Life after Death

I thought about finding myself a lover to find the answer to my question, but I knew I was in a dangerous position.

I will be frank with you, I was fully aware that I was a very attractive woman. This was demonstrated by Alfred’s choice of me when he could have had others. In addition, there were the sly glances and comments I received from his business friends when they had come to visit.

That was fine, but, I now had the advantage and disadvantage of being a wealthy attractive woman. How would I ever know if the man I might take as a lover was more interested in my money than me?

This puzzling situation was resolved, but only very slowly. I have said that Rick was very affectionate and considerate where I was concerned. He had been twelve when I first met him; he was now eighteen and approaching his nineteenth birthday. I now found myself viewing him in a different light to after all those years before.

He had grown to be a very handsome young man, rather like his father must have been at the same age. A point of difference from his father was Rick’s openness. I had come to realize that it was Alfred’s business ruthlessness and the consequent wealth that was the basis for people’s sycophantic fear of him. This fear had also encompassed Kinley and Rick, but with Alfred dead, and with their now independent status, they were free of the fear.

From the beginning Rick had been open to me. He had given affection which I had returned. Perhaps it was that Rick missed his mother and any half-decent woman coming into his life would have been taken up as a substitute, but it was I who had been that woman, and even though I was only seven years older than Rick, I served as that substitute.

Yet it was more than that. He had never hidden from me that he found me attractive, although he never expressed this in front of his father, nor did I ever mention it to Alfred. It was now, as Rick entered into manhood, I began to take serious that attraction he had expressed. I also began to confess to myself, I found him attractive. The whole seemed to be adding up to a rather explosive mixture.

Once the early weeks of adjustment to university life were over, Rick relaxed a bit, and we saw more of each other. Among the many advantages he had because of the availability of money, was that instead of spending hours in the university library, he was able to buy many of the works he needed to refer to. This meant he had more time than most of the students to work at home.

Often in the evening, instead of watching television, I would join him in the study that had once been Alfred’s, and would sit reading while he worked. It was a very companionable time that I came to treasure.

Without seeking to question or interfere, I had over his years at high school got the idea that there had been a number of girls in his life. It was an impression more than anything else until one day I found a little packet of condoms that had dropped out of his pocket. I never said anything and neither did he.

Now in his first year at university there seemed to be no time for extra curricula activities of the sexual sort, and I wondered how he was managing. I had heard about boys masturbating, girls too for that matter, so I assumed that was what he was doing.

There was, I admit, a growing sexual desire for him. With Alfred he had made all the running, now I was trying to work out how as a female I might make the running with Rick. I was no longer the girl I had been six years before, and I had learned much from Alfred and from looking, listening and reading.

I began to notice the pressure of his penis against his shorts or trousers, and especially when he went for a morning swim in our pool, I saw the firm outline of a well endowed young man through his brief swimming trunks. Sometimes I joined him wearing some of the near non-existent gear Alfred had liked me to wear for swimming. I thought I could see an expansion of his endowment when he looked at me.

I began to calculate how I could arouse him so that he might break down and make an approach to me. It was in seeming inadvertent exposure of the top of a thigh or a breast, a slight prolongation of a goodnight kiss, with which I tried to seduce him. I make no excuse; I was trying to seduce him now.

A turning point came one evening when he had asked me in general terms how I was feeling now that his father had been dead for some months.

I seized the opening and said, “On the whole fine, but it is very lonely at night.”

His face flushed and I could see him starting to quiver as his father had done. Then he muttered almost as if I was not intended to hear, “No need to be lonely.”

“What was that, darling?” I asked ingenuously.

“Er…nothing.”

“Darling, you aid something, what was it?”

“I said…said…’No need to be lonely’.”

I had opened the door; I only had to have the courage to fling it wide open and be prepared to take the consequences.

“You know, darling, I would like there to be someone with me, but it would have to be someone I love and who loves me.”

He muttered again.

“What darling?”

“I love you,” he almost yelled.

I moved to him and said softly, “Would you like to keep me company in bed, Rick?” I kissed him very softly on his lips, flicking my tongue over them.

He gasped and almost fell against me, “You know I would.”

“Then I think we can start tonight, my love. So what about if we take a shower and then go to bed?”

I think he was finding it hard to believe what was happening, but he needed no second bidding. I did not join him in the shower as so many stories such as these seem to promote. I wanted him properly for the first time.

