How to Date a Superhero Ch. 10

"We're going to Hades..." Hermes suddenly blurted before he found himself embroiled in a melee between two of the strongest beings in the universe.

Hercules flicked a glance towards Hermes' words, "What foolishness...?"

"The girl we spoke about," Hermes explained, "The one I thought was your daughter, we're going to rescue her."

Apollo turned aside, "You thought Penelope was Hercules' daughter?"

Hermes lifted a shrug, "It seemed reasonable."

"It is madness," Hercules nearly laughed, "Besides; mortal souls do not fall under Pluto's dominion. They go to Purgatory and await their judgment."

"She was killed with the bow of Minerva," Apollo clarified, "She is in Hades, suffering under our uncle's schemes."

"Whatever your misguided reasons are, there is no sun in Hades' red sky," Hercules warned, "You will be greatly weakened." He looked to Hermes, "And your speed will not help you against a limitless hoard of demons who never tire."

"We will not be swayed from our course," Apollo stated in a steely voice, "I will see Penelope returned to this plane or I will spend an eternity with her in Hades."

Hermes seemed less confident, "We're still in the planning phase of this idea; the whole 'spending eternity in Hades' portion is a sticky point."

Hercules snorted and shook his head, "And you've come to me for aid. You both realize the only way into Hades is to die?"

"We're aware," Hermes nodded, "But we're far more interested in hearing about how you returned."

Hercules understood that the two men would not be convinced away from their course, "The only way to cross the River Styx, either into Hades or out of it, is Charon's boat. The river is miles wide and covered with an impenetrable fog. Attempt to cross by any other means and you will become lost amidst the nether regions of the Underworld and most likely find yourself facing the horrors of Tartarus."

Hermes shuddered at the mention of Tartarus, a hellish limbo worse than even Hades.

"Charon will likely not agree to bring us back," Apollo noted, "How did you convince him?"

"Two gold coins got me into Hades," Hercules looked to them both, "The ride back across was slightly more expensive. Charon wanted a tooth from the jaws of Cerberus."

Hermes paled, "I had forgotten about uncle's dog."

"What did Charon want with its tooth?" Apollo asked in an impatient tone.

Hercules shrugged, "Charon is a wretched liche forever trapped in his undeath. Who knows what desires motivate him?"

Hermes seemed encouraged, "So all we need to do, after we die of course, is ask Charon to name his price and have him bring us back."

"And survive the endless hoard of demon soldiers," Hercules reminded, "who Pluto will no doubt send after you once he's aware of your presence."

"Demon hoards are my specialty," Apollo stated confidently.

Hercules looked to Apollo with a grave expression, "In Hades, there is no sunlight to give you strength, there is only death. You are truly powerful, Apollo, that is a fact no one would dare question - not even me. Everyone with a television watched your power on full display when you summoned the sun to leave a scorched crater on the bank of the Mississippi a month ago. Pluto would be a fool to challenge you here on Earth, which is exactly why he doesn't. But if you go to Hades, you lose your advantage. You could kill hundreds of demons, maybe thousands, but your strength will slowly wane in Hades without the sun to replenish you. Eventually you will lose. A thousand demons is a drop in the bucket when compared to Pluto's limitless army."

"Come with us," Apollo suggested, "For once, show thy courage and strength instead of simply bragging about it."

"Bragging?!?" Hercules hefted his axe in front of him, "Was I bragging when I performed my famous trials?"

"Endlessly," Apollo replied dryly, seemingly unconcerned with Hercules or his axe.

Hermes cleared his throat loudly, indicating he had something to say. Both Apollo and Hercules glanced to him amidst their centuries-old tension.

"You are both more-than acceptable warriors, what with all your machismo and muscles," Hermes gestured at them both, "But Apollo will be hindered and Hercules can't go because someone will have to actually kill us. To be honest, I wasn't planning on either of you otherwise perfectly capable gentleman to fight our way out of Hades."

Hercules' face twisted with confusion.

Apollo wore a similar expression.

"I think both of you are forgetting something," Hermes explained, "The girl we're going to rescue isn't some helpless damsel in distress. She's defeated Apollo in combat and I doubt Hercules would fare much better. If I was forced to rely on anyone leading our fight out, I would bet my life on Penelope over either of you."

Both of the proud warriors frowned.

Hermes shrugged apologetically, "In fact, I'd wager Pluto already has his hands full."

