Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 060

"Good." Amymone picked up her book and then set it back down with a sigh. "You're still going to come visit me, right?"

"Of course." He had reached into his bag again and pulled out another letter from Naia. "Every day, if I can help it. Naia said she'll drown me if I don't."

"I bet she did." Amymone took the letter with a smile.

Up above, the sound of sobbing penetrated the window, and Mike felt his own breath hitch up in his chest when the unmistakable song of the banshee began. He knew that she would be able to come home but was now filled with terror at the idea that she may vanish again.

"Looks like they'll be done soon. I better get Yuki home, she's gonna need time to heal." He pulled several more books out of his bag. "I brought as many as I could find today, didn't know how long I'd be here."

"I appreciate it. I appreciate you." Her shimmering brown eyes found his. "Look, if you don't find it, I just want to let you know that I don't blame you. I don't want you to blame yourself, either. Real life isn't like books, and that's okay. Not everybody gets a happy ending."

"Amymone, I—" He had no idea how he intended to finish the statement, and the dryad was now suddenly interested in the book she had been holding. How many years would she be stuck here, waiting to fade into nothingness? It was a problem with no good solution.

"Mike?" Yuki stood just inside the backdoor. Her head was turned away, as if hiding her face. "Can we go home?"

"Yeah, c'mon."

He bid Amymone farewell again and escorted Yuki to the front yard where Cerberus waited. The ride home was largely silent, though between the random howls of wandering demons, he could hear the faint sound of sobbing from Yuki.

Once home, Cerberus turned into their human form and followed them through the gate. A chain formed around their neck, and she stopped a few feet away from the gate and let out a whimper.

"Good girl," he made sure to tell them, patting each head. "You did a great job today, thank you." Their tail wagged even though their faces remained stoic, and the hellhound wandered back through the gate. Abella was waiting nearby with the lock, which she placed around the bars to secure it. On the other side of the gate, he could hear Cerberus growl, warning some wandering demons away.

After making sure that Yuki made it to her room okay, Mike went to the office. The new desk he had was covered in tea stains and a deep gouge where Death had dropped his scythe by accident while trying to find something in his pockets.

"Would you like some tea, Mike Radley?" Death stood by the far wall, looking at the map they had drawn so many days ago. It had been torn in half by a feisty spirit, but Death had taped it back together.

"Yes, please." Mike sat down in the chair and let out a sigh.

"It sounds as if you've had a long day, Mike Radley." Death picked up his teapot and wandered over to the side of the room where an empty cup had been set. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"Not a whole lot to say. Just emotionally draining is all."

"You should relax more. I heard a saying the other day, something about kicking up your feet. What does that mean?" Death came over, holding a cup in each hand.

"Oh. Some people like to put up their feet sometimes, to relax."

"That sounds very strange. Why would they do that?"

"I think it's something about blood flow." Mike leaned back in his chair, causing the wooden legs to creak beneath him, then put his feet up on the desk to demonstrate. "See? The blood can now leave my legs and my heart doesn't have to work so hard."

"The mortal world is silly." Death handed over Mike's tea. "I don't pretend to understand it."

"You'll get there, though some of it isn't worth—" In his reclined position, when Mike had lifted the tea to his lips to blow on it, something large and black tumbled out of his cup and landed on his chin. All his brain was able to process was the number of legs that it had, and he let out a yell as the chair slipped out from beneath him and he crashed to the floor.

"I HAVE TRICKED YOU, MIKE RADLEY!" Death danced about the room, then knelt down and picked something up off of Mike's chest and dangled it in front of his face. "Though you should know that you are safe, for the spider isn't real."

"You about gave me a heart attack!" Mike fought to untangle himself from the chair.

"That is a lie, Mike Radley. I would have sensed your impending doom." Death chuckled to himself, then took a sip of his tea. "Tink was right about waiting to trick you."

"Mike?" Beth appeared in the door, worry on her face. "You okay?"

