In Jail

"Um...Carla," I said. "I don't know what you were planning, but I was heading out, remember?"

"Oh," she said, disappointed. "Isn't it something you could blow off? I really want to hang out with you."

"I'm sorry," I said. "That would be very rude to my date. And I've already made reservations."

"Okay," she said, pouting as she got up to follow Keith out the door. "But you are going to call me, right?"

"I'll try," I said and closed the door. I probably would. It wouldn't be nice to blow her off after saying I would. And she was one damn hot thing.

~~~

I was quiet on the way home, but Carla was bubbly, bubbly, bubbly. As usual, she didn't notice. I was a relief to have the convex Carla, but I was in a deeply pensive mood. This was the first time she had lied to me. The first time I had caught her lying, I corrected myself. I needed to find out what was going on.

I didn't know much about spying devices, except for casually looking at electronics on the internet, typical guy stuff. I didn't like the prices or how I would have to hide them and set up a network, all that stuff, but I was evolving a plan anyway. I had two things going for me.

First, I had two iPhone c5 pluses sitting unused in a drawer. I had replaced Carla's when she just had to have a new iPhone 6, and I had figured, screw it, I'd get one for me, too. I couldn't get myself to sell or donate the old ones. Too expensive for that. They could record thirty five uninterrupted hours of video if they were plugged in and I erased everything else.

The other thing I had going for me was that Carla was a bit of a slob. Not filthy, but clutter was a way of life in our house. It was a sore subject for me, since she didn't work and definitely had the time to pick up. I had two prime spots selected already. There was a basket of various and sundry crap on our kitchen counter where I could angle the iPhone to view the kitchen and most of the living room and still bury it so it wasn't seen. The table on my side of the bed had the same situation. With luck, I could check them every twenty-four hours after she went to sleep.

Of course, if she used her cell away from the house, there wasn't much I could get, but it was at least a start.

It was a typical rest of the day with Convex Carla, who didn't notice my more than usual reserve. Why should she? I was normally the quiet one, unless she was freezing me out like she did half the time. We had dinner, which I had zero appetite for, and eventually got into bed.

"Baby," she whispered. "I don't wanna fuck; I'm just too tired from all that walking around, but I need something. Can we make it a 'me night" this time? You know I'll make it up to you."

"Me Night" happened every so often. She wanted me to do nothing but eat her pussy for a long time. She was always wet and her orgasms went into the stratosphere. Sometimes she paid me back and sometimes she didn't. I never thought that was important, but I wasn't going to go there tonight, not with what I was thinking.

"Babe," I said, kissing her on the forehead. "Did you notice I didn't eat much for dinner? I ate a whole bunch of crap when I was stuck there with Dorse and I feel kind of nauseous right now, okay? Sorry."

"So, what, are you saying my pussy smells?" she asked, irritated. "That's kind of insulting, Russ."

"No, but what I am saying is that I don't feel all that hot," I grated, "I'm saying that it would be considerate of you to graciously allow me the honor of NOT pleasuring you tonight, an honor I have bestowed on you more times than I could ever count."

"You're...wait...what..." she was confused by my backwards syntax, which was my intention.

"I'm saying you need to let me go to sleep," I said with a harsher tone than she'd ever heard from me, rolling over and giving her my back. "If you need 'something,' then take care of it yourself or have someone else do it for you. Good night."

"I don't know what's gotten into you," she said, rolling over herself. "I don't know why you're being so shitty to me."

We both laid there in silence. I didn't go to sleep and neither did she. Finally, she made the first move.

"Baby, I'm sorry," she said, snuggling up behind me. "I'm sorry you don't feel well."

"That's okay," I said, rolling on my back and putting my arm around her. She kissed my neck and immediately went to sleep. I stayed awake most of the night, seeing things how they were for the first time, finally, and glad I had caught on in just the nick of time. I would know soon enough, I hoped.

~~~

Although I was cool to the idea of dating her, Carla put on a full court press. With the help of my mother, she showed up most everywhere I went until I finally took her out. She was always the perfect date, and we fucked on the second one. We would have on the first if I had pushed it even a little, I'm sure. Those tits, that face, that ass...well, I'm a mortal man, and before I knew it, we were engaged. Right after the ring went on, the hot and cold started, more like cold and cold and hot. It was a fairly long engagement, and I tolerated her behavior until three weeks before the big day until I sat her down.