=======

Ranging anywhere between eight and twelve feet tall, the demons of Hades were dark and terrible things. Constructed of sinewy muscle, leathery skin, and reptilian wings, they were perfect instruments of combat. Claws on both hands and feet provided natural weaponry, along with a maw full of razor sharp teeth, which could rend steel or flesh with equal ease.

"Stay behind me," Mega-Girl instructed, holding an outstretched arm out to keep Jordan at her back as a trio of the brownish-skinned demons entered Pluto's chamber to retrieve the women.

"Lord Pluto says your time is up," the lead demon snarled, "He will receive you now and hear your answer to his proposal."

Mega-Girl's fist balled at her side, "We're not going anywhere."

Another one of the demons spoke, "Lord Pluto said you might say that. He told us we could eat the red-headed one if you didn't cooperate."

Mega-Girl's expression hardened. "Try it," she threatened.

"Um," Jordan tapped her roommate's shoulder, "MG? How come you're suddenly wearing your costume? And why is your hair long again?"

Mega-Girl glanced down at herself and was equally shocked to see herself clad in her red costume, like a one-piece swimsuit with long sleeves trimmed in dark blue and black. Gone was the white gown she had been wearing, though Jordan was still wearing hers. Her wavy blonde hair fell well-past the shoulders again as well, even though she had cut off most of its singed length following her battle with Inferna.

She had no idea where her costume came from or how she came to be wearing it, but the feel of its familiar tightness on her body inspired Mega-Girl's confidence. When one of the demons lunged forward, snapping jaw leading the way, it was greeted by a fist. The two other demons watched their companion's teeth shatter before he flew across the room and smashed into an obsidian wall. The demon crumpled to the floor unconscious.

Both of the demons turned back to the petite blonde, who only stood at half their height, and quickly reconsidered their prospects for an easy meal.

"Humans are usually soft and squishy," one of the demons noted.

"This one is different," the other agreed.

The first demon snarled and flexed its hand, displaying its dangerous claws, "Hard or soft, all humans are just bags of blood; cut them and they bleed." The creature suddenly lunged forward and slashed its hand across Mega-Girl's torso, tearing the costume at her sternum but not penetrating her skin.

Jordan cautiously moved backwards until she felt the cold obsidian wall behind hit her shoulder blades.

Mega-Girl looked down at her ripped costume, "For crying out loud... do you have any idea how expensive and time-consuming it is to make these costumes from scratch? I have to talk to Dr. Prizm about getting one of those costumes made with unstable molecules that the League uses, because the rate I'm going through these things is starting to get ridiculous."

The demon who hit her cocked its head confusedly at Mega-Girl's banter. No creature had ever treated one of its blows with such casual disregard before; the demon had no idea how to react. Its confusion didn't last long, however. Mega-Girl punched it with all her strength, careening it into the chamber door which shattered into a thousand splinters. The third and final demon roared and flapped its wings to try and intimidate its opponent into submission, but Mega-Girl had never backed out of a fight before and wasn't ready to start simply because she was dead.

As big, strong, and fast as they were, it didn't matter if there were three demons or three dozen; they were simply outclassed. Mega-Girl made fast work of the last demon.

"We've got to get out of here," Mega-Girl dusted her palms off against each other and looked towards the balcony.

"Where do we go?" Jordan glanced the same way, "It's not like Gateway City is over the horizon, we're in Hades and no matter how fast or far we travel - we'll still be in Hades."

"Pluto's bound to send some more of his leathery thugs soon," Mega-Girl approached Jordan, "I don't want to be here waiting for them. There has to be a way out of this dump, we just need to think." She snapped her fingers, "Try to remember your Greek mythology..."

"But that's all it is," Jordan reminded, "Mythology. All the stories we heard about the gods is just a bunch of crap humans made up about them. Apollo himself told us that."

"Yeah, but he also said some of the stories are based on truth, that humanity filled in the blank spaces of real tales to create the Greek legends. So what do we know about Hades?"

"Nothing!" Jordan threw her hands up, "I was always more into Norse mythology, you know? I mean, before today I thought 'Hades' was a guy, not a place. This whole Greek/Roman naming thing really screws with my head. God, I wish they had the internet here... I could look all this crap up."

"I remember a river being important. It's named after an old 80s band, or something."

