Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 085

"Oh, sprinkles," Holly whispered. "I think they recognize Tink."

"I'm guessing that's not a good thing," Kisa whispered back, then covered her ears when the elves all pointed at Tink with clawed hands. They made an eerie hissing sound as they moved toward the trio, climbing over their workstations.

"Not today," Kisa declared, then ran toward the goblin with Holly in tow. Looking for an escape route, she spotted a nearby conveyor belt that went through an opening on the other side of the room. "There! Now!"

Holly leapt onto the belt as Kisa gave Tink a boost. She was able to pull herself up just as a pair of elves closed in on her. Instead of climbing the belt, the elves ran beneath it.

"Stupid elves," Tink muttered, then picked up one of the gingerbread devils. She bit its head off and stuck out her tongue. "Dumb fuck cookie taste like ass."

"Stop eating cookies!" Kisa slapped the remaining gingerbread devil out of Tink's hands as they passed into a dark tunnel. On the other side, the belt dumped into a large silver funnel, and they all fell off the belt to spin around the edges of the funnel like a giant slide.

"Where are we?" Kisa demanded.

"Rejects!" Holly yelled from the other side of the funnel. They spiraled around for several seconds before falling through the hole in the bottom. Crashing onto a mountain of broken cookies, Kisa tumbled down the side and smacked her elbow on the concrete floor beneath.

"Ow, dammit!" She winced, then stood. The room's solitary light was from the funnel above, and the room was rich with the smell of gingerbread. She walked around to the other side of the cookie pile. "Tink? Holly? Where are you?"

Holly and Tink were helping each other up, brushing crumbs off of themselves. Tink had lost her screwdriver, but her hammer was still clutched tightly in one hand. A gingerbread devil had gotten caught in the claw, and she broke it apart to clear the hammer.

"Usually there's a big bag and a cart here," Holly explained, adjusting her hat and then brushing off her knees. "Reindeer get to eat the cookie rejects. We add it to their feed."

"Sounds healthy." Kisa saw that a rail system had been built into the floor under the cookie pile, and it went through a tunnel on the other side of the wall. "Does that mean the stables are that way?"

Holly nodded. A hideous screech came from the funnel above. It was like nails down a chalkboard, causing Kisa's fur to stand on end. She could almost hear a singsong voice inside the cacophonous roar, and clutched Tink's arm.

"That's him," Holly whispered. "He's in the building."

"He found us just from air currents?" Kisa looked at Tink.

"Tink think so. Demon tricky, very mad at pretty elf." She looked at the tunnel, then at a door on the far wall. "Broken elves tell demon where to find Tink, need special trick, buy time."

The goblin rummaged around in her pockets and pulled out some of the gingerbread men she had taken earlier. She ran over toward the door and broke them apart, laying them on the ground in plain sight. It was readily apparent that these were different from the gingerbread demons scattered around the room, and the goblin opened the door and stepped into the hall.

Kisa heard the goblin make herself puke on the other side. Frowning, she watched Tink come back through the door and walk around the perimeter of the room.

"Demon think Tink sick from running, waste time, check hallway first. We run now." Tink wiped her mouth and then bolted down the railway tunnel. "Feel much lighter now," she said as she disappeared into the darkness.

"Let's go." Kisa grabbed Holly's hand and they ran after Tink. The rail system had been embedded into the floor, so she didn't have to worry about tripping. Unlike the previous tunnel, this one wasn't lit, which meant the sole illumination was from the rejects room behind them.

They had gone down the tunnel a couple hundred feet when a shadow blocked the light. Kisa looked back in time to see an amorphous shadow on top of the cookie pile. The figure was hunched over, emitting tiny motes of darkness that made the dim light even harder to detect.

The figure vanished, and the sound of doors being torn from their hinges flooded the tunnel. Tink's distraction had worked, but how much time would it actually buy them?

Kisa turned her attention to the darkness ahead. Her eyes allowed her to see better than most, but they still required some light source. A dark shape appeared in the gloom, and Tink was sitting on top of it.

"Hurry," she whispered, then helped Kisa and Holly up. It was a minecart with a set of levers on the side, and there was a partially full bag of cookies inside.

"Tink, these things only work if you push them," Kisa replied. "Unless you think you can push us faster than we run, we should just go on foot."

"Rails smooth, floor flat. No friction, good cart. Save energy, make boost." Tink hopped out of the cart and started pushing, grunting as the cart picked up speed. The cart rolled quietly on the rails as Tink continued pushing until she jumped in with them.

