Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 041

The demon's face was ruined, but healing rapidly. Scales and flesh were growing back across his skull. "I'm uninterested in your questions."

"Even if I ask you a good one? Like, for instance, what are all the lines of code necessary to run Google?"

Oliver's face contorted and steam hissed from his eye sockets. His horn had finished regrowing now, his regeneration speeding up. He raised his claw in the air.

"Follow up question. What are those lines of code converted into morse code?"

Oliver's hand faltered and he shook his head, then clutched it in pain.

Mike laughed, egging Oliver on. "I knew it! You still have to process the information, don't you? Hard to do with half your fucking face gone, isn't it?"

The demon bellowed, shaking his head and coating Mike in spittle and blood.

"If you shuffled up the morse code randomly and printed out every configuration and then shuffled those up..." Oliver placed his hand over Mike's mouth, silencing him.

"Enough!" Oliver bellowed, holding up his other hand, the talons narrowing into razors. His yellow eyes had reformed and the skin of his face was nearly complete. He focused his gaze on Mike. "You're dead."

Mike briefly twisted his mouth free of Oliver's hand. "How is a raven like a writing desk?!?"

Oliver's eyes flashed and he let out a grunt, bloody drool falling from his mouth. Smoke emanated from his face now, coming out of his nostrils and his ears. It lasted just a few moments, and then he tilted his face down toward Mike's. "I'm going to peel you like a grape and then fuck your skull, you weak bag of flesh."

"Yeah, well..." Mike mumbled, then twisted his mouth free again. "You owe me a new kitchen knife."

Oliver's brow furrowed. "What?"

Yuki slammed into Oliver from behind, the magic dagger sinking into the back of his skull. He reached back, eyes rolling into his head, and then his body went limp and he fell onto Mike. Mike scurried free and Yuki rolled off of the demon and pulled the dagger free, then stabbed him in the head again. Oliver let out a gurgling whimper, the first wound already closing and one eye swiveling around to focus on the kitsune. Twisting his head sideways, Yuki jammed the blade into his temple and let go. The demon went completely limp and collapsed, his claws twitching.

Mike stood up and joined Yuki. She watched the demon twitch for a moment and then picked up Tink's club from the ground nearby. She walked toward the demon and used the club as a hammer on the pommel of the dagger. It sank even deeper into Oliver's skull. She did this over and over again until the loud cracking of bone could be heard. Hammering it even deeper, the hilt sank beneath his skull, blood like black tar leaking onto the ground. Only an inch of the pommel was visible now.

Mike gagged at the sight and turned away. He took a few seconds to compose himself and turned back. As Ratu had predicted, the wound had mostly healed already, the knife now firmly embedded in Oliver's skull. The sharp blade inside his brain had disabled him completely, trapping him in a state of death.

Yuki pinched the pommel and yanked it, causing Oliver's head to lift.

"That's not coming out anytime soon," she said, slamming Oliver's head back on the ground. "If anything, it might go deeper, but he's gonna have a tough time with a dagger floating around in there."

Mike let out a huge sigh. They had done it. "Okay, so what now?"

"First, we get Beth out of here." Yuki sat on the ground and let out a groan. "I think he broke some of my ribs."

"Yeah, well, we'll get you patched up when we get home." He grinned. "Your plan was brilliant, by the way."

"Thank you, I... we needed to do this." She let out a pained breath and stood back up. "Let's get Beth home and then teach the Society that you don't fuck with the Radley House."

Mike laughed. "I'll go find that pool if you'll go get the rats."

--

Yuki stood atop the pavilion, her eyes scanning the garden below. The rats were everywhere, hundreds of them, scouting the ground. Oliver's body had been moved into the pavilion proper where several rodents stood guard in case his body found a way to push the dagger out of his skull.

Mike appeared through the bushes, followed by Tink. When his eyes met Yuki's, he gave her a thumbs up. "She's safe. She just sort of emerged from the pool, so we all dragged her out. Ratu is busy working on the cure right now, so by tomorrow, everyone should be safe."

"Good." Yuki let out a sigh. No matter what happened next, at least that was one debt repaid. Her lungs burned with every breath, her wounds from Oliver more severe than she had let on. They would heal in time, but she would have to live with the pain for now.

