Jim and Sharon Ch. 04

Well, I have managed to mess up things royally now. What started out as my 'revenge fuck' cost me my marriage. I've been numb since the divorce papers were served, and Jim has written me out of his life permanently.

That night, while Mark was helping me to get even, I had doubts here and there that I may have pushed things too far. Mark, in his take charge attitude and guidance had managed to convince me that things would be okay though. I should have listened to my gut and heart, not to him.

The sex with Mark, while much anticipated by me, not only for the revenge part on Jim, but for the newness of a different man for the first time since I'd gotten married, just didn't live up to what I had imagined either. Marks insistence that we do it without condoms had been a stupid thing for me to agree on.

During that night of unlimited sex, I let Mark do things to me that I'd never allowed Jim to even consider doing with me. I wasn't thinking straight, hurt and angry at him, and I did those things with Mark much to my later regret.

When Mark first touched me with his tongue I went into heat. It was so dirty and nasty. Me, a married woman, having sex in front of my cheating bastard of a husband. I wanted to show Jim that I was desirable, that I could have fun sexually, that I was capable of so much more than that little home wrecker he was fucking behind my back.

As Mark first put his long hard cock into my dripping wet pussy, I glanced at Jim and had my first doubts..well, strong doubts. The look in his eyes was almost more than I could stand. I had to force myself to continue at that point, and I think that is where I went wrong. Had I stopped Mark and called it quits I may have been able to salvage my marriage.

As soon as Mark's cock bottomed out in me, I found that I got turned on to the point that I began to forget all about Jim. Lost in the powerful thrusts of that hard shaft, my nerves on edge already, I was soon cumming hard. By the time Mark had shot off in me, I was a bit beyond a 'good wife' and found myself in a 'slut wife' mode.

I could try to use a cop out here and claim that Mark was the best lover I'd ever had and knew how to do things to keep my mind off of Jim, or I could say that I felt vindicated as I fucked him in front of Jim...but neither would be the truth. I was turned on...I mean, the act of sex with this almost stranger after having decided what we'd do and how we'd do it, coupled with the shopping trip we had taken put my mind in a separate land.

The feeling of Mark's hard cock thrusting in and out drove me up and over and then up into a place I'd never been before. I think it was the nastiness of doing it in front of Jim that caused me act like such a slut. Maybe I was trying to prove, deep down, that I could be that for Jim. I'm not sure, even today, since my mind was so intensely focused on just getting through with the planned evening.

Later, Mark had lubed up my asshole, and with patience and gentleness, slowly taken my anal virginity. I looked back to see how Jim reacted to that, but I saw that he was either sleeping or just not wanting to see his wife give up something that she had so many times forbidden him.

At first, as Mark began to stroke in and out, it had hurt like hell, but by the time his cock got into a steady rhythm, and with the addition of more lube, the pain fell off and pleasure began to caress my body. I couldn't believe that something so dirty, so nasty, and so...well...perverted, could feel so good.

I orgasmed several times as Mark fucked my ass, and by the time he came I was drifting in a place I'd never been before. Mini-orgasms hitting me time and time again. Then, as his hot cum squirted into me, I came harder than I had all night. I collapsed onto the bed on my tummy, and Mark stayed with me. As his cock softened in me, he pulled it out. Without thinking, I rolled over, pushing him onto his back and began to suck him.

Me, taking a man's cock into my mouth right after his having fucked my ass with it. I had slipped down the slippery slope of perversion and nastiness I'd never even dreamt of. Yet, in some strange way, it made it even hotter for me. He had just brought me so much pleasure, I wanted to give him something special. But when I realized that I was doing this for someone other than my husband I lost a bit of enthusiasm.

Later, when it was all over, when I saw that look in Jim's eyes...I knew I had gone way too far. This had all been a stupid, sick idea. I had gotten my revenge...but at what cost? My heart was tearing as the realization that I should have chosen a different way, sent a knife through my heart. It hadn't been worth it in the end.

Watching Jim storm out of the house that morning, I was worried that I'd never see him again. I searched for hours before locating his car. Once I found his car at that motel, I tried to talk the manager into letting me into his room, but he refused.

