I Am Not A Wimp Pt. 01

"To tell you the truth Rob, I agree, but I'm not sure if it's because that's what I believe or what I want to believe. The only thing I'm sure of is that Jenny deserves to have me confirm things myself before I say or do anything."

"Thanks Ted. She's my sister and I love her but I can see the hell you must be going through. I appreciate you giving her at least the benefit of the doubt. What are you going to do?"

"Let's pass on the cabin this week but not tell Jenny. You decide how to handle Diane. I trust you both. I'll leave as I normally do and I'll check to see what Jenny actually does do on Wednesday. If she does go to the Havercroft, I'll be hurt but I'll survive. She's given me 5 great years that I wouldn't want to have missed out on. I can hang on for another day or two."

I worked late that night and as I suspected, Jenny was fast asleep when I got home. I woke early, packed an overnight bag and left seemingly for Savannah in the morning. Jenny woke before I left and was still obviously pissed about me going away again but she did kiss me goodbye.

I got a room at the Havercroft then spent the day in it using my laptop and my cell phone to keep in touch with my two offices. Rob had elected to tell Diane what was up and that led to more bad news.

Diane too had pretty much ignored a few comments made to her from mutual friends who claimed to have seen Jenny at a lunch joint across town with the same guy she was dancing with at the Havercroft last week. When she put that together with what Rob and I had found out she was alarmed and insisted we call Jenny at once.

Rob had to use his considerable arguing skills to stop her and let things take whatever course they did.

As I was alone almost all of that day I began to realize that my marriage may be over. I was determined not to be like my Dad and after a great deal of soul searching, I made up my mind to be dignified in all that I said and did.

I knew I was hurting but I was also convinced that I would survive it and go on with my life. One of the things that made this hurt so much was that for the last 5 or 6 years, with Jenny in it, my life has been better than ever before and for that I would not be vengeful toward her in any way.

As I understood it, Jerry Craig was to be arrested soon and, along with him, the FBI would be able to prosecute a number of others, almost all of whom will be pissed at him for leading the authorities to them. They told me his life was going to be a living hell both in and out of jail.

All I had to do was take the time to let myself heal!

I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that I was still hoping there would be some rational explanation for all this but, in my heart of hearts, I knew it was unlikely and later that afternoon when, with my own eyes, I saw Jenny come into the lobby and pass on through to the dining room where I already knew Jerry Craig was waiting, I knew it was over.

I fought off an overwhelming urge to burst into the dining room and confront the two of them. I knew I was not in as much control as I would need to be to do that so, in order not to lose it, like Dad, I retrieved my briefcase and overnight bag and headed for what used to be "home" to pack.

As I drove away I began to understand my Dad quite a bit better. The pain was almost unbearable and I knew I needed to speak to someone. I thought long and hard before I made the detour to go see Rob and Diane.

When I told him what I had seen and that I was on my way home to pack, I was sure I could see his pain. He and Jenny were very close as siblings and he and I knew that outside of our wives, we were best friends. I almost felt sorry for him being caught between us.

Diane broke down. Her sobbing almost put me over the edge and finally I could see that Rob needed to help her deal with it.

I left then but, before I did, Diane gained some control and took me into her arms and hugged me tightly.

When I got home I was wiped emotionally and although I got some of it done, I thought I would leave the rest of the packing until the morning. I turned out all the lights and tried to rest but it was to no avail, so I got up and laid out all the rest of my clothes on the bed and began to pack them.

Not long after that I was shocked to see Jenny burst through the door into our bedroom.

"Shit!" I thought to myself. "She's bringing him home to fuck! What do I do now, play the willing cuckold or compromise an FBI investigation?"

Chapter 3 Jenny

I have no idea how long it took me to process what Ted had just said to me but while I worked it out, he was back to unpacking.

The next bit of information I managed to process was that he was putting his clothes into the case, not taking them out.

"What are you doing?" I blurted out, still shaken from finding him home and me feeling at least a little guilty.

