It Was Something in Her Voice

"And was this the first time? Or is he just the latest in a long string of lovers over the years? Should I be having Melissa and Jude DNA tested?" Greg asked, quietly and deliberately, as he raised his eyes to look directly into Susan's eyes.

Susan lowered her eyes, "That's a horrid thought. That you should even think that of me. No, there have been no other lovers. For twenty seven years you have been the only man in my life. I promise you that."

"Well, I guess that's good to hear. But it seems to me that the result of your little affair is inevitable."

There was a sharp intake of breath from Susan, she instantly felt a premonition of what was coming.

"Susan, you broke the contract. As far as I can see we are no longer married. I will instruct a solicitor to start the divorce proceedings immediately. I don't know whether this will help you, free you up in your relationship with your lover, but I don't think we have any duty or responsibility towards each other any longer. The marriage was broken when you went to bed with him. You admit you knew what you were doing, and you confirmed it three more times. All we need do for each other is make sure that we make proper arrangements for splitting our assets, and for supporting Jude until he finally moves on."

Susan just stared at him, totally stunned by his words. No discussion, no questions of why she'd done it, or of how they might get over it. Just the finality of divorce.

"I don't want a divorce, Greg." Susan's voice was raising, in desperation, "I love you and I want us to remain married. I've lain awake all night. I know what I've done, and I know we can get over it. I know it won't be easy for you, but I know you will see it through. I know you won't walk out on all we mean to each other, the wonderful children, our life, our friends..."

Greg looked at her, "Well, once the divorce action is well underway, maybe we can meet and talk about what happened and what we each want in the future. If we both want to be married, and we can get over it, then we can call the divorce off, but at the moment, I feel you've imposed it, I don't have a say in it. You broke the marriage, and divorce is the inevitable result. That's where we are today. It may change in the future, but not until we've both done a lot of clear headed thinking."

Greg looked at her, "Actually, I don't really know whether you had plans to run off with your lover boy. Or whether you fancied spending your mature years being some free spirit, free love and I don't know what. Maybe you don't really know yourself. That's why we need some time to do some thinking."

"No, Greg. I have never imagined myself as anything but your wife, and us moving together to a happy old age. I don't need any time to know what I want in the future."

They looked at each other, both wondering what was going on in the other's mind.

"Well I'm sorry Susan, but I do. Now, as you know, I've got a holiday booked in the Seychelles. It was meant to be the start of our new life together. Now I'll go alone and use it to think about what my new life should be like, and if I want you to be my partner in it."

"Couldn't we both go, and use it as a way to bring us back together? I know it might be painful, but surely we need to be together, not on opposite sides of the world to each other?"

"No, Susan, we can't. I'll go and maybe I'll come back with some better thoughts. In the meantime, I don't know what you are going to do about your lover. Maybe you want to continue your affair for just one last time, or maybe you hope I'll learn to tolerate it. But, be clear about this, if you do want us to have any hope of getting back together, then you will telephone him immediately and tell him it's finished. So, are you willing to promise me that you will never ever see that man ever again?"

"Oh, yes, Greg. I promise that, happily and willingly. It wasn't his fault, it was something we both did, but I never ever want to repeat it with him or anyone else. I promise. I phoned him last night and told him that I never want to see him again."

"OK. Well, let's go down that line of thought a bit further. I know that in all my jumbled thoughts and emotions since last night, I am full or hate and revenge against him. I could happily kill him. I don't care whether you gave yourself happily and freely, or whether in fact he chased you and seduced you, it doesn't matter. He chose to climb into bed with a woman who claims to be happily married. Is he married, by the way?"

"Yes, he has three children."

"Well, if his wife ever finds out, then I guess you can expect to feel the same depths of hatred from her. But that isn't my concern. What I want to know is: if I decide that I want to exact some revenge on this man who has deliberately involved himself in the destruction of everything I love and believe in, will you join me in that? Will you help me destroy his life, if that is what I want? Are you willing to do that to help get me over this, and win me back, Susan?"

