward, holding her sword out.

"You're coming with us," she said.

"Not this time," Mike replied. "But maybe later, if you're good." He looked past the Order and winked at Beth. "Am I making you wet?"

Beth snorted. This was absolutely Lily. "You're late."

Mike gasped and held a hand to his chest. "If I am, then the baby must be yours!"

"What the hell is up with this guy?" asked one of the Order, but then Mike spun his umbrella and lobbed it playfully toward them. The knight in front of the group slashed it out of the air, only to reveal that Mike was right behind it. He slammed his fist into the woman's jaw so hard that everyone heard the crack, then slid beneath a ray of fire from the mage behind the knight. Another knight leapt forward to stab Mike, but he stepped to the side and grabbed the man by the back of his neck and shoved his face through the stucco of the nearest wall. The knight went limp, his body dangling from where he had been planted.

Beth sent her magic into the water from the sprinklers and created a geyser that blasted up from the floor and blinded the group. Mike laughed, his eyes closed as he continued to dodge and weave between his assailants. One mage went over the railing, only to catch himself at the last second.

Once the Order was taken out, Mike grinned and grabbed Beth by the hand. He bent down and kissed her hand.

"Your chariot awaits," he said.

"You're a drama queen." Beth looked over her shoulder at Kisa, who sat with her back against the wall. She rolled her eyes at Lily-Mike.

"Perhaps." Mike took her by the hand and led her to the stairs. "But we can discuss my good qualities later. This place sucks. Let's go."

"Let's." Beth snatched her hand away to go back for Kisa, then the three of them went down the stairs together. They made it all the way down to the first floor and were headed for the lobby when the Captain stepped around the corner, a flintlock pistol held casually in his hand.

"There you are," he declared, his features twisted with malice. "You were quite the adversary, Mike Radley, but your time here is over."

Mike grinned. "That gun's a lot like you. Blows its load once and--"

The Captain pulled the trigger. Beth screamed and plugged her ears as Mike's head jerked back and the smell of sulfur filled the hallway. Mike fell to the ground, his body going limp.

"Enough with the hysterics." The Captain holstered the flintlock with a smug look on his face. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got--"

Mike's body spasmed, then went completely stiff. The Captain froze as Mike rose from the ground much like Nosferatu from his coffin, his dark eyes suddenly wild.

Mike spat out a bloody musket ball, which clattered on the floor.

"What are you?" asked the Captain, incredulous.

"This isn't even my final form," Mike whispered, then reached for the front of his shorts and pulled. The fabric ripped away, leaving Mike naked from the waist down, his soft cock hanging to his knees. "Now, c'mon. Let's have a proper duel, see who the bigger man is once and for all."

Captain Francois sputtered, his eyes suddenly fixed on Mike's lengthening member. "This is outrageous! You seek to humiliate me?" he demanded with a squeak in his voice. The man cleared his throat and drew his blade. "Thousands have stood between me and eternal life, Caretaker. You are just one more obstacle to be buried."

"Suck my dick," said Mike, and then he charged forward. The Captain brought his blade down on Mike's cock, only for the member to dodge out of the way and stab upward into Francois's chin. Lily's tail spike emerged, stabbing Francois several times in the face before he pushed the succubus away.

"Wretched creature!" Francois whipped his sword across Mike's torso and, with a dramatic flourish, speared him through the heart.

"Ooh, balls deep," grunted Mike. "I barely feel--"

Francois slammed his fist into Mike's head with a sound like cars colliding. The succubus exploded into a cloud of yellow smoke.

"Ah, a shame," said Francois, choking on the fumes. He coughed and waved his hands. "I knew something felt wrong. It will take more than... a demon's parlor tricks... to stop me." He stumbled toward Beth and then clutched his head. "Dreaded...miasma..."

"C'mon," said Kisa. She grabbed Beth by the hand and the two of them ran toward the lobby. Beth looked over her shoulder at Francois, who was clutching a nearby pillar for support. A dark fluid oozed from his eyes as he let out a scream, forcing Lily's venom from his body.

Okay, that's really fucked up. Clearly, the Captain had a few secrets of his own.

