Legacy of Faith Ch. 01

Five minutes later she was asleep. At four in the morning I was still awake. Karen had lived with us and I had not once thought of her as a realistic sexual partner. I had wondered why Mike left such a beautiful woman, wondered if the story he told about why was truth or fiction. She was always modest around us and around Matt. Faith wanted us to become lovers.

Somehow I did go to sleep. At about eight, Faith woke me getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. She asked for French Toast for breakfast and then for a nice drive north along the coast. It was after ten when we left home. Three and a half hours later we were in Santa Barbara. I drove us out onto the pier and we wrapped in blankets and sat together watching the boats and birds. We stayed for dinner on the pier and then drove less than a mile and stopped at a good hotel for the night.

We snuggled again and shared our prayers again. Faith's was almost a word-for-word repeat of the night before. This time I talked afterwards.

"If I do what you ask, I'll be breaking our vows."

"Vows can be changed. You won't be cheating. I want this for both of you. You both need this."

"What about you? What do you need?"

"Not sex. I haven't lubed in months. I'm not horney. Having you hold me like this is wonderful, and enough."

"I could give you oral. Play down there with my fingers like we used to do."

"I started to masturbate once. As soon as I started getting close my left side started spasms and I almost fell out of bed. No, Thanks."

We talked for an hour or so. The result was that she was Ok with having no sex drive and better than Ok with Karen and I being lovers.

The next day we drove home, Cambriaw and easy. We stopped in Malibu for lunch. We watched people on surfboards with sails for over an hour, then we moved farther south.

When we got home there was a black Dodge pick-up parked out front. I helped Faith into the house and we found Mike sitting in the living room. He looked up and asked, "How long have Matt and Karen been living here?" He asked in a soft voice. I noticed tear tracks on his face. In his hands he held a picture Matt had drawn.

At the top it said, "Our family". There were drawings of me, Faith, Karen and Matt. Each was labeled: "Grandpa, Grandma, Momma and me."

He put the drawing on the coffee table. I helped Faith to the couch. Mike moved over and she sat beside him.

"I missed you, Mike." She said.

"I've missed you too." He answered. He looked up at me and said, "Last time we talked I was so angry I couldn't speak. First, I was mad at you! But the longer I thought about what you said, the more I knew you were right. I've been an ass, a self-centered ass! I want to fix things, between us and with Karen and Matt."

Faith looked at him and said, "I love you. Always have. As of right now you and I start fresh. No apology needed, no penance either."

I said, "That goes for me, too. There is no way you can atone for the past, so as a gift, we wipe it clean. Starting now!"

The next hour was spent sharing what his life and confusion had been about. His allowing himself to get full of himself and realizing what it had cost him. The talk and emotions wore Faith out. Mike was willing to sit and talk with us for hours but I pointed out that Faith needed rest. He helped her to her feet and gave her a long, gentle hug with many soft, "I love you's whispered. A quick hug with me and he turned to go.

He asked, "Can I come back in the morning and take you to breakfast?"

"You can spend the night, if you'd like." I offered.

"No. I've got a couple things I need to do before breakfast. I'll be here about nine, Ok?"

"Sure" we both said. He hugged us again and left. We went to bed happy. Mike was back and wanted to be. We both slept well.

Morning came, Christmas Eve day, filled with promise. We dressed and waited for Mike. Nine o'clock came and went. At five minutes to ten we heard the doorbell. Faith watched from the couch as I went to the door. A uniformed police officer stood on our porch.

"Are you Mr. Peterson?" he asked. I nodded.

"Is Mike Peterson your son?" I nodded again.

"Sir, he's been in an accident. He's at General Hospital and in surgery right now."

"How bad is he?" Faith called out from the couch.

"I don't know, Missus."

"We'll go to the hospital immediately." I said. "Thank you for telling us what happened and where Mike is."

I gathered Faith's things and we headed for the hospital. Since we didn't know much, we didn't say much.

At the hospital I saw six wheelchairs available so we left Faith's walker in the car and I rolled her into the hospital. We found the waiting area and were told more about what had happened. Mike had been leaving a flower shop when a semi truck slammed into his truck. The driver of the semi didn't stop because he was having a heart attack. The impact knocked Mike out, broke some ribs, punctured a lung and the fire burnt him pretty badly. They expected him to be in surgery for three more hours.

