Love is for Suckers

As I stewed, he started talking. I let him because I knew he needed to get it out.

"Mona, after last summer, after the tour ended and we started school again, Miriam changed. She's a few years older than me, but it never hurt our relationship. It just seemed like she was bored all of the time. She was constantly getting short with me no matter what I tried to do. I tried to take her on more vacations and actual date nights. It didn't matter. I bought her presents and surprised her with things, that didn't help either. I was ready to suggest that we try counseling."

"Finally, in early October, I came home and she wasn't alone. There was a big guy with her. He was younger than either one of us. I took one look at him and told him to get the hell out of my house. She told me that it was her house too. So I told her to show me one place that her name was on the mortgage. She told me that it didn't really matter, he'd leave but she was going with him anyway. She needed a break from me and my tediously normal life. She was tired of living by rules and doing the same things over and over again one day after another. "

"I was shocked," he said. "She just picked up her purse and walked out of the house with him. She told me she'd call me when she was ready to come back home, maybe."

He looked like he was going to start crying even as he told me the story. He had a friend who was a lawyer who helped him handle things. He got a restraining order against her and her friend to keep them from being able to enter his house again. He tried to file for divorce, but in our state there were too many hoops to jump through to file under most statutes. He was able to file under abandonment. He filed his case that way but until she's been gone for a year his divorce won't be final. She's been gone for six months, but it took him two months to get into court so he has eight months to wait. For the first couple of months he went crazy. He sat by the phone hoping that she'd call and night after night he was disappointed. Then he started drinking and he'd been drinking himself crazy ever since.

"Are you stupid or something?" I asked him.

"Mona, have you ever been in love?" he asked me.

"Hell no," I spat. "I never have been and I never will. Being in love makes you stupid."

"Then, please don't judge me," he said. "Until you've experienced what it feels like to care for someone that much, you have no idea what you'd go through to keep them."

"Oh professor," I said. "I've seen your story before. I know exactly how it ends." I told him about my father and mother and what happened to both of them. He just shook his head. And unbelievably he looked at me.

"I know exactly how your father felt," he said.

I knew then and there that I wasn't going to let Brandon go down that path. "I'll take plan B," I said. "Under one condition."

"What's the condition?" he asked.

"We go grocery shopping today," I said. "There's nothing in this house but liquor and TV dinners and I threw all of the liquor away."

"Sold," he said.

On the way to the grocery store, he took me to the bus stop where I picked up my stuff from the locker. I also called my boss back and told him that I was quitting.

The first two weeks were spent getting the house back up to what I considered good condition. I had Brandon work very closely with me, so I could keep an eye on him. Every time I saw him start to think about his ex , I did my best to cheer him up. At night, at first we had school. Brandon and I tackled one subject a night four nights a week to help me to prepare for when I went back.

He taught me so many things that I'd never really known. He actually taught me how to study. He taught me how to take notes and how to quickly discern the key things that I really needed to remember from each chapter. I was happy.

After that first two weeks, Brandon was looking much better too. He didn't seem to be as withdrawn and depressed. That was when we started to work on the outside of the house. We started out by just getting rid of the leaves that had never been raked before the snow set in. Now that we were having a few warmer pre-spring days, if we took care of those things we'd have a lot less to do once spring came. We'd also gotten really lucky. Brandon had neglected to drain and winterize his pool. He was left with a bunch of dirty mildewed water that was still frozen in spots. While the weather was warm enough we got the water out and used a non-abrasive cleaner to get rid of the mildew and discoloration in the pool. We ran some clean water through the pipes and made sure there were no leaks or cracks in the pool or pipes.

Brandon also decided to go out for a run. He wanted to run five miles that first day at a slow pace. He probably would have made it if it hadn't been for one thing; me. I'd never run even a block in my life. Before we made it a half mile, I was wheezing and about to die. We opted for power walking instead and by the time we'd gone a mile, it was evident that I didn't have any power for that either.

