Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 095

"Maybe too sweaty," she added. "But furnace fixed! Santa owe Tink big."

"We all do," Christmas Present said, kneeling next to the two of them. "But for now, we need to get everyone to safety. The fighting on the surface is really bad. Do you know where the elves are heading?"

Kisa nodded, then held up her hammer and struck a pose. If Mike got to do shit like this, then so did she. "As a matter of fact, I do. Help me get them all free. We've got a train to catch."

Mike was perhaps twenty steps down the spiral staircase when he heard the wooden door above explode. Splinters showered him after bouncing off the walls, and he felt his magic surge deep inside him.

When his precognition triggered that danger was a breath away, he jumped forward, legs pinwheeling underneath him. Lightning crawled along his arms and legs, forming into thick tendrils that stabilized his rapid descent. At one point, he nearly spilled head over heels, but a pair of electric limbs sprouted from his waist and caught him before he could take a potentially lethal tumble.

"What's the matter, Caretaker?" The Krampus laughed from up above. "Have you finally run out of tricks?"

Mike didn't respond, his legs pumping as fast as he could move them. He was now taking the steps six or seven at a time, occasionally bouncing off the curved walls with his legs. His magic flowed through him, guiding his arms and legs as blue and gold lightning lit the way ahead of him. By the time he got to the bottom, he was breathing harder than he could ever remember, and wondered if his lungs were about to burst. Spinning on his heels, he clenched his fists and opened his mouth so wide his jaw cracked.

The Krampus appeared on the stairs, his face fixed in a manic grin. That smile faltered when Mike unleashed a horrendous scream that shook dirt loose from the stones around them. The Krampus actually retreated, eyes and ears forming all along his body as he struggled to hold one shape.

The acoustics of the stairwell ensured that there was nowhere safe, so the Krampus reappeared and threw himself free. Once on the floor, he fought to rise, his limbs distorted.

Mike unleashed another banshee's cry, constantly backing up into Santa's old workshop. The Krampus was shouting something, but Mike couldn't hear it. His own ears were ringing, yet he didn't dare let up. He almost tripped a few times, but he managed to make it next to the North Pole.

He unleashed one more scream, then coughed into his hand. Blood spattered on his palms.

The Krampus rose, now standing nearly twelve feet tall.

"And now, Caretaker, you're out of tricks." The Krampus sneered, then snatched Mike's foot and yanked him into the air. "It's time to claim what is rightfully mine!"

"About that." Mike turned his attention to the North Pole. There was a tiny sliver of golden light at the very bottom, likely all that was left of Christmas. The light it cast threw ominous shadows all around the room, manifestations that danced. The moment the Krampus seized control, it would all be over. "I'm never out of tricks."

Mike concentrated electrical energy in his hands and sent it in a beam toward the North Pole.

"NO!" The Krampus dropped Mike and leapt forward just as Mike's magic made contact. Mike wasn't entirely certain how the rules for this sort of thing worked, but the magic was part of him. He concentrated his will on the North Pole, wrapping it around the cylindrical surface like a ribbon. The air sizzled like hot bacon in a pan, and then his magic popped out of existence, the room now quiet.

Silence reigned eternal, or at least it felt that way. The Krampus was frozen in mid-air, his body stretched tight as his muscles distorted in an effort to reach the Pole. Mike stood and brushed the dirt off his pants and coat, then frowned. His movements didn't make any noise whatsoever.

Of course they don't. A young boy came out from behind the North Pole. He wore a simple robe, as if he had stepped out of a 14th century church service. He held an hourglass full of golden sand that cast out light like a lantern. The sand was flowing back and forth as if it couldn't decide where to go. There was more than just a passing resemblance to the ghost of Christmas Past, but the child appeared to be human.

Not quite. The boy's lips didn't move, but it was definitely him speaking. Or thinking. Whatever.

"Who are you?" Mike asked.

This time, the boy's lips moved, but no sound came out. His lips blurred to prevent Mike from reading them.

"I'm sure you never get tired of that," Mike muttered. "Great Game has its rules."

The boy shrugged, then walked over to the Krampus. He easily could have been a child on a trip to the museum, studying a dinosaur skeleton or a sculpture. There was just a hint of fascination, but the interest faded and the boy looked at Mike now.