"Styx!" Jordan's eyes lit up with remembrance, "The River Styx. There's a guy in a boat who will take us across if we have two gold coins."

Mega-Girl looked surprised, "How do you know that?"

"It was in that one old Brad Pitt movie, remember? He had to put two gold coins on his cousin's eyes after he died. He said it was for the boatman."

Mega-Girl smiled at the memory, "Oh yeah, I do remember that movie. Didn't we watch it on cable together, last year? Brad Pitt was really hot in that."

Jordan agreed, "I know, right?"

Mega-Girl glanced around for any money lying around, "So we just need to find a river and some gold coins."

"If it was that easy to get out of here don't you think there'd be a line? Do you really think some boat guy is going to bring us back to life for a couple of gold coins?"

Mega-Girl shrugged bonelessly, "If he doesn't, I'll just beat the crap out of him and we'll take his boat."

Jordan gestured helplessly with her palms, "It's better than any plan I've got."

=======

Hermes sat up like a shot and gasped for breath. He was sitting on a cold patch of bare ground and didn't recognize his foggy surroundings. His hand moved to his throat and he rubbed his neck, as though he was making sure everything was still intact. "Apollo?" he called out with a cautious whisper while gaining his feet. It was difficult to see anything through the hazy air; he was worried Apollo and he had become separated.

A sudden hand grasped his shoulder and Hermes spun to see his brother.

"Quit standing around," Apollo grunted with a gesture, "The River is this way."

Hermes followed as Apollo began leading, "So it worked? We're dead?"

"Aye," Apollo confirmed. "Hercules did his job well."

Hermes rubbed his throat again, "Did he have to be so rough? I can still feel my neck snapping. I hope he takes good care of our bodies."

"You complain like a mule," Apollo seemed driven, "We need to find Charon and bargain for our return."

"What if he refuses to agree?" Hermes speculated.

"We kill him," Apollo stated flatly, drawing the spear from his back; its silvery surface seemed to glow in the dim light of Hades.

"Yes," Hermes rolled his eyes sarcastically, "I'm sure he'll be so much more useful to us after he's dead." Hermes looked around as they walked but could only make out the brownish-black dirt around them; the fog was simply too thick to see beyond a few dozen feet. "This certainly is a drab place," he commented, "How do you know we're going the right way?"

"I can smell the death," Apollo replied ominously.

Hermes lifted an arm and sniffed beneath his shoulder, "That could just be us."

A hissing voice suddenly caused both gods to stop in their tracks, "Long has Pluto waited for such juicy souls."

The fog receded around an approaching figure, as though swept away by an undetectable wind. Charon appeared completely cloaked in black fabric full of ancient decay. Two boney hands emerged from beneath the folds of his robe and drew his hood back to reveal an undead skull with empty eye sockets.

Hermes shivered at the skeletal boatman and whispered to Apollo, "I'm not sure killing him will make much of a difference."

"Mighty Apollo," Charon inclined his expressionless face, "And the messenger Hermes. It's been centuries since I've greeted such distinguished dead to the realm of Hades."

"Cease thy ghoulish prattle," Apollo scowled, his confidence unshaken even in death, "We are not here to enter the service of our uncle, thy lord."

Charon chuckled, a sound resembling grinding, broken glass, "You speak as though you have a choice, Olympian."

"No it's true," Hermes interjected, "We are here willingly."

"It matters not," Charon spoke evenly, without emotion, "You have entered death's embrace. I will ferry you to Hades for two gold coins, otherwise you will find yourselves in the depths of hellish Tartarus."

Hermes looked around, "More hellish than this?"

"We will pay," Apollo agreed, removing some coins given to him by Hercules. "But Hades will not host us long. We would return with another in tow, a mortal woman who does not belong in this foul place."

"There is no return from death," Charon stated.

"Our half-brother is evidence otherwise," Hermes argued.

Charon turned his empty expression towards the messenger god, "Hercules paid for his life by performing his fourteenth and final trial, though he was unable to return to his life with the woman he attempted to rescue. You will prove equally unsuccessful."

Apollo growled angrily and thrust his hand forward, gripping Charon around the cloth-obscured bone that was his neck. "You will aid us or I will end thy pathetic existence."

If Apollo's threat had any effect on Charon, the expressionless skull that was his face showed absolutely no sign. "You are not the first to threaten me, Olympian. You will likely not be the last. My life ended before your race crawled forth from the primordial ooze; my fear of physical violence ended with it."

