It Started New Year's Eve

"Daddy, What are you doing on New Years Eve?" Ruth asked. We were eating breakfast on the twenty-sixth of December. I had survived Christmas and felt pretty good, until Ruth asked about New Years. Her question made me face the next holiday without Mary.

"Honestly, I've been trying not to even think about it." I answered. Mary had died early in February and I had been trying to ignore most of life ever since. It didn't work. Ruth, our twenty-five-year-old daughter, kept prodding me into life. She could even get me to smile occasionally.

"Well, I want to have a few friends over that night." She said.

A list of concerns popped into my thinking. I asked, "How many friends?"

"No more than ten. We'll pot luck the party and we'll mostly keep the noise down, not that the neighbors would complain." Our nearest neighbors were a quarter mile away. We were close to the city, but the land was zoned agricultural so the pieces were a minimum five acres each. Plenty of space and not many visitors.

"Drinking? Drugs?" I asked.

"Not even pot. Some drinking, but no drunks. To keep everyone safe I'll have them all bring sleeping bags and stay. That way no DUI arrests or worries."

"You aren't inviting a date for me, are you?" She had done it twice. It wasn't pretty.

"No Daddy. I'm probably the oldest person I'm inviting and I'm young enough to be your daughter!"

I smiled. She knew how to brighten my day. I nodded and said, "Well, Ok then." She took her plate and mug to the sink, kissing me as she went. She said, "Thanks Daddy" and disappeared.

Ruth came home, transferred to a college closer to home and took care of me after her Mom died. At the time I made noises about not needing to be taken care of, but fortunately Ruth didn't listen. Now she was a semester from graduation. The subject of "what then" had not been voiced, yet. I was conflicted about it. I wanted her to be on her own and I knew she was good for me. I wanted her to date, mingle and find someone to love and build a life with and I missed her terribly every time she left the house.

It didn't help that Ruth looked a lot like her mother. Not the way Mary looked her last eighteen months, haggard, too thin, in pain and bald, but the way Mary looked before she got cancer. Mary looked a lot like Mary Travers when we met. Straight blond hair, conservative dress of sweaters and slacks. Ruth looked like that and dressed like that except for favoring jeans instead of slacks.

I was sent to the stores to get things for the party. I got hooked into cooking for the party. Ruth had always liked the foods I cooked. My learning to cook as an eighteen-year-old had happened under the watchful eye and hand of a wonderful Cajun woman in Mississippi. Ruth asked me to make jambalaya and BBQ ribs. The other young people coming brought everything else. On New Years Eve our kitchen was full of food.

I met all the kids and held my own in some of the early conversations. The four boys were competitive, not so much with each other but with me. They played "One Ups" often. Since I wasn't competing for any of the young women, I let them win.

I started cooking at nine in the morning. Ribs need lots of slow cooking to be good. I started soaking wood chips the day before and at nine I lit the fire in my Bar-b-que. The meat went on the fire at ten-thirty in the morning. About once an hour after that I checked the ribs and at three hours I flipped the racks.

After people started arriving at about six they dropped by my pit to be sociable and some asked questions about cooking BBQ. Two of the young women hung with me for a while, talking about cooking. Both helped prepare the jambalaya and seemed to enjoy the project. One was a very shorthaired blond who dressed like an ad for J. Crew. She wore a blue button-down collar dress shirt, chinos and penny-loafers. Her name was Sue. The other woman was a strawberry blond about five-foot-eight who wore a white dress shirt under a blue UCLA sweatshirt and wore Lee jeans. Like many young women she wore her hair in a ponytail pulled through the hole at the back of her baseball cap. She also wore western boots. Expensive western boots. Her name was Lynn.

When everyone made noises like they were hungry I served up the ribs and jambalaya. Lynn helped and so did Sue. People loaded plates and sat down all over the house to eat, watch TV, talk and enjoy getting to know each other. Lynn sat near me. Sue went off looking for someone to connect with. We talked about Lynn's classes, her possibilities after graduation and she probed me about my life. She didn't ask anything about Mary. I wondered why Lynn was spending so much time with "the old guy."

When we were finished eating Ruth came and took Lynn to meet some people and I went into the kitchen to start clean up. Ten people eating and cooking make a lot of washing and cleaning necessary. When I got the mess manageable and most of the pots, pans and carrying trays cleaned I went to the TV room and watched the festivities across the world. I met two more of Ruth's friends who joined me watching the ball drop in New York and then Chicago.