Ted turned and his expression radiated a powerful sadness. He swallowed and as if to prepare himself, then took a deep breath and when he let it out he said quietly, "Let's just get this done Jenny. I know about you and Jerry Craig. I'm hurt that you turned to him, I'm more than a little pissed that you didn't have the guts to tell me to my face and I'm shocked that you picked an asshole like Craig. I hope you're not planning a long term relationship with him. I don't think he's going to be around much longer.

This house is yours. It always has been. That was in the pre-nup. I'll be out of here in a few minutes. Perhaps you'd better call him and let him know I'm here because if he arrives before I leave there will be serious consequences."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I shouted, but as I did the realization that Ted thought I had an affair going with Jerry Craig exploded into my mind. My first reaction was anger that he would think I'd do such a thing. My second reaction was that Ted was serious. There were several cartons all neatly taped shut and all his luggage was in our bedroom.

"Ted!" I said, all too loudly. "You are way out of line here." I continued, but the picture was becoming all too clear and I could feel the fear start to clutch at my chest.

"Don't do this Jenny. There's no need for us to get stupid about it. What's done is done. I will not stay in a marriage like you have made ours into."

"Ted, you've got it all wrong. There's nothing between Jerry Craig and me. I agree with you. He's an asshole!"

Ted looked at me with that same expression like the one I have seen so many times on the job, from men who cannot stand listening to a woman who has her own ideas.

"An asshole! YOU think he's an asshole? The guy you've been seeing for lunch for at least the last 3 or 4 weeks. The guy you been to the Havercroft Hotel with these past Wednesdays while I've been out of town? Come on Jenny, there's no way you're going to make me believe you've been doing all that with a guy you think is an asshole! Give me credit for having some brains!"

I was shell shocked! I was moving my lips but there were no words coming out. There were no words because I couldn't think of any.

After what seemed like an eternity but was probably only a few seconds Ted continued in a much calmer voice, "There's no need for this Jenny. I know what's been going on, I'm not staying, let's just let it go."

"No, no!" I shouted out, "Let me explain. It's not what it looks like!"

There was that God Damned look again. The one that said something like "You're a stupid woman. What the hell do you know?"

"Jenny, I have no need to know why. I have no need to know the gory details. It's enough that it has happened, that I saw you this evening at the Havercroft with Craig. I know that you've been seeing him for the last several weeks. I DO NOT NEED ANY MORE INFORMATION!"

Not only was I fighting to try to say something intelligent and explanatory, I was now fighting just to breathe. Ted knows about me seeing Jerry Craig! By the sounds of it, he's known about it for a while. BUT . . . he thinks I've been fucking him! Why in hell would he think that about me?

For a moment I felt the anger coming back but it was quickly overwhelmed by FEAR!

"Ted, I love you. I wouldn't fuck anyone else. You should know me better than that!"

Again . . . a long pause as Ted seemed to carefully choose his words but before he spoke, I continued, "I did see Jerry for lunch a few times and for dinner a couple of times and a few dances but I have not done anything else!. You can't walk out on 5 great years because I had dinner a few times with another guy."

In spite of my need to keep calm I could feel the panic setting into my voice.

Ted turned again and stared at me with that 'You really are a stupid woman.' look.

"Alright Jenny, let's do it your way. To me our marriage was built on trust, mutual respect, and love. Let's take those things one at a time. There were times over the past weeks when I have given you every opportunity to tell me you had lunch with Jerry Craig, that you met Jerry Craig for dinner at the Havercroft and that you were at the Havercroft Lounge dancing with him while I was out of town. I trust that if you had nothing to hide, if you weren't doing anything wrong, you would have at least mentioned it. Did you?"

Before I could form the words to explain, he continued.

"Then there's mutual respect. Aren't you the one that once told me that we had to maintain some dignity around our own employees or was that applicable only to your employees, because Craig has been boasting for some time now around our office that he has been fucking you for a while. He even invited some of my staff show up at the Havercroft to see the two of you together and, as I understand it, at least one of them did show up and guess what she saw! My wife there in his arms while they all knew I was out of town."

"Oh Ted, I'm so sorry. I . . ."

