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He remembered wanting to go to the funeral home and to her wake dressed as a woman. Resplendent in black silk dress with puffy chiffon sleeves with a veil covering his face, he'd be the woman in black. With him wearing black, high heel shoes, a padded bra, and a tight girdle to flatten his stomach and reshape his ass, he imagine everyone staring at him. If only he could sprout black wings in the way that the Angel of death did in The American Horror Story, The Briarcliff Asylum, he'd be so happy.
He imagined himself being the black Angel of death leaning over his mother's casket to give him his official kiss of death. If only to make sure that she really was dead, he needed some certainty that she wouldn't be coming back from her grave. Not mourning her loss, he'd be celebrating her going to Hell while feeling pity for the Devil.
Not caring who saw him dressed in women's clothes, he wanted to go to his mother's church service dressed as a woman. Disregarding the embarrassment and the shame that dressing as a woman would certainly bring him, he didn't care who and how many relatives and friends saw him dressed as a woman. He wanted to attend her funeral dressed as a woman, only he couldn't. Nonetheless his inability to go out in public dressed as a woman, he had a fantasy where he stepped from the limousine dressed as a woman and as the black Angel of death.
"Behold the black Angel of death and beware!"
Only, how could he appear in public dressed as a woman? He's be the laughing stock of his community. None of his friends would understand his need to cross dress. With him living in a small, close minded town, he may even be fired from his job. With him living in a small, closed minded town, he'd have to sell his house and move to remove himself from the scandal that he was a cross dresser.
No doubt, Linda would divorce him. Yet, if only a sexual fantasy he loved having, maybe Tiffany would accept him for who he was, embrace his cross dressing, and take him in because cross dressers sexually aroused her. Only, knowing that she'd reject him too, she was the reason why he didn't share his cross dressing secret with anyone, not even his wife who he suspected she knew already anyway.
To be continued...
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