Hermes lifted a hand and placed it on the leather bracer at Apollo's wrist, urging him to let Charon go. "Dead or not, you continue to exist in your un-life. There must be something you want, something we can provide, to convince you to bring us back once we have located our friend."

"There might be a thing," Charon rasped.

Apollo let him go, "Name it, Liche."

Charon turned his soulless gaze to Hermes, "Your conduit."

Hermes looked surprised. He reached into the front pocket of his slacks and removed a spherical marble, "My conduit? But it only allows dimensional travel between Olympus and Earth. It would be useless to you, here."

"I am adept at bending magic to suit my needs," Charon explained, "I am as much a prisoner of the Underworld as you are. Though it is within my ability to ferry the souls of the unliving back, I am unable to make the journey myself. I would experience the realms of the living once again, to know what the sun feels like upon my face. The conduit can aid me."

"And unleash your unholy powers on the mortals of Earth," Apollo frowned.

"Yes," Hermes nodded at Apollo, "That seems like an exceedingly bad idea."

"That is my price," Charon hissed, "Now, for two gold coins I will ferry you to Hades so you can search for your lost mortal. If you manage to return, I will usher you all back to Earth with the conduit as payment."

=======

Spotting a reasonably flat plateau amidst a sea of black mountain tops, Mega-Girl redirected her flight and landed softly. Jordan was happy to get her feet on the ground after riding with, her arms clenched around Mega-Girl's neck.

"Where the heck do you think we are?" Jordan wondered, looking around. The horizon was jagged line of mountain tops against a red sky. Lightning occasionally flashed in the distance but never seemed to grow any closer.

"I don't know," Mega-Girl eyed their surroundings as well, "But we sure as hell haven't seen any rivers."

"It feels like we've been flying for hours," Jordan remarked, "Pluto is certain to know we've fled by now, and sent his demon goons after us. Do you think they can fly too?"

Mega-Girl shrugged bonelessly, "They had wings."

Jordan pushed a hand through her suicide red hair. She took notice of her former roommate's bland demeanor, "How can you be so calm? It seems like nothing ever scares you."

"That's a by-product of being bullet proof," Mega-Girl kicked at the ground with her red boot, "But I've certainly been scared before. My fight with Apollo comes to mind. I was worried he'd kill me for sure, until you and Travis figured out how to stop him."

"I wish Travis was here," Jordan sighed, "Maybe he could help us figure out how to navigate this crazy place. All I see are mountains, in every direction. It's like they're infinite."

Mega-Girl spotted something out of the corner of her eye and tilted her head confusedly as several black specks dotted the red sky in the direction they came from.

"What is that?" Jordan wondered, her eyes following Mega-Girl's.

"I don't know," Mega-Girl strained to see, her eyes squinting. "It looks like little black holes are forming in the sky, but..."

"They're moving," Jordan noticed, "It's not the sky, it looks more like... I don't know, like a flock of birds."

"Oh shit," Mega-Girl frowned, "Not birds... that's a flock of demons."

Jordan grew alarmed as the distant sky became more and more obscured, "Oh my god, you're right. There must be thousands of them! Um, MG? What do you say we get out of here?"

Mega-Girl watched the sea of black suddenly shift, much like a flock of birds would do, and move as one. "They're not after us," she deduced and pointed, "Look, they're going that way."

"If they're not coming after us," Jordan wondered, "Who are they after?"

=======

Hermes watched the sky blacken as the demon hoard approached him and Apollo, after crossing the River Styx on Charon's boat. "That's a lot of demons," he pointed out, "I'm guessing uncle knows we're here. Do you think we can bargain with them, too?"

Apollo snorted and readied his spear, "Go - find Penelope. I will delay them."

"Delay them?!" Hermes gave Apollo an incredulous look, "Brother, I do not doubt your abilities when it comes to combat, but you are only one man and they number in the thousands. We should stick together and flee; they'll be here in a minute."

"Thou art the fastest being in the universe," Apollo pointed out, "Staying together will only slow thy search. Besides, I do not ever 'flee'. Go. Find Penelope. I will deal with Pluto's army."

"Very well," Hermes agreed, though he had his doubts. He wondered how much of Apollo's might was diminished in Hades and worried his brother was over-confident, but Hermes knew the sooner they found Penelope the sooner they could leave.