At twenty minutes to midnight local time the TV room started getting crowded. I noticed Sue kissing one of the other women and them laughing and wishing each other a Happy New Year. Then I saw more kissing and more kissing as the countdown continued. I missed having Mary there to kiss. I noticed Lynn standing near a wall watching people and watching the television.

As quietly as possible I snuck out of the TV room. I meandered through the house and slipped into my bedroom. I closed the door. I kept all the lights off except my bedside lamp. I sat on the end of my bed and watched the countdown on my small TV. When the count hit zero I raised one hand and twirled a finger in the air. I whispered, "Happy New Year Mary, wherever you are."

I undressed, showered and followed my ritual consistent for the last thirty years. I shaved. For thirty years I had shaved twice a day. I shaved in the morning for my job. At night I shaved before bed. I shaved so I wouldn't have a sandpaper face when I kissed Mary.

It was just after midnight and I was shaving, even though I knew I wasn't going to be kissing anyone, especially Mary.

As I got out of the shower and dried I noticed a few tears. I said, "It's a New Year. You can't mourn forever. Mary would want you to love again." I hung the towel on the rack and went to bed.

I still had the bed Mary and I slept in together for the last five years of her life. I still slept on the side of the bed farthest from the bathroom. I got in, pulled the covers up, shut off the lamp and listened. I could hear the muffled sound of the TV in the TV room, the noises of conversations and the occasional clink of glasses or beer bottles.

I drifted to sleep. When I opened my eyes it was still dark in my bedroom. The digital clock three feet from my face read 0442. Almost five in the morning. I needed to pee. The instant I started to move to get up I realized I wasn't the only one in bed. My mind screamed, "Mary!" and I flipped over to face her.

Even in the dark I knew it wasn't Mary. It was Lynn. Her eyes were open and she looked afraid. She whispered, "Please, don't make me go."

"Stay. I have to go, but I'll be back." I got out of bed embarrassed because, if she could see, she'd see I was bare. I peed and came back to bed. I got in facing her. All that was uncovered was her head.

I whispered, "You didn't bring a sleeping bag?"

"I brought one. I wanted to be with you."

"I'm old enough to be your Dad!"

"Actually, you're a year younger than my Dad would be."

"Would be? He's gone?" I asked.

"Yes. We're both missing someone. I'm sorry."

"Me too." I paused. "Listen, I have to ask. What are you wearing?"

"Same as you. Skin. Do you want me to put clothes on?"

"Coming to bed with me was more than wanting a comfortable bed. What's going on?"

"I'll tell you the whole story, but I need to tell it my way, Ok?"

"Ok."

"First extend your left arm so it's under my neck." She lifted her head and as my arm extended she slid closer to me. Her chest touched mine. Her legs touched mine. In less than a minute my cock touched her.

She explained. "When I was fourteen my Mom died. She'd been sick three years with Ovarian cancer. She died in bed at the hospital. Daddy was right there on the bed with her, holding her, crying as she went. I was on the other side of her, holding them both and feeling my heart break too."

"You were fourteen?"

"Yes. After they took Momma away I had to take Daddy home. I drove, he couldn't. When we got home I got him to bed, gave him a drink of Jack Daniels and went to my room. I couldn't sleep. I could hear Daddy crying. He cried until mid-day the next day and then we got up and did all the stuff we knew we needed to do. Neither of us slept until the night after Momma's funeral."

"And?"

"Daddy passed out, collapsed or something and I got him undressed and into his bed. A while later I undressed and got into bed with him. He was asleep, but restless. He spooned with me like he used to spoon with Momma. We both slept good that night. He never touched me sexually, but we slept together every night like that for five years, until he died. I've missed being held by Daddy for five years."

"How did it feel to be in bed with me?"

"I wanted to get you to roll over and hold me. I wanted my head on your arm. You breathe like him. You even smell sorta like him. Can I stay, please?"

"Yes. Now, face away from me. Let me wrap my arms around you and we'll sleep spooned." She turned and backed herself against me. She felt very different from how I remembered Mary feeling. Very differently, but better than anything had felt in over a year. I went to sleep thinking about the implications.

The next time we woke it was to the sound of knuckles rapping on my bedroom door. Lynn started to move. I tightened my arms around her. "Embarrassed to be caught with me?" I asked.

