Just Once: A Sequel Pt. 01

The visit with the lawyer itself was almost anti climatic, rather than being nerve wracking. Rick was not looking to go nuclear, alienation of affection suits are out of the 19^th century, filing by reason of adultery didn't apply in that state, and all Rick was looking for was a fair allocation of assets. The house was paid off, so Marcy could buy him out (he was even willing to take a note to do that) if she wanted it or they could sell it. The only kid issue was the cost of the son's college, which he proposed splitting since if anything she made slightly better money than he did. They would keep their 401ks and their investment and other accounts split down the middle and his military pension would be his only. The lawyer promised to have the papers drawn up and wanted to know if Rick wanted him to have Marcy served. Rick explained the situation and said he would handle that.

Walking out he felt pangs of depression despite the fact that moving forward was helping him cope. The fact that it was so mundane made him feel in some ways like it should be harder after 20 plus years of marriage than this to dissolve it.

When he got home he went around checking drawers and such to further see what he wanted and he didn't. In the drawer of Marcy's nightstand he found her wedding rings. That told him a lot about what she was doing in South America and it wasn't just a fling with a boy-toy. Seeing that, he took his wedding ring off and put it in the drawer to keep the other rings company, it was as useless to him as her rings apparently were to her.

Late that afternoon he stopped by the best pizza place in town and got a couple of their "medze-medze" pies, not small, but not huge and stopped and got a nice bottle of Nero D'avola wine to go with it, slightly chilled. He then drove the 10 minutes to the address Angela had given him. It was a nice older craftsman style house painted in pastel colors. He had to say it definitely fit what he knew of Angela along with the two cats on the front porch looking at him with boredom and disdain.

He rang the bell and his friend answered quickly. She looked the same as she had in the military except she was in civilian clothes which he had to say looked better on her than a uniform ever did. Her hair was a bit longer, a soft dark brown color, her green eyes stood out from a very pretty face that didn't need and wasn't wearing much makeup. Her only jewelry was a pair of studs in each ear and a pair of rings on her left hand. This last was a surprise, as he didn't remember recall hearing that Angela had gotten married through the grapevine. However, he also had been rather removed from the gossip chain in recent years.

She grabbed his arm and said, "come on in," and they entered the house. It was furnished cozily, overstuffed chairs and a couch, a nice dining set with a cabinet with patterned china. It was not large but it was big on warmth and saying welcome.

Rick handed her the wine, and they went over to the dining room table. She already had plates out and a nice tossed salad made and some wine glasses were on the table as well.

"Angela, I hope I am not intruding. I know this was last minute and I don't want to interfere in anything you are doing or have your husband get the wrong idea."

She looked at him puzzled, then burst out laughing. "I am sorry! I am an idiot. I should have remembered we haven't talked in a while. No husband, my wife, Pam, is overseas at the moment. We got together and got married after I was out of the service. The irony is I leave the service and then I end up a military bride!"

After getting over his momentary shock, he laughed, too. "I know, you can't just get away from it, can you? She another medico like you?"

Angela grinned. "Nope, worse, she is just like a certain Colonel I know, she is in military intelligence. She is currently serving in the Middle East, Bahrain last I heard, they don't exactly let us know where you spook types are all the time."

Rick smiled, but it dimmed. "I know only too well, it is part of what I am here to talk to you about. "

His friend grew a bit more serious. "I understand, obviously. It is a bit different with us because I know the background, but still..."

They ate the pizza and caught up on each other's lives. She was happy to hear that his son was in college and of course gave him some ribbing about his daughter being a swabbie on a submarine, one ex Army person to another.

After dinner, Angela made coffee (good and strong, of course) and they retired to the living room.

Angela let Rick lead the discussion, since she was not acting in an official manner.

He opened up with, "As I think I told you on the phone Marcy is away in Colombia as part of a medical team working with Doctors without Borders. She left here barely saying goodbye and she didn't even text me when she arrived, it was like she went into a black hole. It was like I didn't exist in her eyes."

