Kros Voyeh Ch. 07

There was a long uncomfortable silence and Lislora kept her eyes pinned to the floor.

"Allow me to beg yours now, cousin. Through my selfishness, I've forced you into a terrible position. I cannot... I cannot put my wife aside. I need her. She is a better woman than I deserve, and the Halloc has already scolded me thoroughly.

"She shook the despair from the village of Neregos with a few kind words and a smile. I should have valued her more highly. Instead, I looked elsewhere for the few things she does not provide me. I should have spent the time teaching her and not..."

"And not seducing me and shattering my heart?" Lislora murmured, hunching her shoulders again. "I've prayed for Ganas to put things on their proper path. Perhaps I bear some blame for not seeing that the proper path isn't-isn't the one I wished it to be."

"The fault is mine. I could see you were unsure and relying on my judgment. Desire is a choice and I did not keep mine where I should have. Speak with me Lislora, allow me to repair what I can."

"I don't know what can be repaired. I can't stay here anymore Draeseth. This has all been too much."

Brother Odgar coughed politely, "Perhaps I may suggest praying on the matter. Lady Lislora should consider some time for penance at the convent and perhaps becoming a postulant, and your Highness should pray for Ganas' forgiveness and for your surety to be restored. Should the Duchess be sent for? She may need to-"

"No." Draeseth made a displeased sound in his throat. "My Duchess needs to rest. I will speak with her and pray with her tomorrow."

The prayers began again, imploring Ganas to forgive them both and to give them both certainty and sight of their proper paths.

Lislora's head swam with thoughts of the convent. The life of misery and hopelessness that she'd wanted to avoid was now inevitable. All the what ifs and if onlys made her feel dizzy, what if she'd been more stringent and been able to collect the rents, she could have politely refused to attend Draeseth's wife. If only she'd behaved more like the proper and chaste woman her father had said he was proud of before he died, she wouldn't have been seduced.

Something in her belly twisted. If only she hadn't agreed to Krouth's plan to manipulate her cousin, that was truly the root of it. If she had scolded the man and told Draeseth none of this would have happened. Her cousin and his wife would be deliriously happy and she would be on good terms with them both. Draeseth was taking the blame but it was her fault. She had earned these consequences.

The priest finished intoning his prayers, "We should all go rest."

"No," Lislora murmured. "I want to stay and pray awhile longer."

"I will do the same," Draeseth spoke as softly. "It is late enough that we can pray until the early-"

"You would require a chaperone." Brother Odgar frowned at him.

"Then you will perform that duty, Brother Odgar," Draeseth's voice brooked no argument. "For my sins, I will stay and pray with my cousin."

"As you require, your Highness." The priest began reciting prayers of penance and atonement.

Lislora listened more intently than she had before to the words that promised peace.

°°°°°°°°°°

Blearily, Lislora tried to make sense of the man tapping on her leg.

"We've arrived, Lady Lislora." Taugh had been sent with her to drive the carriage to the convent.

Nodding, she allowed the man to help her down. She'd been sent in the smaller of her cousin's carriages but it was high off of the ground and in her tired state it was more difficult than it should have been. Still, she managed to realize that Taugh had frozen in place looking at something with bafflement.

"What..."

"His Highness' other carriage."

Her gaze fell on the larger more comfortable carriage and she felt baffled for a moment, "He couldn't have overtaken us."

"No."

Before the man could say more, one of the younger sisters came hurrying over. "Lady Lislora! Brother Odgar said you would be joining us. The Duchess arrived for lunch and Sellac Gesosin has her looking at the beehive we were given."

Taugh frowned as the young woman continued cheerfully, "She's wonderful with the children. Some of us thought she might be a child, herself, as small as she is. The Sellac is going to allow her to stay the night."

"Is Brother Odgar still here?" Taugh interrupted her. "I need to speak with him."

"He is. Please, wait out here."

Lislora inclined her head slightly to the man before following the sister into the house.

Once inside the walls, she braced herself to ask a question as the young sister began to babble on about a story the Duchess had told. "Has she spoken of any unpleasantness?"

"No, I, well she did say she couldn't eat the stew with us because it had hare in it. She said hare and swine make her ill."