Lynn called out, "Come in!"

The door opened and Ruth quickly came inside. She closed the door behind her and walked close. She sat close to Lynn on the bed and said, "I knew you were in here. It's two in the afternoon. Everyone else is gone. What's going on?"

Lynn said, "I needed to be held. Not by a boy. They don't know how. I came in here to be held, comforted, by a man, a man who understands."

"Did you...?" Ruth asked.

"No." I said.

Lynn said, "Well, not yet. I'm willing."

"You're my age! How'm I supposed to feel about you being in bed with my Dad?"

"Let me tell you a story." Lynn said. She told Ruth the story. As she told Ruth she held onto my hands under the covers. She moved my hand to cover and hold her breast. Ruth cried. She was moved by the story, identified with the loss and the empty feelings.

She got up off the bed and said, "Make room, please. I need to be held too." Her shorts and t-shirt were tossed aside. We made room and put Ruth between us. After a minute it didn't feel right. I moved the three of us. I was on my back with an arm around each woman. They were on their sides facing each other, each with a leg on my legs.

Ruth looked up at my face and said, "I love you, Daddy. I want to sleep like this often."

Lynn was crying. She said, "Me too. I want to sleep like this for the rest of my life."

I was warm, comfortable and happier than I'd been in over a year. I started to fall asleep. Suddenly I was wide awake. A hand wrapped around my cock and slowly stroked me. For a few seconds I prayed it wasn't Ruth's hand. Then I realized it had to be Lynn's hand.

Ruth said, "I think I should go make lunch."

Lynn said, "Take your time. I've never given away my virginity before. I don't know how long it takes."

I said, "Giving that gift can take less than a minute, but it won't. Have you thought about what this might mean, if we do it? Are you sure about what you want?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I was pretty sure just from talking to Ruth at school. She knows who you are and I was sure last night as we made jambalaya and ribs together. You didn't treat Sue and I like kids. More like equals, partners in cooking. I want us to do more than comfort each other this once. I want to be your woman. Now, Ruth unless you want to watch..."

Ruth kissed me, leaned over my body and kissed Lynn and got up. We watched her head for the bedroom door and smiled as she said, "Keep the noise down Ok?"

Lynn said, "Turn up the stereo!"

The door closed behind Ruth and Lynn tossed the covers off us. She grasped my cock again and asked, "Ok, what do we do?"

"First, we kiss." I rolled her up on top of me positioning my cock between her legs. We kissed and she got a lesson in soul kissing. I don't call it French kissing. I think that gives the French way too much credit. If it's done well both people feel like their souls have been kissed.

We explored our bodies with hands, mouths and tongues. When I worked my way down her body past her belly-button she asked, "Are you going to lick me?"

"Lick, kiss, suck and nibble on you. Ready?"

"I've been waiting." Her legs spread and I found her lips. I thought, 'Let the loving begin.' Her body jerked at the first touch of my tongue inside her lips. She made all the appreciative noises, held my head with her hands and her quivering thighs and when I finally sucked her button into my mouth she had had enough. She grabbed a pillow and screamed into it.

I waited until she calmed down and then I knelt between her thighs and asked, "What do you want?"

"I want to feel you inside me."

"Oops! We need a condom!"

"No, we don't. I'm on the pill. I'm new at this. I don't have any diseases. How long has it been since you stuck that sword in someone?"

"Thirty-one years since it was anyone but Mary."

"I don't think we need a condom." Lynn said. I leaned forward and was welcomed inside Lynn. We started as missionaries and changed to cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, astride one leg, us standing and finished in doggy. When I came Lynn barked, loudly.

We both fell on the bed laughing. Two minutes later we heard knocking on the door and Ruth saying, "Lunch is on the table. Put some clothes on and come eat."

Lynn got one of my t-shirts, tossed me one and I found a pair of jeans. When we got to the table Ruth said, "Daddy, you look happier today than any day in the last three years. Thank you, Lynn. I've wanted him to be happy for a long time."

As we ate they talked. Mostly I listened.

Lynn asked, "So you're Ok with me sleeping here sometimes?"

"Do I get to sleep with Daddy, too?" Ruth asked.

I nodded yes. Lynn nodded yes. Ruth said, "Then I think you might want to move in."

"What?" Lynn asked.