At Faith's request we rolled her to the chapel. I stepped out and called Karen and filled her in on Mike. She cried and then told me she needed to think. She promised to call me back in a few minutes. I called Melissa, Mike's sister, and told her the story too. She screamed and said she was on her way.

I checked on Faith and returned to the hallway to wait for Karen to call.

Another Transition

When my cell rang I suddenly knew what she was going to say. I answered and she said it. "I'm in my car, headed for the hospital. I'm not coming to be supportive of Mike. I'm coming for you and Faith. Matt is staying with my folks."

"Ok. Were on the second floor surgical waiting room or in the chapel."

"Got it! Nick, I love you."

Before I could say anything the line went dead. I stood in the hallway holding the phone to my ear for a long time. She'd never said those words to me before.

Two hours passed. I sat in the chapel with Faith and held her hand as she prayed, meditated, dozed or whatever. My thoughts were about the past, about the accident and about the future. The future was very fuzzy.

A nurse found us and asked us to come back to the waiting room. We went. A doctor met us there a few minutes later. He was in scrubs and had a white coat over the scrubs. He looked tired. As he entered the waiting room I stood. Faith grabbed my hand and held on tightly.

"Mr. and Mrs. Peterson?" We nodded. "There's no easy way to say this and no way to hear it that isn't terrible. Your son was badly damaged in the accident and we did everything we could to save him. However, the damage to his lungs was too severe and he is gone. I'm very sorry."

Faith started to cry and suddenly slumped in the wheelchair. The doctor went into action and very quickly a team was assisting him move her to a room and treatment. After three or four minutes he said, "She's had another stroke. It will be a while until we know how much damage has been done."

I sat in the hallway outside her room as the nurses and doctors did their best for her. I was stunned and in shock. When Karen found me she sat next to me and held my hand. A nurse had helped her find me and had filled her in on everything. When a doctor came out he said, "Mrs. Peterson is awake and can speak. The damage appears to be to just her left side. She's have difficulty moving her arm and cannot sit up without assistance. She wants to see you both. Please, don't stay long. She needs to rest."

We went in. Faith was hooked up to machines and had a hose under her nose. We got close and each kissed her and held her hands.

"Listen to me, both of you." She said, in a whisper. "You'll all need each other more than ever now. The four of you can be a strong family. Karen, I want you to let yourself love Nick. I know you already love him. I also know he loves you. Nick, I love you and know you have devoted your life to loving and taking care of me. Thank you. You have been a wonderful husband and father. Tell Melissa I'm sorry I couldn't wait. Tell her I love her, too, and I understand her loving you. Tell Matt Grandma loves him and my being gone doesn't change that and never will. Hold to each other, be a family, all of you."

Her eyes closed and the lines on the screen by her bed stopped wiggling. A tone sounded, then an alarm. We were moved and a team worked hard to bring her back. They failed. I knew they would fail. She was done. She left.

While Karen and I stumbled through all the paperwork we didn't say anything about what Faith had said at the end. Melissa arrived and we grieved with her. She stayed with us and went home with us. I slept on the couch. I couldn't get into our bed alone.

When I woke up in the morning, Christmas morning, Karen was snuggled against me under a blanket. I was still dressed from the day before and Karen was in sweats. Melissa made breakfast and we three stumbled together through the day. After lunch Melissa headed home with instructions to stay in touch so we could coordinate the two funerals. We talked to Matt on the phone but didn't tell him his Grandma was gone or anything about his Dad. It was Christmas.

I think Karen cooked dinner. I think we ate. I'm not sure. What I am sure of happened three days later, after the funeral. We had one. The memory is fuzzy, but I do remember being at the funeral. Faith and Mike were buried after a single service, in graves next to each other. When I bought the plots years before, I bought four. In our state they allow two burials in each site. I had figured one site for Faith and me, one for Melissa and her husband, one for Mike and his wife and one for our third child and his or her spouse. We never had a third child.

When we got home from the funeral and burials our friends and family gathered for a few hours to eat and grieve with us. Melissa, Karen and I started to come out of the fog by the time people left. We were pretty well cried out, pretty well ready to take a breath and begin letting life go on. The hole left by Faith in my heart would not ever be filled. I knew it. We had enough friends in our age group who had lost spouses, parents and even some children who knew about the empty spots from personal experience.

