Janet's Unthinkable Sin Ch. 01

Introduction:

I cannot believe I let this happen. I cannot believe I allowed my son into my bed. I can claim I was drunk, confused, depressed, lonely, or even out of my mind with lust; but there is no excuse for a mother doing what I did. I am not here to make excuses, or to claim that there is any excuse; there is none. But please as you read this, please do not condemn me until you understand the events that led up to me committing the gravest of all sins: a sexual relationship with my son.

My name is Janet. I am a 35 year old and recently widowed.

Eric is my only child. I got pregnant in my senior year of high school to the boy to whom I lost my virginity. After much soul searching and debate, I married Bob, and Bob joined the service. Bob was invited to attend office candidate training, and became an officer in the army. Despite the 'less than ideal beginning of our marriage, we had a good marriage until Bob was killed in action a few months back.

During our 18 years of marriage, I never strayed; I never cheated on Bob despite being left alone for months at a stretch as Bob was deployed overseas. Until the events of a few months ago, Bob was the only man who had ever entered me, and the only man with whom I had ever had a climax.

That is correct, my son, Eric, was only the second man with whom I had sex.

Despite what I am about to tell you, I am not a slut. In fact, many people would consider me a bit of a prude. I was a faithful wife who would have remained faithful and relatively wholesome had the events not transpired as they did. Before Bob's death, I was living a good life, and was generally happy in my role as a mother and a soldier's wife.

The point is, before you judge me too harshly, realize: 1.) before my husband was killed, I would never have believed myself capable of doing these things, certainly not with my son; and 2.) you really cannot be sure what you would or would not do until you are actually faced with a situation.

Here is my story.

Chapter 1: I lose my husband & fall into the bottle:

Even before Bob was killed, it was pretty much just my only son, Eric, and me at home most of the time. Bob was a career military officer who spent extended periods of time deployed overseas. Since many of his deployments were to war zone areas, Eric and I often remained back in the states. We often lived in military housing, either on the base or immediately off the base

Bob was a good man, who loved his country and had a strong sense of duty. He truly believed that the actions of our military served to make the world a better place. Me, I am not so sure. But this story is not about political debates surrounding the U.S. military.

As a military officer, Bob was a stern, complex man, who was difficult to get to know. He would pray to his God one moment; and then drink heavily and cuss at his family the next.

He also had a difficult time showing any vulnerability, emotional or otherwise. I know he loved us; but at times he struggled with precisely how to show that love.

Bob was deployed in the original 'desert storm' and 'desert shield', and also served during the second Iraq invasion before being deployed to Afghanistan. We received word that Bob was killed shortly after Eric's 18th birthday, the summer before his senior year in high school. Bob's vehicle had encountered a road side bomb. He did not survive the attack.

The news of my husband's death was a devastating blow to me personally; but Eric seemed to be able to deal with the loss only slightly better than I was. I fell into a bottle, became a heavy drinker. I was 'passed out drunk' most nights by 8 p.m.

Eric had been a good student, active in sports, and really never got into any trouble prior to his dad's death. Before Bob's death, Eric talked about attending the Air Force Academy and making the military his career, similar to his father. But his plans and his behavior changed significantly that summer.

Eric's demise coincided with the news of Dad's death, and I am convinced was a direct result of it. To be honest, since I was not in any condition to help anyone most nights, Eric was left to guide himself through this grief with little help from me. We were both dealing with our loss and grief in our own way.

Despite my strongest objections, Eric quit the basketball team, where he had been one of the better forwards on the team. He also started drinking and smoking marijuana. Now none of these are unusual or that horrific for teenage boys, but the change in Eric was clear and evident, and the direction he was heading was not good. Eric also made it clear that he was no longer interested in the military as a college choice or as a career.

In short, despite wanting to help Eric I was lost in my own alcoholic nosedive and grief. I was in no position to help anyone else.

It was after 9:00 p.m. on a Friday night, about four months after Bob's death. I had been drinking vodka and orange juice while waiting for Eric to come home. I decided to take a warm bath and fixed myself one last large drink; one that I really did not need. It was in a large plastic tumbler, and although I did not precisely its contents, it likely was the equivalent to three shots of vodka. I knew that it would put me well over the edge.

