I'll Never Understand Women!

Kathy's first words when she answered the door were "Boy, that was fast – are you here to gloat?"

"No," I responded, trying to sound perplexed. "I'm here to collect."

"What?" she genuinely asked.

"How could you possibly be surprised?" I asked as I walked past her into her condo, put the bottle of wine on the vestibule table, and then took out the bet document and waved it at her.

"Uh...well...Brenda said that you wouldn't go through with it...she..." Kathy got out before I pulled her into my arms and kissed her fervently.

When I came up for air I said "That's not what the bet sheet says, and that's not what she said every time that I gave her the option to cancel, including yesterday. I am collecting," I continued as I started to rub her mammoth mammaries.

"Uh...look...Blake," she stammered, although not pushing my hands away, "can't we do this some other time. I just got in from work, need a shower, and I need to talk to Brenda..."

That's all she got out before I kissed her again. "We can shower together," I gleefully replied as I lifted her up and started toward her master bedroom bath area.

Kathy was making sounds of protest as we ascended her stairs, but when I put her down in the bathroom and dropped my shorts – revealing the most massive hard-on that I ever remember having – she stuttered incoherently as she stared at it.

I undressed Kathy quickly, probably busting a zipper and popping a couple of buttons, in my zeal. I planted another kiss on her when we were both naked while I let the shower water warm up. As soon as we got into the shower I finger fucked her while simultaneously sucking the distended puffy nipple on her prominent right breast. The shower was too small to fuck in comfortably, and I wanted maximum enjoyment from this one-time session, so once I was sure that she was clean – and she made sure that my rigid cock was – we exited the shower and perfunctorily dried off.

I was surprised that Kathy looked even better naked than I had expected. Her tits were perfect if you like DDs with distended puffy nipples, her ass was perfectly round, and her upper thighs – hell I don't even have words to describe them! Her thighs weren't perfect because they looked and felt better than I thought possible, so maybe they could be described as "beyond perfect," if that is a legitimate superlative.

Once I started finger fucking Kathy in the shower, all pretense of her objecting to what I was doing vanished. There was no doubt in my mind that she would follow through on her promise to go all out to please me.

I laid her on the bed on her back, spread her legs apart, and started kissing those other-worldly thighs as I abused her G-spot with two fingers. Then I sucked her very prominent clit into my mouth while simultaneously rubbing a thigh and playing with her labia with my hands. After her first orgasm – and a monstrous one it was – I had to attend to my needs. My cock was so hard that it hurt.

Despite the fact that Kathy is a big woman, she had a surprisingly small slit. It took me three or four thrusts before I could bury my hog completely, but once I did it felt like heaven. Her velvety pussy first caressed me, and then she contracted her pc muscles and squeezed me. I must have shot my wad after only a dozen strokes and a half-dozen pussy squeezes. It would have been premature ejaculation except for the fact that my semen spraying her vaginal walls triggered another, even more massive, orgasm in Kathy as she squeezed her thighs around my torso as we both grunted in pleasure.

I didn't ever want to pull out, but I eventually did, although inexplicably my cock was still at half-mast when I did. As we lay face to face, sweat glistening on our foreheads and chests despite the rapidity of our coupling, we chuckled and exchanged words of mutual satisfaction. Then Kathy did something that no other woman has ever done for me. She shinnied down to my crotch and took my slimy cock into her mouth and started tonguing it with a vengeance while concurrently playing with my testicles.

In short order Kathy had me both clean, and hard again. With a wicked smile she reached into a nightstand and pulled out a jar of lubricant and a butt plug. "Lather this up and then when you fuck me doggy reciprocate it in my asshole," she grinned as she handed me both the lubricant and butt plug, and then turned on her hands and knees with her ass up in the air.

Despite the fact that I had blown my wad only a short time ago, looking at her consummate ass and glistening pussy, combined with the number she had done on my cock with her mouth, I knew that I was ready for round two. I first inserted my cock into her anxious vagina, and then lubed up the butt plug and slowly planted it in her pucker hole. I thought that her pussy was snug before; however, now it was so tight that I didn't know if I could move my cock. I gave it my all, however, and soon I was stroking in-and-out with my cock while reciprocating out-and-in with the butt plug.