You are the one who broke my spirit. There was no anger or malice in the statement. Mike could see that the boy's pupils were so wide that they took up nearly his entire eye.

"You're gonna have to be more specific. Are we talking Christmas Past, Present, or Future?"

Yes, the boy replied. They are all the same entity, just at different frequencies.

Mike wasn't quite sure how to parse that particular piece of information. He also noticed that the boy looked a bit older now and had the start of stubble on his chin. "Yeah, well...I guess I'm sorry about some of that."

No matter. The young man waved off Mike's apology. These things happened quite some time ago, and have yet to happen. It's hard to be angry when everything is in a state of superposition.

Mike frowned. He wasn't even sure what that meant and worried that the explanation would be even worse.

"So I didn't necessarily want to do this, but I sort of took control of the North Pole, if you know what I mean." Mike jerked his thumb at the Krampus. "I think I accidentally killed the human part of him off, which means this place should be up for grabs."

It is. The man blinked at him and scratched his chin. The robes had stretched to accommodate his new height.

"Great, so can I institute a 'No Assholes' rule? Boot this guy out? Make him swim around in the Arctic ocean until he gets tired and sinks?"

If you were the one in charge, perhaps. The man moved to the North Pole and stared at the golden light at the bottom. Keep in mind that if you had taken over, this last piece of belief would have vanished already. The holiday known as Christmas would belong to you. So you have claimed nothing.

"But I thought...didn't I take over? I thought that's why we're talking?" Mike made a face and moved next to the North Pole. He slapped his hand on the surface. "Finders, keep--"

A wave of light blasted him off his feet and sent him sprawling. The impact hurt his pride more than anything else. When he looked up, the middle-aged man stared at him in amusement.

"What gives?" he asked. "And what's with the getting older thing? That seriously freaks me out!"

This place was designed by the Architect, the man replied, looking around. With my help, specifically. I am not truly of this realm anymore, and may only interact with the help of the mortal soul who claims me.

"Yeah, that would be me...right?"

The man shook his head. Wisps of grey had formed in his beard and along the side of his head. It is not my right to grant permission, nor is it yours to demand it. The being in charge of such matters is still quite alive, and standing right next to you.

Mike turned to look at the Krampus in horror. "But...I pulled Santa out, so...I don't understand!"

The guardian of this place still exists. The First Elf and Saint Nicholas created a loophole in the rules by combining a human soul with the body of the guardian. Though you may have defeated the prior owner by removing his soul, technically the guardian remains. If you wish to claim this place, you must either have the guardian's permission, or you must defeat him.

"Oh, fuck me...wait! Does this mean that the Krampus can't claim this place either?" Hope welled up in Mike's chest.

The old man nodded. Indeed it does. The loophole that prevents you from taking it also prevents him from doing so. Try as he might, he shall have no reign over this place without a mortal soul to assist him. That has ever been the rule, and it shall remain that way until the end of time.

Mike looked at the Krampus, then back at the old man who was now stooped with age, his beard nearly to the floor.

"You know, most people don't end conversations with temporal theatrics," Mike said with a frown.

I am not a person. With that, the old man crumbled into dust. Time resumed and the Krampus completed his leap across the room.

"Mine! It's all mine!" He shouted in glee, wrapping several new limbs around the pole. It almost looked like the Krampus was humping the damned thing. Mike moved toward the door of the chamber, then cursed inwardly when he heard the Krampus go completely silent.

There was a tearing sound, like cloth being pulled apart, and then the Krampus was blocking the stairwell. He grabbed Mike by the arms and lifted him until they were eye level with each other.

"What have you done to the North Pole?" asked the Krampus, his eyes wild. "I have lost my claim and cannot redo it!"

Mike summoned his magic and ran an electrical current through the Krampus. The eldritch being gritted his teeth and rode through the pain, clenched teeth dangerously close to Mike's face.

"Human souls only, asswad," Mike spat, then tried to kick the Krampus in the balls. He missed, then got hurled to the ground.

"What?" The Krampus blinked in surprise, then turned to look at the North Pole. "WHAT?!?"

The creature went into a rage and started smashing furniture. Mike crawled toward the exit, hoping to get away this time, but was grabbed by the ankle and dragged back toward the North Pole.