"It just makes sense. We go to the same school at the same time. If you live here we only need to drive one car each day. You're paying rent somewhere. I'm pretty sure we can convince Daddy to cut you a deal on the rent for living here. You get to live in a great house, sleep with both of us and have sex with Dad."

I took another bite of sandwich. They watched me chew and swallow.

"Well? What do you say?" Lynn asked.

"I need a few minutes to think. I'll be right back." I went to my office and printed a sign. I put it on the room I'd been calling the guest room. It said, "Lynn's Office and Room."

When I got back to the table everything had been cleaned up except my plate and beverage. I sat down. Ruth asked, "Well?"

"Well, go look at the guest room and see if it's Ok." I pointed in the direction. They ran. When they got to the room they both squealed. I got kisses from both women when they got back. I had finished my lunch while they were gone.

I asked, "Will we need more than my pick-up and your car to get all your stuff?"

"I don't think so. I rent a furnished apartment. I have clothes, books, a computer, my bathroom stuff and whatever food is in the kitchen."

"Then I believe I know what we're doing next. We're getting dressed and moving."

We were back before dinner. We had a pizza delivered and by nine o'clock Lynn was fully moved in. We were sitting in Lynn's new room and Ruth asked, "Daddy, other than in the last twenty-four hours when was the last time you saw me naked?"

"I think you were about seven. You were in the bathroom and saw a spider. You ran through the house screaming." I smiled at the memory. "Your Mom told me to go kill it. When I found it I think it had died of fright." I laughed some more.

Suddenly I stopped. I had just realized I was laughing. Ruth came and sat in my lap. Her arms encircled my neck and she kissed me. She said, "Thank you, Lynn. Daddy has laughed more since you arrived than in over a year!"

"You're welcome. It should be me saying thank you. Night before last I cried myself to sleep, missing Daddy. Last night I climbed into bed with a man I can love and we let ourselves express it. Thank you both."

"Let's talk about tomorrow." I said. "Are there people you need to tell your change of address?"

"My aunt. The school. My insurance guy. The phone company."

"Friends?"

Ruth jumped up and said, "Thursday night!"

Lynn asked, "What's Thursday night?"

"I have a study group coming here that night!"

"And?" I asked.

"And they don't know about Lynn!"

"To them she'll be a student renting a room from us, for now." I said.

"You're crazy." Ruth said, "Anyone who looks at the two of you will see she's gone over you. I saw it when the two of you were cooking!"

"Is that so bad?" I asked. "We're moving pretty fast." I said.

"Remember how it felt when we were in bed with you, snuggled close and holding you?" Lynn asked. I smiled and nodded. She asked, "Remember how it was when you were inside me?" I smiled and nodded. "Are you interested in feeling all that again? Well, I am. We've been building up to coming back to life. We made it back. Do you really care about all the opinions of all the people who haven't lost the people they loved? I want to love you and be loved by you."

"We'll leave the sign on your door. We'll let people make up their own minds about what they see. I'm through being concerned about living in the opinions of others."

Thursday evening people arrived for the study group. Lynn and I set out snacks and beverages. After we left the group to study one of the women in the group asked, "Wasn't she here on New Years Eve?"

"Yes," Ruth said. "And now she rents a room here and we carpool to school."

"Well, it looks to me like she likes older men."

"Not really. Just one older man." No more was said. Ruth told us the story when she came to bed. By the next weekend we had settled into a pattern. We slept spooned together every night. What changed was who was in the middle. On school days Lynn and Ruth got up at six, did their ritual while I made breakfast. I worked while they were at school. In the evenings I made dinner. They cleaned up and studied. When they needed to sleep I made sure they went to bed. I still shaved morning and night. Lynn and I made time for joining when it wouldn't be asking Ruth to close her eyes and not listen. I found I liked afternoon delight.

As finals approached both women got tense. I did whatever I could do to make life easier for them. I filled their cars with gas. They drove Lynn's car to school and I made sure Ruth's car was ready for the next day. The next day I had them take Ruth's car and I cared for Lynn's car. For the two weeks of finals I cooked, did laundry and kept the house clean.

On the last day of finals I drove them to school. When I picked them up Ruth looked upset. She sat up against the door with Lynn next to me. I drove us to a Mexican food restaurant I knew Ruth loved. When we sat down I put my hand on Ruth's shoulder. She looked in my eyes and tears flowed. She sobbed into her napkin.