Angela nodded. "How was she acting before she left, did you notice any changes?"

Rick nodded. "Yeah, it was strange. When she told me about the trip and that she was going for 6 weeks she was pretty belligerent about it, as if she thought I was going to tell her not to go. She hit me with how I was away all those times over the years and now it was her time to leave a wondering spouse at home as justification, not that it was an important trip to help those suffering. The thing is, I have never, ever told her not to do something she wanted to do, so where did that come from?"

His friend shook her head. "You would be the last person to discourage someone close to you doing something important like that as you aren't selfish. Do you think there is something else behind that?"

He sighed. "Unfortunately I know there is." He explained to her about the run around to get a hold of Marcy after not hearing from her and finding her in Cardozo's room where she calmly told him she was having sex with him."

She winced. "Ouch, I am sorry, Rick, that had to hurt. What was her tone?"

He looked down. "Basically, she told me what she was doing and all but told me to fuck off, she was irritated I had interrupted something important."

He explained the gist of the rest of the conversation, that Marcy said she needed this, that all those years Rick was alone in the military being judged on his profession and that she wanted what he had had this one time.

She looked at him sympathetically. "Had things changed between you, I mean before she talked about going on the trip?"

Rick looked at her, thinking. "Yes, it had changed. We weren't exactly on the outs but we weren't as close as we used to be. She seemed distracted, not herself, and we certainly weren't intimate as much, whatever sex we had was cursory at best."

Angela looked him in the eyes. "And what did you think about that?"

He gave a short laugh. "You are starting to sound like a shrink now, should I lie on the couch?"

She punched him on the arm, and indicated he should answer the question. "Initially I thought it was the stress of planning the trip and being away but usually with things like that it brought us closer together and then I realized she had been distant for a while, even before the trip was dropped on me. It had to be something else and obviously I now know what it was. "

Angela nodded. " Did you have any reason to be suspicious before this trip?"

He sighed, then told her the story about what happened when he said he was uncomfortable about Trey Cardozo and the way he was with her and how she mentioned Deidre and 'he just had to trust her, the way she trusted him."

Angela whistled. "Based on what you have told me so far, I don't think what happened with him started on the trip. Honestly the description fits that she already was involved with him."

He nodded. " That is my gut feeling, that she probably was having an affair with the good Doctor before this trip. On the other hand, this is likely not the first time this had happened with her."

She looked at him. "What do you mean?"

He shifted in his chair. "I don't recall if you knew me then, but several years before Iraq I had a long deployment in Korea, you know what those are like" (Angela made a sour face, and nodded). "Anyway, during that time she moved home with her folks, and was working at a local hospital. An old friend of mine works at the hotel across the street and let me know that Marcy was at the hotel a lot."

Angela whistled "uh, oh."

He shook his head. "Yes and no. It turns out the staff was parking at the hotel lot because the one at the hospital was being torn up so there was reason for her to be there. However, before I knew that, I hired an investigator and he told me about the parking lot but he also said that staff members noticed that Marcy was coming on duty well before her time each day, like an hour and a half to 2 hours. They said that was not normal for people at the hospital as their shifts were long enough as it was."

The woman across from him grimaced. "Did the investigator ever confirm anything?"

He shook his head. "No, I pulled him off the case before he could."

Angela looked surprised. "Why? Didn't you want to know?"

He looked at her, sadly. "In some ways, yes. But I figured it didn't matter."

She raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

He sighed. "Look, you know what life in the military is like for the person and the spouses," glancing at a picture of Angela's wife, "and we had been going through a rough patch. We had one disastrous get together in Hawaii during this time and I realized that I was at least partly to blame. I may not have listened to her the way I should of and I felt guilty. I honestly felt like maybe I was at fault, at least partly. Plus we had two kids at a tough stage of life, what was I going to do? Divorce her?"