"Explain!" The Krampus demanded, picking Mike up and pressing his face against the North Pole. Mike made a point of thinking really hard that this wasn't an attempt to claim it. Last thing he wanted was to get blown apart in a misunderstanding.

"You should know this," Mike mumbled, his face squished so much his words were barely legible. "Great Game ring a bell? It has rules, asshole."

"FUCK!" The Krampus smashed Mike into the North Pole hard enough to knock the wind out of him. "I was so CLOSE!"

"Close only... counts in horseshoes and... hand grenades," Mike wheezed. His magic churned inside him like a thunderstorm, and he felt like his gut might burst. He placed both hands against the pole and pushed himself away.

"Hopeless. Hope. Less!" The Krampus smacked Mike into the pole to punctuate each word, then held him there. "When will you learn,Caretaker? You are little more than a bag of meat with tasty bones inside, no matter how much magic you possess."

"And a soul, you crusty fuck." He could feel it now, his magic building to a deadly crescendo. Mike refused to succumb to the desire to lash out and destroy, thus changing his magic in the process. Instead, he drove the magic inward in an attempt to keep his ribs from being broken.

The Krampus stroked his beard. "Unfortunately, you are correct." He dropped Mike and crouched down over him. "A human soul is the only currency the gods will accept and I lack proper payment."

"Whatever you say, man," Mike wheezed, clutching his sides. "Maybe you should apply for a loan, or whatever."

"I had finally been freed of the golden anchor that weighed me down so, only to discover that I am lacking." The Krampus steepled his fingers together, and Mike noticed that the demon's hands didn't match up. It was as if the number of fingers kept changing. "For so many years, I have been a slave to his whims, the desire to keep true to the spirit of Christmas and honor its traditions."

"How so?" Mike asked, hoping to keep the Krampus talking.

Dark eyes glittered at Mike from beneath a furrowed brow. "You know all about it, Caretaker. When this first began, it was about warmth, family, and keeping children entertained over the long winters. But the tales spread, and my workload was suddenly a hundred times larger than ever before!"

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Mike asked, speaking in a neutral tone. The Krampus rose and started pacing around the room. He was about to monologue, and Mike far preferred that to getting kicked around.

"No, it isn't what I wanted! I didn't mind the work, but the nature of my holiday was corrupted by greed, twisted into a parody of what it once was! False wars on Christmas were declared in my name, and the season of giving became a season of hate!" The Krampus spun on his heels so fast that a pair of shadowy tails briefly sprouted from his body. "I don't give a fuck if you celebrate Christmas! For me, it was never about recognition, or spiritual salvation! Love is what I craved! Joy! Peace on Earth!" The Krampus pointed a sharp finger in Mike's direction and stabbed at the air. "And you fucking flesh-bags spoiled it for me! All that stress, anger, and greed has shaped me into the being that stands before you. A creature who wants to end it all."

"Oh." Mike thought about the magic churning inside him, and how it had almost blown his arm apart when he had twisted it toward violence. The magic wasn't truly a separate entity, but he had thought of it as one for so long. It was his desires that shaped the magic, but the magic, in turn, shaped who he became.

He finally understood the true price that magic demanded. Mike took a deep breath, willing the magic to extend through his limbs instead of lashing out. It was already seeking an outlet, crying out to obey his needs. What he needed right now was to stay strong until an opportunity presented itself, and so it obeyed.

Unlike the Krampus' situation, Mike's choice was ultimately his. The Krampus had been created by a limitation of the magic, and the ramifications were long lasting. Mike could choose to blast the Krampus with lightning and further his own journey toward darkness, or find a different way. The last thing he wanted was to be standing in the Krampus' shoes in twenty or thirty years, with someone else desperately trying to take him down.

"I see you're finally getting it." The Krampus snarled and swung at the air. "I rarely had a choice, Caretaker. I am the spirit of Christmas, and I am foul, angry, and broken. And I intend to take it back."

"By stealing children?" Mike felt his magic surge, ready to lash out, but he held it back. He wasn't even certain he could hurt the Krampus at this point, but intent was what mattered.