"It's true. Arans won't eat anything that's touched hare or swine because the meats make them so ill. She'd insisted on having her food prepared separately for her wedding feast because swine was being served, but..." Lislora swallowed as the young woman looked at her curiously, leading her up the stairs, "there was so much labor involved and no one understood why she was so terrified of the swine. Her food was cooked in the same pans as everyone else's. The fat from the swine gave her dishes a pleasant flavor, but she was violently ill for three days afterward. We all thought she'd been poisoned when she collapsed at the feast."

The sister covered her mouth in horror, "Sister Brenula said it was a 'ridiculous Aran affectation.'" The words were pronounced carefully. "The Aran Prince she met at Court was firm about his food being cooked a certain way."

"I thought it was ridiculous as well, but if you'd seen her suffering-"

The Sellac and Brother Odgar were walking toward them and Lislora stopped speaking, choosing instead to curtsy and bow her head.

"Lady Lislora, I've been told that we have a great deal to discuss."

After a deep breath, Lislora quietly agreed, "Yes, Sellac Gesosin."

"Follow me to the study."

The young sister tentatively spoke to the priest, "Brother Odgar? The man who brought Lady Lislora has asked to speak with you. I left him outside by the carriages."

"Who is it?" Odgar frowned slightly.

"Taugh. Krouth had him bring me."

"Ah. He may wish to ask if he should wait to bring her Grace back with him."

Sellac Gesosin waved her hand dismissively, "If his Highness mistreated her as badly as you say, a night away from her husband's appetites will do the woman good. Let him know you'll be returning later. I'll have a letter for Halloc Aurim concerning the Duchess prepared to send back with you."

"I will speak with him and send him back."

Brother Odgar followed the sister back the way she had come and Lislora followed the Sellac.

The study was the most comfortable room in the house. Well-upholstered sofas and chairs made the room feel as if it were still the home of a nobleman. Lislora was already moving toward the comfortable chair across from the desk, the place the Sellac usually gestured for her to sit when the older woman cleared her throat.

"Unfortunately, Lady Lislora, you are neither here as a guest nor a benefactor today." Sellac Gesosin gestured toward the small room off of the study.

Once, it had been an almost decadent little room where her late husband and his son had kept bottles of liquor and a safe, as well as important papers and a small bed. Now, the walls were covered in paintings of penance, punishment, and women kneeling in supplication. The tools of purification, herbs, cloths, salts, bottles of liquid, crucibles and incense burners, were laid out carefully on a long table where the bed once was. The prorteruralst, the touch of rue, a lighter, slimmer version of the tsethartdet reserved for use by Hallocs and Sellacs only, waited on a stand.

"Brother Odgar spoke to me of the misdeeds you confessed to him as they concerned the Duchess. I need to hear them from you myself before I can make a decision, and I would know more about the Duchess. Sister Brenula has only harsh things to say of Arans. The Prince that came to Court seduced her and then abandoned her." The Sellac gestured for Lislora to kneel as she shook her head, "Why women of the lower nobility persist in believing Princes will choose them over Ladies of better breeding I will never understand."

Kneeling, she quietly volunteered, "We want to believe it, and they encourage us. But I should have known better. The Duchess was intended to be Prince Andnaeuth's wife."

Sellac Gesosin stopped her perusal of the items on the table and looked at her incredulously.

Lislora continued, "In Ara, they make Arrangements that allow men and women to have more than one husband and wife. The Aran Prince intended to share her with Prince Draeseth, at least temporarily, but instead, my cousin stole her. She would have been the Queen of Ara."

"That..." The woman exhaled, "That explains the rumors." A small smile crossed her face, "It's fitting that his punishment for seducing an impressionable Torgan Lady be having his intended stolen away by a Torgan Prince. But how could you have ever believed he would put aside a woman such high birth for you?"

"He-" Lislora closed her eyes, "He said he loved me and he was uncertain, many of the things expected of a Torgan Lady are servant's tasks in Ara. She has no interest in them."

"She seemed to do well with the children, that is a servant's task here among the upper nobility." The Sellac studied her face curiously as Lislora looked up.