We also got a lot of really dirty looks from women walking in the park. We got looks from men too but I didn't mind those. I did mind almost knocking myself out on several occasions though. When we got home, Brandon took me shopping for some athletic gear to wear because my boobs were just too big to go unrestrained and a regular bra wasn't going to be able to contain them.

I did my research and found out the kinds of things that we needed to eat to get back in shape. It was the first thing that Brandon and I did together. That night I could barely move, everything hurt. My shoulders were sore from the power walking arm swing. My back hurt from counterbalancing my breasts. My legs hurt because the muscles weren't used to being used that much and my ass hurt because the movement of the legs originates from the hips. My feet hurt because I didn't have the right kind of shoes.

I made us a huge dinner salad to share that had meats in it for protein. After dinner, we settled on the sofa to watch TV. Brandon noticed that I could barely move and he gave me a shoulder massage. His hands felt like magic. I didn't really care where he touched me. I just liked having him do it.

I knew what he was doing though. I knew that he was just using the massage to warm me up. My only question was whether he was going to take me to his bed or right there on the sofa.

He started with my neck and shoulders and moved down to my back, then my lower back. He skipped my ass and went to my legs. Then he rolled me over and did the front of my legs and then he just told me good night. He said he had an idea that might make the next day easier but he wouldn't tell me what it was. I really didn't care, I was still reeling from the fact that he wasn't trying to have sex with me.

That night I was so hot from his massage that I ended up masturbating to visions of Brandon. I imagined him coming into my room to check on me and me giving him something to check out for real.

The next morning I was ready for more pain. Brandon surprised me though. He had a bike for me. He was able to run his entire five miles while I kept up with him on the bike. I even beat him on the way back home. I liked the bike. It was great for toning my legs and ass. It would also help me lose fat over my entire body but it wouldn't give me all of the strain on my back and it eliminated the movement of my boobs.

I still needed another massage that night and he still skipped all of the good parts. I also had the weirdest dream. In my dream, I was taking a shower and getting ready for bed. I turned off the shower and toweled myself dry. Then I put lotion all over myself and got into bed. A few minutes later, Brandon came in and got into bed with me. We talked for a while and then he kissed me. The kisses started to build in intensity and he started running his hands over my body, only it felt so much better than the massages he'd been giving me in real life.

His hands weren't tentative and he was not trying to be nice. He was teasing me and stoking my fire. His fingers lightly went over my legs, coming close to but never touching my pussy though I was aching for him to. Then he lightly traced a line that started at my belly button and slowly inched closer to where I wanted those fingers.

I opened my legs in anticipation and also to urge him on. When he got there, it felt so good. I just sighed and let my legs just splay open. He gently massaged my vulva causing me to gasp in pleasure. I was already warm and wet for him. He dipped one finger inside of me and I couldn't wait any longer. I reached over to him and he was already hard, so I rolled him onto his back and mounted him. I lined his throbbing dick up with my opening and pushed down wards and back.

"Oh, Mona," he gasped. He reached up for my breasts that were hanging just over his face and swinging back and forth with every thrust of my hips. He gently started sucking them and squeezing them. He pulled one of my large nipples into his mouth and sucked on it. The combination of sensations started me on the path towards my climax.

"Ohhh, Brandon," I screamed. It was very intense. I felt things in my pussy that I had never come close to before. There was a simultaneous explosion in both my head and my vagina and I felt a gush of fluid down there too. "Yes," I screamed loudly just as the lights came on.

I was confused for a moment until I realized that I wasn't dreaming and the lights really were on in my room.

"Are you okay, Mona?" asked Brandon. "Oh, sorry," he said. "I thought you called me. It sounded like...sorry," and then he left the room, closing the door behind him and leaving me there on the bed, bathed in sweat, with my hands still between my legs.

The next morning was embarrassing. I really didn't want to leave my room. He gently knocked on the door to see if I was ready to go out for our run.

"Brandon, I don't want to go today," I said. He very slowly opened the door. I was lying on the bed when he came in. He turned to the side to avoid looking at me and covered me up as he sat down on the bed.

