It's Not What You Think

"I'll be there," I said as I got up to return to my desk, wiping my sweaty palms on my skirt.

I was surprised to see Kelly at the restaurant with Sally and Jane.

"I'm sorry, but I won't be able to join you gals at the club tonight," she said. "I have a hot, and I mean HOT date tonight."

"Girl," Jane said, "you realize that you're playing with fire, don't you?"

"Yes," I said, "What will you do if you're ever caught?"

"Paul hasn't caught me in two years. He's just too oblivious."

"Yeah," Jane said, "That's just what Joyce, in Payroll, said."

"Joyce?" I said, "I don't think I know her."

"Oh, that's right," said Sally, "She was gone before you joined the company.

"She was having an affair with her supervisor. Her husband found out and beat the crap out of the guy. He had to do 30 days in jail, then just took off for parts unknown. Joyce couldn't even divorce him for a year, so lost their house when she couldn't make the mortgage payments. Her boss lost his job and his marriage, Joyce ended up moving back to her hometown to live with her mother."

I had to remind myself to close my mouth which was open in shock.

"She was just stupid," Kelly said. "First, you don't shit where you eat. Second, she had an affair. I rarely play with the same guy more than two or three times. When you have an affair there are too many emotional entanglements, plus you can get too comfortable and make mistakes. That will never happen to me."

"Famous last words," Jane said laughing.

With that bit of drama out of the way, we headed to the club to find that Jonathon had already grabbed us a table.

As soon as he saw us he ordered a round of drinks, and I didn't know whether to be impressed or suspicious that he remembered my drink from two weeks ago and just one night. I decided to tuck that tidbit away pending more data.

I was mildly disappointed that I wasn't Jonathon's first partner, but I didn't have to wait long before I was up on the dance floor. I had already learned to avoid the more obvious pussy hounds, but some were more subtle, and more than one was left standing alone on the dance floor when he let his hands roam a little too far.

Jonathon was once again a gentleman, though there were a couple of times where our dance moves brought us into a little more intimate contact, and I felt a frisson of excitement as we separated.

When I got home, we didn't have a repeat of the first time. Not that I wasn't equally turned on, in fact, I had to get myself off in the shower before going to bed. However, I didn't want to get into a quid quo pro situation, that either of us owed something to the other.

When I slipped into bed, Steve surprised me a little by rolling onto his left side to spoon against me, his right arm crossing over me so that he could cup my breast. I fell asleep with warm fuzzy feelings of love.

I was beginning to think that there might be something to what Jane and Sally were saying about this spicing up our love life. I was having my innocent fun with the girls on Friday nights, and Steve and I were having more, and I dare say better, sex.

For the next few weeks things moved along with no major changes, until I hit a bump in the road.

We had been at the club for about an hour when Jonathon and I were heading back to the table. He had his hand on the small of my back, guiding me through the crowd, when it slipped down and he cupped my ass. Now, we had a lot of incidental contact, but in the past he quickly removed his hand and was very apologetic.

This time, he didn't remove it, he even gave my ass a slight squeeze. He nearly ran me over when I stopped short and spun around, He had a silly grin on his face until he saw the angry look on my face and my hand pulling back ready to slap him across the face. I have to admit that I wasn't sure if I was madder at him, or at myself for how my panties got damp when he squeezed my ass.

"Whoa," he said, backing up and putting up his hands, "I'm sorry, Susan, I didn't mean anything, I guess I just got carried away."

"Well, why don't you just carry yourself away to another table and leave me alone," I said angrily as I turned and stalked back to my table.

I wasn't looking, but Jonathon apparently heeded my advice, because he was nowhere in sight when I sat down.

"Trouble in Paradise?" Kelly said.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You and Jonathon have been going so hot and heavy, we were beginning to think we were going to have to get you a room."

I could only look at her in disbelief.

"Look, I'll admit to having a bit of a crush on Jonathon, but that's all it is. I love Steve and would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage."

"If you say so. Just keep repeating that to yourself, maybe eventually even you will believe it."

I'd had enough, threw a twenty on the table, walked out and went back home.

"You're home early tonight. Are you feeling okay?"

"Physically, yes, but one of the guys got a little too handsy and I just had to get out of there."

"Who is this guy? Want me to go teach him a lesson?"

I'm not sure why, but I didn't want Steve to know that Jonathon worked with me.

"I don't know, he was just a guy. I don't think I'll have any trouble if he shows up again. If he does, I'll slap him into next week."

Steve just smiled.

"I believe that you would do just that. Want to go to bed, have a little nookie?"

"I'm sorry, Steve, I'm kind of wiped. How about I take a shower and we just cuddle?"

"Of course, Honey, whatever you need. Can I get you anything?"