"I don't believe it's one in Ara. I was told that she has a fondness for children and that she's good with them."

"That I know to be true. I was told she's almost always cheerful and sweet-natured but she can be sharp, and she isn't as simple as she seems?" Sellac Gesosin inquired with a slight tilt of her head.

"That's also true. She has such a soft manner it's easy to think-"

"Does she know that you bedded her husband?"

"Yes. I-when I eavesdropped on them she didn't seem angry with him."

"She has a soft manner, instead of quarreling she came here. He said terrible things to her?"

"Yes. He says them in Torgan so that she doesn't understand him. She enjoys listening to our language when he speaks it."

"What did he say to her?" The Sellac frowned.

Flushing as she tried to remember, Lislora looked to the floor, "He spoke of her silver curls adorning her-her cunny instead of covering it, of," she swallowed, "how thorough he intended to be in showing her how men were made to prod-"

"Indecent jesting is hardly mistreatment." The older woman relaxed.

"He turned her over his knees like an unruly child and told her she should tease him less and be on her back more, this was after he had confessed to bedding me." Lislora frowned at the floor, "And he commanded her to use her hands and lips on his-his delicate parts. He said that he'd told her she belonged before him with her legs spread but her mouth was made for-"

"Enough."

Glancing up, the Sellac was as flushed as Lislora. "He was holding her head in place and forcing-"

"Enough!" Sellac Gesosin turned away and put herbs in the small burner, lighting it from a candle. "She will need to be purified as well, but not punished. I think she's been punished enough. Halloc Aurim will need to know that she's been mistreated behind closed doors. I will give him my recommendation of a fast with a great deal of prayer, and have him send her purifying tea."

There was a pause, "You did nothing on her behalf? I've met the Black Prince and the woman is tiny in comparison. She would have needed someone to intervene."

"I..." Lislora blinked and looked back down at the floor. "He stopped when he saw me but I ran out of the room. I didn't think to..."

"She has a soft manner and her husband has a harsh one. You should have been a true friend to the Duchess and not a secret rival. Brother Odgar spoke of how warmly the Duchess regards you."

Nodding and closing her eyes, Lislora tried to think of something to say in her defense.

"Your first task in your penance is to gain her forgiveness. You will confess the wrongs you've done to her and stay in her room to serve her. If she commands you to sleep on the floor you will do so; if she strikes you, you will not defend yourself. You've earned whatever punishments she chooses to mete out."

"Yes, Sellac Gesosin." She couldn't help but feel some relief that the Aran woman was so small and so peculiarly gentle-natured. If their places had been reversed...

"You are required to undress for the beginning of your purification and punishment." The Sellac waited as Lislora stripped herself with trembling fingers and laid her clothes in a neatly folded pile on the floor next to the door.

Once Lislora had returned to kneel, naked and flushed with embarrassment, in her place once more, Sellac Gesosin began to intone a prayer for Ganas to guide her in instructing the wayward woman so that the wickedness that would lead her to this shame could be cleansed.

A whimper escaped the kneeling woman as the prorteruralst was brought down on her back.

°°°°°°°°°°

Dressed in a garment that identified her as being in need of penance, Lislora was led to the room she would be sharing with the Duchess. The fabric felt rough against her skin and the welts from the prorteruralst still stung. The cleansing liquid that had been applied to the entirety of her body afterward with a white cloth had made her scream out in pain after the blows and had left her skin feeling raw.

She tried not to focus on her physical discomfort and instead think of what she should say to the Aran woman. The Sellac had admonished her not to lie to the Duchess and to ask for forgiveness without expecting it.

The sister who escorted her didn't even give her a moment to take a breath and compose herself before opening the door and ushering her in. The sight of Isonei in the simple grey postulant's dress baffled her for a moment, but before she could say anything at all the woman moved forward and embraced her.

"Your... your Grace, why are you..." The thought that the tiny woman could be so kind after everything was more humbling than the beating had been and she found herself struggling to remain composed and leaning into the embrace without meaning to. "Are you asking to become a postulant? His Highness made it clear he chooses you."