"Now what?" Kisa asked.

Tink grabbed the bag in the cart and struggled to lift it. "Help Tink throw out."

It took all three of them to lift the bag and dump it out the back. Cookies scattered on the floor, leaving crumbly gingerbread devils everywhere. The reject room vanished from sight as they went around a corner, and Kisa found herself lost in the darkness.

Kisa turned on her flashlight to see Tink using her tools to remove one of the levers from the cart. She rotated it so that the rubber grip was on the bottom, then leaned over the side of the cart and used the lever as a makeshift pole to push them even faster.

"Turn off light," Tink whispered. "Tink see plenty."

Kisa obeyed, then leaned back against the wall of the cart. The wheels beneath them were silent, and she lost track of time. Occasional shrieks traveled down the tunnel, the Krampus clearly enraged that he couldn't find them. It was only a matter of time before he noticed their tunnel, and Kisa hoped to be long gone by then.

An orb of light appeared ahead, then widened to reveal a room full of barrels. The cart came to a stop when Tink pulled on the brake, and the three of them got off.

"What's in the barrels?" asked Kisa.

"Whiskey. For the reindeer." Holly patted one of the barrels. "They don't get drunk off of it, if that's what you're wondering. It's kind of like their version of rocket fuel."

Tink giggled. "Reindeer make big farts, go super sonic."

"We need to be quiet," Holly said, lowering her voice. "The reindeer aren't skittish or anything, but they can be temperamental. They're super smart, but likely know something is wrong. Don't get on their bad side."

"We'll be good." Kisa smacked Tink's hand away from the spigot of a nearby whiskey barrel. "Promise."

They walked through the giant wooden building, and Kisa noticed right away that something was different. It looked like any other barn she had ever been in, but it was missing the smell of animals. There was no musky scent, nor the foul odor of feces. Instead she smelled hay, candy canes, and something that reminded her of the ozone after a storm.

The stall doors were much taller than Kisa, and she heard shifting inside the stall. The wooden frame was ornate and lined in silver and gold, and the name Prancer was embossed in a plaque with glittering rubies.

Determined to see a reindeer, she let the others walk ahead and allowed herself to fade into the background. It was easy enough to hop up onto a nearby bale of hay and then scramble to the stall door.

There were a lot of things she expected, but the misty creature sitting in the back of the stall was not one of them. It had the shape of a reindeer, that much was true, but it was almost like her brain couldn't process what she was looking at. The antlers seemed to shift and distort whenever she wasn't looking directly at them, and the animal itself looked as though it was made of a sparkling fog. Black streaks ran through the creature, and one of its eyes was a terrible crimson that gazed directly into Kisa's soul.

The reindeer charged. Kisa fell backwards off the stall door, flipping over to land on her feet. The door shuddered from the impact, and the creature made a hissing sound that reminded Kisa of a bag of snakes. Black mist curled through the gaps of the door with tendrils that twisted around and tried to grab Kisa's feet.

"What the hell?" Kisa scrambled backwards as Holly and Tink ran over. Holly stopped further away than Tink, her mouth agape at the dark fog as it withdrew through the doorway.

"Prancer?" Holly's voice trembled. The reindeer's massive head appeared over the stall door, and it turned to face the elf. Inky, twisted lines ran down her muzzle, dripping onto the wood and evaporating into smoke.

"He's corrupted them, too." Kisa stood and moved along the opposite wall. The next stall down belonged to Dasher, who had already stuck her head out to see what was happening. Though Dasher's eyes were still brown, those powerful dark lines coiled around them as if to strangle the kindness away.

The stable was huge, and the stalls alternated. One by one, massive reindeer heads looked out of their stalls to see what was causing the commotion. Comet looked at them with crimson eyes that had shrunken down to little more than ominous dots, and Blitzen's head had a split down the middle, making it look more like an alien than a reindeer.

They moved cautiously around the stalls, shifting back and forth to stay away from the dark mist that formed into hands and reached for them. It wasn't until they were near the end of the stable that Kisa realized one reindeer hadn't come to check on them.

The nameplate on the door was Dancer.

"C'mon, we're almost out." Holly grabbed Kisa's hand, but Kisa yanked it away. Curiosity had struck her hard. Maybe it was the reindeer's name, or the fact that she didn't hear hissing coming from inside its stall, but if she walked away without knowing the poor beast's fate, it was going to bother her all night.