As I prepared my warm bath, I stood naked in front of the mirror, naked holding a large plastic cup of vodka and orange juice. I studied my naked form through my inebriated eyes. Objectively speaking, I am an attractive woman. I am about 5 ft 6 inches, with a slender figure and small, but perky breasts. I am blonde with green eyes. I have been told, on many occasions, that I resemble Meg Ryan. Even slightly drunk, I could appreciate the fact that I was still attractive; my breasts were firm, my nipples erect, my stomach flat and my butt shapely. Although I had not fixed my hair in weeks, I still looked good. I enjoyed the fact that even without make-up, I still could turn heads.

Bob had already been deployed for more than 4 months when he was killed; so it had been over 7 months since I had had a man; that's right, it had been more than a half a year since I had been fucked. I had to admit I missed it. I missed the intimacy and closeness as much as I missed the orgasmic pleasure of sex. I was lonely and depressed. I was far too young to be a widow.

I climbed into the warm tub and sipped my drink, trying to reach that magic alcohol level that would allow me to sleep without dealing with my sense of loss and loneliness. I allowed my fingers to visit my clit, just to say hello. I had not been able to masturbate successfully since Bob's death. That's right, I had not had an orgasm in over three months! I did not expect to succeed tonight. Nonetheless, I touched myself with my right hand as I fed myself my drink with the left. I was already drunk; but not far enough gone to pass out, yet. I expected that to happen soon; I would soon be on the verge of passing out, and I would climb into bed for a short respite from my grief and loneliness.

I finished my drink and felt the vodka taking over my consciousness as I gently massaged my clit. The gentle circles I traced on my erect clitoris felt good, but I was not anywhere near orgasm, but I continued to explore myself with my fingers despite not being able to fully respond to my touch.

In my inebriated state, I did not realize I had failed to close the bathroom door completely. Nor did I hear Eric come home. I do not know how long he stood in the dark of the hallway was watching me try to masturbate through the slightly cracked open door, but I suspect it was a while.

As I recall this particular evening, I am certain that my movements and facial expression left no doubt that I was masturbating in the warm tub. I thought I was alone, but I was mistaken.

Something caught my eye, some movement in the door crack; or maybe I heard a sound. But suddenly, I realized I was not alone. I realized that I was being watched.

"Eric, are you home?" I cried out with obvious panic. "Is that you."

"Yeah, mom. I just got home." he replied. His voice came through the crack in the door I had left ajar, and it had a level of panic, sounding like he had been caught doing something wrong, reinforcing my fear that he had been watching me for a while.

"Oh shit. I did not know you were there." I said as I climbed out the tub wanting to cover up, as I reached for my robe. But the tile was wet and slippery; and in my drunken stupor, my footing was quite unsure. I slipped and fell...hard....right on my naked ass. My flesh made a distinct slapping sound as I crashed against the linoleum floor.

Eric was obviously concerned as I slammed against the floor and side of the tub. Eric burst in. "Mom, are you OK?"

I lay there on the floor for several seconds before I nodded, but could not speak for a moment. The fall stunned me, knocking the wind out of me. It took a moment for me to realize that I had not injured myself seriously; although I would have a noticeable bruise on my hip and ass tomorrow. I tried to gather my senses.

"I think I am OK...." I tried not to slur my words, but there was little doubt I had been drinking as I had every night for months.

For a moment concern about my safety blinded both of us to my nakedness. But quickly, both Eric and I were aware of how very exposed I was. It was the look in his eyes as he glanced directly at my breasts and pussy that made me fully aware of my nudity. I was embarrassed but tried not to show it; but I could free myself blush under his gaze. At the same time, something inside of me liked the look of admiration and lust from my son.

I started to sit up, and Eric helped me to me feet. I caught a quick glance of us in the bathroom mirror. I was taken by my petite, but naked stature next to my tall, muscular son. I realized we made an erotic sight, and then purged that thought from my mind.

I saw my robe hanging on the door hook, I quickly grabbed and donned it, covering my nakedness.