I am not concerned to be overly detailed about our union, except to set down the high point. That he was not a virgin was clear from the first. He knew how to handle a woman’s breasts and vagina. His kisses were exquisite and he constantly reassured me of his love. I responded out of my own experience but there was a difference between coupling with Alfred and Rick.

With Alfred I had always stood slightly outside the act, almost as if I was watching it happen. With Rick I found myself completely involved. It was as if I became one with him, wanting to be absorbed into him and him into me.

Our first coupling was of necessity brief. He was far too aroused to hold back from ejaculation, and so quickly I felt the first spurt of his semen into me. Here again the difference emerged. With Alfred I could just say to myself that I had his “stuff” in me, and washed it out as soon as I conveniently could. With Rick I experienced the feeling that I wanted his seed in me, I wanted to retain it inside me.

These new feelings were a little frightening, but were as nothing to what was to come.

When he had finished his first ejaculation into me I felt him relax, and after a minute of two he withdrew.

I felt a wave or sadness pass through me, not wanting him to part from me. Another new experience! I need not have been anxious. Very quickly his vigour returned with, if anything, even greater intensity.

By then I was experiencing a greater feeling of arousal than I had ever know before, and after some extended love play, we coupled again.

He was in no hurry this time, and it was after a few minutes during which he moved up and down in me in an almost leisurely fashion, I felt it.

I didn’t understand what was happening to me. At first it was a tingling sensation that seemed to ripple through my body. It brought with it a feeling akin to panic. Something was happening to me that was beyond my control. It seemed that control was in Rick’s hands.

I began to plead with him “Darling stop, please stop, something is happening to me, I’m frightened.”

He would not stop and speeded up his penetration and its intensity.

“No, darling, no…please…I’m frightened…”

Then it burst over me, shaking my whole body and racking me with exquisite torment. Now I was begging him not to stop, to come in deeper.

The agonizingly beautiful sensations seemed to rise to a pinnacle, and I screamed. Then it burst and cascaded downwards into myriad fragments of nerve shaking vibrations, and I was weeping and crying out, “I love you, I love you,” over and over again.

As I calmed I remonstrated with him, “What have you done to me? What have you done?”

He did not answer because at that moment I felt him give a massive thrust into me and his seed was pouring into me again. I clung to him, winding my legs round him as he, with his hands under my buttocks fought to get the last millimetre of his length into me.

This time, when he relaxed, he did not withdraw from me.

I too was experiencing a delicious feeling of relaxation. I knew what had happened to me but until this moment it had been theoretical. I had read of the female orgasm in books, but had never before experienced it until now. Now I knew that all the books had given me no real idea of the reality. I am unable to describe it myself, perhaps no one can.

Past sexual experience had been pleasant, and at times just fun; this coupling had been overwhelming and there sang in my head the words, “I’m in love, “I’m in love.”

Rick, as he lay with his shaft still inside me was kissing me and softly caressing my breasts. He was murmuring broken words of love, telling me of my beauty and his great desire for me. I tried to express my own depth of feeling for him, but nothing I said seemed adequate.

We got little sleep that night.

During the following days our love making continued, both of us using our past experiences to add to our pleasure and passion. Of one thing I was grateful, Rick showed no signs of wanting to be “punished.”

It might be thought that our union derived from pure lust. I know it crossed my mind in the early stages, but as time went on it became clear that we truly loved each other. We discussed the matter of age difference, and Rick pointed out, the age difference between his father and I when we got married was more than twenty years. “So what’s the problem when there’s only a seven year gap between us?” After that it ceased to be a matter of concern.

I suppose one should not be deceitful with one you love, but I decided to deceive Rick. I took myself off the contraceptive pill and said nothing to him. It took almost six months, but I did get pregnant.

I feared he might be displeased, and that he would accept it because he loved me, but would not necessarily like it. I was wrong.

Much as I loved and love Rick, I am aware of some of his failings, one being that he has a male ego. When I told him I was pregnant he looked at me for a moment with wonder, and then burst out, “Oh Glenda, you’d do that for me!”

I decided not to tell him that I had really done it for me, but we have to let men have their little day.

I haven’t looked into it properly, but I think it’s illegal in our country for a stepmother to marry her stepson. Well, Rick is doing law studies; I’ll get him to look into it.