Home for the Holidays Ch. 05-07

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"Where did you go?" Nicky asked, lifting me easily and setting me on the back end of the sleigh.

"My wedding day, when you came into that room and called me a cupcake...what did you really want to say to me?"

Nick chuckled. "You did look like a cupcake, all white with big swirls. Your red hair looked like the cherry on top."

"You aren't earning brownie points here, boy," I growled. "Talk. Tell me what you really wanted to say to me that day."

Chapter Six

Nicky stared up at me, his eyes showing a strange hint of fear.

"Tell me, Nicky," I pleaded. "Please?"

"Why do you want to know now?" he asked. "Then you could barely take two minutes to listen to what I had to say. You were in such an all fire hurry to get down the aisle to your cheating louse of a fiancé."

"I was an idiot. God! What an idiot. I should have listened to you, Nicky. I'm listening now, doesn't that count?"

"Yes," he said, but it was grudgingly given. His eyes were downcast and I hated that he seemed not to want to look at me. Reaching out, I touched his face, tracing the line of his eyebrows then down his nose. My hands cupped his cheeks, drawing his face up so that I could see his eyes. For the first time ever, the blue of his gaze seemed shuttered, as if he were hiding his true self from me. That hurt worse than Steven's duplicity.

"Nicky, please, whatever you want to say, I want to hear it." His eyes shot to my face and he seemed to be weighing the truth of my words. I took a deep breath and went for broke. "Don't you know how much I l-love you?"

"You love me?" he asked, a glitter of emotion filling his beautiful eyes. "Like a friend?"

"Yes," I said, seeing disappointment in his face. "And no."

Nicky moved forward, coming up against my knees so that I opened them, allowing him even closer. "You're going to have to explain that, Kenna."

"I do love you as a friend," I said, my voice lowering as I heard my family heading our way. "You are my best friend, but it's more than that." I paused, beginning to panic because they were getting closer and I hadn't told him the most important thing yet.

"More how?" he asked, turning my face to his when I looked in search of the rest of the family. "Kenna, you can't leave it at more than that. I have to know, what do you mean?"

"I'm in love with you, Nicky," I whispered. "I have been for a while now."

"Say it again," he ordered.

"I'm in love with you," I said, obediently.

He reached for me, pulling me off the sleigh and into his arms as my family gathered around us. With a shout of joy, he whirled me around, tripping over something to fall into the snow.

"Somebody got into the egg nog early," Mara said, glancing over where Nicky had rolled so that we were out of the way. They were tying the tree onto the toboggan and stashing the chainsaw with it.

Alex nudged her with his elbow. Nicky was kissing me as if he'd never stop.

Not that I minded, of course. I was holding onto him just as fiercely. "Can I get some of that egg nog?" Alex asked.

Mara laughed but her face flushed beneath the red caused by the cold.

"All right, you two," Dad called as he helped the rest back into the sleigh, picking Adair up and tossing her into the hay. "Knock it off before I go get the hose."

Nicky lifted his head, glancing over at my father before looking back down at me. "You really love me?" he asked softly, brushing snow off my cheek.

"Yes," I nodded my head, lifting it for another of his devastating kisses.

Instead, I jerked when he got up, reaching out a hand to pull me up.

"Sorry about that, sir," Nicky said, coming up to the back of the sleigh with me in tow. "You're daughter finally got her head out of her ass."

"It's about damn time," Daddy said.

"What?!" I managed to choke out. "What do you mean by that?"

"We'll discuss it later. I want to get back home before your mother begins to worry. You know how she gets," Daddy said, grabbing me around my waist and tossing me into the hay just like he had Adair. Nick got up behind me and Dad went to untie the horses, climbing up on his high seat. "You all ready? Ian, you keep an eye on the tree. We don't want it getting away from us." Ian nodded, sitting on the back gate of the sleigh, his eyes fixed on the toboggan. He jerked a bit as Dad started us off.

It was just beginning to get dark as we left the pass. Dad lit the oil lanterns that hung on the sides of the sleigh. The horses knew the way and all Daddy had to do was to give them their heads. They knew that a warm stall and a measure of grain waited for them when they got home and they were eager to get it.

The bells jingled merrily as huge snowflakes fell from the darkening sky. Nicky leaned back against a hay bale, pulling me in front of him so I rested against his chest. His legs were on either side of my hips and he grabbed one of our blankets, pulling it over the two of us. I was warm, comfortable and confused as hell.