"Just dealing with Death's sense of humor." Mike pulled himself off the ground.

"She helped me with this prank, Mike Radley. She knew about the spider and never said a word. This makes her my accomplice."

A stunned look crossed Beth's face, and she started sputtering out denials. Death made a clacking sound with his jaw as he moved past her.

"I must find Kisa and tell her about the time I tricked you, Mike Radley. She will be so proud of me. I will be back."

"Take your time," Mike muttered.

"I swear, I didn't know about the spider," Beth said. "Well, I did, but only kind of."

"It's fine, they just freak me out is all. And what do you mean, kind of?"

"It fell out of his pocket when he was trying to find his scythe. During the fight with the shadow. He even mentioned he was going to prank you with it."

"Ha! That makes sense." He looked over at the gouge in the desk. It was only a couple of days old, and he now wondered if Death had intended to use it that day but chickened out. It also occurred to him that Death had tricked him into tilting his chair back first, which meant he had planned the whole thing. "I think I have underestimated how far he's come."

"Oh, absolutely. I feel like we're raising a gifted toddler, only he excels in reading maps and reaping assholes." She smiled, then sat on the edge of his desk with her legs crossed. "So how did it go? I heard Yuki in her room, she's struggling but wanted to be left alone."

"Emily moved on, I know that much. I won't feel right about it until Cecilia comes back, though." He tapped his finger on the wood. "If I have to fight a demon king or something, I'm just going to take Tink's approach. Shoot them in the face or something."

She laughed. "I doubt that. That isn't who you are."

"Yeah, you're right. I'll just let Tink do it for me." He ran his fingers through his hair and then put his hands on the desk. "Shit, now I wish he really had given me some tea. I feel all worked up."

"Here, let me get it." Beth walked past him to where the tea kettle was. He handed over the cup that had contained the spider, and she poured in some tea. He couldn't help but notice that she was wearing a white dress with red spots on it that hugged her stomach and butt, then flared out dramatically just under her thighs. The last week had been so busy with home repairs that he had barely seen her except at meals.

"Thank you." He took the cup from her and sipped it, the sweet aroma of chamomile flooding his sinuses.

"You're welcome." Beth sat down on the edge of the desk again. "I feel like I haven't seen you."

"It's been busy," he replied. Was Beth wearing perfume? He couldn't tell if it was the chamomile or her, but he caught the occasional whiff of something pleasant. "Between fixing everything, buying new computers. That police thing where they came looking for Marco."

Apparently after being reported missing, police had done a welfare check on Marco and had discovered the ramblings of a madman in a journal he had kept by the bed. Though they didn't suspect Beth had been involved in his disappearance, they did tell her they thought he was dangerous and to be careful.

"Oh my god, don't even get me started. How many times did they want a statement from me? I hated having to lie like that, but I wasn't about to tell them any semblance of the truth. That was emotionally exhausting, and I hated how much time I wasted every day giving them official statements. As for new computers, that lightning storm of Quetzalli's fried everything, which meant we were in the dark ages for a few hours. Sure, I got a new phone out of the deal, but now I have to redo all my playlists." She tossed her hair back and laughed. "Kisa has been giving me recommendations. She's really opened up."

"She has." In fact, when he had woken up that morning, it was to discover that Tink and Kisa had curled up with him during the night. The memory of what had happened next put a smile on his face. "Though I still need to figure out what it means to have a familiar."

"You'll get there." She leaned back on the desk and looked at the wall. "I'm still sorry that the house got wrecked so bad."

"I thought I told you to stop apologizing for it?"

She shrugged. "You did, but I still feel bad. I just keep thinking that you would have done a better job of protecting the home."

"Hmm." Mike set down his tea. "I haven't talked much about what happened with the faerie queen, but that's been deliberate. I didn't want bad blood with anyone else, but I feel like I can share this with you. When I was trying to rescue Cecilia, she showed me what was happening to the house."

