Maximum Badonkadonk Ch. 12

"SHE WIT DAT NIGGA ANDRE, RIGHT?!! COME ON MAN, THIS IS MY LIFE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE!! I LOVE ANDRE 13.5 MY NIGGA!!" I went overly dramatic, making it sound as if I were on the verge of tears.

"13.5?"

"YEAH, DATS HOW BIG HIS DICK IS BRUH!! COME ON MAN, WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER!! TELL ME MOTHERFUCKING CHARITY AIN'T OUT THERE WITH DAT NIGGA RIGHT NOW!! SHE TEXTED ME SHE GANKING DAT MEAT BRUH!! I LOVE HIM!!" I had to clamp my hand over the phone to keep from messing up my prank call.

"Sorry, they're together, sir."

I burst into maudlin tears bellowing into the phone with a straight face from my side making it sound as if I'd had a death in the family. While I was "crying" I took the opportunity to dab a mozzarella stick into a plastic cup of marinara sauce. One booth over, I found some kids watching my theatrics wholly amused while their obese mother was not. The bespectacled sister's eyes were covered with some old school shades, but I could swear I saw her beady eyes digging deep into my own.

"Are, you gonna be okay?"

"NAH BRUH, I JUST LOST THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE TO A STANKY, DIESEASED FISH!! HE'S ALL YOURS TO SHARE NOW, BUT YOU BETTER HIT UP DAT FREE CLINIC!!"

"Don't do anything rash; I'm really sorry about this turn of events."

"THANKS MY NIGGA; TOO BAD WE DIDN'T MEET FIRST, HUH?!! ANDRE 13.5 HAS RUINED ME FOR ALL OTHER MEN!! STAY UP PLAYA!!" I was still faux bellowing while looking the stern woman in the face. Her kids, all five of them were laughing hysterically.

"Hey, uh you can call me if you get low, okay?"

"WORD!!"

"Don't worry, you're gonna find a nice guy out there waiting for you; my guy Charlie is a godsend." I felt kind of bad this manager was concerned over something not real.

"I'M OUT BRUH!!"

"Okay, call me." I hung up not knowing if he was still talking snacking on that mozzarella stick while my neighbor in the other booth gathered up her amused children. She slapped the oldest child, some boy who looked a lanky fourteen making him gather up the shopping bags as she wagged a finger in my face.

"You need Jesus in your life."

My retort came in the form of an extended slurp from the straw inside my large cup of cola. This didn't please the short, sloppy mammy one bit as she grabbed a fistful of her son's shirt yanking him away from my direction. This shitty mom slapped at the back of his neck until he complied under considerable duress. When I turned back towards Hotdog in a Stick, the manager was giving Andre the business while Charity stood by watching phone in hand.

The androgynous manager was really giving it to Andre as I yucked it up from the opposite side of the food court. I helped myself to the rest of Charity's salad as Andre was unceremoniously dragged away from Charity who was already calling me, phone to ear.

"Having a laugh over there?"

"You get his number?"

"Of course, but what the fuck are you doing? I feel like a clueless idiot right now; are you gonna let me in on a few things."

"Maybe, but I think you should ask Andre if he knows a good place to get your hair done."

"WHAT?!"

"Don't fuck my shit up; make sure you ask him about getting your hair done."

"I don't get it."

"Make-sure-you -ask Andre, where you can get your hair done Charity." I reiterated noticing that my former stunt cock's manager was returning. He had some extra choice words for Charity that I couldn't hear but was no less humorous. I started laughing my ass off glancing back over my shoulder out of habit.

"Shit." Ten feet away from me stood Carlie Kelly looking directly at me like a deer caught in headlights.

We exchanged glances as I noticed a bowl of multicolored yogurt in her hands. Her round face and big clunky glasses sat under a tightly wound headwrap with a ball of fabric atop her forehead. A spaghetti strap tank cover her torso along with a conservative matching black sweater. Some skin tight jeans spoke to what I knew to be hidden under her clothes. I froze at the sight of her but had to catch myself from twirling a finger at her wanting to see what her bubble looked like clothed. I noticed another girl with her tracing the invisible eyeline between us.

"Hello, you still there?" Charity's voice snapped me out of that seconds long trance.

I slowly raised the phone to my ear still looking Carlie dead in the face.

"Don't come over, hang out over there for a minute."

"Is everything okay?" Charity noticed the change in my voice as I watched Carlie fidget nervously raising her iPhone in my direction. I straightened up in my seat aiming my phone in her direction for dueling pics if necessary. My plan was in jeopardy, everything wound tightly making my heart thump.