"It doesn't end there Jenny. I got a call from Chuck and Susan Sanders. They were at the Havercroft two weeks in a row and saw you there without me and wondered if I was O.K. Some of my staff also spoke to Rob about you being there with him as well and when he and Diane talked about it Diane said some of her friends were asking too. They apparently eat at the diner across town that you and Craig have been using at lunch times.

Well how are we doing Jenny? That's trust and mutual respect down and 'love' to go."

Ted paused again as if to assemble his thoughts. "I do love you Jenny and these past 5 years have been the best of my life and for that I'm willing just to walk away without any more fuss."

Now I was desperate for something logical and profound to say. This was all getting way out of hand. "Ted, for the past several weeks I have been doing everything I could to bring us closer. I've come to your office to have lunch or just a coffee. I've been trying to bring us closer but you haven't helped much at all."

Somehow I knew as soon as I said that, I had dug myself in deeper.

"Well, about three weeks ago I came to have lunch with you and I saw you with him just leaving the sandwich joint near your office. I was sure you would tell me you had met him but that evening but you never said a word about it. Fool that I was, I trusted you even then and decided that meeting him was so unimportant to you that you just didn't get around to mentioning it. So, keeping in mind who you have been lunching, dining, dancing and God knows what else with, help me believe that it was really me you came to my office to see!"

He closed up the last of the suitcases picked up his overnight bag and headed for the door.

"Ted. Stop please stop. I'm sorry. I've made a terrible mess of things but I have never fucked Jerry Craig. I've never even come close to it and I never would. I've been trying to find a way to make you jealous enough of him to pay more attention to me. It worked the day you saw him with me in your staff lounge and I somehow thought it might work again. That was a great night and a great weekend Ted and I wanted more. Was that so terribly bad?"

"That makes no sense. You can't make me jealous when you hide from me who you're seeing. Jenny, I'm tired and I can't do this anymore. Just let it go. I'll send for the rest of my things tomorrow. I'm leaving now."

And with that he picked up his bag and went down the stairs and out the door.

The tears were not long in coming although I was somewhat in shock to have gone so quickly from having erotic thoughts about my husband during the drive home, to seeing him walk out the door because he thinks I have been unfaithful to him. Him thinking that has certainly added some annoyance, even anger, to my mix of emotions just now.

I needed to talk to my big brother so in spite of the late hour I called him. He answered almost immediately.

"Ted, are you O.K.?" he said as he picked up the phone.

"It's not Ted, Rob."

"Jenny? You're home? I saw the number come up on my phone. When did you get home? Don't tell me you brought that creep Craig to your own home." He almost shouted into the phone.

"Come on Rob. Not you too. I left that creep, as you call him, at the Havercroft but I'm mad as hell that you would even think I'd do such a thing."

"If it wasn't for the things I do know you have been doing with that fuckhead over the past few weeks," He answered. "I would never have thought it in a thousand years, but now I'm not sure I even know you."

"Oh Rob please. Ted has left me. He has some fool notion that I've had sex with Jerry Craig. He won't even listen to me. Can I come over? Please. I really need you Rob, please."

I don't even recall the ride over to their place but Rob was at the door when I arrived and Diane was standing behind him with a look that might kill.

Rob seemed embarrassed but Diane was angry and I had no sooner got in the door, when she said, "Jenny I hope to hell that either you have an explanation for all this or you're prepared to live without Ted in your life. What the hell has been going on with you and Jerry Craig. He's a creep Jen. What happened?"

She might have been angry but she at least gave me an opening to tell my side. I asked for and got a brandy as I settled in to tell everything. I began with some of what they already knew and went on to seeing Jerry Craig at Ted's office and how attentive Ted had been that following weekend and how I had a vague notion that it might instigate some positive and lasting response from Ted.

I continued to state honestly that I was thinking of using Jerry Craig and strung him along before deciding not to do it and that I never had and never would be unfaithful to Ted. I admitted that doing what I had was foolish, but that's all it was.

I reiterated how Ted had promised to do something productive for me and our marriage and how hurt I was that he had gone back on his word and not only that but had actually put even more time into the job. I even vented a little on Rob as he had been working with Ted those times.

