I Love You

I nodded as I walked over to her. I sat in front of her and showed her what was in my hand.

"Martin!" she shrieked.

"I was going to do this later, but I don't see the point in waiting any longer."

I opened the box and took out the ring. She sat on the couch next to me and stuck her hand out.

I almost laughed at her eagerness, but I simply took her hand and slid the ring onto her finger.

"Yes, Martin. Yes! Yes! Yes!"

I laughed when she threw herself at me.

"Aren't you supposed to wait for me to ask you the question?"

"Who cares? The answer will still be yes."

I hugged her tightly and said, "I have one more question to ask you if you'll let me."

"What's that?"

I stood and walked over to the microphone stand. I took the mic off and unplugged it. She looked at me in confusion, then she realized what I was doing.

She was still crying from my supposed proposal and ran to me.

"Are you serious?" she shrieked.

"Will you please let me ask you a God damned question," I laughed.

She nodded with a huge smile.

"It seems you're the only other singer the label liked, and I don't have time to find another. Do you want to sing in my band?"

She took the microphone from my hand and stepped back.

"Martin, do you really want this? I mean, I get that millions of dollars are on the line, but do you really want me to do this with you?"

"Well, I'd be lying if I said I was 100% committed to the idea. My manager told me I was an idiot for not having you sing for me in the first place. Everyone really liked you on the demos."

"If you're not fully committed, I'm not going to do it. I don't want it to be some kind of albatross on our relationship."

"Look, Annie. You saved me once from God knows what. I never believed I'd be back in the music business, let alone be in love, and that's all because of you. I guess, I figure, why fight it? You're the best thing that's happened to me in a very long time and maybe I'd be dumb to not keep it going and see what happens next."

She looked at the microphone in her hand and said, "Okay. Then I'll do it."

We hugged, then made love on the couch.

*****

Six months went by, and two more songs I wrote for Fairleigh broke the top ten on the Billboard 100. The streaming numbers were insane, and I was in unbelievable demand as a songwriter.

I was at the end of recording our record and was also writing songs for other artists. I was glad Annie and Stevie were with me in the studio because I was so busy, I'd never have seen them.

It was early morning, and no one was in the studio with me as I listened to the vocals Annie recorded the previous day. They were great, and I was glad I caved in and agreed to have her join the band.

Suddenly, the door opened, and Jimmy Mace walked in. Jimmy was producing our record. It turned out he loved producing albums and was talking about phasing out of making his own music.

I didn't believe he'd stop making his own stuff. I imagined him becoming a guy who built his own studio at his house and just made music without going on the road. It sounded like a good idea to me.

"Morning, Jimmy."

"Good morning, Marty. How's it sounding to your ears?"

"She nailed it again. She's really amazing."

"Yeah, I'm loving it too," he agreed. "You found a gem there, man. She's gonna be huge."

I laughed, "I found a wife. She just happened to be a singer too."

He joined me in laughing, then he got a text and frowned.

"Bad news," I asked.

"Sort of. An old friend of mine is getting married tonight, and he keeps begging me to go."

"Why aren't you? We don't need to work tonight."

"It's a long story, but he got drunk and screwed my girlfriend."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, it sucked, but I ended up with Kim, so it all worked out for me."

"What about the girlfriend?"

"No clue, man. It really sucked. We weren't dating that long, but as soon as she tasted the party life, she lost control of herself. On the second day of vacation, she got black out drunk and had sex with one or both of my friends that were supposed to look after her."

"Damn, that's cold," I said.

"Yeah. Ya know I think it's too much like my own story. Once I got a taste of the sex, drugs, and rock and roll, I was a lost cause too. But they were my bros, man. My best fucking friends. We hadn't seen each other in years because I never went back home, so I guess I missed that they changed."

He looked away as if he were trying to force down bad memories. I quickly changed the subject.

"I think we'll be done laying down vocals by Tuesday. That'll give us a couple of weeks to mix it and make the label's timetable."

"Yeah, and then it's on to making my own record. I'm gonna have to go on tour for this one so I'm planning on taking my time."

I laughed and said, "Good luck with that."