With a twist, she dodged around Holly and climbed a pair of whiskey barrels that allowed her to jump onto the stall door. From her new perch, she saw that Dancer had backed into the corner of her stall, her misty nostrils flared wide at Kisa's appearance. The glitter inside her body looked more like stars, and Kisa couldn't help but think that she was seeing a force of nature rather than an animal.

"Hey." She held out her hand, and Dancer snorted.

"Get down!" Holly jumped, trying to grab Kisa's tail.

"I think this one is okay." Kisa looked over her shoulder at Tink and Holly. "We should let her out before she becomes corrupted."

Holly looked dubious, but Tink nodded her approval before examining the spigot on the whiskey barrel.

"C'mere, girl." Kisa pulled the gingerbread cookies out of her pocket. Most of them were broken, probably from her fall. She picked one out that was intact and turned it so Dancer could see. "Are you hungry? I'm afraid this is all I have."

Holly grunted as she climbed on top of the barrels, then pulled herself onto the stall door by hanging on her belly. Upon seeing the elf, Dancer's features relaxed, and she dipped her head.

"Oh, thank Santa, she's safe." Holly's legs dangled beneath her. "There's a lock on this side we can undo, but I don't know if she'll leave the others behind."

"It should be her choice to make." Kisa stuck her hand out further, and Dancer approached. The reindeer sniffed the treat, then used her tongue to snatch it from Kisa's fingers. She snorted, then moved closer to Kisa's other hand, which contained cookie fragments.

"Here, have all of them." Kisa watched in awe as the creature licked the crumbs from her hand, then hesitantly placed her free hand on Dancer's forehead. Her whole body tingled on contact, and she felt her fur stick up.

"I think she likes you." Holly dropped down, then slapped Tink away from the whiskey barrel. Tink couldn't even protest, her mouth full of booze. "Don't swallow that, it'll mess you up!"

Tink gulped down her mouthful and made a face. "Husband likes it when Tink swallows."

Kisa laughed at the horrified expression on Holly's face, then turned toward the reindeer. "We're going to let you out, just give us a minute."

Dancer nodded, and Kisa hopped down. She looked to the side of the stall door and saw that a silver padlock in the shape of a heart held the whole thing shut.

"Tink." She smacked the goblin's arm to get her attention. "Get that open."

Tink blew a raspberry, then pulled some tools from her pocket. The goggles' lenses clicked rapidly as she examined the lock, then stuck her lockpick tool inside. The padlock heated up in her hands, and she growled before pulling her hands away.

"Anti-theft system eat Tink's ass," she declared, then spit on her hands and resumed working. Holly shook her head in disgust, then moved away from them.

"Who would steal a reindeer?" asked Kisa.

"Nobody. Without these locks, they would let themselves out. Other than a few elves they particularly like, the only person they obey without question is Santa," Holly replied. "Remember how I said they can be temperamental? Unless Santa himself goes out and finds them, it can take a whole team weeks just to coax one back, and they can cause quite the mess. Some of them escape a couple times a year, nobody knows how. The human world usually spots them as meteors or shooting stars, but they can fly high enough that they get mistaken for satellites. They've been shot at a couple of times by the military, but they really don't like that."

Tink mumbled as she worked the lock, then swore before yanking her hands away. Frustrated, she pulled a pair of pliers from her belt and held the lock with them. It took her a few attempts and a lot of swearing, all while Holly plugged her ears and loudly hummed a Christmas tune. The lock stopped glowing once it opened, and Tink undid the latch on the stall.

When Dancer stepped out, a silvery mist emanated from her body. It swirled delicately around Kisa, and the reindeer bent her leg and bowed.

"Oh, wow," Holly whispered. "She's accepted you."

Kisa didn't know what that meant, but a thrill went through her when she put her hand on Dancer's muzzle. The two of them locked eyes, and she felt a profound sense of gratitude flood through her body.

Then ice water flooded her insides, making her whole body go numb.

The other reindeer let out a hideous noise, and the cart from the tunnel crashed through the stables, sliding to a halt in front of Dasher's stall door. Dancer bolted out of the exit, leaving a glittery trail of hoofprints behind on the ground.

"Oh, fuck." Holly's face had turned completely white, her voice two octaves higher than Kisa had ever heard it.