I walked around until I happened to see him in the restaurant. I thought over my choices, and decided a clear and calm approach would work the best. Talking him into coming home was hard for me, since I could see in the cold clear daylight I had hurt him far more than I intended to. I tired to remain calm as I could. Tried to be a better person than I felt at that moment.

Once home I saw anger surface in Jim I had never seen before. It just kept building in him, showing up more and more in his jaws, his eyes, even in his actions. I hoped, so fervently I hoped that he would calm down and we'd be able to work through it all. Then, those few days later when his lawyer had the papers served on me my whole world collapsed. I died inside.

How had I been so blinded? How could I have not seen my revenge would push Jim way too far? Why had I been so fixated on getting even? Why couldn't I have just tried to forgive Jim and gone on with our lives? I lived a nightmare of epic length. Each day seemed to get worse than the last.

After we signed the divorce papers I tried to get on with my life. It was then I realized that I had missed my periods for two months. I had been so caught up in my life and the divorce I just didn't pay attention I guess. I was pregnant. Single, middle-aged woman...pregnant. I didn't know what to do.

I heard that Jim was having a party to celebrate his divorce, and digging around I found out where. Getting up my nerve to approach him was one of the hardest things I had done since the divorce. I dressed as best I could. Walking into the party I saw everyone stare at me, then look over at where I assumed Jim must have been sitting.

Once he stood up I almost turned and ran. He came over to me...the look in his eyes was not pleasant at all.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you."

"We're divorced Sharon, it's over. Done. Finished."

"I...I know. I wanted...I..."

"What Sharon? You wanted what? Go on...spit it out."

"Jim...can we go somewhere and talk? Please?"

"Sharon...there's nothing to talk about. WE ARE DIVORCED."

He was still angry. I didn't, I couldn't blame him. I had not only broken his trust in me, I had destroyed any chance of fixing 'us'. I had only myself to blame too. His last words, almost at a yell shook me to my core. In all our married lives, Jim had never, ever yelled at me.

As he stomped by me I looked at the faces staring at us. Ashamed, I turned and followed him outside. Running in heels was something I hadn't counted on, and it took me about a half a block to catch him.

"Jim...Jim...please...wait. I just need to talk. I...I think...oh hell, I know I'm pregnant."

He stopped and turned on me angrily.

"God dammit Sharon...why do you think I"d care? We are divorced. Done. Finished. Kaput. Besides that, you know as well as I do, there is no way in hell that the baby could be mine. Go see your lover boy...he's the one you need to talk to. Not me. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you...HELL...I don't want to even smell you or remember you. Go away. Just...go away."

The way he spat those words at me spoke volumes. He was still hurting over my revenge, badly so. What had I done to the man I loved? How could I have been so blind? I know that he hadn't been an angel, but he had not deserved what I had done to him, or to myself.

I burst into tears. I had nobody to turn to. I was alone. Well...I certainly couldn't go to our kids, now adults, and tell them anything. They knew we were divorced, but not the reason's why. I had been surprised that Jim hadn't said or told them what a slut their mother had been, but he had just told them to ask me why we got divorced. I told them a very skimpy truth. That we had just fallen out of love for a bit...and it had been enough.

We had always kept serious problems from our kids. Jim as well as myself had felt that they didn't need to be bothered with our problems. It carried over into our lives even after they had grown and gone out on their own too.

I knew that they stayed in touch with Jim as well as me, but they stayed out of our lives too. I guess they didn't want to get into the middle of something they couldn't comprehend. I mean, we had been married and we had seemed so happy up until a few months ago.

They were probably in shock, or worse...maybe they just didn't care about us anymore. A fear I had found since the divorce. I guess I felt so unlovable, that I thought even my kids couldn't love me anymore. I know it didn't make sense, but I had been through so much...in so short a time.

I stood there under the street light and watched the one man I still loved more than anything, walk out on me. His pregnant-by-another-man-ex-slut-off-a-wife. At that moment I felt as low as I ever had. I went home and just sat, staring at the wall. I didn't know what I was going to do. What would the kids think of their mother now?

The days went by, and I grew fatter. Pregnant. What had I been thinking? Too late to get an abortion...had I wanted to. Way to old to start changing diapers at two, three and four in the morning...alone, single. I don't know how many times I cried myself to sleep over the next weeks, but I think it was a nightly event.