Kathy seemed to be having a continuous orgasm as I worked on her orifices. She let out a continuous combination scream and groan as her entire crotch area spasmed.

As I was happily – really, really, happily – pounding away I heard the door open, a loud gasp, and then heard it slam shut. In a glance I got at the dresser mounted mirror it sure looked Brenda had gotten an eyeful – she obviously had gotten my note and needed to see for herself. Oddly, that only spurred me on to greater heights; however what was most erotic was the sound of Kathy's ponderous tits slapping together as I pummeled her with every ounce of energy that I could muster. I do believe that when I unleased a tsunami of cum into Kathy's pussy at the same time that I slowly pulled the butt plug out of her ass that she was rendered momentarily comatose.

I hadn't been good for three ejaculations in one session for several years. With Kathy that wasn't an issue. Once we both recovered from the doggy fuck, our bodies completely glistening with sweat, or a co-mingling of sweat, seminal fluid, and vaginal secretions, we again lay face-to-face and expressed our mutual satisfaction with our performances. After a while another big grin was plastered on her face. "How about a titty fuck?"

"I've never had one," I honestly replied.

"Wow – are you in for a treat," she chuckled as she licked her lips. "You'll love fucking my tits, and when properly inspired I orgasm from a titty fuck too! Just in case the valley between my boobs doesn't have sufficient lubrication, hand me that tube of lube."

I did as instructed. She lubed her valley, then sucked me hard again – it only took a couple of minutes – then she lay back. "Straddle me and get that hog between my mammaries," she ordered.

Again I did as instructed, while she pushed her tits together. I didn't need any more instruction. It was heavenly, especially since with every long stroke she tongued my cock meatus. It was a lot of effort – other-worldly enjoyable effort – on both of our parts over a deliciously long period of time, but it was worth every ounce of energy and every moment of time once I ejaculated onto her chest and chin. She did have a minor orgasm, and mine was all-time!

After we separated she licked or fingered-and-licked some of my cum off of her, but then laughingly hugged me close to her so that we both were covered with my man cream.

After one last scrumptiously long exchange of mutual satisfaction, we got into the shower again. Some more sucking and finger fucking, but no more orgasms. When we exited I was shocked at how much time had passed; it was almost 8:30. The three-plus hours that had passed seemed like half an hour. But I guess when you're having your chimes properly rung that time passes quickly.

"Want to get some dinner?" she asked.

"No – I better get home. I left a note for Brenda telling her that I'd be back by 9:00. She didn't seem to like what she saw when she came here, so I probably have some feather-smoothing to do."

"What do you mean...when she came here...what she saw?" Kathy stammered as she put her hand over her mouth.

"Yeah, when I was pounding you doggy she opened the bedroom door, gave a little shriek or gasp, and then closed it," I replied. "You didn't hear it?"

"Blake, dear, my circuits were fried at that point and I wouldn't have heard a grenade go off. Are you sure that it was her?"

"Who else would it be – plus I got a fleeting look at her in your dresser mirror, and there was no doubt in my mind."

"That...that...interruption...didn't slow you down?" she quizzed.

"Hell no! Nothing could have stopped me from fucking you doggy and butt plugging your ass – it was nirvana!"

Kathy giggled, and we exchanged a lecherous good-bye kiss.

When I got home, Brenda was watching TV with a glass of wine in her hand, and obviously close to plastered.

"Well, if it isn't the wayward husband," was what her garbled near-intoxicated voice seemed to say. "Have a good time fucking that slut Kathy?"

"Uh...Brenda. You said there was no chance that you wouldn't be fine with this. I told you I was going to win and gave you every opportunity to cancel, but you stubbornly persevered."

"I didn't think you'd go through with it," was what I think she said next.

"There's no way you could reasonably think that. I told you I was going through with it several times, and you never gave any indication that you expected me not to. I would have canceled the bet myself if you gave that indication."

With that Brenda chugged her last five ounces of wine, glowered at me, and then attempted to stand up. She wasn't near-drunk; she was fully intoxicated and started to slowly crumble onto the floor. I caught her head before it hit, but she was going to have a bruise on her elbow.