She sensed he was getting defensive and she briefly patted his arm. "Rick, I am not judging you, not at all. If I was faced with the same situation I would not be rushing into anything either. I am in Marcy's position now but I see what you are saying."

He sighed and patted her arm. "I know, Angela, but obviously there is still a lot of emotion there. I look at what is happening now and maybe think I should have confronted her then, that maybe it wouldn't have led to where we are now."

She shook her head. "Rick, one thing I have learned and not just by my experience as a psychiatrist helping people, is that looking back like that is not useful. You made a decision based on what you knew at the time and projecting forward a different outcome is a fool's errand. Churchill said when you look back in time, 'the imponderable ifs accumulate.' It is one thing to look at the past and learn from mistakes that are obvious, but I don't think that was one of those."

Rick gave a small smile. "Thanks, that does make me feel a bit better. Like most military people I know the impact the job has on families. When I realized over time the damage it was doing to my family I made changes in what I was doing and when I realized that wasn't enough, I got out."

Angela shook her head. "And now you are faced with this."

He grimaced. "Yeah, I am sure if I look back from when I got out of the military until now there were signs I missed. We seemed happy, Marcy had made a big leap in her career, the kids basically were grown up, and suddenly kaboom. Someone should describe marriage as walking through a mine field with a map of downtown Seattle to guide them."

She laughed. "I see you haven't lost your sense of humor, but that is true. I don't do much couples counseling, though I have done some, and that is pretty accurate."

Rick started to smile and then it went away. "It gets worse, Angela. This wasn't a spontaneous fling, there was a lot of planning around this."

He gave her the letter Marcy had left for him and let her read it. As professional as Angela was he could tell she was impacted by what she was reading. As to whether it was shock, anger or both he wasn't sure. He also mentioned the letter didn't reach him until after he had had the phone call with Marcy, the original intent apparently was he was to get it with no warning when Leslie delivered it.

Angela shook her head. "I don't know where to begin with this. One thing I'll tell you, Rick, that as a professional, a woman and someone who is married is that this is not about you, it is about her. You are correct, she is using her suspicions with Deirdre to justify what she is doing. Giving you a hall pass is not what it seems here either as you suspected, it is part of something bigger. A professor of mine when I was in training said that when you see an emotional reaction way out of line with the supposed offense, something else is up. He told us when it was this (holding her hands up close together), and this (holding them far apart) in terms of action/response, something deeper is there. In Marcy's case, it is this (holding her hands spread as far apart as she could). "

Rick looked puzzled. "Why do you say I didn't cause this?"

Angela narrowed her eyebrows, he could tell she was mad, not at him, but was trying to control herself. "Rick, if she suspected you had a fling with Deidre you know what a normal person would do if they wanted revenge? They would find some guy, screw his brains out, and then confront the cheating spouse with it and say 'we are even'. For the record it is a stupid way to handle it and at that point the marriage is probably over but that is how most people emotionally would handle this, would confront the cheater and/or leave the marriage."

Rick nodded. "Yeah, that is true. But why couldn't what she did be that? Tit for tat?"

She shook her head. "There are multiple levels here, for sure. First of all, based on your experience as an analyst, if you are looking at a situation and trying to figure out the situation, what do you do?"

He leaned back, thinking. "In general, when something happens you look for patterns, you look for connected events that can't be a coincidence..... son of a bitch!" he yelled, and looked at her.

"Oh my god, I totally wasn't looking at this the right way, was I?" Rick looked at her, fire almost coming out of him.

His friend nodded. "Yes, but don't blame yourself. Emotions tend to wipe out our ability to analyze. I think you know what I am going to say but this was not just about Marcy planning out her 6 week fantasy fuck or whatever. For one thing, I doubt she and doctor wonderful is something that just came out of this trip, this is something that has been going on for a while. Remember you said things had been off for a while? This confirms it. This was a planned operation, Rick. This is someone who is feeling angry or entitled or both, I can only guess, but this was planned and it is cold blooded. This response is almost an act of war, not a fit at deciding your spouse had a fling or something."

