In Time for Christmas

"Mum," I say nervously when there's a break in the conversation, "there's something I need to tell you, something about me."

She looks at me with a curious expression, "Yes?"

"Well, it's... Mum, I'm gay!" I blurt out. "I'm a lesbian, like Freddie, I mean Winnie."

"I did wonder if something like this was coming," Mum declares like some latter-day Oracle.

"It's not 'cause of what Winnie told us about her and Audrey," I protest, insulted by the suggestion that this was some sudden, passing whim or fad.

"No, Amy, I know that and I'm not saying that I knew you're, er, gay. It was, well, it was just me as your Mum wondering, you know? I suppose it was partly that you've never had a boyfriend but..."

"Not every girl my age has a boyfriend," I point out.

"I know that, but quite a lot do; Rosie had a couple before she left school. Anyway, there was also the way you've been over the last few weeks."

"In what way?" I ask.

"Well, I knew you'd fallen out with Ciara. You two had seemed very close - you always seemed to be doing things together and you used to talk a lot about her -- and then, suddenly, you start being down and grumpy and Ciara's name is never mentioned but at the same time you don't want to talk to me about anything."

"I don't have to talk to you about everything," I object.

"No, I'm not saying you do, but you often do and... look, all I'm saying is that it made me wonder. I thought the two of you might have fallen out over a boy but, well... you weren't complaining, you weren't mentioning any names and it was almost that Ciara had ceased to exist. Was she your girlfriend?" she asks.

"No. I wanted it -- it was much more than a crush -- but she... she's not gay."

She reaches out to touch the back of my hand. "And she didn't like that you thought she was?" Mum suggests with unexpected insight and I nod. "That fits. Amy, it is only the people we love that can hurt us really deeply, so I suppose I just wondered about how much you felt for her... You do that, as a Mum, you know: wonder who your kids are and who they'll become, where they will work and live... who they might fall in love with..."

"And if the person I fall in love with is going to be a girl?" I ask.

"Okay, I can't pretend that I'd have chosen for you to be gay -- you understand that there's still too much prejudice and hate in the world for me not to want to keep you from all that. But you're my daughter, so she'd bloody well better treat you good and love you as much as I do," she gives me a tight smile.

"Thanks, Mum," I say, relieved that Mum seems so accepting of my news.

"Amy, I was worried sick about you yesterday, where you'd got to and whether anything had happened to you, but you came back, safe if a little cold, damp and mucky."

"Back in time for Christmas!" Winnie chuckles and I suspect that she may be a little drunk, even though I can't help smiling at her joke.

"Indeed," Mum says, clearly suspecting some private joke, possibly at her expense. "Anyway, I suppose what I mean is that I love you, Amy, whether you're straight or lesbian, okay?"

"Well said, Jane," Winnie says, picking up her wine glass. "A toast: to Christmases past and present and to love."

There's a diddly-bing noise and Mum gives my new phone a disapproving look. However, I cannot help flipping the phone over to check the screen and my heart skips a beat. "Amy?" Winnie asks.

"It's from Ciara," I reply, a lump in my throat, as I unlock the phone. "She..."

"What?"

"She says, 'So sorry Amy. I miss you.'" I read out loud, my throat tight with emotion. Just as I finish, another message pops up beneath the first. "And, er... 'Please call coz I can't face another game of Monopoly'. She wants me to call her! I'll do it later," I say, fighting down the nervous excitement that fills me.

Mum and Winnie share a brief look. "Go on, go and call her; I know you want to."

"Thanks, Mum," I say as I stand. Winnie gives a little cough and I see she has raised her wine glass once more.

"A toast," she repeats, "to Christmas and to love -- past, present and yet to come."

"To Christmas and to love," I agree with a grin, grabbing and raising my own glass, "and to finding the girl to share it with!"