"Mom...you're...you...you look..."

My daughter stood in my doorway staring at me. My swelling belly now showing that it wasn't fat. Definitely a baby on board.

"Pregnant. Yes...I'm pregnant."

"Does daddy know?"

"I told him. But...I can't believe this...Honey...it isn't your daddies. It is...I mean..."

How does a mother tell her daughter that she fucked around with a man, in front of her husband, forcing him to see her be a cheap slut...and got pregnant to boot?

"Is that why daddy left you mom? You were seeing someone behind his back?"

"Oh no...I...I..."

I started bawling. I turned and went into the livingroom, sitting on the couch. Judy followed me, shutting the door quietly.

"What mom? Were you raped? What?"

"Ohhhh...I found out that your father was having an affair. Instead of confronting him about it, I arranged to get even. During that revenge...I ended up pregnant. By a man I hardly know. A man that I can't find. He was in the hospital...I think your father may have had something to do with that too...but...I...I did things with that man that I never had with your father...and destroyed our marriage in the process. It wasn't worth it. Not at all. I hurt him so bad...terribly bad."

Her arms went around me in comfort. I collapsed, crying like a baby.

"Oh mom...I'm so sorry. I didn't know. What are you going to do? Is it too late to get an abortion?'

"Oh yes, Far too late. I didn't realize, what with everything going on in my life...it was the last thing I thought of...the missed periods..I thought...menopause...stress...everything but what I should have. I forgot...somehow...about your father's vasectomy...stupid...so stupid."

"So...you're going to have a baby? I'm going to be a big sister?"

"I guess so. You must think I'm the biggest slut. A terrible person."

"You're my mother. I love you. I'll help you as much as I can. Daddy...won't help?"

Here it was. The telling truth. I felt I had to tell her. Maybe I was just a bit masochistic...maybe I wanted to feel more pain...drive those I loved away from me...I just blurted it all out.

"I found out about your father...I got in shape, then I started to look...for revenge. I found Mark...he...talked me into doing some things...then...I tricked your father into letting himself be tied up...tight. Mark came in, all arranged for...and I did it all right in front of your father. I wasn't thinking right. I was so mad. Then...when he left me...I knew I had gone too far. Way too far.'

"Oh God...in front of daddy? Oh mom...oh no."

I was surprised when Judy took me into her arms and held me. We both cried at my admission of guilt. I had become nothing less than a terrorist. Forcing the one man I had loved all these years to witness my revenge. To have actually rubbed his face in it too. Terrible pains shot through me. It took a bit before I realized that they were more than just thoughts.

"Oh...Oh...Judy...I think something's wrong...I...hurt. BAD."

"Mom? Mom...what is it?"

"Pain...my stomach...Oh GOD...it's the baby."

Judy ran me to the hospital. Calling them on the way by her cell phone. It was a ride I'll never forget. She was speeding like she was in a race. I heard a siren behind us, but Judy didn't slow down until we reached the hospital. Once there I was rushed into surgery. When I came to, my first vision was Judy and Sam, our son. Worried, they both were holding my hands.

"What happened?"

I was groggy from the anesthesia.

"Mom...it was the baby. The doctor will be here shortly. I...he better tell you. You're all right though...you're going to be all right."

Later, after the doctor had explained about the miscarriage I was depressed. Not just because of losing the baby...but because of my life and how it had all gone to hell in a handbasket. The kids stayed with me for a while, then went to a motel. Later, when I was released, I went home. I didn't need too much care, but Judy insisted on staying home with me for a few days.

Jim hadn't shown up at all. Judy and Sam had called him, letting him know, but I could tell that he hadn't taken it too well. They both refused to say what Jim had said, so I knew that it hadn't been good, whatever it had been.

I had missed work to the point that I was afraid of being fired, my life had been disrupted totally by my revenge and the resulting pregnancy, and now I knew beyond a doubt that Jim no longer loved me. At all. I was depressed. Enough that Judy and Sam were worried. Judy made me go see doctor, and I was given some drugs to help with things. Then I set up running appointments with another doctor to talk about everything.