*****

On the day we loaded up the bus to leave for our first show, I was a mess. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to shower or shave, I didn't even want to drink a cup of coffee. I delayed everything for as long as I could.

Annie caught on quickly and pushed me through every step of my day, so I didn't delay her coming out party any longer.

We were starting with a warmup show in a large bar in Southern Illinois, which was the first time we'd play as a band in front of a crowd. From there we were to join a couple of larger acts on a festival and mid-size venue tour through the Midwest.

Our leadoff single broke into the Billboard Country chart at number 38 and I was ecstatic. The guys in the band, thought we were going to burst out of the gates with a number one song and be instant hitmakers. It didn't work that way no matter how many hits I wrote for my old band or Fairleigh.

We had to work. We had to get out on the road and make a name for ourselves. Sure, my name got some doors opened. I'm absolutely sure we wouldn't have gotten the festival gig without them being able to capitalize on my recent songwriting success, but we were going to be lean for a while.

One good thing was that I hit the first milestone of my record contract by having a song in the top 40 of the Country chart. That made the advance money they paid me guaranteed, and I didn't have to pay it back out of my future earnings. It was a good start.

Annie, saw right through all of my shenanigans trying to delay going out. She said, "Martin, we're getting on that bus no matter how much you try to delay it. All you're doing is making us late, which will make the driver go faster, which will make the trip less safe. Is that what you want?

"Mommy, can I have cereal?" Stevie shouted from the kitchen.

I looked at her determined stare and said, "You realize he's in the kitchen right?"

Her look changed immediately to shock, and she bolted from my room to the kitchen. Stevie started pulling a chair over to the counter to climb up and help himself to cookies, cereal, and anything else I had up there when he wanted something.

Annie told him he couldn't help himself to things and had to ask first. That became him climbing up, remembering he had to ask, then asking for permission while standing on my countertop. Me personally, I'd have told him he couldn't climb on counters, but she'd figure it out eventually. Meanwhile, boys will be boys.

I laughed as I stuffed my bag full of jeans and t-shirts, which were my clothes of choice on stage, socks, belts, and finally underwear. I almost forgot to pack my underwear. It wouldn't have been a disaster, but it wouldn't have boded well for our tour's luck.

Annie's sister arrived to take Stevie home, he and Annie took to staying with me a few nights a week, rather than me staying at her full house. We made our goodbyes, Annie's had more tears than mine, and got ready to hit the road for three weeks.

After three weeks, we would have a two-week break, and then would be gone for a month. In total, we'd put on thirty shows in six weeks. We wouldn't make a lot of money for the tour, but we'd be out there making a name for ourselves.

I stared at the bus, which looked exactly like the one that killed my wife and child, for what felt like hours. Annie put her hand in mine and smiled.

"Come on, baby. You can do it."

I took a deep breath and walked up the steps.

"We're going to be fine," she whispered as the guys in the band stared in shock.

I didn't even realize I was crying.

After the bus pulled onto the expressway, every bump, screech, squeak, and bug hitting a windshield made my anxiety skyrocket. I'm sure, if I had a doctor monitoring my blood pressure, I'd have been sedated to prevent a heart attack.

Annie was like a kid on a field trip. She and the band were singing songs, laughing at their past road stories, and generally not being a scared idiot like me.

When the clock rolled over to noon, the guys in the band opened the cooler and passed out beers. I declined, much to Annie's happiness, and then it got rowdier. Annie ate it all up, and I opened my notebook and tried to work on some songs.

*****

"I think I'm gonna puke," Annie confessed as we waited to go on stage.

"Go ahead," I said. "It'll make your voice a little bit raspier."

The guys laughed and Annie shook her head.

"You're going to do great, baby," I said then kissed her. "Go on out there and show 'em what you got!"

She shook her boobs and giggled. I shook my head, smacked her butt, and we went out on stage.

It was a disaster.

Her mic didn't work, my monitor didn't have my guitar in it, Dave started the wrong song twice, and Annie forgot the words to one of our songs. It couldn't have been worse if a stage light fell on one of us.

After the show, the band was upset, but Annie was inconsolable.

Finally, after listening to enough, I shouted, "Stop!"