"No, thanks, I'm good," and I headed to the bathroom for my shower.

When I came to bed, Steve was wearing pajamas. He usually sleeps naked, so I knew this was his way of saying that there'd be no hanky-panky from his side. I really appreciated the thought and gave him a kiss that would normally be the prelude to a hot sex session. I climbed into bed and snuggled against Steve's body. He wrapped his arm around me, but rested it on my stomach instead of my breast. I took his hand and held it against my breast until I fell asleep.

For a change Steve was up first, and had blessed coffee and breakfast ready for me. Steve's only competent in the kitchen, but I made sure he knew how much I appreciated the thought.

Monday morning, Jonathon was all over himself trying to apologize.

"Susan, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I . . ."

"Jonathon, just drop it, it's over," I said and walked away. I think the whole office felt the chill.

Jonathon didn't show up that Friday night, much to the disappointment of the other girls, and I didn't get to dance many slow dances. The pussy hounds knew better, and the regular nice guys saw what happened with Jonathon and gave me a wide berth. I did dance with some newer guys, but after some whispered conversations with the other guys I was soon limited to fast dances.

"Boy, you sure know how to put a damper on the evening," Kelly said.

I was in a really bad mood.

"Look, just because you like to act like a slut, doesn't mean that we all do. Or maybe you're not just acting."

If looks could kill, I'd already be dead. As it was, I was surprised that she didn't throw her drink at me before she stomped off.

"Don't hold back," Jane said, "express your true feelings."

"I'm sorry, girls, I didn't really mean to go off like that. To be honest, I was feeling guilty because I was feeling a little slutty myself," I said, tearing up a bit.

"That's okay, Susan," Sally said, "We all have our bad nights."

"Th . . . Thanks," I said, "but I think I'm going to call it a night."

Fortunately, Steve was asleep, so I didn't have to explain why I was home early.

I got undressed and slipped into bed. I decided to say screw my shoulder and spooned up against Steve's back. Maybe the gods were smiling on me, because when I woke up my shoulder felt fine.

I almost didn't go out the next Friday night, but I didn't want to deal with any questions from Steve, so I joined the girls for dinner.

"If you're coming to the club," Jane said, "do you think you can keep from cutting the guys off at the knees?"

"Oh, come on, Jane," Sally said, "It wasn't that bad."

"No? I probably only got asked to dance about half as much as usual."

"Okay, okay," I said, "I'll be good," as I sipped my second glass of wine.

It wasn't until we were on our second round of drinks that anyone dared approach us for dances, but things soon returned to normal.

Jonathon came in but gave us a wide berth.

After a third drink (five counting the wine with dinner, but who's counting!), I walked over and asked him to dance.

He was hesitant, but gave in when I took him by the hand and pulled him up.

Our dancing was quite chaste, and I could tell that Jonathon was nervous.

"Look, Jon, I'm sorry for blowing up at you, but you have to understand, I'm a happily married woman. I'm just out looking for a little fun, not for a lover."

Jonathon had the good sense to blush.

"I'm sorry, Susan. I'm not the kind of guy that normally poaches married women, but you're very attractive, and Kelly seemed to think that you were open to a little fooling around."

I was taken aback.

"She said WHAT?"

I practically dragged him back to my table, where Kelly had a very self-satisfied look on her face.

"Kelly, just what did you say to Jonathon about me?"

She still had a goofy grin on her face.

"I just told him that you had a crush on him and might be interested in some extra-curricular fun."

I had to hold myself back.

"That's exactly the opposite of what I said to you!"

"Oh, come on. Everyone could see how turned on you've been."

"Yes, I've been turned on. That doesn't mean that my brain was turned off. I took that turned on feeling home and shared it with my husband. You know, the guy I swore to forsake all others with? You might want to try that sometime!"

This time she did throw her drink in my face and stormed off.

Jane handed me a napkin and I dried off as best as I could.

"I . . . I think I'm going to go home," I said, sniffling.

"Are you okay to drive?" Sally asked.

"I . . . I'm not sure," I said, thinking about the five drinks that I had.

"I'll drive you home in your car," she said, "Jane can follow us to take me back."

"Thanks, Sally, I think that's probably for the best."

I was quiet all the way home, and had barely pulled myself together when we pulled into my driveway.

"Are you okay?" Sally said. "Do you want me to come in with you?"

"No, no, I think this is something I have to do by myself."

"Okay, just remember, we're only a phone call away," she said, handing me my keys before getting out and getting into Jane's car. They sat for a few minutes before driving off, and I composed myself before heading in to face Steve.

I was apprehensive. I wanted to be honest, but I also wanted to save my marriage. Could I tell the truth, but not the whole truth?

I was still unsure as I entered the house. I decided to see how Steve reacted before I spilled all the beans.

