Kendra Is Born

Kelli's head reeled as she sought to take in the events of the last two weeks. Just 15 days earlier, her terminally-ill mother had attended her graduation from the University of Washington's School of Nursing. After weeks of feeling tired and run down, her mother discovered a lump in her left breast. A biopsy revealed an aggressive form of cancer that was inoperable. She worked as long as she could but was forced to quit some four months later. She was weak and frail but insisted on attending. Only one week later, she had summoned the courage to attend her only son's graduation from Auburn High School where Kelli had graduated just four years before. Kelli had wheeled her mother to the front row where tears of joy streamed down her cheek as her baby boy, Kenny, walked across the stage to receive his diploma. Mom didn't know she had less than three days to live but vowed to make this final pilgrimage in support of her family—or what was left of it.

Her husband, Michael, had been killed in a car accident just two days after Kelli's own high school graduation. He'd worked a double shift to earn some extra money to help them save for her first tuition payment when a drunk driver crossed the center line and hit him head on. Michael died instantly. He was a fine man but often distant and emotionally unavailable for his children. Work consumed him and left little time for anything else. He'd done well as a mid-level manager but never managed to save any money. Even worse, he had no life insurance beyond the ten-thousand dollar policy his company provided. That covered his burial expenses, the immediate bills, and the cost of Kelli's first semester of school but there wasn't enough left to let her have her own apartment as she'd planned.

Kelli was grateful for her mother's sacrifices and hard work those first two years. She kept the bills paid and did what she could to help out with expenses. Then when she got sick again two years ago, all that changed and Kelli found herself working full-time to pay her way through school and chip in what she could to keep food on the table for her mom and Kenny. Fortunately, insurance covered nearly all of the costs, but there were still all of the regular bills to pay. The one and only redeeming aspect of the entire ordeal was the $250,000 life insurance policy Mom had taken out after Dad died. After seeing how hard life had been without money, Kelli's mom understood the benefit of having enough money available to support a family for some period of time without facing bankruptcy. Her cancer diagnosis came just weeks after the two-year window in her policy closed before which they might have tried to argue a pre-existing condition even though she had no reason to believe the cancer had been there when she applied for the policy.

That next morning after Kenny's graduation, Kelli found her mom uncharacteristically alert and lucid as she brought her some soup in the hope's she might be able to eat something. "No thanks, honey," she told Kelli. "I can't. I just can't, okay?"

Kelli understood. "Honey," she said, "We need to talk. About you. About Kenny. About your future."

"Mom, we'll be fine. Really. Let's not talk like this. I just want us to have a pleasant conversation about the future. Okay? Please?"

"Honey, stop. You're a registered nurse now. You know there is no future for us. My time is measured in day—maybe hours. So please, let me talk, okay, Kel?"

Kelli nodded and tried to stop the flow of a tear that ran down her cheek as her mother held her gaze with her eyes. "Don't cry, baby. I've had a great life. I just need to know you and Kenny will too. I need to know you'll look out for him. He's not like you, Kelli. He's different than most boys. You're smart, outgoing, funny, and well liked. Kenny's always been small, frail, and introverted. He's smart and he's caring. He's a gentle soul, but he needs you, Kelli. He needs your love and support."

"I know, Mom. You know I love Kenny and I promise I'll look out for him. He's already been accepted to the UW and with the insurance money, well, he'll be fine."

"Honey, it's not that. I know you'll provide for him. That's why I made you the trustee of his half of the money until he turns 21. It's just that, well, there's something you need to know about your little brother, Kelli. Perhaps you do. I don't know whether or not you've figured it out or if perhaps you've even discussed it, but we need to discuss it now—while we still can."

Kelli had an idea where her mother was going but wasn't sure as she watched her mom gather strength and say, "Kelli. Are you aware your brother sometimes wears women's clothes?"

Kelli nodded and said, "I didn't know, but I've suspected. My things used to look 'different' sometimes. I'd wash and fold a sweater and the next time I wanted to wear it, it looked stretched out slightly, like it'd been worn. My bras and panties, too. I noticed it increased after Dad died. Was that Kenny?"

"Yes, honey. I've known about it since he was ten. I even saw him once wearing my things. I just couldn't bear to embarrass him and I never found a time that felt right to discuss it with him. I still don't know whether he needs therapy or encouragement. I was really taken aback when I saw him. I mean, he really looked a lot like a girl, Kel. His makeup was terrible, but his features were so feminine. I could have otherwise sworn it was you four years earlier."

"I know, Mom. He has those eyes. The long lashes and the bright blue eyes. He's also got our high cheekbones and thick, dark hair. That plus the perfect white teeth make him look so much like a girl it's uncanny although he's also a very cute boy. Have you thought maybe this is why he doesn't date much?"