"Lord Mike." Reggie appeared from one of the hedges. "I believe we are ready to begin."

"Do you think it will work?"

Reggie took off his plastic glasses and wiped them off on his shirt. Yuki fought the urge to laugh at the absurdity of a rodent pretending that he had actual glasses. What the Rat King was about to accomplish was nothing short of a miracle.

"I do," Reggie said, placing his glasses back on and adjusting his crown. "We have already located and isolated other worlds like this one, so no other creatures will be harmed. Those places, though, will be utterly destroyed once we begin."

"Okay, good." Mike looked at Yuki. "As for you... are you good?"

"Of course." Yuki gazed across the garden. The stone animals were slowly transforming into twisted, macabre versions of their former selves. With Oliver out cold, his mental control over the garden was weakening. Soon, the trap would be laid, and all they could do was wait.

"Then let's begin." Mike nodded at Reggie, who signaled to some rats nearby. Those rats set off, and then the entire garden filled with the sound of chewing.

Mike climbed on top of the pavilion with Yuki's help, his eyes on the work below. It would be a while before any of the portals would open.

"This is so surreal," Mike said, watching them work. "I'm watching magic rats coordinate an interdimensional highway inside of a prison world that looks like the Mad Hatter's tea party. That's what made me think of the raven question, actually. I watched the Alice cartoon as a kid, and wondered if a question like that would confuse him. Pissed him off pretty bad, that was a surprise for me."

Yuki chuckled. "This place has been around since the eighteen hundreds, according to Zel's journal. I'm wondering if Lewis Carroll himself once passed through the looking glass, if you catch my drift."

"Do you really think he was here? I thought he was just a mathematician."

"In some ways, math is just another type of magic." Yuki coughed, wincing. "He may have visited, been trapped here, or even overheard the story about this place from a friend. Maybe even used that question to escape, who knows? You'll find that every story tends to have a kernel of truth, and some truths are far more interesting than others."

"I see." He looked out over the gardens.

"Mike?"

"Yeah?"

"What's a Google?"

He laughed. "That's a good question! It's easier to show you when we get home." His brow furrowed and he turned to look at her. "Also, I've been meaning to ask you. Once we get everyone back to normal, what were you thinking of doing?"

"What do you mean?" Yuki fought the nauseous feeling rising up in her throat. Whether it was from her busted ribs or anxiety, she couldn't be sure.

"Well, I mean..." Mike cleared his throat. "Where are you going to stay? After this?"

"I thought..." Yuki hung her head. She hadn't really thought that far ahead. In a way, it didn't make a whole lot of sense for her to stick around. After all, she had almost lost the house to a group of witches. Nobody in the house even remembered her, which meant that as far as they were concerned, she was still the enemy.

She had been stupid to think that her hard work would help make up for the trouble she caused. Lost in thought, she realized that Mike was still speaking to her.

"-or you could stay in the tower, if you'd rather. It's just that the current rooms are either a mess or occupied. The rats will probably shift a bit, but I don't want you to be offended because I offered you the servants quarters, that's just the only one that's remotely ready to be a bedroom."

"Wait... what?" She turned toward him. "You want me to stay?"

"Only if you want to. I know you have mixed feelings about what happened, and you're certainly free to go. I just didn't know which room you wanted and was trying to make conversation. You can stay in the tower, but that might make you nervous about getting trapped again, so I didn't want to assume anything."

"You realize what you're asking, right? You want me to stay here, to live with you, even after everything I've done."

His face darkened and he lowered his voice. "I want you to stay because of what you've done."

Yuki blinked a couple of times, unsure of what she had just heard. "You want me here because... because I tried to kill you?"

"Kind of." He kept his eyes on the distant rats. "I keep thinking about that shadow thing and it makes me wonder. What else is tucked away in the house, waiting to try and manipulate me? What if something causes me to hurt somebody one day, like Emily did? Who would notice, who would be able to stop me from going off the deep end?"

"You don't think the others would notice?"

He shrugged. "They might. But would they be able to do what needed to be done?" Mike turned to look at her. "I have a feeling that you would, but I hope it never comes to that. I know that you only want what is best for the house. Even in the middle of hating me, you were able to set your feelings aside. Abella told me that you tried to give her the key and come get me. That still counts, even if it didn't work."