Steve looked up as I came into the house.

"You're home early, Honey, is everything all right . . ." he hesitated, seeing the look on my face.

"Steve, I have something I need to talk to you about."

Steve had a sick look on his face as he got up out of his recliner, motioning for me to join him on the sofa.

He sat on one end, but I sat in the middle, taking his hands in mine.

"Steve, I haven't been entirely honest with you these past few months."

He stiffened noticeably, and tried to pull his hands away, but I held on tighter.

"'Not entirely honest,'" he said sarcastically. "Just what does that mean? Have you been cheating on me?"

Maybe I shouldn't have been, but I was shocked by that.

"N . . . No, I haven't been cheating. Not really."

That got him out of his seat, pulling his hands away.

"How the fuck to you 'not really cheat?' Do you keep your clothes on? What?"

"No, no. We haven't had sex, but some of my actions wouldn't pass the husband test."

"What's the husband test?"

"Was I doing something that I wouldn't do in front of my husband."

"Just what were you doing that you don't think you would do in front of me?"

"N . . . Nothing that bad . . ."

Steve's face was turning red.

"Let's let me decide on just how bad it was, shall we?"

I nodded, my eyes brimming with tears.

"I never even kissed him," I said.

"Wait a minute! 'Him?' Who is he?"

I was afraid to tell him about my crush on Jonathon.

"It doesn't really matter. It could have been anyone."

"I'll let that slide for now," Steve said, "but I reserve the right to come back to that."

"Maybe I should start from the beginning," I said, as Steve just glared at me with his arms crossed.

"There's this woman at work. She's, well, a little wild . . ."

"You mean she's a slut?"

"I . . . I guess you could say that. She was telling us about all the fun she had, and how it really reinvigorated her sex life with her husband . . ."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! She's married? I was half kidding before, but she IS a slut. Please, continue."

"Well, I had been thinking that things had been getting a little stale in the bedroom . . ."

"That's certainly news to me. I guess it's expecting too much that you might have clued me in on this?"

My tears were flowing freely, now.

"I know, I know, and I wish to God that I had. I guess I just thought that it was normal after being married for a while, and thought that maybe I could find a spark to help us. That's why I started going on the Girls' Night Outs. I think you'll agree that it was pretty hot that first night."

"Oh, so that blow job wasn't really a thank you, it was more because this other guy wound you up?"

I had to nod yes.

"So, why didn't you go back the following week? Feeling guilty?"

I could only nod again.

"So, why are you telling me all this? I have to admit I enjoyed how hot our sex has been ever since you started your nights out."

I took a deep breath.

"Things were pretty normal for a while. There was some incidental contact, nothing that couldn't be explained by a crowded dance floor, but then there was the night he squeezed my ass."

"I assume that was the night that someone got a little handsy?"

"Yes," I said, looking down.

"That was two weeks ago. Why are we only having this conversation now?"

"I . . . I guess I was unconsciously giving out signals that I might be open for more. At first, I was angry that anyone thought that I might cheat on you, then I was mortified that it could possibly true.

"Steve, I don't want to be that woman. I love you, and the thought of doing anything to risk losing what we have scares me to death.

"If you can find it in your heart to forgive me for what I've done, what I came close to doing, I want to work with you to make our marriage stronger than ever. I don't want any more Girls' Nights Out, I want more OUR nights out."

Steve sat heavily back down on the sofa putting his head in his hands.

"That's quite a load you've dumped on me, Susan. I don't know whether to be grateful that you never let things go too far, or angry that they were going on at all, and that you never came to me with any of your concerns.

"Right now, my inclination is to accept your story, and to appreciate your honesty in opening up to me before I heard something from someone else, but I think I'll sleep in the guest room for now."

My tears had stopped, but I was still snuffling.

"I understand, Steve, I'll give you your space."

"Oh, one more thing," Steve said, "maybe you should look into counselors for us."

"Yes, Steve, that sounds like a good idea. I'll start looking tomorrow."

Steve just nodded, stood up and made his way slowly to our guest room.

I breathed a sigh of relief at the bullet that I had hopefully dodged, then went to what I hoped would still be our bedroom. Despite my exhaustion, I tossed and turned for a while before falling asleep.

We did see a counselor, both together, and individually.

It helped that Steve believed that I hadn't actually cheated, but when it came out that Jonathon and Kelly both worked with me he insisted that I change jobs. I was a little resistant at first; I loved my job and the people I worked with, but I couldn't deny his logic, and even the counselor agreed with him.

Another positive that came out of the situation is that we learned how to really talk to each other. We also learned that our sex life didn't need to be stale, and that we didn't need anyone besides ourselves to give it a spark.

It's been two years since we stopped seeing the counselor, though we do have her number on speed dial just in case.