Kisa helped Beth sneak past a group of people trying to put out a fire that had spread to the restaurant by the pool. They were almost to the lobby when a figure stepped free of the chaos, casually moving around a wet spot on the concrete. When their eyes met, Mike grinned and gave them a wave.

"There you are." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Ratu's on her way, she's just having a word with the Director. We need to get home, they--"

Mike frowned, his gaze settling behind Beth. She turned to see Captain Francois standing about thirty feet behind her, his pistol in one hand and the sword in the other.

"There you are." Francois sneered and raised his blade. "You shall elude me no longer."

"Ah, right. This asshole." Mike sighed and stepped to the side so that Beth and Kisa were no longer between the two of them. "No skeletons today?"

"I have no need of them." Francois aimed his flintlock pistol at Mike. "And the world has no need of you."

"Before we kill each other, why the old pistol? Why not something modern, or even a gun that holds two bullets?"

"Because I rarely need more than one."

"Guess I'm living proof of that." Mike smirked.

Francois grinned. "An annoyance to be sure, but it does mean I shall have the satisfaction of shooting you a second time. Also, to answer the rest of your question, I'm sentimental. It was a gift."

Mike nodded. "So there's no hashing this out? You don't want to talk?"

Francois tilted his head to one side and then aimed his pistol upward. "I'm not entirely unreasonable," he admitted. "Your death is only a means to an end, you know. I have no desire to play the Great Game, or whatever you call it. I also have no use for your home or whatever other properties you lord over. The only thing I crave is immortality, and those eggs are my ticket to it. If you have a way to grant me that which I seek, no matter the method, then I would be more than happy to, as your generation is so fond of saying, fuck off."

"I see." Mike looked at Beth. "Do we have anything like that in the Vault?" he asked. At the same time he spoke with her, he used his hands to sign something else in ASL.

I need you three to disable the gun.

Francois was too busy looking at Beth to see her response to notice the fairies hovering above him. Beth scrunched up her face as if in concentration to hide the fact that she had looked at them.

"Um..." She looked at Kisa. "What do you think? Anything in the Vault we could use?"

Kisa shrugged. Francois actually blinked in disbelief upon noticing the catgirl.

"Um...maybe the...no, that wouldn't work...we got rid of that..." Kisa eventually shrugged. "No, I can't think of anything."

Francois smirked. "A pity." He looked back at Mike. "While you may not have any other methods of achieving my goal, those eggs will do quite nicely. The alchemical value of the creatures inside would be enough to ensure my survival for another thousand years if necessary, which would--"

"Fuck off." Mike crossed his arms. "You're right. We are fond of saying it."

"Indeed." Francois aimed the flintlock pistol and pulled the trigger. He stared in amazement at the colorful trio who had landed on his weapon and removed the hammer. Cerulea mooned the Captain as Olivia yanked the last screw out of the side of the gun, causing the weapon to fall apart in Francois' hand.

"Pests!" Francois swiped his sword at the fairies. Cerulea and Olivia scattered, but Daisy remained behind, a fierce look on her face as she darted in at Francois and stung him in the eye. He cried out in pain and fell backward, swinging blindly as he clutched at his wounded eye.

"If you want to keep the other eye, you should probably get back on your fucking boat and start rowing." Mike took a step toward the Captain. "I'm not in a very forgiving mood right now."

Francois held his blade out at shoulder height in Mike's direction. "I shall have your head," he hissed.

"Mike, be careful!" Beth took a step away from the two of them. "He's freakishly strong!" She looked around for a potential weapon, the wand in her hand felt like it would be useless. Spotting a hot tub nearby, she sent her will into the body of water and commanded it to rise.

"I'm not afraid of how strong he is," Mike replied, sticking his hands in his pockets. "After all--"

Francois leapt forward, his body leaving the ground as he crossed the distance between them in an instant. He brought his blade down as if to cleave Mike in two, but his momentum was halted by the explosion of blue slime that shot out of Mike's breast pocket. Opal appeared, both of her arms wrapped tightly around the blade.

"He's just one man." Mike looked past Opal at Francois, who was trying to pull his blade free. "Meet Opal. She's pretty pissed about that time you almost killed me."