Susan gasped again, realising the terrible emotions she had unleashed in Greg, "I don't know, Greg. It's so unlike you. I don't like seeing this side of you. And David isn't some wife cheating bastard, he's a nice guy who made a mistake, like me. That's all, he doesn't deserve to have anything nasty happen to him."

"No, Susan, you were right the first time. A wife cheating bastard is exactly what he is. And he deserves everything he gets.....But I don't know what I'll do about him. You're right about me as well, I have never deliberately taken my revenge on anyone ever before. But perhaps this will be the first time......"

They sat and drank their tea, in silence. Both of them deep in thought.

Susan broke the silence, determined to have one last attempt at reconciliation, "Come home, Greg. Even if you sleep in the guest room. What do you think people will say when they realise that you've moved out? And then we could talk, I could explain...."

"No, Susan. First of all, I don't give a damn what people think. And I'm saddened that in all of this, that's one of your first concerns. And second, at the moment I don't need you to explain anything. You did it, you freely chose to do it. Not once, but four times. And you admit that you knew exactly what you were doing every time. You knew that you were betraying me, and our marriage, and everything you've ever professed. At the moment, that's all I need to know. Now I have to decide whether I want to live for the rest of my life with a person that has done that, or what it is I can salvage of my life from the mess you've created."

Susan just crumpled to tears, and Greg quietly stood up and left.

Greg arrived at the office and immediately told his secretary that he was now living at the River House Hotel, and why. By the end of it she was weeping, and through her tears, asked Greg if he knew what he was going to do. "Yes, start divorce proceedings. Then think about what I want after that. That may include reconciliation.".

Greg's day was made up with a series of short meetings with Tom Gould, as Tom constantly referred to Greg on various issues, as Tom picked up the reins of the company. In between these meetings, Greg made a few phone calls around the town. First to his lawyer, to arrange an appointment, but he couldn't get to see him until the next day.

Then he started phoning old friends and colleagues, just gently asking after a David Shiner, did anyone know him? Who was he? With an hour or two, Greg knew David's address, that he was apparently happily married with three children, that he was about forty years old, and most interesting of all, that he worked for TMD Electrical. So, after lunch, Greg phoned Ed Maskill, the managing director of TMD and an occasional golfing buddy of Greg's. Greg invited him to a quiet drink at the River House Hotel after work.

Greg was chatting to George when Ed arrived. After their greetings and some business small talk, Greg brought the conversation to what was on his mind, "I asked you here tonight to have a quiet word with you, because I have a favour to ask you. I'm sorry to have to tell you that Susan and myself have split up, whether temporary or permanent I don't know yet, but we've got our problems at the moment."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Greg. Is there anything I can do?"

"No, not directly. But you can keep an eye on Susan for me. You see, she's had an affair, and as you are a regular at All Saints, I guess Susan may seek the support of the Church as she works through her thinking. Well, I'm sure that tongues will start wagging in the regular congregation, so I thought I ought to tell you directly. You know, so that you can put anyone straight if the rumours are too hurtful for her, protect her a bit, that sort of thing."

"I'm on the Parochial Church Council, so you've come to the right man. I hope she will be treated with decent Christian charity. But, the Church isn't going to give a blessing on that sort of behaviour, if what you tell me is true."

"Oh, yes, it's true. A short affair with a bloke called David Shiner. I don't know him, but she does, rather intimately by all accounts. She doesn't deny it."

"David Shiner? Good Heavens. He works at TMD you know. He's been with us for about eight or nine months, in our Marketing Department."

"He works for you, does he? Well, I guess he's got to work somewhere." Greg reacted with innocent surprise.

"Yes. And he's married too. A lovely wife, I met her at the summer barbeque. And some children, two I think, but it maybe three. Well, there's not much I can do about it. You know as well as I do, Greg, that we can't delve into employees' private lives these days. But I don't like this sort of thing, I do have some morals you know, that's why I attend All Saints." Ed paused to look at Greg, who was apparently listening, but seemed surprisingly relaxed, "Well, I may not be able to sack him, but if it's any consolation for you Greg, I'll be damned if he's going to get any promotion on my watch. And it was due, there was talk of making him Marketing Director. Well, over my dead body. Sorry, Greg, but I don't like this sort of thing."