One or two had said things during the afternoon meant to help me begin to heal. I didn't know if they helped, but I love them for the effort. Melissa supervised the clean up before everyone had gone home, so when we were the three left in the house the house was clean and the fridge full.

I plopped in the middle of the couch. Melissa sat to my left and held my hand as we just sat. Karen came into the room from one of the bathrooms and looked at us.

"Do I look as tired as that?" She asked.

We looked up at her and said, "Yup." I extended my right arm and she sat next to me. My arm gathered her close and she snuggled against me.

Minutes later Melissa said, "I think I should quit my job."

I turned and faced her a little more directly and asked, "Why? I thought you liked your job."

"Mom took care of all of us for years. For the last two you've taken care of her. I should be here. I should be taking care of you. It's my job now."

Karen stood up, walked around to stand in front of Melissa. She knelt and took Melissa's free hand in hers.

"I want you to let me do that. I want your permission to live here, raise my son, love and care for Nick for the rest of his life."

"You... love my Dad?"

"Yes."

Melissa held my hand and Karen's for a long time. I waited until I could no longer be quiet.

"Before Faith left she asked us to love each other. She asked me to love Karen and Karen to love me. She also wanted the four of us to be a family. It was her dying wish that we share the love we have for each other."

"Then, I give you permission. You don't need my permission, but you asked for it, so, I give it." She leaned to me and kissed my cheek. She leaned to Karen and kissed her cheek. Then she stood up, saying, "I need to pee."

When the bathroom door closed Karen said, "That was the hardest thing I've ever done."

"I don't love you because Faith asked me to. I don't love you because you need me. I've loved you, by my choice, from the day Mike first brought you home. I love Matt, too." Tears slid down my cheeks and Karen's.

"I loved how you and Faith welcomed me in and loved me. When Mike and I had problems, you didn't take sides you just loved us both."

Melissa came out of the bathroom and said, "How do you love him?"

"What?"

"I've been loving him like a daughter."

Karen hesitated, then said, "I love him as a wife, a partner, a best friend and a lover. Although some of that is still in the future."

"So, you haven't slept together?"

"We have slept here on the couch together, but we haven't had sex. We aren't lovers, yet. We aren't partners yet, either. Nick has been my best friend for a long time. I don't know if I'll ever be his wife in the eyes of the law, but I already am in my own eyes."

Melissa looked at us and said, "We have a big drive ahead in the morning. We need to go get Matt and bring him home. So I recommend the two of you go to bed in Karen's room and I get you up at six. Ok?"

We did just that. In the morning Melissa knocked on the door loudly and announced, "Breakfast will be on the table in ten minutes. Be dressed and ready to go."

We were a couple of minutes late. Not because we were fooling around, we just hadn't been together long enough to be able to move around the bathroom without getting in each other's way. I did see a lot of distractions and scenic delights as we got ready, but I didn't do anything except sight-seeing.

As we drove to the farm we talked. Our situation was not what everyone around us would call normal. Karen was young enough to be my daughter. I was her son's grandpa. What could we say to Karen's parents and sisters?

Melissa said, "Maybe the thing to do is move."

"Huh?" Karen asked.

"If we move then it isn't as weird. None of the neighbors will know about the past. It's a man with his two daughters and a grandson. Enough people get divorced and move back in with a parent that it won't raise an eyebrow."

"You'd move, too? You'd lose your job." I said.

"No. I'm thinking you three could move to where I live. We can get a house big enough for all of us and I can keep my job. What do you think?"

"I like it." I said. "Living in my house, Faith's house, would be really hard for me and I think it would be hard for Karen to move into Faith's space too."

"It would. When we were in my bed last night I thought about that. I wondered if you were gonna want me to move into her old bedroom."

"No. I'll probably never sleep in there again, ever."

We were quiet for fifty miles or so. Then Melissa said, "If were gonna live together I have to tell you both something. It may change your minds about moving in with me."

Revelation

"What is it?" I asked.

"Dad, I'm living as a lesbian. I've never been really interested in being in a relationship with a man. I've dated men and even slept with a few but... it was so I fit in. Right now I'm not in a relationship, but if the right woman comes along..."