The slime girl winked at Francois, then engulfed his arms. The Captain cried out in pain, but was only able to yank one arm free. Opal stood there, her body twisting as both the sword and the arm inside were wrenched violently about, the bones snapping in multiple locations. Francois fell and clawed at the concrete as Opal attempted to engulf him properly.

"Even a captain of the sea will fall prey to fluid dynamics." Mike moved to stand with the others. Beth relaxed her hold on the massive sphere of hot tub water that had started to levitate out of its basin. Francois groaned in agony as Opal shifted her weight onto his torso, determined to end the man's life.

Up above, the top floor of Paradise exploded.

Ratu didn't bother watching Mike leave. She could feel his presence like the heat of the sun, his warmth moving across her skin no matter the distance. However, now wasn't the time for thoughts about the Caretaker or her place in his life. She studied the smooth wall where the elevator was supposed to be, narrowing her eyes in disgust.

With a clenched fist, she used her magic to rip the stone facade off the wall, revealing the elevator shaft behind it. With the illusion now broken, the security keypad next to it was revealed. As Ratu pondered how to bypass the keypad and call the elevator to the lobby, she watched with arched brows as the car lifted up from below and stopped. The doors slid open and two people fell out, clutching their swords. The elevator car was packed with Order personnel, all on the floor and reeking of sexual fluids.

Ratu smirked. This was absolutely Mike's work.

"We need to..." The knight who had crawled the furthest looked up at Ratu's feet, then craned his neck up to see her face.

"Going up?" she asked.

The knight groaned. "Are you going to kill us?" he asked. "I'm not sure what answer I want to hear, honestly."

"I wasn't planning to." Ratu stepped past them and into the car. "But I am heading upstairs to kill your boss."

A mage on the floor raised her wand. "Not if we stop you," she said, her voice hoarse.

Ratu covered her entire body in fire. The occupants of the car screamed in panic as the oxygen was quickly sucked out of the small space. When she released the spell, everyone looked up at her in terror.

"Out," she said, her facial features rippling.

The men and women squirmed out of the car either of their own volition or with help from the others. Ratu pressed the P button and crossed her arms as the door closed. The elevator hummed to life and carried her up.

How many decades had it been since she had last seen Mohan? She closed her eyes and took a steadying breath. Ratu honestly didn't know. The last time she had left him behind, she had run, content to take every day without his loathsome presence as a gift. And gifts were something a gracious recipient should never count.

She did know that it hadn't been long enough. It would never be long enough. Down below, she felt the presence of a fire out by the pool. Looking over her shoulder, she spotted members of the Order trying to put it out.

"How fitting," she muttered, then closed her eyes and remembered.

She had seen the smoke from her home atop the mountain. Her shrine was built down by the waterfall, but her actual abode lie within a hidden valley above that she had sliced from the mountain itself. Even if the villagers had known where she lived, it would have been a hundred foot trip straight up the sheer cliffs.

Puzzled by the sudden surge of activity, she had stepped away from her house, never once looking back. Perhaps if she had known it would be the last time she saw it, she would have at least paused to admire the beautiful Javanese home. Intricate reliefs had been carved into the wood by the villagers who had brought them as tributes to her shrine, some of the designs even telling stories about her own arrival. She had meticulously installed them in her home, even going so far as to expand the walls to make room for more potential additions later on.

In truth, she enjoyed the simple joy her presence brought to the people below. In times of famine, it was no chore to find an untapped aquifer and water their fields. And in times of plenty, they brought her food and gifts. Her saree was plain, unlike the beautiful silken garments she had worn beneath the earth with her people. But it had been a gift of gratitude from a family who had nearly lost their son to the mischievous spirits of the river. Many of those spirits had moved further downstream to avoid incurring the naga's wrath.

She felt needed, and it was the biggest gift they could have given her. so when she saw the ominous smoke over the village, she decided to investigate. Opening a hole into the earth, she casually tunneled through the rich minerals and granite of the mountain and emerged from a secret opening behind the waterfall. Sliding into the water, she transformed into a massive serpent and allowed the current to carry her downstream.