"You see it as stealing children, I see it as culling a disease." The Krampus licked his lips. "Even now, the giants have the children stored away for me, under the impression that they get to eat them. Grýla thinks she'll become something special when I rise to power, but she is little more than a game piece. You should know all about that. My plan was to dispose of her once the pole was mine. Her, the giants, the elves, and especially the children."

Mike felt the magic surging across his body. "You were just going to slaughter them all?"

The Krampus nodded. "They will still be food. You see, Caretaker, I can feel my kin, just waiting on the other side of the veil. My hungry brethren will return to this world and finish what we started before our banishment at the hands of the Architect."

A cold blue light illuminated the Krampus. The demon stared at Mike in surprise, then grinned and moved closer. Mike realized the light was coming from him, his whole body covered in an electrical aura.

"I can feel your power," the Krampus whispered, moving close. "And once you release it, you'll be too weak to resist me. You see, I may be lacking a soul, but you aren't. Once I take your body, all I have to do is suppress you and I'll be free forevermore."

Mike swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. The Krampus had been monologuing in the hopes that Mike would act.

"Thanks, but I'm already in a relationship," Mike replied, his voice hoarse.

"All I have to do is wait." The Krampus held up a finger, which lengthened into a blade. He pressed it against Mike's forehead. "How much flesh can I remove before you give in?"

Energy crackled along Mike's body, but he commanded the magic to stay in place.

"I'm not afraid of you," he whispered.

The Krampus snorted. "I don't really care," he replied, then ran his finger along Mike's brow. Magic crackled and licked at the Krampus, but Mike forced it to remain in place.

"Your will is strong, Caretaker." The Krampus licked blood off his finger. "I look forward to breaking it."

He moved his finger just below Mike's eye when a soft voice broke the silence. The Krampus froze in place as the opening lyrics to All I Want for Christmas is You echoed in the spherical room.

The demon turned around, a look of horror on his face as Holly stepped into the light of the North Pole. She had tears in her eyes as she continued to sing, the words coming loud and strong. Mike had no idea how long she had been there, and tried to wave her away.

When the Krampus twisted around to attack Holly, she held out Mrs. Claus' glasses. The demon paused, watching in horror as the elf held them out for the Krampus to take.

Mike was surprised when the demon let out a howl of agony and crumpled to the floor, clutching at his ears as tears streamed down his dirty cheeks.

Yuki jumped off the roof of a clock tower and slammed her hands into a pair of giants so hard that they exploded into gravel and gore. From her back, Freyja rained down torrents of icy blades that sliced through Yule lads and snow monsters alike. The air was filled with glittering gold lights that Freyja pulled into her body, the air around her shimmering with power.

She wasn't the only one. Different versions of Grýla were also absorbing the light, then sneaking off to split apart. It was a dirty trick that ensured that the whole affair had become a battle of attrition. For every giant they killed, another clone could possibly take its place.

Yuki didn't dare take on any more divinity. Even now, she worried about the long-term implications of forcing her body to age. Her bones were brimming with so much magic that they hurt.

"This isn't working," Freyja shouted, summoning a wall of ice to block a barrage of boulders. "They just keep coming!"

Reindeer ahead. Yuki narrowed her eyes at the dark figures that zapped through the air. They could be defeated, but only temporarily.

A barrage of ice missiles, summoned by Yuki and Freyja together, tore through Dasher and Prancer, scattering the reindeer into an electrical cloud of energy that would eventually reform somewhere else. A couple more reindeer tried to flank them from the sides, but Yuki summoned a stone pillar from the ground that flew like a missile and destroyed one of them. She caught the other in her jaws and bit down, shaking it until it exploded.

The damned thing tasted like licking a giant battery.

It's a numbers game, Yuki told Freyja. Two of us versus all of them. Can you summon more of your warriors?

"Not really." Freyja summoned an ice wall tilted on one side like a ramp. Yuki sank her claws into the ice and ran up the ramp, catapulting herself off the top to get them closer to Santa's house. She didn't know why, but she had a very uneasy feeling about Mike. "I may have some of my powers back, but my summoning is very weak right now. It's pulling them from my home that's the problem."

Damn. Yuki swatted away a ten-foot tall snowman, sending more golden light Freyja's way. There wouldn't happen to be a bunch of dead warriors buried here, would there?