Hunter

Li Bangbang brushed the dust and wood shavings from her otherwise flawless Asian melons.

"Little help here?" Ed Too Long Jones asked, and reached out to Li with one hand.

Li grabbed the big guy's paw and effortlessly lifted him to a standing position (pump enough cocks and you have the arm strength of Lou "The Hulk" Ferrigno). When Too Long reached his full height, his throbbing schmeckel was bumping against Li's nose. Not wanting to seem unfriendly, she grabbed it and plunged it up to the hood in her mouth, and began to play with his cojones as though they were pair of Chinese baoding exercise balls. She sucked his shaft like a three- inch radius tootsie roll, but then let it pop out of her mouth. She patted the Cowboys' ex-defensive end on his massive thighs. "Sorry big guy," she said. "Ah'm already spoken fo'.''

For no accountable reason, Too Long dropped to his knees, put his hands on his head screamed "Stella,"

"Ed, how many times do I have to tell you, my name is not Stella."

"I just wanna take you home. Why won't you let me? I coulda been a contender. I could have been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it Stella."

"Too Long, you gotta wake up. When people call you 'Too Long' now, they are not referring to your schvantz. they're talking about the foot-long booger you sported at Filthy Mary's cumming-out party.

"Besides, Chuck Knobmaster gives my what I need. You're just a too nice of a guy. So long, Too Long. Sometimes a girl needs a bad guy. A really bad guy."

GULF COAST CHAINSAW MASSACRE

Li Bangbang and Chuck Knobmaster walked hand-in-hand into the red sunset, skyclad (buck-naked) in accordance with the official dress code of Sodom and Gomorrah Township. Chuck carried his spanking new chainsaw over his right shoulder.

"I can't believe that you are actually going to let me do anything I want to you."

Li pressed her head against Knobmaster's barrel chest and hooked her arm around his massive bicep. "That's right babe, anything you want. Nothing is off the table."

"Nothing? Not even beheading and ritual dismemberment?"

"You own me, big guy. This unworthy vessel is yours is to dispose of in any way you want. "

"Ritual flaying?"

"Yep"

"Crucifixion?"

"We have done that so many times that I have lost track of the count, oh Master of Knobs. I need something new, something beyond your wildest and most lascivious fantasies. Something so cruel and despicable, it will make you blow your own lunch.

"You think so? You don't know me little girl. You'll will scream before this night is over."

Li uncurled her hand from the sadist's arm and pressed her thumb on a nearby tree. "Stand back big guy." she said, as a hole suddenly opened in the forest floor, revealing a staircase leading to a sparkling white subterranean laboratory.

"What are we now? Alice in Wonderland?"

"Something like that. C'mon," she said, waving to Chuck to follow her down the stairs. "This is a present just for you. I built it myself."

Knobmaster reluctantly descended the stairs to find himself in a room with brilliant white walls, ceiling and floor. In fact the floor seemed to be made of ceramic, like a bathtub .

Li pulled the door shut behind her, sealing the room.

"What is this place, a giant bathtub?"

"Kinda," Li said. " I know that sometimes when you're having a little fun, bodily fluids tend get spilled onto the floor, be they urine, be they sweat, be they diarrhea, be they cum, be they blood, be they liquefied viscera. That's why there is a drain in the middle of the floor, oh mighty Master of All Knobs. When you press the "Done" button over there, the drain opens wide, and the water washes down all solid waste, be it leftover organs, be it those pesky leftover skull fragments and hard-to-crunch vertebrae." It also takes care of hard-to get out forensic evidence. These remains are then run though a giant meat grinder and sent to the water treatment plant over in Okefenokee Junction. . No muss, no fuss, no CSI."

"You did all of this for me?" Knobmaster said, wiping a tear from his eye. "That is so nice of you. No body ever gave me a present before. I thought everybody hated me."

"There, there," Li said, throwing her arms around the sobbing sadist. "Not everybody hates you. Filthy Mary speaks, I mean spoke, very highly of you."

"That's because I'm the only one who will give her a cactus-porcupine crush bath. Everyone else is afraid of the needles. She doesn't love me for myself, but only as a vehicle for pain."

"That's not true," Li said. "I was Sukey Tawdry's roommate and I was maid of honor at Jenny Diver's wedding. Both of them spoke very kindly of you. The stuff you did to Lucy Brown and Lotte Lenya makes my clit throb. Serial dismemberment, that is so hot. I want you to do it to me, only more gradually, maybe just the hands and feet at first, then render me a quad so I will be completely helpless, and you can do anything you want to me. That would be so hot. Then send me into the perfection of the darkness to rejoin my friends and finally find the peace I seek."

The Master of Knobs wiped a tear from his eye. "You mean I'm actually helping people?"

"Oh, of course you are, silly." Li said. "You are just punching their tickets for Charon's boat ride. They want only release, to shuttle off this mortal coil of tears, to rejoin the shades of their loved ones in Hades. They would do it themselves, but have you ever tried to saw off your left arm when your right arm is sitting on top of the offal pile?"

"There are other, less gruesome ways of killing yourself," the master of all things knobby kindly pointed out.

"I know, Chuck. but you don't know the extreme pleasure of being crucified and helpless before your lover, to yield the power of life and death to another. God, I am getting soaked just thinking of it."