"Carla, I'm going to be very direct with you here. This can't continue."

"What can't continue?" she asked, oblivious.

"These mood swings," I said. "You never used to have them, and now you're all over the place. What's going on?"

"I don't have mood swings," she said.

"You do have them," I said, firmly. "And I can't live like this for the rest of my life. What's happening? Is it medical? I should know if it is. If we can't come to some sort of agreement about it, I'm going to have to call off the wedding."

"You fucker! You wouldn't dare!" she yelled. "There's no way in hell you'd do that. You love me. You can't even think of a life without me. You need me."

"Yes, I do love you," I said, "but if you can't even acknowledge what I'm saying, I think we've said all we can."

"What ARE you saying?" the outrage must have been phony, because it had disappeared instantly. Now she was scared.

"I'm saying exactly what you think I'm saying, if you'd just listen," I said. I wasn't angry. I'd had a long time to consider my approach, and now I was just being factual. "As of now, the engagement is off. I deserve to be treated better. I'm sure there's someone out there who'll love me..."

"But that's me!" she wailed. "I'M the one who loves you."

"Maybe you do and maybe you don't," I said. "but I can't tell. Do you think I should marry someone when I can't even tell if they love me? I don't think so."

~~~

The next morning I was beat to shit from lack of sleep, but I used the hours to formulate a plan of action. I got up at five-thirty and set up the surveillance. True to form with everything electronic, it was a total pain in the ass and didn't go nearly as easily as I thought it would. But it did go, and I was ready. It was time to set some traps.

Carla hadn't bothered to inquire if I was feeling any better, just ordered me into the car so she could enlist my back at the garden shop. That was okay with me. I flicked a few buttons while I drove, initiated a ringtone and pretended to have a conversation.

"Babe, we have to be done by two-thirty." I told her. "I have to go in for about forty-five minutes this afternoon."

"And do what?" she asked.

"I have to input some figures into the Figure Eight." I'd told her about it before, the super duper computer we used that wasn't connected to any outside source to keep it secure. You had to be at a high security level to have the privilege of using it, and then it turned out you were just a glorified data entry clerk.

"Can't they find somebody else?" she pouted. "It's going to take longer than that here."

"The 'somebody else' has a problem, I don't know what," I said. "Remember the promotion? Remember the MONEY? Well, here's some of how I earn it. And there's more good news."

"What do you mean?" she asked crossly.

"I'll need to stay late on Tuesday, maybe all the way to eleven."

"Russell Main..." she was getting ready to get worked up. I don't know why she was bothering. I bet she couldn't wait to get me out of the house.

"Carla, please. This is my job."

"Okay, then, hurry up," she said as we arrived at the garden center. Convex Carla was gone, and who knew when she'd return? Concave Carla was back.

Of course I didn't have to go in to work. We didn't even have the computer yet, but it was a great excuse to get out of the house for a while, just to stir the pot a little. I went to 7-Eleven and got a giant soda and a car magazine.

That night I didn't sleep at all, so I got up at four-thirty to check the recordings. I needed to check them every day or they would run out of memory. Tedious, I know, but the price was right.

The phone from the bedroom gave me absolutely no joy, but the kitchen one reaped dividends almost immediately. According to the time stamp, I hadn't been out the door for literally more than a minute before she made her call. I could only get one side of the conversation, but it was enough to make me sick and want to strangle her, both at the same time.

"Hey, it's me."

"No, I don't think so. He was mad when we got home, though."

"Yeah, really, our little Russell Terrier was acting like the real thing yesterday."

"True, we really did dick him around with the whole Dorsey thing, didn't we?" Giggle.

"Yes, it was funny, but I think we almost went too far. That was too risky. We see each other enough without pulling dangerous shit like that. It almost got fucked up because of Dorsey."

"No kidding, he is such a fucking brat. I wish Darla would just put him in a home or something."

"Ha! You're right. She probably does, too. You know they'd take better care of him. She doesn't give a FUCK, you know?"

"No, no, he didn't do it. I told you he was mad. He said it was because he was feeling sick from the fair food, but I know him."

"I do too know him. Everyone thinks he's so nice, such a pushover, and he is, but even he has his limits. Remember before the wedding? We shouldn't push him, especially now, when we're so close."

"No, he didn't. I told you. God, he's done it so many times, why does it turn you on so much?"

"I think you're getting enough over on him without wanting that all the time. Besides, if he does that, I feel obligated to blow him. Not as long as he does me, but still. Does that make you happy?"

"Oh, bullshit. You hate it every time he touches me, don't even try to act all studly on me."

"Than him? You know you are."

"So why do I have to say it?"

"Okay, that's fair. But it's hard on me, too, you know, being with him."

"Okay, yes, I admit it, he's a pretty great fuck. He was definitely better eating my pussy 'til I taught you what he was doing."

"Of course you have a better body, at least for me. You're so long and lean, mmmm...hey, that reminds me, I have good news."

"He's got a computer thingy Tuesday night. He'll be there until eleven. He's there now, setting it up."

"No, there's not enough time. He'd almost be back by the time you got here."

"No fucking way, loser." Giggle. "You'd jeopardize everything we've done just for one of my special ones, huh? That's very flattering."

"Of course I do. He has a lovely cock. If I'm stuck here, I might as well enjoy it. I told you he's a pretty good fuck."

"No, that's still yours." Another giggle. I was starting to really hate them. "I'd be afraid to let him try, now. You've been in there so many times, he'd wonder why it's so loose."

"Well, you know when his birthday is. After that, we have to wait six months at least. Adrianne says it would be better to wait a year or more, and she would know, don't you think? But, seriously, after he hits it big, we'll at least get SOMETHING. The longer we hold out, the more we'll get."

"Don't complain. She's still hot. She sucks my pussy better than either of you boys."

"Yup, yup. Okay, let me go."

"Yeah, you can come over here. You'll just have to be gone by, what, ten forty-five? Maybe ten thirty. Does that sound right? I have to make sure the place is cleaned up. But I'll know before then if eleven really means eleven."

"I'm not sure I'm ready to do that."

"Because it's so gross."

"Well, of COURSE I know that's why you want me to do it, it's so degrading."

"ATM? That's funny."

"I'm going to make you this promise. When he gets his money we will have a celebration. We'll have Adrianne join us and we'll both do it. We'll do every whory thing we all can think of. You too."

"Anything and everything."

"Just think about it. It's a ways off, and it'll help us get through this, fantasizing about it."

"He'll be here any minute. I've really got to go. Okay? Bye."

"Okay, okay. I love you. I love you and only you. Got it? Good."

Wow. I'd wanted answers, and what did I get? Jackpot on the first try. It wasn't just an affair. She'd never loved me. I was a cuckold with a capital cuck. I was surprised I could lift my head, the horns were so heavy.

And Adrianne, the one pulling the strings? The one with the sage advice? The one who was fucking both of them?

That was my mother.