Things did not go smoothly after that. Brenda was passive-aggressive, then suddenly cheery, then even more quickly sullen, for the next three days. We didn't talk about the bet's aftermath. I did listen to the tape of her only phone conversation with Kathy after the bet collection, however. Brenda was pissed, and then started crying, wondering why Kathy went through with the bet. Brenda was not receptive to any logical statements from Kathy, nor the illogical ones, and she ended up slamming the phone down on Kathy.

I did send Kathy the nicest bouquet of roses I could find – they were lavender in color, something that I had never seen before. I also bought a dozen for Brenda. Brenda threw her dozen in the trash, but Kathy sent me an email thanking me for them and apologizing that she had not read Brenda right.

I never, ever, will understand women, and certainly not Brenda.

Fifth Fateful Event

Things remained icy around the Blake-Brenda household for more than two weeks. We did have sex twice during that time – but it wasn't love-making like it had been but purely animal sex. It was clear that Brenda just wanted to reestablish her sexuality and shave her horns off – there was no love involved on her part. Unfortunately I was fucking Kathy in my mind when I fucked Brenda – but it did lead to very satisfying orgasms for both of us.

Then the fifth fateful event; Brenda came home from work a little late on a Wednesday, but obviously in a good mood. She made a dinner, accepted my help in doing so, smiled, giggled, and joked. I was hoping that this meant that she had moved past my collection on the bet.

Not so.

After we cleaned up the dinner dishes, Brenda grabbed my arm and smiling said "We need to talk; let's go into the living room."

Once we sat down Brenda got right to the point. "You may have noticed that I've been distressed and unhappy recently..."

"No kidding – never would have figured that out," I sarcastically replied.

"Just listen," Brenda laughed as she playfully punched my knee. "So, I've been going to see a counselor, and she has the perfect solution to our problem."

"Uh Brenda, I don't have a problem – I just did what I said I would; you're the one who didn't do what you agreed to in our bet contract so if either of us has a problem it is only you."

"That's not the way I see it; anyway the counselor's solution to get us back to our pre-bet loving selves is perfect. She says that I need a three hour fling, just like you had, and then we're even and can go on; isn't that great?"

It took all my will power not to scream; I gained control and then asked "Who is this wonderful counselor who told you to go specifically against our agreement that provided 'no revenge' and no 'quid pro quo?'"

"She said that the agreement wasn't fair – anyway, her name is Stephanie Bromwell, SSP, MMA, TGG," Brenda gleefully responded, handing me Stephanie's card.

I immediately got up and walked into my home office and opened my laptop.

"What are you doing?" Brenda asked from the doorway.

"Checking out your guru," I replied. It took only a minute to pull up Bromwell's information on the Internet. After just three minutes I had a clear indication of who she was.

"Brenda, this woman is not a certified marriage counselor, or a psychologist; in fact she had no credentials whatsoever. She's a 'holistic' counselor, whatever the fuck that means. Those initials after her name are pure bullshit. Plus, she's been sued at least twice for misrepresentations," I growled, turning the laptop toward Brenda in case she wanted a look at it.

She didn't want to look at it.

"You're just upset because her solution is so logical. I'm doing what she says."

"The hell you are – you do, and our marriage is over. I believed that you agreed to 'no revenge' and 'no quid pro quo' and I'm holding you to it."

"You don't want a divorce; you love me. This is the only way I can get past our problem, and you'll accept it."

"Wow – I guess that you learned nothing from the bet, did you?" I snarled as I stormed out the door. I never go drinking, but I did that night. The bartender was sympathetic, and also responsible, and sent me home by cab about 2:00 a. m. I slept on the couch that I collapsed on in the living room and didn't go into work the next day. Instead, I went shopping and bought two small high resolution battery powered video cameras and installed them in both ends of the purse that Brenda uses almost exclusively when she goes out.

We had a very unsatisfying interaction that Thursday night when she got home from work. Regardless of what she said my response was to waive the bet agreement in front of her and say "I've made my position known and it's not changing."

I got a call from Kathy at work on Friday. After the exchange of a few pleasantries Kathy said "Are you aware of Phil and Brenda's plan for tonight?"