"Oh?" Beth arched her eyebrow and turned to look at him.

"Yeah. She wanted me to know just how bad it was, showed me that you were in trouble, and wanted me to bail on Cecilia." He spread his hands wide. "Obviously, you know what I chose."

She looked away from him, her hair hiding her face. "But did you really have a choice?"

"I did. She even offered to send me home right away. But I'll tell you the same thing I told her. I trust you. You're way smarter than I am, and I know you love this house and its occupants just as much as I do." He stood and moved around the desk so they could stand face to face.

When she turned toward him, their eyes locked, and his mouth was suddenly dry. Now that he was thinking about the conversation with Titania, he was remembering the rest of it, too. About how it made sense to have a life with another human, about how they could have a family of their own. An image of Beth with a swollen belly flashed through his mind, and his ability to comprehend English temporarily vanished.

Was that future a possibility for him? Could he start a family with Beth or someone else in the house? Was it even a good idea? These questions were very new to him, and he had no idea what to think or feel. It was a mixture of curiosity and terror, and he couldn't figure out which emotional thread to untangle.

"—and I've just been feeling like I don't contribute to the home like the others do," Beth continued.

Mike realized that his mind had wandered, and he hoped that he had at least been nodding along.

"So I guess I want to say thank you. Thank you for believing in me." Her eyes were shining now, and her face felt like it was closer than before. "It means a lot to know that you do."

"Uh, yeah, um..." He could no longer think. Now that she was close, it was her scent that he could smell. It reminded him of roses with just a faint hint of cherries, much like the circles on her skirt. Was that her perfume, or was it just her?

Her hand touched his, and he felt his heart slamming in his chest. What was it about Beth that made him so afraid?

"I'm just so grateful to know that I can lean on you when I need someone I can count on." It was the best that he could do, and her lips blossomed into a smile. The floral scent washed over him now, suddenly stronger, and he inhaled it, allowing it to seep into his senses.

She was so close now, and her eyes were closed.

"Wait." He held up his hand as a thought occurred to him.

Beth's expression went from soft and alluring to puzzled as she opened her eyes and scooted away from him.

It had been a stray thought, just a tickle on his mind, and he fought to recapture it. He closed his eyes and focused on what had snapped him out of his reverie with Beth. It had been her scent, almost like a sense memory, and he saw the flash of green in his mind's eye.

The Mandragora! Her smell had reminded him of the Mandragora, but it was more than that.

"What did I say to you just now?" he asked.

"Um...wait?"

"Before that!" He grabbed onto her arms with his hands, his thoughts now buzzing about loudly in his head.

"That you could lean on me."

"Lean, lean, Mandragora..."

On the night that the Mandragora had eaten Sarah, it had handed over a hiking staff. At the time, he had been injured, and had figured that the staff had been given to him to help him limp home.

But what if it wasn't?

He ran out of the office, leaving a bewildered Beth behind. In the living room, Reggie sat on the new living room table, engrossed in a game of Checkers with Jenny. The rat king looked up to watch Mike run through, allowing Jenny to shift two of her pieces unnoticed.

Mike ran down the hall to the back door, then shoved the door open hard enough that the door bounced off the siding of the house, eliciting a shriek of rage from Tink, who was currently working on a new dresser for Beth.

"Lover?" Naia called to him with concern in her voice as he sprinted to the greenhouse.

The day after he had returned from almost dying in the Mandragora's clutches, he had tucked the walking stick just off to the side of the greenhouse, thinking he might use it later. In typical fashion, he had promptly forgotten about its existence, and he nearly slid on a bald spot in the yard when he tried to come to a stop.

The windows of the greenhouse had long ago been repaired, the bushes outside of it now growing in tight clusters around its windows. From the outside, it looked ordinary enough, yet somehow contained a world within.

Just around the corner, he found the walking staff the Mandragora had given him. It was on the ground now, having slid from its resting spot against the side of the greenhouse.