She took a few pics of me sitting there and I responded in kind taking just as many. This seemed to piss Carlie off who took a step or two towards my booth until her friend tugged at her sweater sleeve. Both of them then proceeded to walk this big semi-circle around me headed in Charity's direction. I didn't follow them with my eyes instead updating my afternoon partner in crime.

"Officer Johnson's number two is headed your way Charity."

"WHAT?!!"

"Relax, she doesn't know you exist, remember? So why don't you hang out over there and see what happens?"

"I'm not taking an ass whipping for you, and she's got a friend."

"She doesn't know you bitch, remember?"

"What do you want me to do nigga?"

"Be nice, you know Andre is community property; and she's kind of his manager now instead of Shawnee."

"OMFG, SHE'S A PIMP?!"

"Shut up Charity, the bitch is almost there; just, be like water."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean."

"I think you guys would make some great fast friends; you know, Carlie does hair for a living when she's not sitting on Andre's face. A little bird told me that she even runs a salon where they do awesome hair. Hey, wow Charity; don't you need to get your hair done to complete your makeover?"

"Nigga."

"Show me how smart and resourceful you are; Charity prove you're really more than a pretty face." I hung up gambling everything. Internally I was working out some alternatives if things went into the wood chipper. I got out my burner phone dialing up Andre's boss again.

"Hello?"

"HEY BRUH, I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE FOR HANGING UP IN YOUR FACE!! THAT SHIT WAS RUDE MY NIGGA!!"

"Oh, are you feeling better now?"

"I CAN'T STOP CRYING BECAUSE ANDRE WENT STRAIGHT ON ME BRUH!! CHARITY'S RUBBING MY FACE IN IT!! SHE TEXTED ME THAT SHE'S GOT SOME FRIENDS COMING SO THEY CAN TURN HIM OUT!!" I went back to fake sobbing like some devastated kween.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay; you've got to keep it moving when things like this happen fella." His voice was muffled giving me the impression he had a hand cupping the receiver.

"I'LL NEVER FIND ANOTHER GUY LIKE HIM!!"

"Yes you will, I believe in you; come on guy, the sun's gonna come out again."

"BRUH?!!"

"They'll be other guys."

"BRUH?!!"

"Yes?"

"HEY MAN, COULD YOU GO CHECK AND SEE IF THAT BITCH BROUGHT HER FRIENDS TOO?!!" He didn't answer but I hear the phone being set down presuming he did as I asked. I was basically calling an audible on my own plan trying to give Charity Gilbert an assist.

"Uh yes, there's another girl at the counter asking for Andre." I went into hysterics making sure no one was privy in the neighboring booths.

"BRUH, CAN YOU KEEP HIM OVERTIME?!! DON'T LET THOSE BITCHES GET MY MAN, ALRIGHT?!!"

"Well, that's not feasible; Andre is scheduled to get off in ten minutes. I can't just slap some extra time on his shift. We're a business with strict scheduling, I've got someone coming in right now for the afternoon shift."

"OH I GET IT!"

"What?"

"DON'T THINK YOU'RE SLICK!! JUST CAUSE YOU THE BOSS, ANDRE ALL UP UNDER YOU AND SHIT!! SO, YOU GETTING THOSE CHEEKS CLAPPED AT WORK, HUH?!!"

"Uhm, no!" He denied sounding audibly feminine at this point.

"THAT'S REAL FOUL BRUH!!"

"Hey, wait, my name's Patrick; maybe we could meet for coffee?" He was whining.

I abruptly ended the call watching Charity sitting adjacent to the counter one leg folded over the other. Carlie and friend were standing at that counter obviously waiting for Andre to appear. Side by side, Charity Gilbert obliterated Carlie Kelly in the looks department. Sexually from my estimate, both women were neck in neck sexually; but I'd never slept with Carlie.

Andre's manager appeared at the counter talking to Ms. One's niece letting the cat out of the bag when he gestured towards Charity. Both girls then turned towards Charity worrying me that fisticuffs were about to happen when she stood up facing off with Carlie. I almost ran to the rescue but held back at the last moment.

"Well look at that, son of the bitch." Charity Gilbert proved her mettle as I watched both girls hash things out in moments.

They conversed while the odd girl out sat snacking on the yogurt she was sharing with Carlie Kelly. It looked like the conversation shifted to Charity's apparel as she did a pirouette showing off her figure then motioned towards her hair as if despairing. My heart skipped a beat in happiness when Charity received a business card. I watched Carlie gesture towards her friend's head then follow up by touching Charity's unkempt bob as Andre appeared.