Everyone shut up and looked at me.

"Guys, this is the whole point of having a warmup show. So, there were some problems? Who cares? We learn from them and make sure they're fixed before the next show. We will be fine."

And we were.

The rest of the shows went off without a hitch, and I even got over my fear of riding the tour bus.

Not surprisingly, Annie started to become the front person for the band. If we were interviewed before, they generally asked me most of the questions as I was the known person in the band. After that first leg of the tour, she became the star.

I was fine with it because I hated all of that nonsense. After a while the guys in the band fell to the background, and Annie and I did the interviews with her doing most of the talking.

Things on the home front were hard on her though. She missed Stevie, even though she facetimed him every day. You can't hug someone through a video call, and she always cried after they ended.

One afternoon, we had a couple of days at a motel in some rural midwestern town, and we hung out at the pool.

Annie was in a modest bikini and looked gorgeous as usual. The guys and some of the roadies were going to a bar to blow off some steam, so for the first time in a few days, we were alone. I had dozed off and when I woke up, Annie was talking to some barely legal punk who though his shit didn't stink.

They hadn't noticed I woke, and he said, "You're gonna burn, baby. Let me put some of that sunscreen on you."

I turned my head as she handed him the bottle.

"That's my job, asshole," I said.

Annie dropped the lotion in shock.

"Hey, guy, she didn't say she was with you. I don't want any trouble."

"Best get to steppin' then--guy. She's with me. That's what the ring on her finger signifies for future reference."

He walked away, and I stood and stepped into my sandals.

"Remember who you're with, Annie."

I walked away, leaving her sitting with a guilty look on her face. She couldn't even force out a meaningless response. I suppose that was for the best. I didn't want to hear it anyway.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't think she was going to go off and cheat on me, but in my mind, no one's hands should be on her body except mine. Call me a caveman or an asshole or whatever, that's just how I felt about my woman. The same went for me and other women.

Our first single peaked at number 21, but our second single broke the top ten. We were getting big and had our own fans at the shows.

Some magazine wanted us to do a photo shoot and a story about how great of a comeback it was for me after losing my wife. That isn't how it ended up though. Annie's picture was on the cover, and there was a small inset photo on the last page of the article of me and her. The article didn't even mention that we were engaged.

It didn't seem like it at the time we were taking them, but the pictures ended up showing Annie with a lot of cleavage and leg showing. It was sexier than if she were in lingerie. There's something about a hot woman in boots and a Stetson, and I wasn't the only one who thought so.

Annie didn't handle it well. She didn't want to be a sex symbol. She was getting recognized on the street and in stores and started to avoid going out. Being shut in the hotel or on the bus only made her miss home even more.

By the time our final shows were over, she wasn't performing up to her normal standard. She was severely homesick, and I knew she was done. She just couldn't bring herself to admit it. Later, she'd tell me she was afraid I'd be mad at her if she quit.

*****

We were in Nashville for our last set of shows, and we got a surprise knock on the door of our hotel room.

When I looked out the peephole I was shocked but smiled as I opened it.

"Hi, Fairleigh. This is a surprise."

She gave me a hug and did that fake air kiss thing and said, "Good to see you, Marty."

After a few minutes of small talk, she said, "I'm actually here to see Annie. Is she around?"

"She's on the balcony."

She walked past me with her confident stride and slid open the glass door. Annie screamed when she saw who opened it.

Fairleigh was only wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt but looked stunning. She wore a ball cap with her ponytail pulled through the back, and that was just as hot as a girl in boots and a Stetson.

Since she wasn't there to visit me, I went to the lobby for coffee and took the time to answer some messages and emails.

An hour later, Fairleigh walked into the little room where I sat.

"Take her home, Marty. This isn't the life for her. She's drowning."

I nodded in agreement.

"I know. She's been off for a while now. She thought it would be fun to be a singer but didn't believe me when I told her it wasn't all that great on the road. She thought I was just bitter over my horrible experience."

"That's why I came. I watched a couple of your shows on the internet, and I could see the changes in her. She stopped having fun and looked sad."

"I noticed that too."