"Well, I'm not too fond of it myself, Ed. Not from where I'm sitting." said Greg with a wry smile, that he hoped covered his inward feeling of mission accomplished, and more easily than he was expecting.

After Ed had left, and Greg had actually eaten his steak this time, he returned to the bar, to sit on what was rapidly becoming his favourite barstool.

As the bar slowly emptied George had more time to chat to Greg, and Greg decided to tell George his troubles. Between serving the occasional other customer, George listened patiently. At the end of his story, Greg looked at him, "And how many times have you heard that story?"

"This year? Three times. You're the fourth. And I'll say to you, what I said to all those other guys, life is what you make it."

"And how the hell is that meant to help me?"

"Well, if you want to make it back with your wife, then don't doubt that you can. But, if it was the final straw, then go out there and make yourself a different happy life. It's up to you, life is what you make it."

"The wisdom of barmen."

"Hey, don't knock it. Just drink to it. This one's on the house." And George poured Greg another whisky.

On the Thursday, Greg saw his solicitor and told him to start divorce proceedings. The lawyer pressed him quite hard that he should really try reconciliation first, at least sit down and talk to Susan and hear her story. But all Greg would do was to get assurance that the action could be called off if that was appropriate, but that he felt that at the moment the marriage was broken, and divorce was the natural consequence.

After seeing the solicitor, Greg decided that some financial precautions would be sensible. He set up new bank accounts, and had his salary paid into his new personal one and not the joint account. He tried cancelling some of Susan's credit cards, but that seemed easier said than done.

One thing kept nagging at Greg. The destruction of David Shiner's career wasn't as satisfying as he'd hoped. He still felt pure anger towards that man. He could understand and even accept the anger that he felt towards Susan, that went with the hurt and despair. But towards David Shiner there was nothing but anger. Eventually, on the Saturday morning he could not resist driving round to David Shiner's address. He pulled up in his car outside the neighbour's house and sat and watched. David Shiner was mowing the front lawn, up and down in stripes. He looked exactly as he imagined him, a totally average man in his early forties, not too fat but probably a little heavier than when he had been in his twenties. He had less hair than Greg had imagined, with a pronounced bald spot at the back. But, he looked an average regular guy. How looks can deceive, thought Greg.

As he watched, a woman came out and went to the garage, she backed out a family estate car, this year's model according to its registration, but Greg realised that wasn't surprising, Shiner is in a new job. Having parked the car on the drive, the wife disappeared into the garage again, and then two boys, in their early teens Greg estimated, came out and collected two bikes from the garage and cycled off, calling that they would be back for lunch. His wife came out again, with a trowel, and knelt down to weed a flower bed. The whole scene had a wholesome domestic innocence about it. And that made Greg even angrier.

Greg got out of his car, and approached.

"David Shiner?" called Greg.

Shiner stopped his mowing and looked round. Greg was walking up the drive, nearly to the parked car.

"Yes, I'm David Shiner." said Shiner, leaving the mower and walking towards Greg. The wife stopped weeding and just knelt watching with interest.

As Shiner came to Greg, Greg said, quite loudly and clearly, "I'm Greg Perry. Susan Perry's husband."

Shiner's face drained of every ounce of blood. He glanced backwards at his wife, who was beginning to stand. He was still looking that way when Greg's fist hit his face. Just once, but very hard, just to the left of Shiner's mouth.

David Shiner lurched sideways and fell against the car, his shoulder catching the mirror, so that when he slid down onto his crumpled legs, everyone could hear his shirt ripping. There may have been no blood in his face, but there was plenty in his lips and gums. Blood just poured from a split lip and his mouth.

Greg just turned around and walked steadily and determinedly back to his car. Mrs Shiner ran to her husband, shouting "Hey", but she just crouched over her husband holding his head, as Shiner put a hand up to his mouth, and taking it away he looked at it, covered in blood.

Greg sat in the driving seat of the car, and suddenly he began to shake. His whole body shook, and then he began to cry. But through his tears he watched Shiner and his wife, she was talking, but he couldn't hear what was said. But then she was hitting Shiner, giving him a rapid pummelling with her clenched fists. The truth hurts, thought Greg.