"Why don't you want to go today?" he asked. I didn't say anything. I just turned my head to the side. "I thought you liked our morning workouts." The blanket had shifted when I turned my head and exposed the top of one of my breasts. He gently covered it again.

"Boy, we went from Mona Fullerton has incredible breasts to I don't even want to see those things in a hurry didn't we?" I asked quietly.

"No Mona, I don't think we'll ever be there," he said smiling. "In fact, after briefly seeing them while trying not to look, I think they're even more incredible than I ever imagined."

"Then why are you covering them up?" I asked.

"Because Mona, it's up to you to decide, who gets to see them; no one else. I really want to apologize again for last night. I'm truly sorry. I really thought that something was wrong. You were kind of screaming and I've never heard you do that before. I was worried."

The bastard was saying all of the wrong things. Almost every word he said just made the situation worse. I guess I'd always had a little bit of a crush on him. I didn't mind it. It gave me a face to masturbate to. But the time I was spending with him and the way he treated me, was just fucking everything up. He was trying to make me one of them. I didn't ever intend to fall in love. Love made people do really stupid things. Look at what it did to my father. And Brandon was no better. I knew for a fact that if his wife came back or even called he'd go to her like a bat out of hell. And just like my dumb assed father, she could walk back into this house and he'd take her back in an instant.

She could just say, "Look, I'm back. I don't want to talk about it. If you want me to stay, then don't bring it up." And he'd ask her what she wanted for breakfast. Men are stupid and blind when they're in love. They'll give up everything for love. Common sense loses to love every time. Self-respect loses out to sleeping next to the person of your dreams. Love is like cancer. It eats away at your brain and just leaves a blackened useless mush. Love is for suckers.

I guess that's why, especially after growing up around my dad, I decided that love is the one disease that I would never succumb to. I tried to be nice to everyone I met, but I never went beyond friendship with anyone. Love and sex are also not connected. All of the men that fucked me never did it because they loved me. They did it because I have big tits and a round ass and those things arouse men. And I let them because I needed something they had to offer. Maybe it was a job or a place to stay or whatever, but it was always tit for tat.

If everyone has a code or a mantra that gets them through tough times, I knew what mine was. There was an all-girl metal band from back before I was born. The band was called Poison Dollys. Yeah, they spelled it wrong, but so did Def Leppard and a lot of other bands back then. Anyway my favorite song by that band was "Love is for suckers."

Another band, "Twisted Sister," originally wrote the song, but the Dollys changed the lyrics and redid it. Their version is tighter and just better. It's like the theme song for my life.

"Wicked acting on the outside but I'm trembling on the inside."

"I want a future, not a moment, some perfection, can't hold back"

"Don't want to wind up, half naked. Don't want to find out I've been taken."

"Love is for dreamers, love is for believers."

"Love is for losers, love is for suckers."

"Love is for suckers, love is for suckers."

Over the years I'd forgotten some of the lyrics but the message still resonated through my mind. Most of the examples I'd seen; my dad and my Brandon all proved the hypothesis. Love is for suckers and I didn't want to be a sucker.

But every day that came found me falling farther down the rabbit hole. Every step I took found me closer to stepping across that line into suckerhood. Last night was so close to the line that it was crazy. I couldn't believe myself. Screaming out his name while I got myself off was ridiculous. But the dream had been so real and I was really wondering about the state of my mind. I'd always seen myself as a strong independent woman. Was I wrong?

"Well, what if you're the person that I want to see them?" I said, rejoining the real world outside of my head.

"That wouldn't be very smart," he said. "Mona, I'm nineteen years older than you are. That means that I was already an adult before you were even born. And I'm fucked up in the head. I'm still carrying a torch for a woman who obviously doesn't love me. You've already expressed your opinion on love and from a logical standpoint your points are flawless. I'm a fool just like you said your father was. Only I'm more fortunate than he was, because I have you to kick me in my ass and make me pull myself back to the man I should be. You're probably the best friend that I have. And I don't want to do anything to mess that up. Over the past month Mona, you've saved me. Who knows what I might be doing if we hadn't both been in that alley."