Chuck looked down at the growing puddle between Li's legs, and his johnson snapped to attention faster than a West Point plebe at morning snack.

"Chuck, you like me, you really like me!," Li said in her best Sally Field voice. "Look at all the toys I have for you." She swept her arm across the vast array of torture devices mounted on the far wall."

At that, the knob man's knob grew like Pinocchio's schnozzola under Congressional testimony. His precum was bubbling out like an unsanitary drinking fountain at a middle school.

Li's hand shot out to seize Chuck's well-lubricated shaft. She performed an intricate maneuver of taps with her fingers of her right hand and the knobmeister's eyes rolled back in their sockets and drool poured out of his mouth. Li looped a cord around his cojones, which retracted into pre-firing position. His whole body trembled in fear and pleasure. "So Pei Mei taught you the five-fingered proboscis strike."

Li looked down at the Knobster, smiled and said "Of course he did, Chuck." She remembered the kind eyes of the hermit monk with the wild eyebrows and flowing white beard, who was killed by one of Chuck's disciples a couple of months ago.

"Chuck, you still do not yet know the ecstasy of a submissive helpless before her lover's cruelty. I will show it to you, and the you will know true meaning of sublime pleasure."

"I'd rather just dismember you right now," the knobmeister told his submissive.

"No can do," Li said. "I never let a guy dismember me on the first date."

"But look at the times you let me torture you and fuck every hole in your body over at Dirty Jake's.

"OK, big guy, your point is well-taken. I will submit to the delicious torture of a thousand cuts. I am Chinese after all, so I have no reason to hold back. Unless you count the pain and the death, I mean, and I'm not.

"Once the torture is complete. You may do you wish to this humble body of unworthy dust. But first you must experience the ecstasy of complete submission and the first steps on the dark road to nirvana, to total extinction. "

"Let's get it on. No more talking."

"Whatever you say , big guy. Now just lay down on the cross on the floor."

Chuck crawled on top of the cross in question.

"How come it says 'INRI' at the top?" he asked.

"Dirty Jake's jacked the price up of crosses by 700%. He said it was due to all the heat from KSEX Action News. Pure extortion if you ask me. That's why I started to buy my crosses at church clearance sales and modify them myself.

"Now put your hands in the straps."

Chuck put his hands through the leather straps. There was the sound of a small motor starting up, and the leather straps tightened around his wrist. Another strap emerged from the cross and wrapped itself around his ankles.

Finally, Li pressed a red button on the wall, a motor started up, and the cross rose to the full locked and upright position.

"Hey, big guy, how's the view from up there?" she asked the crucified psychopath.

"Can we keep this short?" the knobmeister said. "Let's skip to the part where I get to peel off your skin, slice you into little bits and feed your meat to the garbage disposal."

"Mmmm, sounds delicious, Chuck. But first you must experience the nothingness of this literally God-forsaken universe."

She tugged hard on the cord wrapped around his balls, and he felt a paroxysm of pain run up and down his body.

"What is it that you feel?"

"Pain, mistress."

"Tell me what else you feel."

"Unbearable horniness and lust, mistress."

"Do you want me to release you, lowly worm? To make it all go away. to confer upon you the gift of pure nothingness?"

"Yes, mistress, I beg you."

"I will bestow upon you the kiss of extreme unction."

"is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Depends on who you ask. It's good for me, if that's what you're asking. Here, I'll show you." She gave the ball rope a cruel twist and used its leverage to ascend Chuck's body. Chuck let out a hair-raising scream.

Li grabbed Chuck's swollen, throbbing cock and impaled her mouth upon it. She began to slide her head up and down his turgid member, listening to his gasps, as his muscular thighs trembled in their frustrated desire for release. She yanked the cord around his balls even tighter. She reached out to crush his balls with her hand.

Finally, the laws of physics could no longer be denied, and Chuck screamed as couple of liters of love juice shot out of happy cannon.

Just like Newton's apple, the aforementioned mega-wad fell back to Earth or at least onto the top of Chuck already hyper-oiled and stylishly hyper-gelled hair.

"Are we done now? Can I at least vivisect you now?"

"Of course you may, my love, but you have not yet experienced true nothingness, true bliss."

"OK, little lady, let 'er rip."

"Oh, I am going to do just that, my sweet," Li said as she got out a footstool to give her better access to her master's crucified body. She retrieved Chuck's brand-new chain saw from the floor. She pulled the chain and the lethal weapon roared to life. She brought the saw blades right up to Chuck's neck, drawing a thin redline of blood.

"You're not allowed to do that," Chuck told his slave.

"Could have fooled me, Chuck. We're not at Dirty Jake's anymore. Those rules don't apply here."

"Ticonderoga," Chuck said in desperation.

"Same deal. Dirty Jake's safe word doesn't apply here."

"You're starting to scare me now," the master of all things phallic. said.

"What was that Henry Fonda quote you told most everybody at Dirty Jakes, Chuck? Oh I remember. 'Folks scare better when they're dying.'. Wasn't that it?."

She flipped the switch on the chainsaw to "Extra Gore."

"OK, Master, now this may smart a little. OK here we go. You'll feel just a little pinch."