The robe was white terry cloth and came down to my mid thigh. It was not revealing, but it was also not matronly, I knew that I still looked pretty good under this robe. I could feel my head spinning from the multiple shots of vodka I had consumed over the past couple of hours.

I know the alcohol played a role in the next events. I looked at Eric and could not help noticing the strong resemblance he had to his father. He was a strikingly good looking young man. I must admit that I glanced at Eric's crotch and I could discern a noticeable bulge. I am ashamed to admit, seeing Eric's bulging crotch, and knowing I was the cause of it, pleased me. I wondered momentarily if Eric was endowed as well as his father had been.

I know it was wrong to have these thoughts, and I am not proud of them. But I am simply telling you what was going through my mind at that moment.

The sexual tension was immense. Eric had seen me naked, and his penis had responded. His response, coupled with the alcohol and my prior unsuccessful attempt at masturbation all combined to cause a reaction I had not had between my thighs in many months. I felt myself growing aroused. I felt my pulse in my clitoris for the first time in a very long time. I admit, I liked the feeling. I liked feeling alive and aroused.

"Eric, I think I am OK. I just need to go to bed." I said, slurring my words slightly. I was drunk, and Eric knew I was drunk. I was not thinking too clearly; and some very inappropriate and unnatural thoughts were spinning in my head. I knew I should separate myself from the temptation that I knew was so very inappropriate.

I started to walk past Eric, towards the bathroom door, but stumbled slightly. Eric grabbed my waist and steadied me. "Here mom, let me help you." I leaned into him and could not help but enjoy the strong arm around my waist. I also noticed that his hand seemed to move up around my back and rest on the side of my breast. I could not tell if it was an intentional move or not; but he was getting a good feel of the side of my sized c-cup breast. I pretended not to notice; but I enjoyed his hand copping this 'innocent' feel. I enjoyed it a lot. I knew it was wrong, but I was beginning to feel like a woman again for the first time in many months.

Eric walked me to my bedroom. I do not know why I did this. I know it was terribly wrong; I should have just climbed into bed wearing my robe. But I did not do that. As I approached my bed, I took off my robe and tossed it on the chair near my bed, and climbed into bed naked in front of my son. I wanted him to see his mother naked one last time. I remember thinking briefly, I want him to go back to his room and jack off tonight thinking about his mommy's naked body.

As I climbed under the covers, naked, I glanced to see his penis forming a large tent in front of his pants. His reaction pleased me to no end. I liked knowing that I could arouse a young man, even if that young man was my son. Maybe I liked it a bit more because it was my son; I simply do not know. But I was very pleased I could make his penis grow and stiffen like that.

Then I shocked myself, and Eric. I do not know why I said this; the words were out before I even thought about the implications. "Eric, I don't want to be alone right now. Would you snuggle with me for a little while?" The words sounded innocent, but I knew this was terribly wrong.

What was I thinking? How could I invite my 18 year old son into my bed with me naked beneath the covers? I do not know how, or why I suggested it; but I did.

Eric's face conveyed shock, uncertainty and excitement. After an agonizing moment, he responded, "OK, mom. I can do that. I will stay with you for a while."

After a moment's hesitation, he turned his back to me and removed his pants and shirt before climbing onto bed with me, wearing only his boxer shorts. I did not expect him to strip to his boxers before joining me in bed, but I liked the fact that he did. When he turned back to face me, I could see that his penis was fully erect and poking out of the waist band of his boxers by at least two to three inches. God it was a sexy sight. My baby was a grown man, with a marvelous body and a large and fully functioning penis!

I knew I should stop this madness. I knew I should send him to his room. But the sight of the head of his wonderful cock poking proudly above his waist band of his underwear was too simply much for me; I did not have the strength to send him away. God damn, he looked just like his father at that moment. In my drunken state, I felt like his the ghost of Eric's father was climbing into my bed.

At this moment, I expected us to cuddle, and tease each other a bit, but I really did not expect our encounter to involve anything too explicit. I really thought we would stop at a point where we could pretend that nothing inappropriate happened between us. It was an unrealistic expectation; it was naïve; it was simply wrong.