I was so choked up. Why the hell was it so easy for him to give me all of this credit when no one else did? Even my own family members didn't have as high an opinion of me as Brandon did. My dad barely ever noticed me. My brother was so eager to get out of the house that he forgot about me. My cousins just saw a pair of tits that they wanted to play with. My aunt saw me as some kind of whore. But Brandon was constantly telling me how smart I was or how hard working I was. He praised my persistence and my organization skills. The only time he'd ever mentioned my body was when he was drunk.

"But..." I began.

"No buts," he interrupted. "I know you see me as being a fool and I've admitted that you're right about Miriam. But that's the only thing I'm a fool about. You've also told me about your life. You've run into a series of assholes who wanted to exploit you or take advantage of you for their own benefit. I don't intend to become one of them.

It figures, I thought. The one guy you want to take advantage of you is usually the one who won't.

"And Mona, this is your home too. If we're living in the same house together, there are going to be some instances where we see each other in various stages of undress. We're both adults, there's no need to make a big thing about it. Or in your case two big things," he smiled. I turned even redder.

"So get your ass out of the bed and onto that bike, chop- chop." He closed the door behind himself. My embarrassment was gone and I was happy again.

We had a very pleasant morning workout. Brandon upped his mileage to seven miles and I rode along with him. On the way out, Brandon had taken his jacket off and tied it around his waist when he began to sweat. On the way back in, the wind was in our faces. I was a little bit chilly. Brandon gave me his jacket. We even stopped and he put in on me and smoothed it down for me. At first, I thought it was because my nipples were showing because of the cold. I thought that maybe he was embarrassed by it or didn't want to see them. Then I realized that since he was running behind me he couldn't see them. He was just being nice again.

On our way down our street, some of the neighbors were out looking at or raking their yards. Brandon waved at them and even yelled to a couple of them. We stopped at one house to speak to a man and his wife and Brandon introduced me to them.

We had a short but nice conversation and Brandon again praised me as being the reason he got his head out of his ass after Miriam left him.

When we got back to the house the extra miles hadn't really hit me yet and I was feeling good. That bastard had done it again. He spoke to those people about me like I was really something special. He just kept worming his way into my heart.

"Mona," he said, as we dragged our tired bodies into the house. "I can't wait for breakfast. Will you make some of those pancakes you made on Sunday?"

"As soon as I have a shower," I said. I was pleased that he liked my cooking too. I was still smiling about it when he did something really dirty.

"Mona, look," he said, pointing outside through the window. I went over to the window and looked around.

"What?" I asked, wondering what he was pointing at.

"Sucker," he yelled from the top of the stairs. He headed into the master bathroom leaving me to stand there sweating. He clearly wanted the first shower.

"All you're doing is delaying your own breakfast," I smirked. But inside I thought about what he called me. I actually was getting closer every day to being just as big a sucker as he and my dad.

Our breakfast that morning was fun, we talked as always about our morning workout and the things we'd seen and how we felt. While I started clearing away the dishes Brandon went out to the garage. The doorbell rang and I answered it.

The woman from the couple that we'd met earlier stood there. She had a big smile and a plate of home-made cookies.

"Hi, I'm Tracy from down the street," she smiled. "We met earlier. My husband Cliff and I were out looking at our yard when you and Brandon went by."

"I remember," I said looking at her. "Do you want to come in?" She nodded and came in.

"My God," she said. "Someone cleaned in here. It smells really good. What did you use?"

I looked at her curiously. "Oh, I almost forgot," she giggled. "These are for you." she handed me the plate of cookies. "Welcome to the neighborhood." We sat down at the kitchen table and talked for ten or fifteen minutes. She started filling me in on all of the things she could about the neighborhood. I looked at her closely. I couldn't believe some of the things she was telling me.