"He gave you his desire while bedding me, Lislora. He thinks he can have things both ways, that I would tolerate being used." Isonei stepped back slightly to look up at her with an earnest expression on her delicate face, "He's wrong. I've actually been happier today after choosing to leave his Keep and being here than I have been since I arrived in Torga." Offering one of her sad little smiles, the Aran reached up to touch her face, "I like it here. I hope they'll let me stay. Are you staying here too?"

"Yes. I spoke with the Sellac and once I atone for my-my sins I will be permitted to become a postulant." Her brow furrowed, her cousin had been adamant he intended to keep his wife. "He let you leave?"

"Krouth did. I spoke with him and he sent me here. I tried to convince him to come too."

Lislora stared at her. Whatever game the servant was playing was a dangerous one. "Draeseth will kill him. To allow you out of his Keep without his permission..."

"He won't, not if he has any sense of decency. Krouth has been loyal, he-"

"His loyalties have been shifting, Isonei. He was put in your service and the servants all think he dotes on you." Having come to know the man a bit better, Lislora suspected he was making a point. Either her cousin would value his wife more and treat her better or she would leave.

"Krouth's loyalties lie with Draeseth. He wants what's best for his Highness, he always has."

"He wants what is best for you as well or he would not have sent you here. Ganas may reward him but Draeseth will not." Moving past Isonei to the bed, Lislora sat and covered her face. Ganas... "I told her."

"Told who, what?" The Aran came and sat next to her sounding vaguely baffled.

"Sellac Gesosin. I told her what I saw, what I heard him say to you last night." Lislora lifted her head, flushing and feeling slightly sick. "I should not have listened but I wanted to know what it was you did that-that... You will be allowed to stay, I am sure of it."

Isonei frowned slightly but didn't ask what Lislora expected her to, "You came looking for him?"

"No, I wanted to speak to you. You... you are the only one I could talk to about what I did."

"He said neither of you enjoyed it."

The words stung as badly as the welts on her back.

Isonei leaned against her, wrapping an arm around her and resting her silver head on Lislora's arm. "You need someone patient who can teach you what it's meant to feel like, the joy of it. He would have to change a great deal to be that man."

The words reminded her of what the Aran had spoken of the night before. "You," Lislora hesitated, "You learned from someone who was not... joyful."

"I did. It taught me the difference between pleasure and ecstasy. If someone knows what they're doing sex will feel good. From Gariath I learned to know what feels good and how to give that to someone else. I also learned that it isn't enough. There's so much more that needs to be there."

The casual way she spoke of sex was disturbing. "You speak as if-as if you have no shame."

"What would I be ashamed of?"

The innocence and curiosity in the Aran woman's eyes brought to mind one of the first things she'd been told about the woman. "Draeseth told me that was why he does not want you to learn Torgan; you are like one of the children of Krugorim who were ignorant of their nakedness. You have to be protected from your shamefulness." Lislora tried to make her words more gentle as Isonei's expressive face showed some displeasure, her pale blue brow furrowing. "I do not mean to insult you. My first task here is to gain your forgiveness. We are to share this room."

"I know that you have," The Aran pulled her arm back slowly and put her hands in her lap studying them, "have said some cruel things about me. For those I forgive you. You were angry and hurt, I understand it. But I don't blame you for taking Draeseth to bed, you don't need my forgiveness for that, you need your own."

Even if Isonei didn't fault her for taking Draeseth to bed, that wasn't the only wrong she'd done. "I-It wasn't just words... I told them there was no harm in cooking your food in the-the..." Lislora's shoulders hunched and her chin tucked to her chest expecting to be struck as Isonei's hands curled into little fists.

"You?"

Closing her eyes she nodded, waiting for the first blow to fall.

"You hate me so much?" The woman rose and moved away from the bed.

Glancing up, Lislora saw Isonei faced away from the bed with both arms wrapped around her middle as if she were in pain. "No! I... I was being practical. I thought that you were being foolish and it would not hurt you. Draeseth told me not to tell you, that you would send me away. I did not want to leave."

"He knew?" Isonei sounded stricken.

Lislora kept her eyes glued to the floor. "Yes. He said he understood why I... I am sorry Isonei. Sorry for being cruel to you, you did not deserve it."