Into the Fire Ch. 08

"Why does everyone keep telling me that? I'm fine."

"Calm yourself, it was just an observation. Ginger God keep you up all night?"

I wrapped my hands around the cup, warming them. "No. Well, yes. He bought me an easel so I was up all night painting."

She leaned against the counter and blew into the opening in her lid. "You have to tell me. Is his dick as big as I think it is?"

"Sydney!"

"What? I mean, that's a whole lot of man. It would be a shame if he had a small weenie."

I couldn't stop myself from giggling at her terminology. "Weenie? What are you, twelve? Stop asking about my boyfriend's penis. In fact, let's talk about the penises in your life. Where did you sleep last night?"

"At Sam's."

I stared at her in disbelief. I couldn't have heard her right. "You slept at Sam's or you slept with Sam?"

"I...it's not that big of a deal."

"Um, excuse me? It's a very big deal."

"Why? Are you jealous?"

"Of course not! It's just...you two just met last night, and now you're dating? It's just fast, that's all."

Sydney rolled her eyes hard. "Says the girl who moved in with a guy she'd known for all of an hour. We're not dating, we just fucked. Twice. He's a nice guy, but I'm not trying to date anyone right now."

I tried my best to look contrite. "You're right, I'm sorry. I just want you to be careful, that's all."

"Your concern is appreciated, but unnecessary. Anyway, have you started packing yet?"

"Ugh. No." School didn't start until August 15^th, but we had to start getting prepared for Delta's Bid Week and get the house in order for the new girls. I only had six days left before I had to head back. "I'm putting it off as long as I can. Are you sure you can't find someone else to help?"

"Well of course I could, but you have the rip the Band-Aid off sometime, hon. Anyway," she snatched up her keys from the counter and put her sunglasses back on, "I'm going to New York for a few days to spend a ridiculous amount of money for no other reason than I can. I'd ask you to come along, but I'm pretty sure I know what your answer would be. You sure you're doing okay?"

I stood and gave her a big hug. "Have fun. Buy me something pretty." I heard my phone buzz in the living room. Sydney waved goodbye and headed out of the door as I picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hold for Mr. Adams, please."

Only my dad would have his secretary call me instead of doing it himself. I was so not in the mood for another fight with my parents.

"Good afternoon, Contessa." My father's deep bass echoing in the receiver. "Hey Dad, what's up?"

"I'm sure by now you know your mother has informed me of your conversation a few weeks ago. I would like to see you and talk about it in person."

I shook my head, even though he couldn't see. "No. No way. I'm not setting foot anywhere near that woman until she apologizes to me, and my boyfriend."

"Contessa, she's your mother..."

I cut him off. "No. She's your wife, she has never been a mother to me. She's already made it painfully clear she wants nothing else to do with me, and I'm not going to subject Shane to her particular brand of verbal abuse."

"Shane. That's the young man's name?" I heard him scribbling on a piece of paper. "Your mother doesn't know I'm calling you, nor would she be pleased to learn so. I would like to have dinner with you, and your...boyfriend. Monica won't be there. I'll have Cheryl make reservations and call you to confirm a time."

I paused, mulling over his request. "You swear she won't be there?"

"I give you my word. Have a good afternoon." He ended the call. I grabbed a pillow off the couch and screamed into it, stomping my feet on the floor for good measure. When I was done throwing my tantrum, I laid down on the floor in front of the fireplace and closed my eyes. I didn't want to see my dad. I didn't want to go back to school. I didn't want to do anything.

So that's where I stayed for the next four hours.

***

I heard the front door open, I didn't bother turning my head to see who it was. Shoes scuffled off, keys hung by the door, and almost instantaneously Shane appeared, lying down beside me.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"What are we doing?"

"Staring at the ceiling." He joined me in muted comradery for a few minutes. "Sydney and Sam had sex."

"Shut the fuck up."

"It's true. Twice, apparently."

He snorted. "That kid must have a hell of a lot of game to land two hot girls a few weeks apart."

"I guess so." I fell silent again. I still had to tell him about lunch with my dad, but I didn't feel like getting into it. I started to slip back into my daze when he spoke. "Tess...can I ask you something without you getting upset?"

"Hey, that's my line." When he didn't say anything, I knew it was serious. "Yeah, go ahead."

"Is something wrong?"

"No. I'm just tired."

"Yeah, that's what I talkin' about." He rolled onto his side and gently placed his hand on my stomach. "You're not sleeping. You're not eating. And you've been really hard on yourself lately."

"I'm always hard on myself."

"You know what I mean," he said quietly. "I'm worried about you.