I paused, my blood pressure rising. "She told me that regardless of the bet agreement she was going to have a three hour fling. She didn't tell me that it was tonight or with Phil. Why him?"

"He had no more integrity with respect to the bet agreement than Brenda did. He was really pissed that I went through with it. It didn't help that when we fought about it I let slip that the sex with you was the best of my life," Kathy replied.

That last statement threw me for a loop, but I recovered quickly and refrained from replying "It was the best ever for me too," even though that it was.

"If she goes through with it I told her that our relationship is over."

"I told Phil the same thing, but I don't think that either believes it. In fact Brenda has called my office from hers three times in the last two weeks and in each case has assured me that we'll be back to being bffs once she and Phil have their little fling."

"I'll try one more time, and if it doesn't work she'll find out that I'm as serious about this as I was about the bet," I responded.

Kathy chuckled – which I thought was inappropriate – until she followed up with "If that happens keep me in mind," and then hung up.

Friday when I got home from work, Brenda was clearly prepping for a night out. Fortunately she had her favorite camera-equipped purse out so I didn't need to make any last minute switch. "So you're going through with it despite the fact that it will end our marriage," I growled.

Brenda didn't even bother looking away from the mirror as she applied her makeup. "You love me and will realize that I have to do this to get us back to the way we were. It may take a while, but you will."

"You really are a stupid cunt, aren't you?" I snarled. I had never talked to her like that before. She had a startled look as she turned toward me. I went into my home office and locked the door. I checked the camera views on my laptop. I could see Brenda still getting ready like nothing had happened. I hoped that wherever they went that there was Wi-Fi so that I could get instant access to what was happening.

Brenda knocked on my door just before she left. "Aren't you going to say good-bye, Blake?" she asked twice through the door. I didn't respond. Her last comment was "Remember that I love you."

"Yeah, right," I said to myself realizing even more that I truly did not understand women – or at least Brenda.

Apparently Brenda went to Phil's house because the cameras came on line quickly, and one had an acceptable location. They didn't take long getting naked. I had no sound but I didn't need any. Fortunately her purse was where I had a decent view of the sexual gymnastics they were about to engage in. Once I saw Phil's cock (it delighted me that it was shorter and thinner than mine) at her vaginal vestibule I closed my laptop, after making sure that the cameras were recording to my laptop.

I packed everything that I needed which almost filled my car up, went to the storage facility that we had rented more than a year ago and put things that I didn't need right away into it, Then I replaced the hardened combination lock on it with a new one that Brenda didn't know the combination to. I returned to the house, got my two suitcases with what I needed in the short term, printed out two stills from the video cameras that left nothing to the imagination, and put the stills and my wedding ring on the kitchen table. I put the "Halleluiah Course" on continuous loop on our stereo, and left, ending up at an extended stay motel.

I don't know if Brenda called me because I had my cellphone off. I went to see a divorce attorney on Monday – I had made the appointment on Thursday – with a DVD from the camera feeds to my laptop. I told her that I wanted to file on adultery and to adopt a scorched earth policy. She recommended against it but followed my instructions. Brenda was served at work on Tuesday. She called me at my office after service.

"What the hell is going on, Blake? I told you what I was going to do," she snapped.

"And I told you what I was going to do. If you agree to a divorce quickly I will change the grounds to irreconcilable differences, and not pursue a scorched earth policy. Otherwise you're in for a very unpleasant few months, you stupid cunt." With that I hung up.

Just to be complete, I sued Stephanie Bromwell for fraud and a number of other torts. Also, I called up Phil and told him that within the next year that either I, or someone I hired, was going to break both of his legs and mangle his balls. His false bravado response indicated that he thought that I was serious and that he was scared. While I really had no intention of kicking the shit out of Phil since he knew that I was pissed, and capable of it, he would be very uncomfortable for a long period of time.

Brenda demonstrated how clueless she was when she was surprised when I went full bore after her, reducing her to tears in the two face-to-face meetings that we had that were ordered by the court. About two months after I filed Brenda finally realized the hopelessness of the situation – the first time that I was able to understand her in months – and she signed papers concluding the divorce, putting our house up for sale, and splitting all assets 60-40 in my favor.