"I know she's the one who made you come out of retirement and give me those beautiful songs. I know what it's like to get disillusioned with this stupid business, and I wanted to repay the gift she gave me of your music. When I saw that you were in town I had to stop by."

"So, you gave her some advice?"

She laughed.

"I flat out told her to run away from this crap. Is she part of your deal with the label?"

"Not as anything but a band member. The label can veto replacement members if they want, but I'm the primary."

"Good. Let her go home and be a mom again."

"Thanks for coming, Fairleigh. I really appreciate it."

"I was in the neighborhood, my friend. It's my pleasure."

*****

That was the end of Annie's career as a singer. She didn't even want to sing on my demos after that. A couple of years after she quit, a television show wanted to do a 'where are they now' thing on her, and she declined to appear.

When we replaced her with another pretty lady she read me the riot act. I knew why she was worried, but it didn't take long for my new singer, Lindsay, to hook up with my drummer. They made a cute couple and were fiercely loyal to each other.

When I went back on the road, she went into wedding planning mode. Before I knew it, the date was set, the hall and food were chosen, she even picked out the cake. I came home for a week thinking we could do some planning things together, but she told me to just to show up and look handsome.

I asked if I could at least pick out the band, and she told me she already hired a DJ. That's when the fight started.

I shouted, "Who the hell is getting married? You or us?"

She was about to blow a gasket, but I calmed down and continued, "Just because I'm on the road doesn't mean I can't be involved in the decision-making process. Hell, you picked the date without asking if it was good for me. Do you even want me to be there?"

"I figured you wouldn't let anything get scheduled for that time. It's eight months away."

"That's not the point, Annie. What's going on? I feel like you're shutting me out of your life."

"What do you expect, Martin? You're out galivanting around the country, and I'm stuck here without you."

I sighed and she didn't like that one bit.

"What? You have no idea what it's like being here without you, it's like..."

"It's like before, when you were trying to get by without your husband."

She threw her arms in the air in resignation.

"Annie, look. I'm still here with you when I can be, but you pushed me into doing this again. I was perfectly fine..."

"Being miserable," she yelled. "You were a miserable drunk when I met you. You needed this, Martin. You needed to write songs and play music. This is you. I'm sorry if I'm having a hard time adjusting to it, but I love you, damn it!"

I hugged her and she sobbed into my chest.

She cried, "I love you so much, I don't want to lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere, baby. And the tour won't be for much longer. After that, I'll be home for at least a year. I'll be working on songs for the next record and building my own studio here in town."

"I don't know how to handle being away from you," she whispered into my chest.

"I'm sorry, Annie, but this is life on the road. I'll be away for long stretches when I'm on tour, and I can't not tour. I have to be on the road sometimes."

"I know. I'm just...I don't know. I feel like I'm losing you."

"Oh, sweet Annie. You're not losing me. You saved my life."

I held her as if I would lose her if I let go. She hugged me back melting into my body.

"Mama, can I have lunch now?" Stevie said walking up behind us.

I said, "We're going to McD's, buddy. How's that sound?"

"Yay!" he shouted and ran off, presumably to put on his shoes.

"He was so quiet watching his shows, I forgot he was here. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"You didn't yell at me, Martin. You just yelled."

It didn't make sense to me, and I still felt bad. I had to remember that Stevie was always around, and I'd need to watch how I acted. I needed to be a good example. I needed to be a good husband and dad.

*****

Things got better after that visit home. The lines of communication were open better, and Annie seemed to relax and stopped trying to plan the wedding without me. Lindsay was working out as our singer and started to make a name for herself just as Annie had.

I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did. All was well, and once the tour ended, I went home and began to build my studio.

In order to build a studio, I had to find the space, and Annie actually took that role on while I was on tour. She found a house with a barn on a little bit of acreage that would work out perfectly. It would be our new family home as well as my new place of work.

In no time, I was moved into our new house, and the studio construction was underway. There was nothing left to do on that front except wait for our wedding day to arrive, and that was months off.

Annie and Stevie wouldn't move into the new house until after the wedding, and she was giving her old house to her sister. She used the money she made from her brief musical adventure to pay off the mortgage.