He stopped in his tracks looking ill. I half expected him to run back inside the heavy door at his back, but Carlie motioned for him to come over. She took his hand interlocking fingers in ownership talking to Charity while Andre adverted his gaze visibly anxious. The situation ultimately diffused itself as I watched Carlie walk away with Andre and her friend hitting the escalator down to the floor containing the parking garage. My phone expectedly started ringing.

"You gonna pay for me to get my hair done? Carlie thinks I should get Ghanaian extensions and it's a little pricey. Oh yeah, and uh, fucking Andre is gonna run you an extra two hundred."

"I'm not fucking him bitch."

"You won't treat, but you want me to spy for you, huh nigga?"

"Point taken; I'll cash app you the funds." It felt like Charity was getting a little retribution out of my wallet. She'd never know I'd paid for her afternoon with cash from some billionaire sheik a world away.

"I actually have to schedule Andre with her; can you believe that shit? Oh, and her friend was next in line for those 13.5 inches. Honestly, I'm not even sure I wanna fuck him anymore."

"Make sure you strap up baby." I chortled.

"Well, I do have some free time and the keys to a certain closed store at the bottom of the escalator here. Maybe, you could come down and get a little something hot and wet, right about now?"

I glanced over my shoulder finding Charity Gilbert going down the escalator. There was no way I was turning down more wild public sex with this sexy diva. I told myself that I was going to get my money's worth for all the shit I'd bought her that afternoon as I ran down after Charity.

She'd already unlocked the store whose windows were papered over signaling its dead status. I hesitated at the door finding it unlocked before sticking my head inside. No one was watching as I cautiously slipped inside for more afternoon nookie. It was inky dark inside with a tiny bit of illumination near the door because of the ambient sunlight filtering in behind me.

"Charity?"

"NO, DON'T!!" She blurted out in the darkness scaring the shit out of me. It sounded like she was being menaced in some fashion as I ran towards the sound of her voice.

"CHARITY!!" I stopped short of the dressing room lining the wall at the back of the store.

Her legs were visible from the knees down. She was sitting in the same booth we'd initially used for our first tryst.

"Charity, are you okay?"

"I got my period."

I was relieved with the situation striking me funny. Charity's head appeared from the booth staring at me with this crestfallen expression.

"Oh man Charity; I guess it's beyond my control." It was too late to catch myself.

I barely got my arm up in time as her shoe ricocheted off my chest. Charity Gilbert's accompanying snarl scared me a little, but not much.

Two hours later, she was sleeping soundly in my bed curled up into a ball wearing my gym sweats again accessorized with a maxi pad. A bottle of water was clutched to her chest as I went back to my laptop computer following up on Carlie Kelly. I'd had a particularly volatile item delivered to Officer Johnson's precinct earlier in the day.

Charity Gilbert had been used to even keep the driver from identifying me should certain strings be pulled in an investigation. I knew it was a personal matter but didn't know how good Officer Johnson was at his supposed job. I retained Vicky Stone's mug shot as evidence of misconduct should certain things be discovered.

"Other than Charity here, today has been a good day." Phoebe agreed to pick her up and drop the unfortunate girl at home to solidify her alibi.

Carlie Kelly's social media provided a wealth of information in several new pics. The first was Officer Johnson's belongings strewn all over the corridor. The front door of that second floor apartment was ajar with a few people standing outside it. Something big occurred in the time between her meeting with Ms. Gilbert and our arrival at home. This was the last entry on her page preceded by two video clips. I found one with a guy faceplanted on the floor of Carlie's bedroom.

"GET UP OFF THAT FLOOR!! YOU WANNA FUCK MY WOMAN, I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS!!" Andre 13.5 wasn't looking too good. I could hear peer commentary and the crying of women as Officer Johnson appeared in frame looking crazed.

"YOU DONKEY PUNCHED HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!" Some woman yelled offscreen.

"SHUT UP BITCH, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU ANYWAY HOE?!!" His foot collided with Andre's side further incriminating himself while I cheesed and snickered. This woman appeared in frame flopping down covering Andre's body with her own in a futile attempt to protect the unconscious idiot as Johnson turned towards the camera.

"This your side dude, huh? You been playing me all this time and look what I just gave up for you bitch!! I GAVE UP MY FUCKING FAMILY FOR YOU CARLIE!! GAVE IT ALL UP, MIGHT LOSE EVERYTHING BECAUSE I TRUSTED YOU!! And you been playing with my heart with no fucks left to give!! YOU GOT ME FUCKED UP CARLIE!!"