Slowly he recovered and drove off, back to the hotel. George was behind the bar, "A whisky, please George."

"You look rather shaken, Sir. Is everything OK?"

"Yes, I'm OK. Feeling better actually, but my knuckles are just a bit bruised." Greg said, with a tense smile.

"And he has a matching nose, I assume, Sir."

"I think it was his lips and mouth, but you get the idea."

"Well, then that whisky's on me, Sir."

After lunch, Greg lay on his bed and listened to soft classical music on the radio. He felt more at peace than he had felt in days. And he decided that he was now free to really think about what he wanted in the future, rather than just be a mess of emotion about what happened in the past.

As the room began to darken with the setting sun, and with soft music still gently playing, Greg's phone rang. He picked it up and looked at it.

"Yes, Jude. What can I do for you?"

"Hi Dad. What's going on between you and Mum. I've just phoned her and she's a complete mess. I had to give up talking to her in the end, I just couldn't get her to talk sensibly. She says you've left her, and that she's done something terrible. I don't know whether that's before or after you left. As I said, she seemed too upset to really talk."

"Well, Yes, Jude. She was right, I have left her. I was wondering how I was going to tell you and Mel. She seems to have saved me the trouble."

"So? What's it all about? You can't just walk out. I just can't imagine it. Dad."

"Well, I hate to tell you, but that is precisely what I did when I found out that your mother has been having an affair. I guess that's her terrible thing. I'm sorry Jude, but it wasn't of my making."

"No. Dad. You must have it wrong. It's just not like Mum to do something like that. Come off it Dad, she just wouldn't."

"That's what I thought. But we were both wrong. His name is David Shiner, and she's known him for four months apparently. And she's been having an affair with him for about a month. She swears differently, but for all I know they may be at it right now. This may be the love of her life. I don't know, Jude. And to be honest, I don't think I care."

"No, Dad. May be she let things go too far once, or he pushed her into it, or ... I don't know, something. But from what I heard this afternoon, she certainly seems to regret it now. Don't just give up on her, surely you can't?"

"This afternoon I've been doing some real thinking. And I think I have a choice. But the first thing is that I have accepted that your mother has torn up our marriage. She broke the contract. I have to admit that it is hard to understand, after twenty seven years you think you know someone, and I'd never have dreamt that she would do this. Yes, she might get unhappy or tempted, but to do this is against everything she believes in. But I have to accept that she did it, and I have to decide how do I want to spend the rest of my life."

"With Mum, surely, Dad? You can't really imagine a life without her, can you? Not really, when you think about the long term. Not now, not this week, but somehow as you look into the future."

"I'm having to, Jude. I'm having to. Oh, yes, I'm sure we could work something out. It wouldn't be easy, it would be a long, slow and painful process, but we could work out something if we both wanted to. And I don't know that she does want to, I asked her but she hadn't had the time to realise what a horrible period that would be. But, let's say we did, well what have I got then? Some sort of partnership which might work for most of the time, but where I would know that I was worth less than a quick romp with this David Shiner in her eyes. That's with us for ever, now. It was her choice, and it won't go away however hard I or any therapist or counsellor or your mother tries. Twenty five years of our marriage was worth less than an affair with another man. That's a fact, Jude. Now, is that the sort of woman I want to spend the rest of my life with? I don't know."

"Oh, Dad!... Who is this David Shiner, anyway?"

"Well I don't know him. But what I know of him, he's a perfectly average marketing manager. He's a few years younger than your mother, and he works for TMD here in town. You mother says he's married with three children."

"What's happening to them? Does the wife know?"

"I think she does now. And I don't think they'll be kissing and making up for a few days. Well, not the kissing bit, his mouth is a bit sore"

"You didn't Dad! Not you! What happened to all your ideas that you always taught us about respecting other people and that violence never solves anything?"

"I guess I left out giving you the chapter on exceptions to the rule when we were bringing you up. Sorry about that. And, anyway, it didn't solve anything, but I felt one hell of a lot better at the end of it."