As he climbed under the covers, I turned and placed my back to him, inviting him to spoon me. I could feel his erection pressing against my ass, separated from my naked ass by only the thin material of his boxers. Rather than pull away, like I should have; I pushed my ass back against him, encouraging him to hump against my ass. As he did, I merely moaned "Mmmmmm." Letting him know I approved of his pressure on my backside.

Eric wrapped his arm around me, placing it initially on my abdomen, gently rubbing my stomach. This was the first contact I had with a man in more than half a year. I moaned softly again, I wanted this contact; I needed this intimacy.

I am ashamed to admit it, but after a few minutes of Eric pressing his erection against my ass, and him gently massaging my abdomen, I took his hand and slowly guided it up to my naked breast. Without either of us saying a word, his fingers tentatively caressed my tit and then gently teased my nipple.

After several seconds of allowing him to feel me, all I could say was, "Eric I love you so much. Thank you for being here tonight. Thank you for cuddling with me. I did not want to be alone tonight."

Eric understood this as the 'OK to continue'. He pushed himself firmly against my ass and tugged at my erect nipple. Eric leaned forward and kissed my neck as he continued to tease my breast. I turned my head and kissed him, softly at first, and gradually growing more passionate I opened my lips to accept his tongue into my mouth.

I rolled onto my back so I could face my son, opening my mouth widely, and sucking his tongue into my mouth as I moaned, This may have been the most intimate moment of my life; the moment when I first French kissed my son, the moment when I first accepted his tongue into my mouth. I felt very much like a teenager discovering necking and petting for the first time.

As we necked, very slowly, Eric moved his hand away from my breast, down my abdomen to my vagina. I opened my legs to give him access. God I wanted him to touch me; I needed him to touch me.

I moaned like a wanton whore, sucking on his tongue as he found my clit. It had been so long since I had been touched, so long since I had been aroused, I simply ignored the depravity of my actions and responded. I opened my thighs wider to grant my son access to my sensitive and erect clitoris. I shuddered as he gently stimulated with his finger, rubbing small circles on my erect 'nubbins', much the way his father used to tease me. His erection was humping against my backside.

"Oh baby, that feels so good." I said with my voice quaking. Even in my inebriated state, I knew this was wrong. "Baby, we shouldn't be doing this." I cautioned; but rather than try to stop this unnatural act between a mother and her teenage son, I reached up, to caress his face over my shoulder and pull him towards me for another deep, passionate kiss as he stimulated his mommy's pussy.

Instinctively, much the way I had hundreds of times before with his father, I spread my legs open and arched my hips forward to allow my lover to access my vaginal opening. I was beyond thinking, I was reacting to the stimulus. Eric's fingers found my opening, which was wet and open, and slid first one, then two fingers into me. I arched my hips up again to accept this digital intrusion, to push his fingers into me more deeply.

I could hear the wet, slippery sound of his fingers sloshing in and out of me, causing my tight vagina to expand and open to accept them. I could also smell the very faint scent of my arousal. I wondered if Eric could smell the scent of his mommy's aroused pussy too. Did he recognize this aroma as the scent of my arousal?

I reached over and placed my hand on Eric's erection through his boxers. Eric raised his hips as I lowered his boxer shorts, allowing his erect penis to spring free. He then kicked off the shorts completely and was naked with me in the bed, his boxers landing somewhere on the floor at the foot my bed.

His penis was every bit as big and thick as his father's had been, perhaps a bit bigger. He was rock hard. The large head was distinct to my touch. I wrapped my fingers around the shaft and gently masturbated him up and down with long slow strokes. I could feel the slight, slippery wetness leaking out of the tip.

Eric then broke off our kiss and moved his head to my chest, taking my right nipple into his mouth, sucking on me. It was surreal, the baby I had once nursed was now a grow man and sucking my tits and stimulating my pussy. The absurdity of this situation was not completely lost on me at the moment; it added to my excitement.

His fingers were pushing deeper into my vagina. He seemed to instinctively know to focus on the front wall of my vagina, finding the g-spot driving me closer to the orgasm I needed so badly.

"Oh baby, you are driving me wild. God you are making me feel good. I love you so much." I encouraged him as he sucked my erect nipple with more and more vigor.