~~~

Carla kept on me for several days until I finally gave in and agreed to see her. She was dressed sexy/cute when she came through the door, obviously not wanting to push it.

"First off," she said, "I'm so sorry. When you said those things, I was just so sure you were wrong. Darla didn't see it either."

"Of course she didn't," I said.

"Let's not start anything," she said. "I'm here to take full responsibility, okay? It's this wedding. It's just so much pressure."

"Carla," I said, "this was happening long before you were planning the wedding."

"But that's just it," she said, earnestly. "You don't understand 'cause you're a guy, but girls are always planning their wedding. You don't know what that pressure's like."

"But why take it out on me?" I asked. "Why am I the dog that gets kicked?"

"Because you're there, because I feel safe with you," she said. "Darla was taking a lot of shit from me, too."

"I find that hard to believe," I said, wry again. "I bet she's taken less than half of what I have."

"That's probably true," Carla admitted, "but she's nowhere near as nice as you. I took advantage of that, and I'm so sorry. I promise it won't happen again."

"How'd you figure all this out?"

"My family was no help," she said, "so I went to the source. I talked to your mom."

"What?"

"Yeah, she steered me right. Lately she's been sort of a mentor to me."

"I'm not sure I like that," I said. Carla knew about my trust issues with my mother.

"Oh, get off your high horse," Carla said. "Has she made mistakes? Yes. Over and over? Yes. But she's trying, and she has a lot of insight into you. She loves you. You should thank her."