He knelt down and picked it up. It looked like an ordinary stick that had been polished to avoid splinters and had a good heft to it. Much like the greenhouse, there was nothing extraordinary about it from the outside.

"But what if?" he wondered aloud, then ran back to the fountain.

Tink looked ready to give him hell, but he held the stick up high, causing the goblin to eye it with suspicion.

"Naia, where should I plant this?" he asked.

"What?" Naia moved to the edge of her fountain, a look of desperate hope in her eyes. "Did you...is that the heartwood?"

"I don't know. But if it is, where should I put it?"

Naia cupped her hands together and squirted a stream of water that landed about thirty feet from her fountain. Mike ran to the spot she had marked and then jammed the staff into the ground.

"Husband no plant tree that way," grumbled Tink, who shoved him and the stick out of the way. She was holding a small shovel in her hands. "Tink have to do everything."

She quickly dug a hole about a foot and a half deep, then stepped aside and let Mike put the butt end of the staff into the ground. The two of them scooped dirt back inside, and by now, Abella and Yuki had appeared to watch them. Sofia came next, still in an apron, and stood on the back porch.

"Now what?" Mike asked.

"Water," Naia declared, then sent a steady fountain of it at the staff.

Mike and Tink stepped away as the ground became saturated. Beth now stood next to Sofia, and at her feet, Jenny and Reggie had joined them. Jenny was wearing Reggie's crown, and the rat king squinted against the light of day.

The wind had gone still, and Mike felt like the whole world was holding its breath with him.

Minutes passed, and Naia stopped spraying water. The staff, now wet, looked otherwise unchanged.

"Shit," he muttered, then sat down on the ground in frustration. He had been so certain that he was right, and now just looked like an idiot.

"It's okay, lover." Naia blew him a kiss from the fountain. "At least you tried."

"Yeah." Her encouraging words didn't make him feel better, and he stood back up and walked over to the staff to yank it out of the ground.

It didn't move.

Beneath his hands, the oaken wood vibrated at such a frequency that he could feel his hand going numb. Thick tendrils of wood curled around his fist, trapping him in place as a tremor went through the ground. Everyone else had moved back, and Mike was unable to pull himself free. Branches sprouted from the staff, and he dodged them as best as he could. Tiny buds formed along the edges, then unfolded into thick, green leaves.

The ground beneath his feet ruptured, and he was carried into the air by the branches of an enormous tree. The tendrils holding his hands finally let go of him, and he tumbled down through its branches, the leaves guiding his fall. It was almost a twelve-foot drop from the bottom branches to the ground, and when he fell, a pair of roots lifted up and deftly caught him, cradling him like a child before lowering him to the ground.

The wood at the base of the tree creaked, and he looked over his shoulder to see a demure figure step away from the base. Her skin was slightly lighter than the bark of the tree, and her hair was a dark green. When she opened her eyes, he felt like he was staring into the heart of nature itself.

Amymone took a deep breath and let out a sigh of pleasure, then touched her face in disbelief. The others in the yard were cheering, but Mike was close enough that he could hear the dryad speak.

"Oh, wow, the ecosystem here is completely out of whack." Amymone shook her head, sending a cascade of leaves to the ground. Then she winked at Mike. "But it's an easy fix."

Overhead, the leaves of her tree turned from green to a brilliant gold. All around Naia's fountains, the plants went into fast forward as well. Petals from flowers fell off, and the grass turned yellow and became dormant. Leaves were already falling around them, creating the illusion that Amymone was surrounded by a golden halo. Her hair changed color as well, to match the leaves, and she knelt down and held out her hand to help Mike up.

"Now that," she told him, "is a proper happy ending."

I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for being one of my readers, and I hope this holiday season brings you nothing but comfort, joy, and the amazing stories you deserve to read.

Thank you for everything,

~Annabelle Hawthorne