Rick nodded. "But was it all that deliberate? Could it just be being selfish?"

She shook her head. "This is a form of emotional assassination and she knew it. I don't think she was feeling guilty about doing this per se and the letter was a cowards way out, I think she designed the way the letter was to be delivered and the content to hurt you, pure and simple."

He sighed. "But what about giving me a hall pass to be with Leslie?"

She almost ground her teeth in anger. "That was no gift, Rick. It might have been in some ways her justifying what she is doing to herself as I am sure she feels some guilt deep down and even love, but this was also was more about her self interest again. Tell me, you didn't sleep with this woman, what's her name, Leslie, did you?"

Rick shook his head. "She was a hot number, Angela, but no way, I couldn't do that. It is just not the way I am built."

Angela nodded. "I would have been surprised if you said you had done it. I know you pretty well and you don't swim that way. Marcy knew that you would be unlikely to go to bed with Leslie and would have the satisfaction of both screwing Trey and knowing you were going without sex. If you did go to bed with Leslie she could use that to stop you from complaining about her having sex with Trey. However, if you slept with Leslie it still wouldn't be the same thing.

Rick looked puzzled. "Wouldn't it be the same if I slept with Leslie?"

Angela shook her head, strongly. "No, it isn't. This isn't an open marriage where both people find partners outside the marriage; this was her deciding the woman and the circumstances. Not to mention, of course, that she decided this without your consent. "

Rick nodded slightly. "Leslie said pretty much the same thing that this wasn't consensual, that it was her setting the terms and telling me take it or leave it and that the tone was treating me with disdain and humiliation that she could never do to her husband."

His friend looked saddened, she could see the pain that was now running through Rick as he realized the truth. "That is the point, Rick, this whole thing was designed at some level to exact revenge on you I think. There is some conflict in her, I think in some ways she loves you deeply but it has become buried by anger and in some ways hate.

He sighed. "I think I deep down suspected this but was looking for some way to figure out how I could save the marriage, how I could get back the woman I loved and still love."

Angela frowned. "You have to face you may not be able to, Rick. I am not saying this is over, even thoughthis is an ugly situation, but in the end you have to determine that. But there are a lot of layers to her emotions and I doubt we have even scratched the surface."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I know, it already is worse than even I thought. I have a fundamental question, where did this anger come from?"

Angela nodded. "That is an important question that only really Marcy could answer. That said I think I have a pretty good guess. You remember in the letter when she says something like "while you were off playing soldier?"

He nodded. "Yes, and it pissed me off to no end. How the hell could she say that when she knew damn well what I was doing and how important it was? It showed contempt for me and what serving really meant."

Angela sighed. "That is exactly what it was, Rick, a dig at you, the word play can have many meanings but in this context it is a pejorative. "

Rick looked anxious. "From that one statement, one that is almost a throw-away?"

She nodded vigorously. "Tell me, if you heard from someone in the military saying about someone else serving 'was just playing soldier', what would you envision?"

He thought. "Basically, someone looking to get his/her ticket punched and going through each assignment so they could get promoted. And likely, enjoying the ride."

She nodded. "As in literally enjoying the ride ie having fun along the way? As in sleeping around? Living in exotic places, and more importantly, away from the responsibilities of home?"

His mouth gaped at that. "Holy shit, I never thought of it like that. So basically, are you saying Marcy has believed the whole time that I was away from home I was having a good time? That I delighted in being assigned to those places, some of which were real shitholes while others may not have been so bad? That my whole career was nothing but a grand excuse to escape responsibility?"

Angela frowned. "I don't think she felt that all along, and honestly, I don't think deep down she believes it. Speaking as a military spouse and as someone who has been deployed all over, her feelings are not unusual. The military certainly doesn't take into consideration family life, they can't, and it is hard not to view the military as your spouse's mistress, one that won't listen to reason. There have been times when I roll over, Pam isn't there, and I damn those responsible for taking her away from me."