Suddenly, she paused. "I've been assuming, haven't I? Are we still getting married?"

"Yes," I sighed. "but this has to stick, Carla. No going back to your old ways."

It won't, I promise," she said, giving me a searing kiss. "You'll see."

~~~

Monday and Tuesday were too tedious to mention, except that I started divorce proceedings on Tuesday afternoon. Tuesday night, keeping myself out of the house when I knew what was going on in there, well, that was plain old torture. I toyed with the idea of coming home early and killing them both, but that wore off and I stayed put. Eventually, I came home around eleven twenty to find Carla in bed, feigning sleep. I leaned down to kiss her head like I always did - never deviate if you want to pull something off - and smelled that she was freshly bathed.

I made it until two forty-five when her breathing had been regular for hours. When I reviewed the footage, it was everything I expected and worse than I could have ever imagined. She blew him in the living room and led him upstairs by his dick, where she allowed him both her pussy and her ass, something she never gave me, and encouraged him to move back and forth between them. All the while, he was egging her on, insisting she tell him how great a lover he was and how much I sucked. She didn't defend me this time. If anything, she initiated the disrespectful talk.

It was all I could do not to scream at the top of my voice. I opted for quiet sobbing instead. We were over. I knew it was coming, but it still hurt so goddamn bad. I didn't know how I would face her in the morning. I was furious with her. I was embarrassed for her. I still loved her still, somehow, but that was dribbling away by the second like the cum out of her pussy and ass.

~~~

The wedding went off without a hitch, but the day before was rough. At Wally's advice, I dropped a pre-nup on her.

"What's the matter, Russ," she sobbed. "Don't you trust me? Why are you doing this?"

"It's Wally's idea," I said, and then started lying my head off. "He's actually forcing me to do it. He says big things are coming down the pipe and that all his employees need to be protected. He'll fire me if I get married without this."

All lies, but after the way she'd treated me the past few months, I didn't see how protecting myself could hurt. Wally said he'd cover for me if he had to. Also, I didn't tell her about what was coming to me in a few years. I'd seen how she was spending my money already. I didn't want her cashing any checks that hadn't been written yet.

"So, what," she sniffed, "if I'm mean to you again, you'll throw me out on the street?"

"No, no, nothing like that," I said. "That's not even mentioned. No, it's the usual stuff. You'll see you'd be taken care of really well, more than I can afford, actually."

"I don't know."

"I'm sorry to spring this one on you, baby," I said. "but Wally sprung it on me. It just has the standard stuff in it. You can have a lawyer look at it if you want. I know this is last minute, so I had mine fax a copy of it over to my mom's lawyer. He says it's fine. You can check with him if you want."

"I just might," she pouted.

"Go ahead," I said, "I think you should. He'll be there all day today."

"Okay," she said, and then the tears started again, "but why are you doing this, really? Why didn't you stand up to Wally for me?"

"Maybe I could have," I admitted, "Wally really likes me. But, baby, these last few months really shook me up. I think we'll be together forever, but I need some reassurance. I proved how much I loved you by taking you back, but now you have to prove it to me."

"Or what, the wedding's off?" she spat at me.

"Well, yeah," I said. "I don't want it to be like this, but...hold on. Call."

It was my mother. She had just received a call from her lawyer - I guess blowjobs had a way of breaking confidentiality, jesus - and wanted to know what I was thinking, especially the infidelity clause.

"Mother," I said icily. "You have a lot of nerve to even bring that up with me. I'm this way because of you, or don't you remember? I'm very inclined to disinvite or uninvite you, whatever the word is, to this wedding. That's if there's even going to be a wedding."

"Let me talk to her," was the reply.

Carla left the room and came back a few minutes later, composed, but with both guns blazing.

"Okay," she hissed, grabbing a pen. "I'm signing it, okay? I know what your mom did, but I'm not her and I don't deserve the way you're treating me. This is a terrible way to start our marriage, and it's going to take me a long time to get over it."

I don't think she ever did. Her moratorium on her mood swings ended that day. The wedding was beautiful, she was beautiful, but she spent more time with the other Chlorine Four members than with me, and I know for a fact she danced with Keith more than me. I even lost track of her and Keith for forty-five minutes or so, but her mother swore they were together the whole time, and I found Keith smoking pot in the parking lot, so there was that.