I noticed the camera shaking as he ranted not five feet away. This bastard had the nerve to fiddle with the truth of his situation gaslighting his side chick.

"I didn't ask you to do that." She whimpered.

"I LOVED YOU GIRL AND YOU CHEATED ON ME!!" There were tears streaming down his cheeks, mucus running from his nose as things went tits up in his life in just under twenty-four hours. I had no sympathy for either party as a familiar voice spoke up off camera.

"I think you should pack up your two bags of shit and get the fuck outta here."

Officer Johnson was crying into his hands looking all of a bull smashing about in a shop of fine china. In the background, the bedroom was trashed to hell. He looked up from his big, mitt-like hands into the camera starting to rage again.

"FUCK YOU RENEE!!"

"Obviously you've fucked yourself and I ain't about to let you drag my little cousin down with your dumbass. If you really cared about her, cared about your goddam wife and kids; nigga you would've got a divorce, but you made my cousin your jump off fool! You well, it's like...YOU-VICTIMIZED-HER!! Know what I'm saying here? Got it, huh?! Sexual misconduct is real serious for cops, right nigga? UNDERSTAND ME!! GET THE FUCK OUT NIGGA!!"

Officer Johnson was obliterated by a true apex predator disguised as a mulata femme fatale.

"Is that what you want bae?" This motherfucker even called his women by the same pet name. I definitely had no fucks to give for any of this shit as Carlie Kelly answered.

"I don't want to be with a cheater." Her meek sounding answer deflated him.

"I WANT MY RING BACK!!"

"Take your little piece of shit and get the fuck out of my place! You'll pay for all the shit you broke too nigga!" The camera shook a bit before the ring flew into his barrel chest hitting the floor with a pronounced bounce. Renee snatched it from Carlie's finger.

"I ain't paying for shit thot!" His face twisted into this crazed half smile, more of a grimace. In the background the sounds of sirens were getting louder.

"Yes bitch, you will pay me in full; kick rocks!" I shuddered at the ice cold tone.

"CARLIE!!" He reached out a hand making her flinch, meltdown complete as the video clip ended.

My handiwork was laid bare potent and deadly, an instant success with the simultaneous delivery of that flash drive containing Carlie Kelly's indiscretions to Officer Johnson's workplace. I'd included the clips of Carlie servicing Andre in the breakroom of Renee's uhm, excuse me Carlie's salon before an audience.

A bit of editing magic isolated the best of Carlie's romp post defloration by Andre 13.5. I shuddered realizing both were lucky to be alive in the face of a jilted crooked police officer. The next clip seemed to address those concerns with Carlie pictured sporting a puffy right eye and cut lip.

"Hey to all the strong black women out there who have been dating or hooking up with Officer Derrick Johnson; I want you to take a good look at my face. Derrick is an abuser and narcissist who has been mistreating me and taking sexual advantage of other women using his job as a public servant. He has struck me on occasion and shaken me until I acquiesced to what he wanted. Look at my face, Officer Derrick Johnson is an abuser, HE-WILL-ALWAYS BE AN ABUSER!! I'm doing what a responsible, strong black woman is supposed to do, pressing charges. Feel free to use my comments section to talk and commune in sisterhood."

"Wonder who wrote that shit."

I acknowledged the manufactured nature of things surmising her older cousin as the ghost writer of that bullshit statement. Another pic popped up while I was reading the statement. It was a photo of two garbage bags out on the curb in front of the salon.

I was done fucking with Officer Johnson.

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The following day and a half were uneventful with a visit to the college scheduled to hash out my duties as a TA once the program started. Considering the parental complaints lodged against me, I even started looking for regular work filling out a few online applications. My auntie Esther's clips were still racking up views and a bit of coin especially after I'd released all four of the minutes long videos.

I needed new material but was stuck mentally when it came to approaching my "rich uncle's" trophy wife. She didn't need the money but seemed interested after finding out about a potential Dubai based sugar daddy. I looked into that situation finding some unsavory rumors about what flown out sugar babies were required to do for the bag. In short, Auntie Esther wasn't going for that shit.

Her hourglass figure was actually this hyper-pear shaped affair with a big, long floppy donk visible from the front and thighs tightly wedged against one another. I wondered how most of her emerging fan base would feel if they got a look at her world weary, decidedly weathered face. She was ugly, just really mature with features that indicated her deep southern roots without explanation.

Esther's voice and syrupy accent were a perfect match with those looks, but her body was the thing of legends. She was the show stopper that I needed if I were going to return to shooting online porn. I went into my closet pulling out a small box that had been delivered while I was out with Charity. It contained a wrestling mask intended to be part of my aunties online persona.