"If the right woman comes along, you'd like to be." I said. She nodded.

"Since we're confessing, I think I should, too." Karen said. "I don't know what Mike told you was the reason for our divorce. I doubt if he told you the truth."

I said, "He told us that because you had your uterus removed you had lost your sex drive and wouldn't have sex with him anymore."

"I thought as much. That lie served him well and preserved his manhood status, too bad it wasn't the truth."

"What was the truth?" Melissa asked.

"After I miscarried twice I had to have a hysterectomy. The hormone therapy did mess with me a lot but not the way Mike described it. After I healed from the surgery we resumed an active sex life. Mike really liked bareback sex. Since I couldn't get pregnant Mike got it in his head that we could be swingers with no threat that I'd have some other man's baby. To keep peace, I agreed to go to a swingers party with him."

"And?" Melissa asked.

"And, at the party there was plenty of wine and music. Everything was social and fun for a while then clothes started coming off and people started doing each other. Mike went to a couch with a woman we knew from our neighborhood and she sucked on him. Another woman came over to me and asked if we could kiss. I didn't know what to do. I'd never kissed a woman before. As I hesitated she kissed me."

"And, you loved it!" Melissa said. She was smiling. Karen kept her eyes on the road and said, "The first time she touched my breasts I came!"

"How far did you go?" Melissa asked.

"When Mike noticed us we were both naked and my face was in her puss. Her hands and face were in mine. He noticed us because I was screaming."

"What did he do?" I asked.

"Right then, nothing. I found out he fucked two other women at the party and he got really drunk and passed out. I got him home and into bed. The next day he didn't talk to me at all. That was a Saturday. On Sunday morning he went to church. When he got home he said we were getting a divorce. He also said I was evil, a slut whore and a lesbian."

Melissa said, "You aren't a lesbian, are you?"

"I think the proper term or label for me would be bi-sexual."

I found myself letting my breath out, noticing for the first time that I had been holding it.

Karen looked away from the road for a couple seconds, into my eyes and said, "I want to have sex with you. Tender loving sex and wild monkey sex, too!"

She looked back at the road and we were quiet for a few miles.

"Nick, Honey, how would you be if I had sex with Melissa, too?"

A few more miles passed in silence. My mind raced through a hundred thoughts and scenarios. I opened my mouth twice and nothing came out. Then I got it to work and said, "Please get off the highway for a minute."

She took the next possible exit and it put us on a two lane country road miles from any building, any people. She stopped the car. I was sitting in the back seat. I opened the door and got out. As I did I said, "Please, get out."

They both got out. We met on the driver's side. I faced them both. I don't know if it was premeditated or spontaneous but they held hands as they waited for me to speak.

"Karen, I love you. With or without the wedding I will love you for the rest of my life. If you leave me, I will love you. If you stay with me, I will love you." I turned a little and faced Melissa. "Melissa, I have loved you since before you were born. I love you today, tomorrow and for the rest of my life. Whatever label you have isn't important to me. I want you to be happy, to be loved and to be loving. If you love Karen love her completely. Karen, if you love Melissa, love her completely. If you love me, love me completely."

I leaned to Karen and held her face in my hands as I kissed her. My tongue touched her lips and she surrendered herself to me. Her arms went around me and she pressed her body to mine.

When the kiss ended I knew she had felt my erection pressed to her. She smiled at me and turned to Melissa. They kissed and I thought I might need a fire extinguisher. It was a very hot kiss to watch. Both women moaned.

When their kiss ended Melissa turned to face me. She said, "For this crazy marriage to work I have to finish my confession."

"Ok. Confess."

"When I was in seventh grade I saw you and Mom making love. Not only having sex but the way you were with each other every day. It was incredible! None of the boys or men I was ever with were as loving as you. I've lived as a lesbian because I've been so disappointed in the men I've met. I've only loved one man in my life. You."

She held my face in her hands and we kissed. The instant our lips touched I knew it was not a daughter-daddy kiss. It was a woman to man kiss, filled with long hidden thoughts and dreams, promises and hopes. As we kissed Karen pressed against my back, wrapped her arms around both of us. Her left hand found and squeezed my erection.