Work...well they stood up for me, and held my job until I was able to come back. That first day back was difficult, since I felt that everyone must have known what a slut I had become. I was surprised with a party, and cake my first day back, nobody mentioning why I had been gone.

Life slowly got back to almost normal. I still missed Jim terribly, and I refused to date anyone, but I got better and better. I began working out again, and soon things got on an even keel. My kids...stayed with me when they could, and called constantly when they couldn't. I became used to being alone...single. Didn't like it...but it was my life now.

Yet, each night I prayed fervently that one day Jim would decide to try to get back with me, just one more time. Every night I prayed that. Impossible I know, but I still loved him totally. I had shoved him out of my life with my thoughtless revenge and now I knew why it was said that revenge was a dish best served cold.

I found that I was constantly seeking out any information on Jim, always feeling the pain of hearing how he had a new girlfriend or had dated some other woman the other night. Yet, I still held out for that one chance. He'd never talked to me since that night at his party. I know that the kids had talked to him, but what they had told him and what he had said I didn't know. All I got from them were sad looks and sympathy.

I heard that he had moved into a house out in the boonies...and was seeing a young woman, half his age. By all appearances they were quite happy with each other. I saw them once while at the grocery store, and I stayed away from them. Seeing the look in his eyes when he looked at her tore me apart.

After that day I tried to forget all about Jim. He had obviously forgotten about me. I still didn't date at all, but between my workouts and work I stayed fairly busy. I know that my co-workers were wondering why I wasn't interested in dating anyone, but only one, a very close friend of mine, knew the real reasons.

One day the phone rang. I had just gotten home from work, and was in the process of going through my mail. I picked it up and Judy started talking even before I had gotten out 'Hello'.

"Mom...there's been an accident. Daddy is...in the hospital. We thought you should know. It's pretty serious. I've talked to the doctor, told him about you and daddy, he said that he'd allow you to come to see dad, as long as he stays calm. If he starts to get worked up you'll have to go."

I began to feel dizzy. I was afraid for Jim. If anything happened to him, I'd...we'd...

"What happened? Why is Jim in the hospital? Oh...God..."

"Mom? Mom?"

I just blacked out. When I came to, Judy was there with me, standing over me with a look of concern. I had passed out. Me, like a silly weakling. I had never passed out before, not for any reason. I was more than a little shook up.

"What...happened?"

"I heard you mom, you sounded funny, then I couldn't get you to answer me. I ran over as fast as I could...and found you here, on the floor. You must have passed out. I'm sorry. I should have come over to tell you, not just call like I did."

"I passed out? Oh...my head...must have banged it when I fell."

Judy knelt beside me and held me. I finally regained my strength and got up. Still a bit shaky, I walked to the nearest chair and collapsed into it. Putting my head in my arms, bent over the table, I began to sob. Everything had gone so bad ever since that night. The worst part was it was all my fault. All of it.

"Dad was driving home from the store. The police said that the other guy must have missed the stop sign, or just didn't stop. Dad came around the corner, couldn't stop in time. He's pretty busted up. He was conscious when they brought him in to the hospital since he was asking for...you. He asked for you mom."

"Me? He asked for me? But...why?"

"Why ask why mom? Just go there, be there for him. Maybe...maybe he is having second thoughts. Maybe he wants to tell you something. I don't know, but the doctor told us he asked for you. They didn't know how to get in touch with you though. Daddy had my phone number in his wallet, that's how I found out."

Jim had asked for me? I was at a loss. I thought he hated me. I didn't know what to do now. I was afraid that if I went in that I'd find out that he had reasons other than telling me that he still cared for me. If I didn't go and he...died...then I'd never know. I was torn between opening myself up to more of his hate and anger towards me, and wanting to hear him tell me that he wanted me back. A catch 22. One that I'd never thought would happen.

"Mom...I'll drive. You need to go see him."

"I don't know. He was so angry with me Judy. I hurt him so bad that day. I don't know if I could handle it if he just wanted to unload some more hate on me."

"I don't think that's what he wants to tell you mom. He did tell us that he was on his way to see you."

Judy was giving me a look. I thought I could detect a smile in her eyes, but I was unsure. I finally decided to go in. Steeling my heart for rejection, just in case. This was going to be a difficult time not only for Jim, but for me too.