He'd never said it back. He'd seemed happy to hear that I loved him but where were the words I'd wanted to hear for so long? Why hadn't he said them? Didn't he feel the same?

"You're thinking again," he whispered into my ear.

"Yeah, so?" I answered, feeling a bit confrontational. "Why shouldn't I?"

"Because every time you think too much, you end up talking yourself out of what you want. Then you regret it down the road. So stop. We'll talk when we get back to your house, okay?"

"No, it's not okay." I turned my head to see his face in the dim light cast by the lanterns. "I bared my soul to you out here and all I get is that I finally got my head out of my ass? Fuck that, buddy." My famous Irish temper raised its ugly head and I tried to scoot to get away from him, but he held on tight.

"Let go of me," I hissed.

"Kenna, just hang on a second," Nicky said, trying to settle me down.

"No, let go of me or lose your hand." I stared down at his hand until he moved it off of me, letting me move away from him. Going to the side of the sleigh, I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at anyone who tried to talk to me.

The lights of the house couldn't have been more welcome. I jumped from the sleigh before Dad had the horses stopped and went around to help hold their heads while he got everyone down and into the house. Nicky stood helplessly, staring at me, but I wouldn't look at him. I was too angry.

My father came out, nodding at Nicky. Then he came to my side. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of the horses. You've got a man over there who loves you. Go talk to him."

"He doesn't love me, Daddy." I felt the first tear slide down my face and wiped it away furiously.

"Did you give him a chance to tell you so? The man's been in love with you for a long time, sweetie. Way before that ass Steven screwed with you and Bekka. He's a good man, baby, give him a chance." He put his arm around me, pushing me toward Nicky. "Why don't you go and show him the gazebo on the pond? Your momma made me put lights up on it and it's really pretty out there now."

I angrily swiped away a couple more tears then reached into the sleigh and grabbed the blanket we'd been using. Going to Nicky's side, I barely looked at him. "Come on," I said, taking the path that led to the side porch, but walking around the house instead of going inside. Out behind the house was a huge pond that my dad had kept stocked with fish since I was little. One summer, Mom had come up with the idea of a gazebo in the center of the pond. A place to sit in the evenings to watch the fish feed and to do some fishing. It had taken my father all summer to figure out how to build it and the bridge to it so that it would neither be destroyed by winter ice or sink during the summer. But he'd done it and now it sat out there, lit up with tiny fairy lights twinkling in the snowy night.

"That's pretty," Nicky said, reaching for my hand. I let him take it, though I still held myself away from him. There was a fence around the pond now. Mom had insisted after the twins had been born. She didn't want to worry about the pond and a curious little children. I went to the gate, unlatching it and holding it open for Nicky to go through.

There was a path around the pond that would take you into the woods behind the house. We had our playhouse back there, one I'd heard Ian had turned into a fort. The thought made me smile. A fort with pink lacy curtains couldn't be too intimidating.

I led the way across the bridge, careful to not lose my footing on the slick boards. I knew the pond had iced over, but you could never be sure how safe the ice was and I didn't want to go into the water.

Momma had put cushions on the wooden benches that circled the gazebo. I brushed the snow off one of them and sank down on the cold plastic. "It's Christmas Eve," I said suddenly, staring up at the night sky and watching the big fluffy flakes of snow coming down. "There's supposed to be something magical about a Christmas snow."

"Kenna," Nicky said softly. He'd stopped after stepping into the shelter, watching me, trying to gauge my mood. "When I went into that room before your wedding, I wanted to ask...well, maybe beg would be a better word. I wanted to beg you to let me have a chance to love you, to show you how much I loved you. I wanted you to see that I was better for you than Steven. That I didn't care about dresses or pretense or what you ate. I wanted you happy and I thought I could do a better job of it than he had."

I felt another tear slip down my cheek. "Why didn't you?"

"Because as soon as I opened my mouth, your father knocked on the door. You seemed to be in such a hurry to leave me and go to him; I had to give up any hope that I could convince you I was the right man for you."

Remembering, I pictured his face as I took my father's arm that day. The pain in his eyes took my breath away. I rose from the bench, crossing to him and wrapping my arms around him. "You do love me?" I asked, holding my breath as I waited for his answer.