"I guess." She crossed her arms and scowled. "So you want me to stay just so I can kill you in case you go off the deep end?"

"What?" He looked confused for a moment, his eyes eventually settling on the wry grin on Yuki's face. He chuckled and shook his head. "No, I want you to stay because you belong here, with the others. They might not remember you now, but they're still the same people you used to know. I just wanted to be up front with you that I'm aware that something might happen to me someday. I rarely have a plan, and I've gotten lucky more than once. Someday, that luck might run out, and I need to know I can depend on you." Mike chuckled. "That, and if this plan you came up with works, it's going to really piss off some people. I wouldn't mind the extra firepower at home."

"If they survive." A grin crossed her lips. "Okay, we have a deal. We can worry about room assignments after I get back."

"Good." He patted her head, then jerked his hand back. "I'm really sorry. I have no idea why I keep doing that."

"It's... it's okay." She couldn't help but smile. "It reminds me of an old friend."

"Okay then." He did it again, but gave her hair a good ruffle. A hot breeze blew across both of their backs, and he turned around to look. Down on the ground, one of the first portals had been opened. "Oh boy, I'm getting nervous."

"Me too." They watched together in silence as the rats did their work, the portals opening throughout the garden. Eerie light from different worlds cast a technicolor glow into the sky. Each portal went to a world that was like this one, completely closed off from everywhere else.

Beneath them, the ground began to rumble.

Mike broke the silence. "I did want to ask you a question."

"What's that?"

"Why is the Grim Reaper out in my front yard?"

Yuki grinned. "I traded away a decade of my life to trap an avatar of Death inside of that card. He was meant for Emily, but she had already passed. Once summoned, the avatar must collect the soul of the person I request before it can return to... I guess wherever Death exists."

"So he's not actually the Grim Reaper?" He held up his hands and made a pair of air quotes.

"Death is more of a concept than a person or a deity. Just think of it like one of your mall santas. They aren't the real santa, just one of his helpers, an extension."

"Ah. I see. So... he's just stuck here? In my front yard?" He paused, deep in thought. "Is he... safe?"

"I guess. I tried to use the card on that Amir guy, but apparently his soul wasn't in his body, or whatever. So until Amir actually dies and crosses over, Death is stuck on here." She shrugged. "This is new territory for me, too. As for being safe... I'm not sure."

"Lord Mike?" Reggie coughed from down below. "It's going to become fairly unstable soon. You may wish to climb down from there."

"Sure." He climbed down first, then offered a hand to Yuki, who followed. The ground rumbled and she fell into his arms. He caught her easily, holding her close against him until the tremors passed. It was an oddly comforting sensation, feeling his arms around her body, the most human contact she had had in over a decade. His nymph magic washed over her, at once so similar to Emily's, but already so very different.

She steadied herself and the ground shook again.

Reggie scampered up. "We will be done here shortly. The exit portals have all been sealed, so you will need to use the reflecting pool here to get home."

"You're sure the pool will take us home?" Yuki asked.

"Of course!" Reggie drew himself to his full height. "My subjects are leaving the same way. It returns you to the closest reflective surface to your departure point on Earth."

"You're gonna get wet, though," Mike added.

"Not the worst thing that's ever happened to me." She turned her attention to the horizon. "I guess we should get started."

Mike walked with her to the edge of the garden. The rats had trimmed the hedges down over the last couple of hours, giving them a clear path to the edge of the floating garden. When they got there, they got on their hands and knees and crawled to the edge, peering down into the depths below.

It was possibly miles of nothing, followed by shifting clouds beneath. When the clouds moved, Yuki could see something beneath them, shifting around. Beth had told them that she thought it was souls who had gotten trapped here, but Yuki suspected something far more sinister.

"What's down there?" he asked. The ground shook beneath them, and both of them clutched nearby rocks tightly.

"Doesn't matter. Won't be there long." The ground rattled again, and a stone tumbled free of a nearby garden wall, falling into the void beneath. "We should scoot back."

"Agreed." They moved away about ten feet and then stood. The ground rumbled under them again, and Yuki realized that she no longer saw any trace of the rats. Across the garden, she spotted a few of them migrating toward where she knew the exit to be, followed by a giant pillar of floating rats that spiraled into the sky, each one winking out of existence like a star chased away by the dawn.