Rob's reaction to my complaint was nothing short of remarkable. His look made me do a double take. He looked over at Diane who just stared back for a few moments then said, "You tell her Rob, or I will."

"Tell me what?" I asked.

"Jenny, Ted and I have not been in Savannah all the times we were away." He began, then looked away as if embarrassed. It occurred to me that he and Ted may have been up to no good but I immediately rejected that idea. I don't think my brother would fool around on his wife and I know Ted wouldn't do that to me.

Rob continued, "He wanted to surprise you. He wanted it to be a "dream come true" for you. He bought some land up north and he and I have been working with the contractors almost every weekend so that he can come as close as possible to making your dream cabin come true."

At that moment I don't think that anything could make me feel worse than I did. No wonder he was so hurt. Here he was trying to make our dream cabin a reality and I'm off trying to make him jealous. What an idiot I've been.

"I'm afraid that's not all you don't know Sis." Rob added. "You need to keep what I'm about to tell you to yourself or there might be legal consequences. The FBI has Jerry Craig under surveillance. He is implicated in some kind of software project financing scheme back in New Jersey. Although they have not given Ted all the details, they have made him aware that he has been meeting with you for quite some time."

"Oh my God! Ted told me Chuck and Susan Sanders saw me with him too." I said.

"Do you remember my friend Ellie Black?" Diane asked. "You and Ted met her at the club at New Years. She works up in Marietta and thought she had seen you at a lunch place she and her co-workers use, but the guy with you wasn't Ted so she thought maybe it wasn't you. Then she and her husband saw you at The Havercroft with the same guy and he knew it was you. She called me to see if you and Ted were still together."

"Did you know," Rob began, "that Jerry Craig has been boasting about having fucked the boss's wife. He even had some of them come out to the Havercroft on Wednesday evenings to see you there with him for themselves?"

I just nodded my head because my tears wouldn't let me speak. Finally I calmed down enough to say, "Rob, I swear to you, I never even came close to fucking him. I never, ever would!"

"I'm not sure why," Diane said, "but I think I believe you, but Jenny, think how all this looks to Ted. He was there at the Havercroft earlier this evening. He saw the two of you together. It doesn't take much to see why he might think you were fucking him!"

"I know I've been a total idiot about this but I had already told Jerry I wasn't seeing him any more. I told him this evening before I went home. In retrospect, it seemed like a silly teenager's plan so I decided to forget it and told Jerry this evening before I went home. When I got there, Ted was packing to leave.

However stupid I've been, didn't I deserve at least a little more opportunity to explain all this to Ted?" I asked.

"He's pretty upset Sis. Maybe when he calms down you two can talk."

"I think." Diane began, "that we are going to have to find some way to convince him you haven't been fucking Craig. All the evidence he has seen and heard says you have been or you were about to. What can we do to deal with that?"

I had been thinking about that myself and notwithstanding my extremely foolish behavior, I still felt Ted should give me the benefit of the doubt if I just told him the truth but I wasn't about to push that line of thought too hard.

"Actually," Rob exclaimed, "there is a way we can prove it!"

Chapter 4 - Ted

I had no idea where to go or what to do so I headed for the cabin. I didn't want to talk to anyone except maybe Rob and I could tell he was caught in the middle so I purchased a cellphone at a local convenience store then called Rob with the number, telling him I was turning my regular mobile off. I requested that he not give the number to anyone else which he agreed to do.

He did ask me to talk to Jenny but I knew I wasn't going to do that. I would not be a wimp like my Dad. It would be easier not to forgive in the first place than get into the endless cycle of hurt and self-pity he let himself slide into.

I didn't really blame Rob. Jenny is his sister and he would have to stand by her at least to some extent so I simply refused and told him I would be out of town and that he was in charge. Use the throw-away number in an emergency but otherwise, handle everything himself.

I called Reg Westin, my lawyer and asked him to have someone on his staff begin the divorce process. Reg is basically a corporate lawyer and didn't handle matters like this. I explained what I knew and after extracting a promise not to reveal my location, I told him where to send my copy of the petition.