"I've loved you from the first moment I walked into the 911 bullpen and you looked up and smiled at me. It was like I got hit by lightning, Kenna." He cupped my face, his lips moving over my tear-streaked cheeks. "Don't cry, baby," he whispered. "Don't cry. I love you."

He held me close, swaying gently from side to side, as if rocking me. I'm not sure when tender and care became passion and want, but his lips found mine, his hands sneaking under my coat and trailing over my bare skin. My jacket was unzipped and the sweater I wore under it was unbuttoned, leaving my bra as the only defense against his searching hands.

It was little defense and I moaned as his bare hands covered me, playing with my nipples even as he moaned against my mouth. Lifting his head, he smiled down at my flushed face, my eyes hazy with passion. He took my hand, leading me back over to the bench I'd just left. Sinking down, he wrapped the discarded blanket around my shoulders, pulling me down to straddle his lap. "I want to make love to you," he said, his voice husky and deep, resonating inside of me.

"Yes," I breathed, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside me again. I felt his hands around my back, felt them fumbling with my bra and that slight give when it fell loose. He pulled it up, exposing my breasts to his eyes.

My pale skin seemed to glow in the twinkling fairy lights. My nipples looked pink and full, hard in the cold air. I shivered and he pulled me closer, his lips parting and taking one cold bud into the fiery heat of his mouth. I gasped at the pleasure, my legs clasping his hips, my jean-covered crotch grinding against his. His hair was cold and silky between my fingers as I held him tight, the pleasure from his suckling sending my head back, tiny whimpering cries coming from between my lips.

His mouth moved to my other nipple, his hand playing with the one he'd left.

"You're going to make me insane," I cried.

"Good," he mumbled around the hard morsel of my flesh in his mouth. "Now you'll know how I've felt the past six months. I never wanted a woman so badly who couldn't open her eyes to see how I felt. I thought you were mourning the loss of Steven. I didn't want to be rebound man."

"Oh God, Nicky, for you to be rebound man, there would have had to been something there to rebound from. I never loved Steven. I know that now. I just used him."

"Used him for what? Couldn't be sex. From what I've heard, he was never very good at it." As he spoke, his fingers went to the button on my jeans, yanking it open and pulling down my zipper. His hand slid inside, his fingers brushing against the satin of the panties I was wearing.

"I was using him so that I had someone. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was so lonely, Nicky. I was so far away from my family and the only people I knew were those I worked with." I gasped as he pulled aside the waistband of my panties, sliding his fingers against my skin and then into the heat of my sex. He brushed against my clit and I felt the first surges of pleasure. "Oh God," I cried, grinding down against his fingers.

"Lift up, baby, take your leg out of here." He pulled one leg out of my jeans and panties, letting them hang off the other. How he got them over my boots, I'll never know. I decided to just let it be, part of the magic of the night. I reached down and helped him with his jeans, opening his zipper and delving under it to find the hardness of him. He filled my palm to overflowing, so hard yet so soft at the same time. I rubbed my thumb across the tip of his cock, gathering the almost clear fluid on my fingers. While he watched, I brought it to my lips, tasting his essence. It was salty and slightly bitter, but the look on his face as he watched made what I did worth doing again.

I shivered in need, feeling his hands wrap the blanket around us, cocooning us together. I bent my head, finding his mouth, my tongue exploring his lips, dancing against his tongue. His hands were at my hips, guiding me so that he could push inside my heat. I felt him stretch my flesh and I gasped, forgetting how to breathe in the face of such overwhelming pleasure.

I heard him groan as I sank down on top of him, felt his hands on my ass as he pulled me even closer. "Oh God," I moaned. "It's never felt like this."

"Like what?" he managed to ask between gritted teeth.

I couldn't stay still, moving over him even as I tried to answer. "You're so big, so full. I'm going to..." I couldn't finish. My eyes shut tightly, white sparks of light going off behind them as his hand slid between us to torture my clit, making me spasm against him again. My body shook as I continued to move, the sensations almost more than I could stand. His other hand tangled in my hair, pulling my mouth down, kissing me with so much passion I climaxed again, my juices pouring over him as he thrust inside of me.