"Don't be. I'm fine." I pushed his hand away and stood, walking away from him and up the stairs. Once I reached the guest bathroom I shut the door, trying to turn my brain off for one minute. Way to go Tess, he thinks you're a basket case. It was only a matter of time until he saw how crazy you are. I opened the shower door, turned the knobs to get the water as hot as I could stand it. I stripped off my clothes and stepped in, letting the water cascade over me. I knew what was coming, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

The bathroom door opened. "Tess."

"Go away."

"No."

"Go away."

Shane yanked the shower door open. "Stop runnin' from me. I'm not going anywhere."

I pushed wet strands of hair out of my eyes. "I'm not fucking running from you, I just want you to leave!" He didn't budge and I let out irritated grunt. "Look, either get in here and fuck me or turn around and leave, you're letting all the steam out." I closed the shower door and returned my face to the water. After a minute I heard the bathroom door open and he stalked out.

Good.

I stood still, letting my antagonistic thoughts consume me when the shower door crashed open. Shane lifted me up while my legs went around his torso, my back hitting the wall with a loud smack. He entered me roughly, not bothering to make sure I was wet and ready for him. He paused, letting me stretch to accommodate his length. He grabbed the back of my hair and jerked my head back to look at him. "I don't know why you're being such a bitch when I'm trying to help but I am not having it, you hear me?"

"Fuck you," I spat out, digging my nails into his arm.

"With pleasure." He started pounding into me mercilessly, slamming me into the wall with every thrust. He kept his hold on my hair as I wailed, taking the opportunity to bite the side of my neck. I returned the favor by gripping his hair, tearing his mouth away from my skin and delivering a loud slap to his face. That just seemed to spur him on, flesh battering into one another while we tried to hurt each other. I scratched his at his chest until I drew blood. He twisted my nipple so hard my cries vibrated into the wall. I pounded on him with my fists, taking out all my anger while he pummeled his frustration away in my pussy. The goal wasn't the come. It was to make the other submit first.

"Tess...oh my God, Tess, stop." I let go of the bite I had on his ear and rested my head back on the wall. His strokes slowed, then stopped, not withdrawing, panting. Waiting. "We have to stop. We're going to kill each other." I tried to control my breathing, my gasps turning into sobs. "Shit. Shit, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"Stop apologizing!" I covered my face with my hands, ashamed to look at him. "Just stop...stop..."

"Okay, okay, I'm stopping." He pulled back, his now soft member slipping out of me, and reached behind him to turn the water off. He reached out and grabbed a towel off the rack, wrapping it around my shoulders, then picking me up and carrying me to our bed. He laid me down as gently as possible, taking his place beside me. "Tess. Tell me what just happened back there."

"Just go away and leave me alone." I was still covering my face, refusing to move my hands.

"I can't do that sweetheart, not when we just tried to destroy each other in there." He rubbed my leg soothingly. "You gotta trust me, okay? For the last time, I'm not going anywhere. Talk."

I removed my hands, placing one palm on my chest, trying to calm myself. "I don't...I don't know what's wrong. My dad said he wants to meet you, and that makes me nervous. And I have to leave next week, and I don't want to. And I have Delta shit to do and classes and decisions to make about the future...I'm just overwhelmed. I get like this sometimes. I tend to shut down, I guess. That's why I haven't been sleeping, my mind won't stop racing. It stops after a few days, or a week, and then everything is fine. I've been trying to hide it and keep myself together." I exhaled a shaky breath. "Honestly, this is probably why I've never had a boyfriend. It's traumatic enough going through it alone, I didn't want to subject anyone else to it either. I totally understand if you want to -"

"If the next word out of your mouth is 'leave' I'm gonna throw you out of the window."

"That might fix things, actually." I leaned up, resting on my elbows and surveyed the damage I'd inflicted. "I'm sorry I tried to hurt you."

"Shit, tried to? You are a feisty lil' thing, you know that?" He gave me an apprehensive smile. "Look, you need rough sex to help you vent? I'm more than happy to give it to you. But not like that. That wasn't sex, that was actively tryin' to hurt each other and I don't ever want to do that again, understand?" I nodded. "As for how you're feeling...that sounds like an awful lot of anxiety for someone to go through alone. I'll do everything I can to help you, but...maybe you should consider talking to a therapist."

"I don't need to pay someone two hundred bucks an hour to tell me I'm crazy. I already know I'm crazy." I finally looked up to his face, which was riddled with concern. "Oh my God. Okay. I'll call someone when I get back to school, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Jesus, stop saying you're sorry. For better or worse, sickness and health, right? I just want you to be okay."

I reached up to touch his cheek and a look of relief came over him. "...you do realized you just recited wedding vows to me."

"Just practicing." The shower forgotten for the moment, we buried the tension by making love the rest of the afternoon and into the evening.