They walked back to the pavilion. The ground rumbled so intensely now that the pavilion had toppled, as well as several of the nearby statues. Except for the path that the rats had made from the edge to the exit, the soft glow of open portals was everywhere.

"Ugh." Mike held his stomach. "You can feel your equilibrium shift when you walk too close to some of them." They walked to the pool to see a steady stream of rats stepping inside. Reggie was there, speaking the magic words that activated the portal.

"Ixiar Tobish Anuit," the Rat King said, sending another cluster of rats skyward. Mike and Yuki waited until he had sent them all into the sky, and he turned around to face them.

"Well?" Mike asked.

"It was difficult, but we managed to very carefully reach the threshold." Once the words were out of his mouth, the world trembled around them. Air pressure varied, and the ground bucked. "I strongly suspect that the addition of any other portal in this world will cause it to collapse."

Yuki couldn't help but smile. Much like Alice, she had no idea what a flame would look like after it had gone out, but Reggie had assured her that the garden would likely cease to exist. It had been sealed away so completely that it was its own pocket universe. As for Oliver? He couldn't return to Hell or Earth, which likely meant utter annihilation or an eternity trapped in a place where neither time or space existed.

Either way, he deserved it.

"Great job Reggie. Are all of your subjects out?"

"Only I remain." Reggie gave Mike a salute. "I look forward to seeing you on the other side."

"And you will." Mike knelt down and took the king's paw in one hand. "We couldn't have done this without you."

Reggie's whiskers twitched, and Yuki could have sworn he was smiling.

The Rat King stepped into the pool and spoke the magic words, his body slowly raising into the sky until it disappeared from view.

"The timing on this is going to be tricky," Mike said.

"I'm aware," Yuki told him. The two of them followed the path back toward the edge, but Mike took a small detour to contemplate Oliver's body once more.

"Something wrong?" Yuki asked.

"That dagger has bailed me out of more trouble than I care to admit," he told her. "I got it off of a witch who came to kill me my first week in the house. It cuts through anything, I'm honestly lucky to still have all of my fingers." He wiggled all ten of them for her. "I guess I'm a little sad to leave it behind. I mean, I get why it needs to be this way, but it's almost like it was a part of me."

"It was never a part of you," Yuki said, holding in another cough. "It was a tool that had its uses, sure, but it was never meant to be wielded by the likes of you."

"The likes of me?" He frowned at her.

"You're not meant to be a fighter, we both know that now. You are the Caretaker. You use the tools at your disposal to keep our home safe. Sometimes it means fighting, but usually it means nurturing, taking care of the home and the people inside it. I see it in how the others look to you for guidance, and I sincerely wish I had seen it before." She took a deep breath, then let out a terrible cough, clutching her sides. "You are already so far ahead of where she ever was. If I had known that when I first saw you, I would have hurled a much bigger piece of ice at you, or had my Jabberwock snatch you up in its jaws."

He let out a chuckle, then sighed. "Yeah, well, there will always be something out to get me." He knelt down by Oliver and tenderly touched the pommel of his knife. "It was just so comforting knowing that I had a weapon, in case trouble found me."

"From now on, I'll be your weapon." The words were easy to say, but she almost felt like she had cast a spell, the air rippling oddly around them. It was likely the effect of this pocket universe being pincushioned to the point of annihilation, but she couldn't be sure.

Mike stood. "Then I guess I better keep you close by. Are you ready?"

"Yeah." They walked together toward the edge of the garden and gazed down into the depths below from a safe distance. The distant clouds shifted hungrily, as if eager for their meal.

Yuki pulled a card from her pocket and held it up. The Sun card was warm in her hand, the energy of over a decade's worth of direct sunlight stored inside. It was one of the first cards she had made, but one of the last she had finished. Each line of art had been painstakingly drawn at night beneath Daisy's magical glow, the only light that was safe to draw it by. Hungry for heat, it had gobbled up the sun's light so quickly that an unnatural winter had settled in to the mountain for several months until she could control its intake.

She slid her hand across the face of the card and tossed it over the edge. It shimmered and turned into an angry ball of light that rapidly expanded to the size of a small sedan before it vanished from view.