Every spasm, every climax brought the pressure inside me to a boil, until I was moving against him faster, wanting him to take me harder, to fuck me until I couldn't stand, until I could do little but be a puddle at his feet. "Oh God!" I keened. He held my hips in his hard hands, his thrusts shaking my body.

"Nick!" I cried, hearing his grunt of pleasure, feeling him growing larger inside of me.

He groaned my name, his big body shaking against mine as he emptied himself into me, filling me with the heat of his seed. It was all I needed and I climaxed with him, the pleasure so much that I fell against him, my panting breaths harsh to my ears.

I heard him swallow and wondered if his mouth was as dry as mine. He looked up, cupping my face in his hands. He was so gentle; I felt tears springing into my eyes. Steven had never looked at me with even a tenth of the emotion that Nicky's eyes held. I banished the asshole from my thoughts as Nicky kissed me gently, murmuring words of love against my mouth, cheeks and forehead.

He leaned back against the bench and I snuggled up against him. He was still inside of me and I liked having him there. I felt no urgency to move, or to talk. My head settled on his shoulder and I closed my eyes, content.

How long we stayed like that, I don't know. Neither Nicky nor I broke the spell that held us there. It was Old Man Winter. With a huge burst of cold wind, he blew the blanket away from us and sent a chill over my exposed flesh. I sat up, grabbing for the blanket but it was gone, blowing like a stray piece of paper across the surface of the pond. It would catch in the fence, that I had no doubt. But that did little to cover up my cold skin.

"Maybe we should go inside," Nicky said. He helped me stand, laughing gently when my knees shook, barely holding my weight. Helping me dress, he finally adjusted himself and pulled me in his arms. "I love you, Kenna. I don't want you to ever doubt that. I'll never treat you the way Steven did. I promise."

"Does this mean you want to apply for the full time position of boyfriend, instead of just the temporary post?"

"There had better not be any other candidates for that position," he growled, pulling my hat back down on my fiery curls.

"Well, Alex seemed interested," I teased him further.

"Kenna," he growled in warning.

"But I told him the position was filled."

"Good idea," he said. He grabbed my hand and we left the gazebo, braving the freezing cold of the winds as well as the snow it blew into our faces.

Hurrying against it, we stopped in the mudroom and dropped off our coats, hats, gloves and boots. Then we went inside.

Everyone was in the family room; the tree was up and in its accustomed place by the wide glass doors that led to the back deck. From the doors, you could see the pond and the gazebo. Worried, I peered out but the interior of the gazebo was shadowed and dark. I relaxed, less worried that someone had seen.

Mom had retrieved the familiar boxes of antique ornaments that she'd gotten from Grandma, who'd gotten them from her Grandma. They were fragile and beautiful, some of glass that were obviously expensive. Others, the ones that I liked better, were made of wood and bits of this and that, homemade with love and care. Those were more precious in my eyes. Of course, there were the ornaments that we kids made in school, hung with as much care as the more expensive glass ones. Daddy had already strung the lights. That was his job and now he sat in his chair, his feet up, giving the occasionally direction or comment, one eye on the television watching the news and the weather.

"We were just going to come out and look for you," Mara said when she saw me. "I know how much you love this part of Christmas Eve."

"Thanks, sis. You're right, I'd hate to miss decorating the tree." Bekka was sitting in Mom's chair and as I glanced her way, I saw her glaring at me. I didn't know what I'd done, but at the moment, with Nick's lovemaking still first and foremost in my mind, I really didn't care. I reached into the box with the ornaments, unerringly picking out my favorite.

She was beautiful, a tiny little angel with red curls and big green eyes. I remember when Mom had bought her for me. I was around six and we'd gone to the store to see Santa. Bekka had made a huge scene, crying and whining for the entire time we waited in line. I'd been good as gold so when we got done, Mom had said I could pick out a treat.

Bekka had given me much the same glare as she'd just given me a few minutes ago. Mom had expected me to go to the toy department, but instead, I went to the Christmas aisles. I found this little angel and had picked her up so carefully, showing her to my mom.

"I want her," I'd said, though Mom had tried to get me to go and get something else, something I could use everyday and not just at Christmas.

But I was adamant. So my little Christmas Angel came home. Holding it up to the light now, I could see the crack in her where Bekka had "accidentally" knocked her off the tree that first year, breaking her wings. Daddy had fixed her, putting her back on the tree for Christmas morning.