"I can't really say, Kelli. He has offers. Girls do find him cute and I have no indication he's gay. He's just so small and so shy. I've always worried about him and since Dad died he's clung to me like a little boy. I'm so afraid for him, sweetheart. I know you'll be okay. You're strong. You'll be fine in time. But Kenny is so dependent and so tender-hearted. I guess I just needed you to know this piece of the puzzle, so to speak. So if you ever think it best to encourage him know I'd understand and agree. I just want him to be happy, Kelli. And you, too, of course. I love you both so much."

Her mother's voice trailed off and Kelli told her to rest for now and assured her they'd talk later and to never worry about Kenny or her again. She gave her mother her solemn word she'd always look after her baby boy. Later that evening, her mom fell into a coma and remained in one until she passed away two days later.

The insurance money was paid as soon as the death certificate was available. The money allowed Kelli to pay for the funeral expenses and to rent a limousine for the afternoon after the 11am service. As they headed back to their modest apartment, Kelli reached over and took Kenny's hand as he slid next to her and laid his head on her shoulder. "You okay, Kenny?" she asked. She heard his breath change followed by the start of a sob.

"No. I'm not okay", he sobbed. "First Dad and now Mom. I'm not sure I can do this, Kel. I already feel so lost and all alone. Mom was everything to me. Well, Mom and you. And now you'll be working and I have no one left. Tell me what to do, Kelli. You always know. You're like Mom. You always have the answers. Please, Kelli. Make it better."

Kelli hesitated for a moment and then said softly, "It's okay, baby brother. Kelli knows what to do. Kenny. I'm not sure if this is the best time to bring this up, but I know you're hurting and I think this will help. Kenny, I know about your secret."

He sat bolt upright and started to speak when she said, "Shhh. It's okay. I'd never, ever embarrass you, Kenny. I'm not judging you. In fact, I approve. I think it's normal, okay, and just fine, and I want you to know I'm here for you. If you need me, that is. I mean, I'd be more than happy to help you do that only well, to make it better for you. Do you understand?"

Kenny blushed a deep red. "I don't do that," he said firmly.

"Do what, Kenny? What is it you don't do?"

"That," he insisted.

"I think we both know that's not true, sweetie. Would it make it easier if I told you Mom knew and that she cared enough to ask me to help you with it? It being you wearing girl's clothes, of course. She wanted me to help you. To make you feel good. To give you something to take your mind off of our loss."

Kenny began to cry openly and again placed his head on Kelli's shoulders. "I'm so ashamed, Kelli. I'm a freak. I'm small, I'm shy, and I'm a freak. Everyone will hate me."

"Kenny, no one will hate you. I don't hate you. Mom didn't hate you. We love you. You're a unique individual and you have a right to be happy. If that means dressing up like a pretty girl, then I want to help. If it means trying to overcome these urges, then I'll pay for therapy. Just know that I love you, Kenny. I'm here for you and I'll do whatever it is you need to be happy. Do you trust me?"

"Yes. I mean, I think so. But this is just so weird. You've always looked out for me. No one could ask for a better sister than you. I love you, too, Kelli. Thank you for caring and for not being judgmental. Is this something we can talk about? I mean, really talk about?"

"Of course it is! I want you to feel free to tell me anything and everything on your mind. Don't keep anything back no matter what. Total honesty with each other. That's the only way this is going to work. And no, Kenny, what you do is NOT weird. Okay? So which way do you want to proceed?"

Kenny squeezed her hand tighter as he said, "I want to look like you, Kelli. Next to Mom, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Can you make me look like you?"

Kelli squeezed back and reassured him, "Kenny, with the right hair style, makeup, and clothes, no one won't believe you're not my baby sister. So yes, I can do that. But first, we're going to need a few things, not the least of which is a new name. We need a girl's name for you, honey. Do you have one of your own or would you like me to name you?"

"I've gone back and forth between several over the years. Can you think of one you like? I mean, Mom would have named me if I'd been born a girl, right? I'd like it if you named me, Kelli. Would you do that for me?"

Kelli thought for a moment and said, "I like several names. However, I see only one clear and obvious choice for you, Kenneth. Tell me if you like it. If I was Mom, I'd have named you 'Kendra.' Do you like it?"

Kenny let the name sink in. His eyes brightened and he turned toward his sister and said, "I love it, Kel! I absolutely love it. Kendra. That will be me. Kelli, I'm so excited I don't know what to say."

"I do," Kelli said as she smiled.

Kelli continued, "From now on, your name will be Kendra whenever you're dressed up as a girl; otherwise you'll be Kenny. Oh, and you can't wear my clothes anymore. I'm not upset with you for doing it before, but you need to have you own things. Especially your own bras and panties. Sharing them is just gross. And we also need a way to give some shape to your small but otherwise flat front and back figure of yours. We definitely have our work cut out for us, don't we Kendra?"

Both of the girls laughed and Kelli took heart seeing her little brother—no, make that little sister smile again.

"Driver, please take us to the nearest mall. We have a lot of work to do!"

Stay tuned for Chapter Two where Kendra gets a makeover.