The Krampus stepped into view, his dark shadow looming large behind him. Even hunched over, he was nearly seven feet tall, his dark visage twisted and gnarled. Angry red eyes were set below the hairiest unibrow Kisa had ever seen, and his horns twisted up from his forehead, ripping holes through what was left of Santa's hat. The demon wore Santa's coat, and shadows dripped from his body as he stared at them with glee.

"Holly." When the Krampus spoke, it felt like poison had been jammed into Kisa's ears. The demon's eyes grew wide as he opened a mouth full of broken teeth. "At last."

Kisa caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Glancing over, she saw Tink use a hammer to knock the spigot off of a nearby whiskey barrel, spilling booze all over the floor. While the Krampus and Holly were distracted with each other, Tink cupped a hand to harvest a mouthful of alcohol. Her lips twisted into a grin as she clicked the padlock from the stall shut, then jammed a tiny screwdriver from her belt into it before tossing it into the pool of whiskey.

The padlock was glowing red, causing the whiskey nearby to sizzle. Tink pulled something out of her tool belt and flipped through the lenses of her goggles. She grinned at Kisa, then tilted her head toward the exit.

Holly and the Krampus stared at each other, neither one moving. The Krampus took a step forward, then paused to stroke Prancer's head. He never broke eye contact with the distracted elf, nor did he make a sound as he stepped forward. A thick tail whipped behind him, striking bales of hay so hard that they fell apart.

"I see you brought us some visitors." He chuckled as he approached, then moved on to the next reindeer. "That was very naughty of you."

Kisa grabbed Holly by the shoulder to turn her around, but the Krampus crossed the distance in an eye blink. Long fingers curled around Holly's neck, and he backhanded Kisa so hard that she crashed against the stall door.

Dazed, she sat up just as Tink smashed her hammer into the Krampus' foot. The demon laughed, then picked Tink up with his other hand to examine her. His fingers easily encircled her waist, and she looked like a child in his hand.

"I know you," he said with a grin. "You've been very naughty."

Tink held up a lighter and flicked it. A single flame appeared, tiny and unassuming. She stretched her arm toward the Krampus, then grinned.

"And what are you planning to do with--" the Krampus never finished, as Tink had blown out a spray of whiskey that ignited, scorching the demon's hairy face. He dropped both Tink and Holly and stumbled back through the stable, howling in pain.

Kisa managed to get to her feet in time to pull the elf away from the puddle of booze on the floor. Tink stuck her hands in a hay bale and let out a growl as she threw it onto the whiskey-soaked barn floor.

"Three seconds!" she yelled, then pointed toward the exit.

Kisa ran as fast as she could, pulling Holly behind her. The Krampus stumbled around, wiping at his scorched face as they pushed open an ornate door and stepped out into the cold of the North Pole.

Behind them, there was a loud whoosh as the whiskey ignited. The high-pitched keening of the Krampus was heard moments before the first explosion rocked the stable.

"No, no, no, the reindeer!" Holly tried to turn back, but Tink blocked her way. "This can't be happening!"

"Stupid deer fine," Tink argued, then pushed the elf forward. "Whole stable fireproof. Ugly fucker not."

There was a roar as the large stable doors burst open and the Krampus emerged, his whole body smoldering. He threw himself into a snowdrift, sending up a cloud of steam.

Dancer landed next to them, letting out a loud snort. The reindeer knelt down, allowing Kisa to help Tink and then Holly onto the reindeer's back before jumping up on her own. The reindeer did a quick spin and then leapt into the air, her hoofprints turning into silver snowflakes that hovered behind them.

Looking back, Kisa saw that the Krampus was free of the snow and now chasing them. As fast as the Krampus was, he couldn't keep up with a reindeer in flight.

"Where do we go now?" Holly shouted over the howling wind, clutching Tink's waist. The goblin had wrapped her arms around Dancer's neck.

Kisa was holding onto Holly, but also squeezing her legs to keep from sliding backward. "I don't know," she replied, the pull in her chest growing stronger. "But we're headed straight toward Mike!"

Yuki lay on top of Mike, one hand behind his head and the other wrapped around his waist while she kissed him. Her fingers were cool to the touch, as if her magic was leaking out of them. The fire was their sole observer, crackling quietly in the hearth as she made little happy sounds in his mouth.

His magic was doing an odd circuit through his body, almost like a self diagnosis. Heat would briefly flood through his arms, then his back, and then move down into his legs. It was like a massage from the inside, but the cost was the phantom meal he had consumed at Christmas Present's table. His stomach made a couple of growling inquires as to the time and location of his next meal, but he politely told it to fuck off.